Somebody Kill Me Now

[Intel]

I had been dating my girlfriend for over 3 years. When we started dating, i was 22 and she was 18. Over the years, the only time we ever had any problems was when she'd go out dancing with her friends. I felt as though it wasn't right for my girlfriend to be "clubbin" when she was going out with me. She said that I should just trust her and she would still end up going but she claimed that she wouldn't have as much fun because she felt as though I didn't trust her and she felt bad that I would rather her be with me than out with her friends. Still, the relationship maintained until about a year ago, she told me she didn't want to be together because she felt she needed space to figure out what she wants. After a couple hours though, we got back together. A few months later it was the same argument about her going out...same result, we got back together the next day. Everything seemed to be going great. We talked about moving in together and we took a trip to Las Vegas together for her 21st b-day in Sept. Thanksgiving rolls around and she comes over after work and I had cooked dinner for us. She said, "we have to talk". She broke up with me again, she said that I wasn't the right person for her and that she didn't feel the same...she loves me but wasn't IN love with me anymore. I tried to talk to her about it but she stormed out and left. She said she felt bad that it had to be this way but she need to do this.

 

It's been about 2 months and I was holding out hope that maybe she'd realize that she made a mistake...until I found out that she is now pregnant. I called her and she answered...it was the first time I talked to her since she left me. She told me she was 2 weeks pregnant with her current boyfriend that she claims she met after we had broken up.

 

I'm not sure anyone knows exactly how I'm feeling right now. This is a person who I thought I'd end up marrying. The same person who told me I should trust her and no matter if she was cheating on me before she left me or not, the fact is, it took her all of 6 weeks to get pregnant (of all things) from somebody else. So, what I'm dealing with right now is a number of things. First, this hurts more now than the day after she broke up with me. Second, I really don't see any reason to ever trust another female again. I put everything I had into that relationship and I ended up so much worse than before I started that I wish it had never happened. I don't know if I should feel sad that we're not together still, mad because it seems as though she walked out and never looked back, bad because she'll be an unwed mother of a kid with a guy who (according to her) she barely knows, or stupid because I never thought that the girl I dated for 3 years was capable of doing such a thing. If you know what the lowest point of your life has ever been, then you can relate to what I feel like right now.

 

In fact, I'm so scared about how bad I feel right now that I don't know what to do. I really don't know how much longer I can last with this.

[tokyo]

I´m so sorry for you. I´m a woman and I know not all women are like that. I´m not sure if this will help you, because I bet you´ll get a lot of posts of guys now who will tell you that women are like this and that and similar blabla, but I wouldn´t listen to them. They are all embittered and they are *not* dating the women they would like to date. Maybe you have been mistaken about her, but that doesn´t matter, I think she really has burned all the bridges between you, there´s absolutely nothing left and whether you want it or not, you will have to move on, because I do not see any hope left. With this pregnancy she has cut all the ties that have ever connected you.

 

I can´t imagine to be with someone for such a long time and treat him like this. I hope you can get some advice from people here, because I can´t give you an explanation for her behavior, nor do I know how it´s possible to get over this loss of trust. I knew a guy who two weeks after the breakup got someone new, but I didn´t date him for such a long time and his new relationship was also not worth a dime; I`m disappointed and it still bugs me, but it never was as bad as what you experienced with your ex, that´s really a major loss of trust. It may help you to know that she probably will not be very happy in the new relationship, this quick pregnancy is an indicator for more sorrow. Maybe you should consider yourself lucky to have escaped this relationship; I´m not sure if she would have been such a great partner.

 

Good luck,

kooky

[DinNJ]

Ugh... I can only imagine how you feel and don't wish to be there... cause I was there in a similiar situation only without the whole pregnancy thing. Dated a girl for 6 years.... 18-24.... hardly ever fought, never once broke up until our last fight about getting married. I wasn't ready, she was. We broke up, she was seeing someone else literally the week after. I continued to press her to work on our relationship first before getting envolved so quickly with someone else. A month later, she was engaged to him. Married and pregnant six months later. That was a painful time for me as this is for you. I'm not gonna tell you to suck it up... move on.... find someone who could treat you better. Cause I know that's the last thing you wanna hear. But the only thing that I can say is you'll be ok. It's true what the say about 'time' ... it does heal all wounds. Even though it's devastating now and you're having crazy thoughts go through your head. You will be ok down the road. What helped me cope was telling myself over and over and over.... "I'm better off... This was God's plan.... and she wasn't the one for me afterall" believe it or not, it helped me to understand and believe that she was NOT the one for me. That's all I really have for you... but you will be ok. Sorry for what she did to you and what you are going through.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

bad because she'll be an unwed mother of a kid with a guy who (according to her) she barely knows, or stupid because I never thought that the girl I dated for 3 years was capable of doing such a thing

 

Intel in a time in the future you may look back at this situation and think 'whoa i was the lucky one'

 

Second, I really don't see any reason to ever trust another female again

 

In time you will do, you have to, not now, not maybe even next year but you will someday... my ex carried ghosts of a former relationship from all of 10 - 12 years back and said if i broke it off it would destroy her so she bailed out ( her excuse anyway )

 

you gotta look to the future, be aware of the past, recognise it then continue on or else we will all lose out on the best things in life

 

ps. it is pretty certain that your exes relationship will fail and as you said be left as a single mother... she has failed you as you said you wanted to get married ( and probably have kids ) and be a family unit so it is her loss

 

good luck!

[bluetuesday]

oh intel.

 

what a horrible situation, i'm so sorry.

 

buddy, i know at the moment you're grieving but give it time. your pain will pass. hang in there.

 

mr gilmour is right. you've had a lucky escape and when enough time has passed for you to realise it, you will see that a woman who could string you along and mess you around did not love you in the way you deserve. her loss.

 

we are not all like this. you will love again. have faith.

[Intel]

Here's the thing you guys...Two things scare me the most:

 

1. Everytime I think of her...I think of her now with another guy and my stomatch hurts SO bad that I just about throw up.

 

2. It's not that I don't think I'll ever get over it, it's just that if you told me that it will take, say, 5 months to get over...I just don't think I can handle 5 more months like this.

[BrainRightHeartWrong]

1. Everytime I think of her...I think of her now with another guy and my stomatch hurts SO bad that I just about throw up.

 

this is just the normal reaction to such stuff and we all do it... although you gotta stop these thoughts when they come up by thinking "wise up" "wise up" "wise up" or whatever comes into your mind

 

i read a hypnotic technique about when you think of your ex with someone else to picture it in your mind then white it out from dull to bright light... don't know how effective this is but the hypnotist says when you do it often enough it works or at least helps

 

2. It's not that I don't think I'll ever get over it, it's just that if you told me that it will take, say, 5 months to get over...I just don't think I can handle 5 more months like this.

 

we all suffer this terrible **** man! we just have to soldier through it using coping techniques and knowing that time is the healer

 

it won't be easy BUT someday we'll think... damn why was i even bothered about 'ex'

 

i'm great at giving advice here... if only i could believe it myself!

 

[mixwell]

we all know how you feel. My ex is with another guy and we were together for 7 years !! I cant understand her being with someone else. its almost as if the guy is violating my property in a sense. (im not saying im possesive or anything) It sickens me that my ex could be with someone else and kiss them and everything... God knows how sickened I get if i THINK she could be sleeping with him.. I know its hard but there are other people going through the same feelings.. I do believe it is your ex's loss just like its my ex's loss. I dont think anyone loves her or cares for her the way I do. I thought this would be the woman I would marry someday, and who knows what the future will bring between us. if we get back or not thats another story but I am done waiting around to see what happens.. IF she my ex comes back around and I am willing then maybe we can continue, but until then she is going to have to realize what she has lost.. If my ex did get pregnant though I dont even know if I could take her back.. i would be soo disappointed and feel soo betrayed but who knows.. Not to be insensitive but there is a thing as abortion.. I dont know.. haha

 

hang in there bro !!

 

Peace

[Weird]

Hang in there son and in time you will see this girl is:

 

a) not worth more of your time

 

b) not the girl she was at the start or the girl you thought she was

 

c) seriously *****ed up

 

Seriously man, she is in a world of hurt for the rest of her life. I feel sorry for that kid she is carrying. WTF is that stupid to get knocked up like that? Apparently many are since this situations happens a lot in society. sheesh.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Sorry to hear this Intel. If it's any consolation, I agree with what has been said before:

 

- most girls are not like this (yes, I'm a guy and in my experience most girls behave way better than this)

 

- 80% chance she's gonna regret not hooking up with you in years to come

 

- the pain gets less over time. Sometimes you have bad days (this morning was bad for me) but it does get better.

[Universe]

There's nothing we can really say to make you feel better. But it WILL get better.

2. It's not that I don't think I'll ever get over it, it's just that if you told me that it will take, say, 5 months to get over...I just don't think I can handle 5 more months like this.

It comes and goes in waves. Not all days will be as bad as the first week or two after you discover a thing like this. I was with my girl 5 years(20-25) and she took up with another guy 2 weeks later after giving no indication of being interested in seeing other people. That was 4 months ago and they're still together. No, she's not pregnant and I understand that that fact adds a whole new layer to your disgust. I can't imagine what that's like. But I do know that you have all the reason you need to pack it up and start to rebuild. She didn't leave any strings for you to hold on to. You are free to make a clean break and not look back.

Do you really want to mess your life up for someone who would treat you this way? Get proactive on your road to revovery. Just decide to start focussing on yourself. It's the best way to distract yourself from thinking of her. You DO want to distract yourself from thinking of her. You just have to let yourself do it. And if you do so by paying more attention to yourself and your own self-improvement, then when you finally are over her for good, you'll have the confidence and self-love required to meet someone new and start a healthy, truly loving relationship.

Just weather the storm, my friend. The sun will come out again someday.

[BeachBummer]

Here's the thing you guys...Two things scare me the most:

 

1. Everytime I think of her...I think of her now with another guy and my stomatch hurts SO bad that I just about throw up.

 

Yeah, that is about the worst feeling in the world. Most of us get to go through it and it'll drive you nuts. We're very good at doing that to ourselves. With her pregnant by the guy, I can't imagine.

 

2. It's not that I don't think I'll ever get over it, it's just that if you told me that it will take, say, 5 months to get over...I just don't think I can handle 5 more months like this.

 

How long it takes is up to you. As Weird said, first off you have to realize this is not the person you were in love with anymore. She blew it. Every time you think of her remind yourself of every bad habit and thing that she did. The pain wears down eventually, but it does take time.

 

Probably the last thing you want to hear, but the sooner you go out and find someone else the better. Good luck...