Crossroads in life, don't know what to really do.

[candyp129]

So, my first post on here because i've seen how helpful everyone has been on here. I think its amazing so many strangers can offer insigntful advice.

 

But, a little background about my relationship. So, I started dated this girl (lets say her name in Kate) back in Oct 2013. My first real relationship, and it was more than i couldve really asked for (in a good way). So, i went through rough times socially and mentally, always struggling with self-esteem and what i was doing in life. I had a real negative view on myself and was always comparing myself to others.

**I am 25, i was kicked out of college twice and then started to get serious back about school, after i started being more open about my school with Kate (gf). Depressed and all i started to get counseling bc she has said itd be helpful. So i did, and i was not really making the most of it. **

 

So, we broke up last summer around oct(14) and didnt speak for a while. She always said I can come to her to talk, because she genuinely cared about me. But, i didnt take the break up well. I pushed everyone away and didnt really talk about it. So, in decemeber we get back together and its like im changed.

 

My issue has always been, i never put in the effort, i never planned dates. I would say i love you but she said i never really showed it. i was essentially too down on myself and turned my negativity insto something bigger than it should have been. BUT, she kept by my side and pushing me to do well academically and socially.

 

This past feburay (after getting back together 2 months ago in dec) i have a break down and say i cant do the relationship (Over text). Citing things such as school, family, and other obligations. Leaving me no time with the relationship. She calmly says "you can do it, its possible." and yet im negative and say no. i say a lot more negative things about myself and she says maybe youre not ready for a relationship right now or timing is off for you "I wish timing didnt suck but it does" (she siad that).

 

SO, of course i bottle up again and cut contact with her. She even called me one day in March, after she saw pictures of me on Instagram, going out partying on a tuesday. Saying "dont you have school? i dont think you should be doing these things, you should be focused on school and keep working through your problems." So, i say yeah i should be. We dont talk agian for a few months.

 

I am not over her and she texts me randomly here or there things like "omg, taco bell" or something. Now (October), ive been trying to get back in touch with her. I think i have grown and actually attempted to solve inner demons. All these months i was not over her ignoring everything. and she has a hard time replying to my text. She works 9-6 (sometimes until 12), so i dont get a reply back for a few days. idk if shes just blowing me off or i should just give up. she did apologize for being late on replying.but i just dont know...she says she considered me an amazing friend.

 

My main reason for trying to work this friendship out is so we can have a foundation for something more. We went from talking everyday to just not having any connection at all. We didnt end on bad terms or angrily. I even grabbed lunch with her over the summer. But, now i just dont know what to do. Move on or continue to work on my issues? she is really busy with work and she has said when we broke up that she doesnt have time for a relationship.

 

honestly anythiong would help. I still see a counselor and hes said to just get out and move on. which i cant just do. apparently i shouldnt have issues getting a girl since im young and good looking, but i have major self-esteem issues. no confidence.

 

anyone down to talk ? pm me

[buffalobill34]

I am not an expert here. But first things first, is you need to work on yourself, read or talk to your friends those who value. Sometimes, there isn't much that can't be done at that given moment. You will have to use this time to become a better person. Believe me when I say this, the energy that we put out there can make a difference in how things pan out. I know that women/girls are always attracted to a man who has a purpose in life. Find your purpose whatever that might be. And sounds to me if you want to give this another chance or she might want to, it's best to wait and not rush into anything. Waiting here is the "hardest part" but remember you are not looking for a quick fix. If you are then you are then going to cause more hurt to yourself. You don't want that.

[candyp129]

Thanks buffalobill, your advice is a little hard to take but it seems right and the right course to take. I did get a reply from her today after i texted her that i mustve caught her at the wrong time since she never replied to me. said shes really busy with work and nothing personal just she doesnt check her phone much. oh well, i kind of have the feeling that shes moved on but i have no way of knowing that. or if she has any feelings for me.

 

It is hard to just work and focus on myself. But, ive been putting it off for so long. what you said really hits the nail on the head, im wanting to rush back into things without thinking all the way through, bc what if this is the last chance? guess time will tell right. i really appreciate the help and advice thank you.