Is she still unsure or am i on the back burner as plan b?

[unheartedninja]

Okay so, the ex gf called last night after a pretty long time about a week or so, when i'd call her she'd ignore me and most often texts too. But last night she called out of no where and told me she's sorry for treating me bad and that when i was with her, her life was on a positive track and now she just gets high and drunk, has low energy, sleeps less becaues of being out too much, not being able to talk to her family becaue of it and all that.... fast forward a bit, i ask her what she was doing today, she goes i have school and then work till 10 and then i asked what she was doing after, and she said spending the night with micheal apartment ( a guy she's been hanging with but told me she's just friends with him at the moment) and so i asked her "hey why don't you come over to my pad instead and spend the night with me instead?" not so i could sleep with her but so i could get a chance to talk to her and get an answer because she hasn't been giving the chance to see her lately.

 

So, she goes idk, i'll let you know, i'll let you know tomorrow, My response was, so i guess i shouldn't hold my breath huh, she goes, no no, i'll let you know tomorrow. and then she goes i gotta get some sleep, love you bye. and then yeah.

 

 

it's today, and NO response from her still...

 

Should i remind her or leave it be? and should i see her at her work after she gets off and say " I care about you and i don't wanna play games, do you want to be with me or not?"

[Jimmyjackson]

You sound like such a pushover. She's spending evenings with a guy who's 'just a friend' and you believe that? Either you are just plain naive or you are trying to convince yourself otherwise to feel better.

 

Don't contact her no, she never said she'd go to yours and she also never said she wanted you back so why ask if she wants you back or not? She called you to say sorry and ease her guilt, nothing more, nothing less.

 

If you show up at her work you'll look stalkerish and 'I don't know ill let you know tomorrow" is just a polite way of saying no.

 

Leave her be man, she called you to ease her guilt and that's it, now you're making it seem more than it actually is.

 

Oh, and why should you be given the chance to see her as you stated? You're exes.

[bubbaganoosh]

Come on man!

[unheartedninja]

You sound like such a pushover. She's spending evenings with a guy who's 'just a friend' and you believe that? Either you are just plain naive or you are trying to convince yourself otherwise to feel better.

 

Don't contact her no, she never said she'd go to yours and she also never said she wanted you back so why ask if she wants you back or not? She called you to say sorry and ease her guilt, nothing more, nothing less.

 

If you show up at her work you'll look stalkerish and 'I don't know ill let you know tomorrow" is just a polite way of saying no.

 

Leave her be man, she called you to ease her guilt and that's it, now you're making it seem more than it actually is.

 

Oh, and why should you be given the chance to see her as you stated? You're exes.

 

 

I don't believe it but im hopeful because she told me she missed me and loved me. I know she never said she'd go to mine. She just told me she'd let me know and from experience with her lately i know it meant no response or communication, so why i was like so i guess i shouldn't hold by breath on it.

 

So i guess no chance in reconciliation ? and if there IS hope, what can i do to make sure i don't screw it up?

 

Also, am i allowed to text this to her one LAST time in hopes to get closure? " I care about you, let's stop playing games, we're both adults, do you want to be with me or not?" because it's all i really want, some closure to move on.

Edited August 29, 2015 by unheartedninja
forgot to add info.

[Jimmyjackson]

I don't believe it but im hopeful because she told me she missed me and loved me. I know she never said she'd go to mine. She just told me she'd let me know and from experience with her lately i know it meant no response or communication, so why i was like so i guess i shouldn't hold by breath on it.

 

So i guess no chance in reconciliation ? and if there IS hope, what can i do to make sure i don't screw it up?

 

Also, am i allowed to text this to her one LAST time in hopes to get closure? " I care about you, let's stop playing games, we're both adults, do you want to be with me or not?" because it's all i really want, some closure to move on.

 

You can miss a person and love them but not be IN love with them. Words and just words, I can tell you I love you now but It doesn't mean I mean it.

 

All you can do is just ignore her and try to move on, IF reconciliation was to occur then you'd have to cross that bridge when you come to it but don't wait around for it.

 

No don't text her, I don't see what games you're referring to? From what you wrote it seems to me she's done with it. The closure you get to move on is her not contacting you when she said she would, doesn't that tell you more than you need to know?

[Simon Phoenix]

Dude .......

[Warriors]

Playing games, obviously she's crossed your mind and something made her call you. Whenever this happens ppl say it's nothing more than "breadcrumbs" which it could be but I look at any breadcrumbs as a sign of there being the slightest chance in the world.. Cause if she honestly didn't care at all, was so happy and 100% confident she wanted nothing to do with you or ever even had a thought of being back together then she wouldn't be calling you. Unless she wanted to be just friends but that didn't sound like the case neither.

 

This don't mean chase her. I haven't been contacting my gf at all who seems to be doing the same thing as your gf except my ex calls me every 2-3 days. Thats because she's not with nobody (yet.) I can only hope things magically work themselves out in the next month if I continue my approach now which is leaving her alone (which you should do for another 2 weeks at least)

[unheartedninja]

Playing games, obviously she's crossed your mind and something made her call you. Whenever this happens ppl say it's nothing more than "breadcrumbs" which it could be but I look at any breadcrumbs as a sign of there being the slightest chance in the world.. Cause if she honestly didn't care at all, was so happy and 100% confident she wanted nothing to do with you or ever even had a thought of being back together then she wouldn't be calling you. Unless she wanted to be just friends but that didn't sound like the case neither.

 

This don't mean chase her. I haven't been contacting my gf at all who seems to be doing the same thing as your gf except my ex calls me every 2-3 days. Thats because she's not with nobody (yet.) I can only hope things magically work themselves out in the next month if I continue my approach now which is leaving her alone (which you should do for another 2 weeks at least)

 

Do you ignore her when she contacts you?

[bluefeather]

I'm new to these forums but I find it very interesting that a lot of times when people give their stories, it seems pretty clear what's going on to people on the outside, but from the one's telling the story, it is not so obvious. I can probably include myself with that.

 

unheartedninja, she sounds like she is messing with you. Stringing you along. I am starting to see a pattern here and this is among men and women. People get lonely and they reach out to the easy person who will give them attention.

 

That's messed up man. Don't let people treat you like that.

 

Easier said than done because I need to take my own advice.

[Warriors]

Do you ignore her when she contacts you?

 

 

Obviously not. lol.. shes not seeing anyone else (yet) I say yet cause that's what I expect because we aren't together, she was the dumper and has more negative feelings towards me though I have noticed recently she hasn't been as angry at me when we do talk. I haven't seen her since June 8th about 3 months ago. Broke up July 8th nearly 2 months ago..

 

I just dont text or call her anymore myself unless she hits me up first then I have to think of something to say (being careful) without pushing, arguing, pressuring. If she talks to me I see it as something. Even if it is "breadcrumbs" or her trying to "boost her ego" theres a chance you could say something if its the right thing to lead the conversation in a direction that may draw her into you to contact you again sooner. All depends.

[mikeveli4g]

Ninja... Ignore her punk ass. I know it's difficult because you are under that "delusional spell" of reconciliation but I'm a witness after being dumped by my once then "fiancé" almost a year ago, you will emerge one day and be stable. It's like everyone else said... NO CONTACT. She will reach out to you out of guilt in time and when she does make sure you have your ammo ready and step one would be keeping it brief. Depending on how you feel then will determine whether you want to be with her or not. Make her work for it and play hard fam you got this. Take a stab at the single life for a bit and see where it takes you champ.

[unheartedninja]

Ninja... Ignore her punk ass. I know it's difficult because you are under that "delusional spell" of reconciliation but I'm a witness after being dumped by my once then "fiancé" almost a year ago, you will emerge one day and be stable. It's like everyone else said... NO CONTACT. She will reach out to you out of guilt in time and when she does make sure you have your ammo ready and step one would be keeping it brief. Depending on how you feel then will determine whether you want to be with her or not. Make her work for it and play hard fam you got this. Take a stab at the single life for a bit and see where it takes you champ.

 

 

Do i have ANY leverage on the matter what soever being i was the one who dumped her?

 

I lost my self trying to please everyone, and now that i'm trying to find my self i lost all my friends. Anyway you got a kik or fb or something? Just need to get everything off my chest and keep it moving.

[bluefeather]

Do i have ANY leverage on the matter what soever being i was the one who dumped her?

 

woh, wait, you dumped HER? and she is stringing you along? that does not sound like a healthy situation.

[Jimmyjackson]

It seems you dumped her but the roles have reversed and you've turned into the dumpee

[unheartedninja]

woh, wait, you dumped HER? and she is stringing you along? that does not sound like a healthy situation.

 

Yeah i was the one that dumped HER, and now she's being "unsure" of her feelings just because someone else is showing her a little bit of attention she craves. Little does she know that more then likely this guy probably just wants her vagina.

 

 

And you'll be glad to hear that i haven't spoke to her since thursday night and haven't heard from her neither (which i doubt is going to happen anytime soon, she's too caught up in the limelight that she seeks)

[unheartedninja]

It seems you dumped her but the roles have reversed and you've turned into the dumpee

 

Also the "games" i was referring to is her saying she loves me and misses me and then disappearing and ignoring me. To me that sounds like "games" because she's unsure and wants me on the backburner if she changes her mind or something goes wrong between her and whoever.

[mikeveli4g]

WHOAAAA!!!! Damn I didn't know you dumped her homey. But I'm more than willing to help champ. Can't put out the FB thing on here lol but I will leave you with this: Every woman wants that happy ending kid especially if you were the one who called it quits. I forgot how long ago it was but I'm just gonna make it 2 things clear... 1) If another dude is in the mix and she is on her honeymoon it's not gonna happen. 2) If she is completed FED UP... there's nothing you can do about it.

 

 

From what you have written though... it appears she still thinks of you which is somewhat of a good thing but don't play her game because it's an ego thing with her at this point and she's gonna do everything in her power to make you pay especially if she's getting advice from her friends. What you have to do is live with your current regret and go play the game homey. You don't have to go bang every chic on the block but the more interaction and connections you have with multiple ladies the better it will be and you can get your confidence back champ.

 

 

She will call you again I'm sure as long as you weren't an a#$hole to her and she still loves (not in love you and just keep in mind.... EVERY MAN MESSES UP! And when he does....she will call you.

 

 

Hang in there champ and listen to these folks in here they are REAL. I'm a dumpee and took a lot of advice from here with no contact and it worked. We not back together but she still called "wondering," and granted that was enough for me to have some peace. Play it cool is your only option right now.

[unheartedninja]

WHOAAAA!!!! Damn I didn't know you dumped her homey. But I'm more than willing to help champ. Can't put out the FB thing on here lol but I will leave you with this: Every woman wants that happy ending kid especially if you were the one who called it quits. I forgot how long ago it was but I'm just gonna make it 2 things clear... 1) If another dude is in the mix and she is on her honeymoon it's not gonna happen. 2) If she is completed FED UP... there's nothing you can do about it.

 

 

From what you have written though... it appears she still thinks of you which is somewhat of a good thing but don't play her game because it's an ego thing with her at this point and she's gonna do everything in her power to make you pay especially if she's getting advice from her friends. What you have to do is live with your current regret and go play the game homey. You don't have to go bang every chic on the block but the more interaction and connections you have with multiple ladies the better it will be and you can get your confidence back champ.

 

 

She will call you again I'm sure as long as you weren't an a#$hole to her and she still loves (not in love you and just keep in mind.... EVERY MAN MESSES UP! And when he does....she will call you.

 

 

Hang in there champ and listen to these folks in here they are REAL. I'm a dumpee and took a lot of advice from here with no contact and it worked. We not back together but she still called "wondering," and granted that was enough for me to have some peace. Play it cool is your only option right now.

 

I think you were dead on! i haven't spoke to her since thursday, and this morning, what do you know, a text from her.

 

It said " I'm going to get my **** together again so i can be good enough for you. I'm going to become sober again but i can't be with you until then. So wait for me please "

 

I was SO TEMPTED to reply back asking, "wait? how long?" but i told my self no, i hope that didn't hurt me in the long run in the process of reconciliation. What are your thoughts on it?