Possible second chance?

[BigBob]

Me and my ex have been apart for 3 months. She split up with me because she had a feeling I was seeing someone else behind her back and the constant paranoia was driving her crazy and she had to get out. Needless to say I wasn't seeing anyone at all, a girl I went to school with got back in touch with me and we texted eachother now and then but that was all. My ex got into another relationship pretty quickly after we split, she's one of those that can never be alone.

 

Anyway, my ex recently started contacting me again after 1 1/2 months of no contact, saying how much she misses me and that she still loves me. I told her that I was planning on proposing to her and that we could have been engaged by now and living together. She replied by saying "that's all I ever wanted and it breaks my heart to think I'll never have that".

We've been texting every day for a week now. Her current boyfriend has caught her texting me and told her it's putting a strain on their relationship, yet she continues to do it. We met up for 30 mins on Friday while I was in town buying a gift. We had a quick chat to catch up but that was all. Straight after I left she texted saying it was "the most awkward experience of her life".

 

I can tell she still loves me and I do want her back as we were great together. She initiates contact every day, I have never initated once since she got back in touch. I would just like some advice on how to proceed from here? Normally I would just ask her back out, but she is in a relationship. What do I do?

[BigBob]

I should probably also say that at no point have I told her I want her back. I've just said stuff like "I'm not convinced we'd work if you can't trust me". Should I just say I would take her back and see how she reacts? I'm not sure if that'd scare her off or not.

[MrBojangles]

Me and my ex have been apart for 3 months. She split up with me because she had a feeling I was seeing someone else behind her back and the constant paranoia was driving her crazy and she had to get out. Needless to say I wasn't seeing anyone at all, a girl I went to school with got back in touch with me and we texted eachother now and then but that was all. My ex got into another relationship pretty quickly after we split, she's one of those that can never be alone.

 

Anyway, my ex recently started contacting me again after 1 1/2 months of no contact, saying how much she misses me and that she still loves me. I told her that I was planning on proposing to her and that we could have been engaged by now and living together. She replied by saying "that's all I ever wanted and it breaks my heart to think I'll never have that".

We've been texting every day for a week now. Her current boyfriend has caught her texting me and told her it's putting a strain on their relationship, yet she continues to do it. We met up for 30 mins on Friday while I was in town buying a gift. We had a quick chat to catch up but that was all. Straight after I left she texted saying it was "the most awkward experience of her life".

 

I can tell she still loves me and I do want her back as we were great together. She initiates contact every day, I have never initated once since she got back in touch. I would just like some advice on how to proceed from here? Normally I would just ask her back out, but she is in a relationship. What do I do?

 

 

She was likely cheating while you two were still a couple. Her constantly accusing you of seeing someone else is call "projection", as she was very likely the one that was actually guilty of cheating.

 

Now that she see seen the grass is not greener on the other side, she wants back with you. If you think about what she is doing now, she is actually cheating on her new boyfriend, with you. She doesn't sound like very trustworthy relationship material, IMO.

 

My advice would be to move on with your life without her. Just end all contact, after wishing her the best with her life. If you get back together with her, she will likely leave you again, when she meets and likes the next guy more than you. If she truly loved you, she would have never left you in the first place.

Edited September 13, 2015 by MrBojangles
grammer

[BigBob]

Thanks for your opinion, however I don't believe she would have cheated on me and I would still like to reconcile

[pidgeon1010]

So she is cheating on her boyfriend with you (and you're enabling it) but broke up with you because she thought you were cheating on her? This doesn't bode well of a long term committed relationship but I am sure you will do what you want to do.

[BigBob]

We've only been texting, does that constitute cheating?

Anyway I would just like to know how I should approach the situation with the aim of getting back together. Should I just tell her I want us to try again or wait for her to say it?

[MrBojangles]

We've only been texting, does that constitute cheating?

Anyway I would just like to know how I should approach the situation with the aim of getting back together. Should I just tell her I want us to try again or wait for her to say it?

 

 

If you really want to have her back, then why haven't you just asked her already? Better still, why hasn't she asked you to take her back yet, if SHE really wants to come back? I'm not a psychic, but I detect some hesitancy on your part in asking her to come back. Is it possible that you see some issues that will prevent you from trusting her in the future?

 

How would you feel if you take her back, then find out she's texting her former boyfriend? Would you not consider that cheating? Cheating does not have to be a purely physical act to be considered cheating. Emotional relationships with other men/women are also considered a form of cheating as well, and the effect can be equally as devastating on a relationship. How would feel if you were in her current boyfriend's position right now? She's texting you how much she still loves you, and entertaining the thoughts of having wanted marriage with you, while her current BF is in the same room.

 

Without any additional details of your conversations with her, I'm left to speculate that maybe she using you for emotional support at this point, while she's still with her new boyfriend.

 

Mind if I ask how old the both of you are? How long were you together as a couple? Do either of you have much past relationship experience?

[BigBob]

Well I just texted her asking what she was up to tonight as we need to talk about us and she replied "I'm busy". I've just replied "Ok. have a nice day" I kind of expected something like that. I've had my guard up since she first got back in touch as I didn't want to get my hopes up, although its easier said than done.

 

Our conversations have consisted mainly of friendly chat. She has asked me a few times if I'm dating anyone. I went out last night and the first thing she asked was if I got with anyone. She also said a song came on the radio while she was in her current bf's car which we used to sing to together and she burst into tears in front of him.

 

We were together for 2 1/2 years and eachothers first serious relationship. We're also both in our mid-twenties

[BlueBlood]

We've only been texting, does that constitute cheating?

Anyway I would just like to know how I should approach the situation with the aim of getting back together. Should I just tell her I want us to try again or wait for her to say it?

 

Yes, yes it is cheating as far as I'm concerned. I take my commitment in a relationship to mean I don't share lovey dovey romantic/longing for you type texts with anyone but my SO. Ever. If I found the texts you describe on my SOs phone we'd be done and I'd feel gutted.