Jump to content

Question for the ladies...Can you fall back into love?


Recommended Posts

Guys if you have experiences feel free as well to comment.

 

I know this is going to vary from lady & situations. Just wondering if you can/have fallen back into love? I could see it happening if things have changed as well as some time has passed... Just need to hear some feedback.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't.

 

Here's my broken plate analogy again:

 

Take a plate out of your cupboard. Drop it on the floor. Pick up the pieces & glue the plate back together. Yes it's still functional but it's not the same.

 

Falling out of love is similar. Just go get a new plate / different relationship.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I can't.

 

Here's my broken plate analogy again:

 

Take a plate out of your cupboard. Drop it on the floor. Pick up the pieces & glue the plate back together. Yes it's still functional but it's not the same.

 

Falling out of love is similar. Just go get a new plate / different relationship.

 

You're gonna get a kick out of this. Thats exactly what she said before she broke up with me lol. And the "I Love you but not in love with you" all while she was dating someone and I had no clue.

 

Its a good point, and Im trying my best to not hold onto hope too much. Its just helpful hearing it from someone else.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

So far, I haven't.

 

It's sort of like dropping an uncooked egg. Once it hits the ground and pieces of egg shell and raw egg splatter everywhere, you can't put it back in the crate and stick it in the refrigerator again.

 

Since she's already dating someone else, you really should move on. Besides, who needs a cheater in your life?

Edited by angel.eyes
  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

If she was cheating on you, she is not interested in falling back in love with you & you should not want reconciliation because she already proved herself untrustworthy

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Well I've kinda sorta did the same thing to her. Granted I was very formal, broke things off, and then did my thing. She took me back, and everything was pretty smooth sailing until this. She hid it from me for a few months. So I feel bad about that. As well as our connection was pretty damn solid so I've been looking at the situation as payback.

 

Regardless, like you both said if she cheated without formally breaking it off, and not being trustworthy. Think this would be a whole lot different if she actually took the steps to break it off as clean as possible. Shes my first love, and I'm having difficulty pushing that to the side. Even though, I know what the right path is

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
LeslieKnope

It is possible BUT:

 

- you already broke up with her once to date someone else

- she cheated on you

- you broke up again

 

To borrow from the previous two analogies, that's one busted egg/plate.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

There's an entire art-form dedicated to the idea that putting effort into fixing a broken plate (or anything really) makes it more beautiful than it previously was:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi

 

On topic:

 

My belief is that if a SO ever says that they do not love you, it's more than just an assessment of their emotional state. It's a declaration that you are 100% expendable to them. They say this knowing how it'll hurt you. They say this knowing how their life will change. They believe that their life will be so overwhelmingly happier and better without you in it, it is worth making this decision. It's a level of disrespect that is very hard to take back.

 

Do people try to get their Ex's they've broken up with back? Some times. Does it work? Some times. In that tiny subset do you think they have love? Probably.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
There's an entire art-form dedicated to the idea that putting effort into fixing a broken plate (or anything really) makes it more beautiful than it previously was:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi

 

That's why I went with the splattered raw egg analogy.;) No way to get the goop of the floor and back into any semblance of the original egg.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2
There's an entire art-form dedicated to the idea that putting effort into fixing a broken plate (or anything really) makes it more beautiful than it previously was:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi

Also see Wabi-Sabi

 

Wabi-sabi (侘寂?) represents a comprehensive Japanese world view or aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of beauty that is "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete". It is a concept derived from the Buddhist teaching of the three marks of existence (三法印 sanbōin?), specifically impermanence (無常 mujō?), the other two being suffering (苦 ku?) and emptiness or absence of self-nature (空 kū?).

 

Characteristics of the wabi-sabi aesthetic include asymmetry, asperity (roughness or irregularity), simplicity, economy, austerity, modesty, intimacy, and appreciation of the ingenuous integrity of natural objects and processes.

 

I am constantly using the analogy of the broken Ming Vase when speaking about re-building, or re-gaining trust.

 

Trust is a massive component of a relationship.

As you both cheated, in one way or another, you are both equally untrustworthy.

I'd give this up as a bad idea.

She will never fully trust you again, nor you, her.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I appreciate everyones input. Its very insightful, and love the analogies they make me smile in a weird screwed up way haha. Hopefully one day she'll want to at least be a friend FAR FAR FAR down the road. I just dont like to totally burn down bridges. Right now its smoldering, and pieces are falling yet its still faintly standing.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
On topic:

 

My belief is that if a SO ever says that they do not love you, it's more than just an assessment of their emotional state. It's a declaration that you are 100% expendable to them. They say this knowing how it'll hurt you. They say this knowing how their life will change. They believe that their life will be so overwhelmingly happier and better without you in it, it is worth making this decision. It's a level of disrespect that is very hard to take back.

 

That was very well said.

 

~

 

Personally I think it's very unlikely for someone to fall back in love. Sorry.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Being 'In Love' is a time-limited neurochemical event.

 

Love on the other hand, is not time-limited, and can grow and grow over a whole lifetime.

 

Some relationships can progress from being 'in love' to love, but some can't.

 

It depends on what remains after the euphoria has worn off.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that yes it is possible to fall back in love especially if you were past the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship and there was a deeper more meaningful love. It will never be the exact same. It could be even deeper or nowhere close to what you had in the past.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

I fell out of love with my H and we're separated. I'm waiting to see if the love will return.

 

I knew that admiration and respect were part of loving a man, and I knew I had lost a & r over the course of our marriage.

 

Even though he has made changes in himself and stepped up in some of the ways I hoped he would, it is hard to admit that the love still hasn't come back. Even though I admire him and respect him for working hard to make changes and self-improvement, so far that hasn't translated back into love for him.

 

We're going into the third month of our separation. But who knows ... anything can happen

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I fell out of love with my H and we're separated. I'm waiting to see if the love will return.

 

I knew that admiration and respect were part of loving a man, and I knew I had lost a & r over the course of our marriage.

 

Even though he has made changes in himself and stepped up in some of the ways I hoped he would, it is hard to admit that the love still hasn't come back. Even though I admire him and respect him for working hard to make changes and self-improvement, so far that hasn't translated back into love for him.

 

We're going into the third month of our separation. But who knows ... anything can happen

 

Wish the best for ya! Definitely take his changes for the best. I changed, and mine just left even though its what was wanted/needed. Just stay positive, and wishing the best

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes it can happen.. Regardless of how many females on here say otherwise, every situation and person is different.

 

I have seen women fall back in love with the same person after being with someone else or getting back together in general. I say more often is it likely for them to fall back in love after they been with someone else.

 

My one girlfriend of 3 and a half years cheated, left me for someone else. Say what you want about me but anyone will tell you she's a bad human being.. Though 3 years later she still hits me up every month, tells me she wants to see me and that I was the best boyfriend ever.

 

My ex before my recent girl (or ex) from 2013. She came back a year later a few months back looking for sex. I turned down because I had a girlfriend and am still turning her down while single.

 

Im still in the process of trying to get my recent ex back a month later. If she found out I messed around with the ex before her she would never ever forgive me in her life. Not trying to risk that at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites

When a woman says "I love you but I'm not in love with you " it's over.

 

Not always but the majority of the time these words are spoken there is another person involved. And since you have already confirmed that this is the case, then she is already emotionally detached, that won't change. Don't drain yourself by attempting to fix the unfixable. Heal, learn, and move on.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Yes it can happen.. Regardless of how many females on here say otherwise, every situation and person is different.

 

I have seen women fall back in love with the same person after being with someone else or getting back together in general. I say more often is it likely for them to fall back in love after they been with someone else.

 

My one girlfriend of 3 and a half years cheated, left me for someone else. Say what you want about me but anyone will tell you she's a bad human being.. Though 3 years later she still hits me up every month, tells me she wants to see me and that I was the best boyfriend ever.

 

My ex before my recent girl (or ex) from 2013. She came back a year later a few months back looking for sex. I turned down because I had a girlfriend and am still turning her down while single.

 

Im still in the process of trying to get my recent ex back a month later. If she found out I messed around with the ex before her she would never ever forgive me in her life. Not trying to risk that at all.

 

I think you are mistaking ex partners looking for an ego boost as them 'falling back in love'.

Link to post
Share on other sites
todreaminblue

it really depends on the two people involved and the dynamic of the two people involved together and actually also the dynamic when a apart...falling in love is a whim....staying in love is a made commitment,a personal choice...falling in love fades and the if a commitment is made love will remain through all good times all bad times together or apart.....it is there regardless....and it is quite possible for two people who actually love each other not to be suitable partners....... such variables....so many possibles......

 

 

i believe in brokenness.....that every body who have has ever loved has cracks and has experienced brokenness....and i do believe love is beautiful....broken parts and all...first time or second time around....

 

personally going backwards for me feels awkward so for me it doesnt work.........

 

 

i have a vase i superglued back together....couldnt find all the shards......so i stuck it back together as best i could....i didnt do it because i liked the vase at all.... its rather dark and its huge.....i dont like huge vases...they remind me of mass produced funerals normally....i like delicate hand blown glass vases or hand fired pottery vases......made by hands that care.............this huge mass produced vase however is my favourite color of dark blue....and i love it because of the spirit of which it was given by a person i care about....that supercedes how the vase appears on the shelf.....i see the face behind the vase who was so happy to give it to me.......relationships to me personally....or real love to me...is like that vase....its my favourite color...and never really goes anywhere...not when i have superglue anyway........deb

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm a guy, but I never really fell out of love with any ex. They all have an important spot. It just didnt work out for one reason or another.

 

Love in modern day context means different things. If 2 people no longer feel the "spark" it means they are no longer in love. The reality is that this always happens in every relationship eventually.

 

This is a completely new thing to break up over (last 20-30 years). For one reason or another people seem to think they will live in a fairytale and happily ever after. That's not real life. Form a bond, treat each other well. You'll be fine if you do that.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Not me. I may have forgiven, but I will not forget the potential the ex has to do damage.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...