Anything I can do?

[unheartedninja]

So Since about roughly 10 days ago, I haven't spoke to the ex, for clarifcation im the dumper and she's the dumpee.

 

I'm in the NC phase at the moment, and today's been the MOST grueling day since then. I feel really down and depressed.

 

She is friends with the co-workers who I have been hanging out with for past few weeks as they were my co workers and my friends too ( more of a friends to me then her). And we do stuff and often the buddies post group photos we took to FB to which im sure she sees, I don't want her to know what i'm doing,is it okay for her to see what I'm up to?I can't really ask my friends to stop taggine me and taking photos because it's THEIR fb. When i casually borught it up they said "fk it, fk her, let her see" Also what can i do when i really feel like breaking the NC and feel like speaking to her because i feel really down?

[PegNosePete]

I don't want her to know what i'm doing,is it okay for her to see what I'm up to?

What does it matter? How does it affect you?

 

I can't really ask my friends to stop taggine me and taking photos because it's THEIR fb.

Why not? They are tagging you which affects you. You can ask them to not tag you, or you can remove the tag yourself. If they are real friends, they will be understanding. If they simply say "fk it" then I would ask yourself if they are really your friends.

[thora-tiki]

I am sorry your day started bad, unheartedninja, maybe it'll end on a high note?

Let's hope so.

 

Let’s give this no contact some real time, a few months, and I bet we can change your unheartedninja-name to

kickass-unheartedninja, in no time... did you want a cape with your uniform?

Right now you are panicking.

Yes, this is panic.

This is from the e-book: The magic of making up:

 

«Why do you feel so crazy when it comes to love?

The panic you feel comes from the immediate loss of control that you experience.

 

One minute you’re laughing, having fun, and even arguing – but you know what to expect.

After a break-up you’re suddenly spun into a world of unknowns.

 

Even if you weren’t all that happy in your relationship, at least it was familiar.

 

You feel an immediate need to do something to help you regain that control.»

 

Personally, I think this e-book is the best one out there.

Trust me, I have done the legwork.

 

The idea of who had the guts to end a dying relationship doesn't really matter.

 

Who cares who broke up with who?

 

The relationship was already dying, on it's way to being dead.

Let it die, so that a new one can emerge.

 

What really matters is what you want, do you want your life back, and possibly your ex too?

 

I think you are suffering from dumper's remorse.

 

I think you just had bad few days and now you second-guess your decision.

 

As in: So what if she neglected me? So what if we where in a rut? So what if I couldn't talk to her about it! So what if we fought too much/too little! Or I got complacent. Blah blah blah!

Breaking up with someone is really hard to do. But you still did it. And I think you evaluated the relationship before you broke up. Trust yourself.

Because as Oprah says: Doubt means Don't every time. You doubted she was «the one» so strongly that you broke up with her.

You are just like the rest of us on this forum.

You want answers, solutions, and decisions NOW.

Actually, forget now, we want answers YESTERDAY!

Nothing we can do about that, but breathe my friend. Just slow down, and breathe.

 

It's mind over matter.

You don't mind. She don't matter.

 

When you are feeling down, come on here, and ask for support.

 

Yesterday was a really hard day for me, but I didn’t break no contact, been no contact since April.

 

Whenever I think:

- I will never meet anyone like dildo face (my ex-hole) again!

- I will die alone!

 

I tell myself: these are the negative feelings I will work out during my personal evolution/no contact time... and then I do something else: support someone on here, or watch a movie or call a friend or kick my ass in the gym.

 

You will, and you can, find something to do other than break no contact.

You feeling sad, depressed etc.

 

This is not something to break no contact for.

 

I wouldn't even break no contact even if my ex was yelling: I am on fire.

I would probably call the fire department. I am not heartless.

 

- Accept the break up


- Stick to no contact - no matter what.

 

If you're worried about her «forgetting you» then she was never really «there for you» to begin with.

 

Look at the bad days in no contact like a test,

you are being tested to see if you are really serious about no contact.

 

You are helping her, and helping yourself, by doing no contact.

A break up is a death, the death of a relationship, if you won't bury it, mourn, and move on... what's the alternative?

 

You keep tripping over this dead thing.

 

All the while you are trying to bring it back to life, which didn't work out well for Dr. Frankenstein.

 

And then it starts to rot, stink, and look even worst.

 

Someone has to have the brains and the guts, to grab a shovel, and bury the fu*king thing.

 

Believe me, this dead relationship (breakup) spans out and affects more people than just you and your ex,

and they will all be happy when one of you buries this fu*king corpse once and for all.

 

They are tired with of dealing with this zombie.

 

Life goes on, and it gets even better, everything happens for a reason.

 

You just need to sit back, watch, and relax.

Everything will work out in the end.

 

One thing I have come to realise is that you don't absolutely need your ex in order to live your life.

 

Because you are not doing anything wrong, and you are not here to change anyone's mind,

the only thing you are here to change is your situation,

from sad to happy,

from incapable to capable.

 

What do you like to do, or have always wanted to pursue that you haven't before?

 

Let us know what you are doing and plan to do to concentrate on you.

 

Oh, I almost forgot to write:

This is war.

This is SPARTA!

 

P.s:

The heading of this thread, made me think of the film Swingers:

 

Mike: Okay, so what if I don't want to give up on her?

 

Rob: You don't call.

 

Mike: But you said I don't call if I wanted to give up on her.

 

Rob: Right.

 

Mike: So I don't call either way?

 

Rob: Right.

 

Mike: So what's the difference?

 

Rob: There is no difference right now. See, Mike, the only difference between giving up

and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back.

But you can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.

 

Mike: So the only difference is if I forget about her or just pretend to forget about her?

 

Rob: Right.

 

Mike: Well that sucks.

 

Rob: Yeah, it sucks.

 

Mike: So it's just like a retroactive decision, then? I mean I could, like,

forget about her and then when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her?

 

Rob: Right. Although probably more likely the opposite.

 

Mike: What do you mean?

 

Rob: I mean at first you're going to pretend to forget about her, you'll not call her, I don't know, whatever...

but then eventually, you really will forget about her.

 

Mike: Well what if she comes back first?

 

Rob: Mmmm... see, that's the thing, is somehow they know not to come back until you really forget.

 

Mike: There's the rub.

 

Rob: There's the rub.