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NC 2 months and boom!


positivityonly

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positivityonly

Hey guys, once again thanks for all the support, it's helped so much. My story is under my profile but I can't seem to link it here and it's pretty long.

 

Anyways, over 2 years dating it got rocky I'm 25 she's 20, she felt young and wanted to spread her wings and whatnot.

 

Last night I made a big mistake, I have been doing so well and yet decided to go looking if she has an Instagram, turns out I find it (neither of us had any networks at breakup) it set me back and sent a wave of emotion. I KNOW SUCH A BAD IDEA I JUST MADE A MISTAKE. She had a photo of me which was an art project, and a video too of a speaker playing a song that was our song. Yet I digged to find her Instagram she didn't make it easy to find her or anything.

 

So I felt a set back but called some friends and pushed through, I said F IT, make some music (DJ) a little posted to Instagram and took mine off private this was about 2am.

 

Wake up today feeling like crap, then holy crapppp, 11am sharp.. 3 texts in a row......

 

"I don't know if it's too soon to do this, but I just wanted to say hey how is everything going."

 

"I think about you often, you probably think I don't, but I do, and I really want you in my life for as long as I'm alive, whenever the time comes, and we are ready."

 

"I just wanted to send you that message, wether you respond or not, I hope you are having a nice day and doing great in real estate."

 

So after 2 months, I take my IG off private and the following morning I get that, has she been checking up a lot? Daily? I have no girls but defiantly look better, new hobbies, and photos of going out.

 

So yes I was mind blown, at first it sounded very like she wanted to get back, then I started breaking it down and thinking could it mean maybe friendly, does she just miss me and doesn't even really know, just see where it goes?

 

For me, I don't know quite what I want, I really miss her too, we had something amazing and our first loves. I was progressing but would love to kind of see what it's about.. I haven't responded I don't want to look so available like I've been waiting around. Sounds like it could ruin it.

 

I don't play games but I don't want to run back and look weak, I want to be wanted, faught for.. So what are your thoughts?

 

Figured I'd wait a day to think and ponder, not sure what it's doing to her but hey I've been that way for 2 months.. A lot of us have. I considered something like.. " hey it's great to hear from you, everything is well, it does feel a bit soon, hope you are well

 

Too cold, will it scare her off or will she fight for me and want me more? I do think it's a bit soon yet I do want to run to her window like a damn movie.

 

Please help, anyone, thanks for your time.

 

-ONE LOVE

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Simon Phoenix

There's nothing to say. She wants you to absolve her of guilt. It doesn't sound like you are ready to talk to her, so don't. If she's serious about wanting you back and not looking for an ego boost, she'll come correct.

 

I mean, if it was a pressing matter she'd do more than text message you. She'd actually call you and suggest a meeting and let you know specifically what the meeting is about.

 

No response. Keep moving forward.

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JustAnotherLostLove

Crazy, what she said to you, sounds EXACTLY like something my ex would say to me. Man, if you love her, want to be with her, and she wants the same thing with you... Why not see what it's about? Maybe she's just talking about friendship, and if that's the case, and it were me... Absolutely not, I'm not some sucker. But if it's otherwise... Maybe you should invite her to Coffee, and see where you both stand? Yeah, that's the text I'd send her.. "Wanna grab some Coffee soon?"

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Simon Phoenix
Crazy, what she said to you, sounds EXACTLY like something my ex would say to me. Man, if you love her, want to be with her, and she wants the same thing with you... Why not see what it's about? Maybe she's just talking about friendship, and if that's the case, and it were me... Absolutely not, I'm not some sucker. But if it's otherwise... Maybe you should invite her to Coffee, and see where you both stand? Yeah, that's the text I'd send her.. "Wanna grab some Coffee soon?"

 

If she wants to get back together, she'd initiate that. It's not up for him to do the work for her. He's not healed enough to be able to handle that IMO.

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Hmmmmm hard to tell. You know her best. Could be nothing or something.

 

Your call but you could be in for some more heartache.

 

Good luck

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positivityonly

I asked her what she meant, kept it very short, she went on to talk about how she loves me as a person blah blah.

 

Wish I would've stayed NC, feel like I took a step back. She explained how just because she wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment doesn't mean she would ever want me out of her life.... Makes sense but obviously not for me.

 

Wish I listened to you guys, I ended up texting her late last night saying one day with time and we should have patience to get to that point and some little things like that.

 

Feel like a messed up and I'm being hard on myself, feel like 2 months NC went down the drain, my emotions got the best of me. She hasn't texted back yet will update if she does. I don't know if I just let her off the hook, or she's really missing me a lot.. Not sure, I feel low and could use some help. :(

 

Once again, wish I listened.

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positivityonly

Do I look weak now, I was very short and direct sent like 2 texts.. Then it got late and my heart got to me and I sent a text basically mirroring hers saying with time and patience and whatnot.

 

Fee embarrassed to even post this.

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I read these texts as wanting to be friends. I don't know why people are not seeing that it's loud and clear --> I just want to be friends with you!

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positivityonly

Man I feel awful, like I'm starting over, I felt 90% healed.. She hasn't even replied.

 

Will it take just as long and another 2 months to heal??? Is this a minor setback???

 

Please help, anyone at all.

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Simon Phoenix
Man I feel awful, like I'm starting over, I felt 90% healed.. She hasn't even replied.

 

Will it take just as long and another 2 months to heal??? Is this a minor setback???

 

Please help, anyone at all.

 

You'll get over it as long as you don't repeat what you did. You made a rookie mistake. Sucks, but it happens. Just go back to No Contact and don't break it unless she unequivocally says that she wants to try again.

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positivityonly
You'll get over it as long as you don't repeat what you did. You made a rookie mistake. Sucks, but it happens. Just go back to No Contact and don't break it unless she unequivocally says that she wants to try again.

 

 

I would like to text..

 

"A, 2 months ago you chose to breakup, I'm moving on you, you should too."

 

Along now those lines, I think it will for once and for all to hell its not always in her damn court and I'm done with it, I don't want breadcrumbs once a month..

 

Or do I just leave it?

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positivityonly

She's always been the princess, gotten what she wanted from me and her family 110%, I don't want to text to try and get a reaction (doesn't hurt) but I don't want breadcrumbs forever about being "friends" right now. Should I just leave it open or get my alpha back and say you know what "I'm moving on entirely, so should you"

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You should do nothing. Sending her nothing and doing nothing if she sends something is the best thing you could do. You want to take control? This is the way. Otherwise YOU are still contacting her. She is in control. You can't send anything and still be in control. Doing nothing is being in control.

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positivityonly
You should do nothing. Sending her nothing and doing nothing if she sends something is the best thing you could do. You want to take control? This is the way. Otherwise YOU are still contacting her. She is in control. You can't send anything and still be in control. Doing nothing is being in control.

 

 

 

Sounds good I'm taking that advice as a buddy said the same thing. Even though I texted her last and said basically the same thing talking about with time and patience I think we will be in each others live? Just made me fee weak but I guess NC is best, a text may make me look bitter.

 

NC it is..

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You don't have to email her in order to show her that you've moved on. If you feel the need to show it to her, then you have not moved on and are trying to manipulate her into panicking because she's gonna lose you forever.

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Simon Phoenix
I would like to text..

 

"A, 2 months ago you chose to breakup, I'm moving on you, you should too."

 

Along now those lines, I think it will for once and for all to hell its not always in her damn court and I'm done with it, I don't want breadcrumbs once a month..

 

Or do I just leave it?

 

Absolutely not. Just stay silent and don't answer again.

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positivityonly

Thanks guys, felt tough to think she has control but maybe it's more 50/50 then I think, sorry for sounding annoying, I just felt like I got a little too mushy, but at the same time I basically mirrored what she said. Thanks for the help everyone, so hard to make the correct decisions when your emotions are high, I knew better. :mad:

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You don't have to email her in order to show her that you've moved on. If you feel the need to show it to her, then you have not moved on and are trying to manipulate her into panicking because she's gonna lose you forever.

 

^^^^All. Of. This.

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You wouldn't have known if you hadn't made that move why remaining NC for at least 1 year is always the best policy. She wasn't initiating anything--and creeping your instagram is meaningless in light of the fact that she never reached out to atone and express her desire to get back with you.

 

Now you know that the only role she has for you in mind is one of her girlfriends, not her boyfriend.

 

Might be a good idea to just block her on all communication devices and social media and really be loyal to your own healing and moving forward.

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positivityonly

I am staying NC again.

 

Any advice anyone? Obviously I am not back to how I felt day 1 but man am I so upset with myself, I was going so so good and now I'm looking at my phone again, I guess it's just a time thing. I wonder if more breadcrumbs will come or she is gone for good. It's not like I texted anything super mushy but yeah texting her back at 1am saying "I do think about you too and with time and patience blah blah" I guess I am just curious if the ball is back in her court now and she has the upper hand, or she just got the idea I'm not ready to have any relations with her since I said the same thing she did.

 

Sorry for the rant, you guys are all just great, can't forgive myself because I truly thought I knew better. Starting back at like day 3 of NC kills.. I made it 2 months guys.. Any opinions/advice? I almost wish she will text back so I can have the upper hand again but I know that is NOT MOVING ON.

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Simon Phoenix
I am staying NC again.

 

Any advice anyone? Obviously I am not back to how I felt day 1 but man am I so upset with myself, I was going so so good and now I'm looking at my phone again, I guess it's just a time thing. I wonder if more breadcrumbs will come or she is gone for good. It's not like I texted anything super mushy but yeah texting her back at 1am saying "I do think about you too and with time and patience blah blah" I guess I am just curious if the ball is back in her court now and she has the upper hand, or she just got the idea I'm not ready to have any relations with her since I said the same thing she did.

 

Sorry for the rant, you guys are all just great, can't forgive myself because I truly thought I knew better. Starting back at like day 3 of NC kills.. I made it 2 months guys.. Any opinions/advice? I almost wish she will text back so I can have the upper hand again but I know that is NOT MOVING ON.

 

1) Don't break it again

 

2) Block her on your phone so she can't throw breadcrumbs. Eventually you'll stop checking it every two seconds.

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OP stop beating yourself up. It does no good for you to set these ironclad rules for yourself, and then if you break them you castigate yourself to no end. IMO, a much better approach would be to see your progress in terms of increments and stay focused on the present... not the outcome you would like (getting back with her).

 

I agree with a lot of NC, but I think there is a lot of masochism and meanness that goes on in these forums about it. A better approach would be to get a grip on your emotions so that you can safely initiate communication with her without feeling anxiety or feeling that she has somehow outscored you... that's a competitive approach to dating and there can only be one winner, is that the baseline for a healthy relationship? It takes time to develop this calm, so work on that more than some messianic zeal for NC

 

Progress in dating, reconciliation, atonement, whatever - it won't be a linear march up the hill, there will be setbacks, stall-outs, etc. Control your anxiety, realize that even the best hitters fail to reach base 70% of the time, and isn't your ex 20? She is young, she is going to make young'un mistakes. Give her room to grow and learn, you can learn from both of your mistakes. Man, I sure hate to see you struggling like that, it's not that bad! You are in love, you are ready to forgive her if she came back, so forgive yourself for trying to be open to her coming back.

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positivityonly
OP stop beating yourself up. It does no good for you to set these ironclad rules for yourself, and then if you break them you castigate yourself to no end. IMO, a much better approach would be to see your progress in terms of increments and stay focused on the present... not the outcome you would like (getting back with her).

 

I agree with a lot of NC, but I think there is a lot of masochism and meanness that goes on in these forums about it. A better approach would be to get a grip on your emotions so that you can safely initiate communication with her without feeling anxiety or feeling that she has somehow outscored you... that's a competitive approach to dating and there can only be one winner, is that the baseline for a healthy relationship? It takes time to develop this calm, so work on that more than some messianic zeal for NC

 

Progress in dating, reconciliation, atonement, whatever - it won't be a linear march up the hill, there will be setbacks, stall-outs, etc. Control your anxiety, realize that even the best hitters fail to reach base 70% of the time, and isn't your ex 20? She is young, she is going to make young'un mistakes. Give her room to grow and learn, you can learn from both of your mistakes. Man, I sure hate to see you struggling like that, it's not that bad! You are in love, you are ready to forgive her if she came back, so forgive yourself for trying to be open to her coming back.

 

Mannn. Thanks a lot. That was amazing and you really took the time. It's very appreciated and I'll re-read when I'm low. Thank you sir!

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positivityonly
OP stop beating yourself up. It does no good for you to set these ironclad rules for yourself, and then if you break them you castigate yourself to no end. IMO, a much better approach would be to see your progress in terms of increments and stay focused on the present... not the outcome you would like (getting back with her).

 

I agree with a lot of NC, but I think there is a lot of masochism and meanness that goes on in these forums about it. A better approach would be to get a grip on your emotions so that you can safely initiate communication with her without feeling anxiety or feeling that she has somehow outscored you... that's a competitive approach to dating and there can only be one winner, is that the baseline for a healthy relationship? It takes time to develop this calm, so work on that more than some messianic zeal for NC

 

Progress in dating, reconciliation, atonement, whatever - it won't be a linear march up the hill, there will be setbacks, stall-outs, etc. Control your anxiety, realize that even the best hitters fail to reach base 70% of the time, and isn't your ex 20? She is young, she is going to make young'un mistakes. Give her room to grow and learn, you can learn from both of your mistakes. Man, I sure hate to see you struggling like that, it's not that bad! You are in love, you are ready to forgive her if she came back, so forgive yourself for trying to be open to her coming back.

 

May I ask you one thing. What she texted me and I replied with two short and somewhat stern texts. Then at 1am sending we her.. "I do think of you too, and with time and patience, taking about how her and I had a bond no one can take away.. I am just curious how she perceived it, do you think I was too emotional and she got her guilt relieved as they say? I was surprised she didn't text back that's all, but then again I basically said with time and patience, just not used to her not texting back.. Curious if she'll reach ou again, but if she wants me in her life so long I suppose so haha, but anyways I can't kee thinking like this and need to worry about my own well being first, you are right, I love her and that's why I replied the way I did.

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