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Any hope of getting back together after a year apart?


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We have been broken up since spring 2014 and I recently came into contact with him again. I suggested going out for coffee sometime and he immediately asked what day/time I was free.

 

When we were together we never fought and we generally had a happy relationship. I initiated the breakup because the relationship was moving in a pace too fast for me. I felt like I wasn't ready for it but now more than a year and a half later I think I'm ready for the things he wanted in the relationship (serious commitment, marriage).

 

However he never initiates conversation, I have to write him or he never will.

 

We have been in contact immediately after the breakup, about six months later and now 10 months later. I initiated all the contact and he's been receptive.

 

I'm wondering if it's too late to get him back and wondering if he just agreed to meet to be polite.

 

Any thoughts on what I should do?

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heartbrokenkc

It's up to you to pursue it. If I was in the same situation as the guy that got dumped. I'm not going to make the effort to ask you out and leave it to you to make those arrangements to see how serious you are. All I can think is don't want my heartbroken again.

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Anything is possible. You never know till you try.

 

You were the one who ended it. He isn't going to chase you. You will need to be the one to initiate it and stick your [neck] out.

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You broke up with him? Of course he isn't going to jump at it.

 

If you broke up with him, and want to get back with him then it's on you to do the effort.

 

If you wanted to meet and he kissed your feet for the privilege of seeing you again, lets be honest, you'd lose all respect for him.

 

It's all on you (for the short term, at least).

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How do I do it in a way so I don't seem desperate?

I don't want to tell him I would do anything to have him back even though that's how I'm currently feeling.

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Simon Phoenix
How do it in a way so I don't seem desperate?

 

If you broke up with him, you're the one that's going to have to look a bit desperate. It's not going to be him, nor should it be. If you are more worried about how you look than showing him you want to be with him, you shouldn't be pursuing this.

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I'm just not used to pursuing a guy but it makes sense if I was the one that broke up with him. Is messaging an appropriate media to use to tell him how I feel/how much I want him back?

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I'm just not used to pursuing a guy but it makes sense if I was the one that broke up with him. Is messaging an appropriate media to use to tell him how I feel/how much I want him back?

 

No. Of course it's not, and you know it. You just don't want the vulnerability of having to tell him to his face. But, that's the only way. Ask to meet with him and lay it all out on the table. Tell him you know you hurt him in the past, and you are sorry, and you don't expect an answer then and there, but you just have to let him know how you feel. Explain to him why you left the last time. Explain the journey that led to your change of heart.

 

Then, leave it up to him. Let him take it all in, and give him plenty of time and space to think it over. Accept, going in, that you may get your heart broken, but that is a small price to pay for the courage to live your truth.

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Simon Phoenix
I'm just not used to pursuing a guy but it makes sense if I was the one that broke up with him. Is messaging an appropriate media to use to tell him how I feel/how much I want him back?

 

No, you actually have to go, meet with him, and tell him to his face. He might say no, but that's the risk you have to take.

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We agreed to meet in about a week and a half. What do I do in the mean time? We're not in constant contact and I kind of wanted to give him a prelude of what I wanted to talk to him about when we mwet. Or should I just continue keeping the conversation casual?

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Presuming this is important, OP, IMO important relationship-related discussions should always be carried out in person. You and he have had contact so it's not like arising from the dead. You apparently asked him to coffee and he asked when you are free. Ball in your court. He didn't even make it hard. Meet for coffee and share what you've shared here, straight out. The response will be what it is. Either move forward or move on. Everything is voluntary.

 

Postings crossed..... do nothing. Show up for the coffee.

 

Good luck!

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We agreed to meet in about a week and a half. What do I do in the mean time? We're not in constant contact and I kind of wanted to give him a prelude of what I wanted to talk to him about when we mwet. Or should I just continue keeping the conversation casual?

 

My ex dumped me a little over a year ago. We are currently rebuilding and she is doing and did everything "right". What did she do?

 

Started initiating contact. (you have done this)

I rarely if at all initiated any contact. (Hell no, was I going to)

She slipped a memory or two into convo's we were having.

She new my schedule and would email me just before I was off work and I would not hear from her after that. (She did that for two weeks straight. F'ing nice move on her part! LOL!)

 

Then one Saturday morning, she flat out asked to meet for a Coffee date. We did, she refused to let me pay and we spoke nothing about the breakup. She was feeling me out, and I kept my cards close. I never "put her on the spot" I just acted like me.

 

One week later, she asked me over for dinner. Again, no talk of the breakup. We were just ourselves.

 

One week later, I asked her out with a group of my friends. Again no talk of the breakup, but I knew she was definitely interested again because she was willing to hang out with my friends. If she only wanted to be friends with me, she would have never put herself in a situation to where she could look like the bad person trying to string me along. My feelings that very night changed toward her.

 

Three days later, she asked me out again. Went to dinner and finally talked of the breakup and the things we did wrong. It was then that she put her cards on the table...

 

Notice something about the above?

 

You could see what was happening without either of us saying a word to each other about the previous relationship...

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Thank you for posting your story. It gives me more hope and I definitely know what I need to do. I messaged him yesterday and he has yet to respond. I currently don't have his phone number so our main form of communication is Facebook. I guess I'll just wait for him and try harder since I'm the one who broke his heart.

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i agree with most of the ppl on the forum. you broke up with him. he was hurt and lonely.

 

i was dumped. i am hurt and lonely. but right now im trying to work on myself. do i want my ex back, yes definately. would just saying hello for her part work? no?

 

if you really really want this person back. keep your ego aside for a moment. n pursue him. dont loose ur dignity but do everything you can to win his heart. for me, if me and my ex got back. i would always feel a bit insecure, she dumped me before. whats to stop her from doing it again. she has to prove herself that this time its for real.

 

take it slow but definately show him you are interested. i would not talk about previous breakup until both of you were ready. but just hi and hello and meaningless text will not do.

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He finally wrote back yesterday. I told him I missed him and he told me not to worry because I would see him next week. He also said if he wasn't going out of town this weekend he would have seen me sooner.

 

I told him that makes me happy and he asked why. I told him I had a lot to say and I was glad he was giving me the chance to. He told me he was there to hear me out.

 

 

This is a good sign right?

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He finally wrote back yesterday. I told him I missed him and he told me not to worry because I would see him next week. He also said if he wasn't going out of town this weekend he would have seen me sooner.

 

I told him that makes me happy and he asked why. I told him I had a lot to say and I was glad he was giving me the chance to. He told me he was there to hear me out.

 

 

This is a good sign right?

 

Yes.

 

He is going to be extremely timid as you busted his heart so expect him to be a little stand-offish.

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I can understand why. I'm starting to have doubts now. What if we do get back together and I end up screwing it up again. As much as I love and miss him, I wouldn't want to put him through that pain again. :(

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I can understand why. I'm starting to have doubts now. What if we do get back together and I end up screwing it up again. As much as I love and miss him, I wouldn't want to put him through that pain again. :(

 

What if you don't?

 

What if it works out perfectly?

 

What if he screws it up?

 

What if he tells you he has a crush on Bruce Jenner?

 

Don't analyze anything right now. You're riding your nerves.

 

Just go slow, and let things play out. Life is entirely too short to be concerned with "what if's" right now.

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you will need to make the first move and let your intentions be known to him. it is not too late if he responds favorable . if you do not make a move you will always wonder what could have been, what if?

i was broke up from my girl friend for a 18 month period , and got back with her. we married 5 months later.

we have now been married 32, almost 33 years now.

its up to you to get the ball rolling.

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you will need to make the first move and let your intentions be known to him. it is not too late if he responds favorable . if you do not make a move you will always wonder what could have been, what if?

i was broke up from my girl friend for a 18 month period , and got back with her. we married 5 months later.

we have now been married 32, almost 33 years now.

its up to you to get the ball rolling.

 

Digdoug thanks for sharing your story. If any two people broke up, it's up to the dumper to reach out. Usually if two people have been single, then the likely chances of them working out could be high, especially if a lot of time has passed for them to forgive each other's past actions.

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If any two people broke up, it's up to the dumper to reach out.

 

you are correct on that point, i was the dumper with her. but what gave me hope of the future with her was, she kept trying to get back with me after we broke up. came seen me at work wrote a card with her feelings toward me, later she sent me a birthday card, graduation invitation. all of this softened my heart, and kept me drawn to her even though we was apart .

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I'm just not used to pursuing a guy but it makes sense if I was the one that broke up with him. Is messaging an appropriate media to use to tell him how I feel/how much I want him back?

 

Abolultely not!!!

 

This is a conversation you must have face to face if you stand any chance of being with him again. Doing the texting BS amounts to you throwing out a crumb trail.

 

Saving your pride needs to be the last thing on your priority list. If your pride is more important than telling him the truth of your feelings, then stop all this now and move on.

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He seems interested but you dumped him so YOU have to work on getting him back. So , YES, you are going to be the initiator and he will probably make you "work for it" so that you will think twice before breaking it off again. He is cautious, doesn't want to be burned twice and has pride. Make sure that you really want him and love him :) I wish you guys the best! :)

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