Holiday anxiety

[SweetKat]

So my bf broke up with me a second time due to stress from my family situation. it was the week of our two year anniversary. i had kept a lot of istress to myself and it came out sideways with him. he has commitment issues himself and has broken up near special occassions before.

 

after a three week no contact period we started having sex and hanging out again. He said, he wasnt interested in a relationship just friendship. (i had reacted strongly when he broke up and said there was nothing to breakup since it wasnt a real relationship, i said that because of the previous breakup )

 

when we broke up before, he hadnt had sex with anyone else... this time it is different, he has been on Tinder and we live in a city with loads of singles.

 

now he invites me hang out, exactly like his gf, invited me to his parents for thanksgiving.... but we are nonexclusive. i have plenty of men interested, but as a typical female i really only want to have sex with the man i love.

 

the last time after a few glases of wine, i mentioned that i loved him... he groaned and then had sex with me. i am not fully ready to reconcile, i have a lot on my plate inwant to get in order in my own life.

 

the last time i slept over, on friday, i told him i was under a lot of pressure in my life, i had thought he was my soul mate. he said that he had an appointment that morning and couldnt talk, but didnt want to avoid me talking about my feelings. i want to know if reconcilation is something he wants. he thought i had been the one to not talk. hmmm. i thought ge just wanted to have fun.

 

His actions have me mixed up.

Edited November 22, 2015 by SweetKat

[Blanco]

Weird. I usually have sex and then groan, not the other way around.

 

But seriously, you're basically an easy lay for him right now. He's avoidant when you try to be open about your feelings for him. Take away the sex and watch him fade away.

[BC1980]

You're s FWB. He has no interest in a relationship with you. I think you need go get the heck away from him because you are being used for sex. You think his actions are "mixed up" because women tend to equate sex with love and commitment. In my experience, men are able to have casual sexual relationships without developing feelings in a way women can't.

Edited November 23, 2015 by BC1980

[PegNosePete]

i mentioned that i loved him... he groaned and then had sex with me.

What on earth are you thinking?

He "groans" and you proceed to have sex with him anyway?

 

His actions do not have you mixed up at all. He has shown you exactly where he stands. He wants to have sex with you (and is prepared to jump through a few hoops to get it) but does not want a relationship.

 

If you're not happy with that arrangement then I suggest not seeing him any more!

[d0nnivain]

HIS actions have you mixed up? Your actions are mixed up too.

 

If you want an exclusive monogamous relationship with him tell him that. If he doesn't want that stay away from him & do not have sex with him.

 

You contradict yourself by words & actions. You said he couldn't break up with you because it was not a "real relationship". You claim to want exclusivity but admit that you have too much on your plate to handle a relationship. You have sex with him after complaining that he's not committed to you.

 

When you are clearer in your words & deeds the people around you will be clearer.

[Michelle ma Belle]

There is absolutely nothing confusing about his actions. He wants a FWB and nothing more. You're a sure thing, a comfortable thing to bring around the family if need be but that's it. He doesn't want to be tied to you. It's a classic case of having his cake and eating it too.

 

Wake up and smell the coffee OP! Take some responsibility what is going on. This guy DOES NOT WANT YOU in the same way you want him. When will you believe him already?