Marco Valerio Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 What are your experiences? I believe that having a past together that didn't work, and possibly having bad stuff in your backpack, can make it really hard to make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 In my experience, it didn't work out the second time because I hadn't changed during the breakup. There were still a lot of issues that were unresolved and it was only masked and bubbled up to the surface when things got rough. If there really are second chances, both parties have to let the past stay in the past and let experiences start fresh and anew. Rather than blame, there has to be a lot of communication and understanding of what expectations are. Boundaries are also important so that you know not to push dangerous buttons. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Depends on the circumstances of the breakup. If the problem was something like both were in different stages in their life etc and broke up amicably it's fine. If their history is cheating, lieing or even violence, crowned with a terrible breakup - nope, nothing good can come of that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I'd say no unless it's been MANY years since they dated. An example where they were young lovers, late teens or early 20's and they simply needed to sow their oats. Then, they reconnect 5-10 years later when they are both more mature and settled. For couples to reconcile after only a short time or less than 5 years, it's not going to work out. There will still be hurt feeling, strong memories of issues and reminders that it didn't work the first time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 This topic raises another important question- will the dumper come back for you if they lost respect for you? For example:I have a friend who's ex left her for another woman. In the interim, she went NC, and was recently contacted by him for FWB. OF course she turned him down, and said that she will never be an FWB. He is still with the new girl. My friend got kudo points for shooting him down, but will this make him view her in a different light as well to mean that there will be the possibility of a second chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I'd say no unless it's been MANY years since they dated. An example where they were young lovers, late teens or early 20's and they simply needed to sow their oats. Then, they reconnect 5-10 years later when they are both more mature and settled. For couples to reconcile after only a short time or less than 5 years, it's not going to work out. There will still be hurt feeling, strong memories of issues and reminders that it didn't work the first time. Can't say I agree with the "at least five years" sentiment in this post. My sister and a friend of mine both married on their second chance and didn't need five years to do it. They needed significant NC (at least 7 months in both cases) and they needed to evolve to where the second chance was a second relationship, not a lazy reboot of the first. The evolving, growing and desiring a different, better relationship with the old person is where you can have success -- simply trying to go back in time to channel the good parts of the relationship is an exercise in foolishness. Because when you try to access the past good times like nothing's changed, the past bad times will come along and you're back to the same crappy, flawed relationship that died before. It takes time to do this, but putting a specific cap on it isn't accurate IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 This topic raises another important question- will the dumper come back for you if they lost respect for you? For example:I have a friend who's ex left her for another woman. In the interim, she went NC, and was recently contacted by him for FWB. OF course she turned him down, and said that she will never be an FWB. He is still with the new girl. My friend got kudo points for shooting him down, but will this make him view her in a different light as well to mean that there will be the possibility of a second chance? If he dumped her then wanted FWB, then no. Once you're seen as an FWB, especially by a man, it's extremely difficult to shed that label. He might have more respect for her down the road, but the odds of that respect netting romantic reconciliation are low. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 If he dumped her then wanted FWB, then no. Once you're seen as an FWB, especially by a man, it's extremely difficult to shed that label. He might have more respect for her down the road, but the odds of that respect netting romantic reconciliation are low. He didn't want to be with her because he's with another woman. Yet, he won't mind having her as fwb? Why doesn't he just dump his current gf if he's not getting his physical needs met? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 He didn't want to be with her because he's with another woman. Yet, he won't mind having her as fwb? Why doesn't he just dump his current gf if he's not getting his physical needs met? Because he's a douche and wants a slampiece on the side? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 Because he's a douche and wants a slampiece on the side? My friend told me that he had wanted to save sex with the current gf for marriage. She was told that he was still very attracted to her and that if she wanted, he is willing to a fwb as long as she never wanted anything serious with him. The ex was a douche. I'm glad my friend immediately shot him down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tobin Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 My friend told me that he had wanted to save sex with the current gf for marriage. She was told that he was still very attracted to her and that if she wanted, he is willing to a fwb as long as she never wanted anything serious with him. The ex was a douche. I'm glad my friend immediately shot him down. He'll save the sex with his gf until marriage, but he'll have sex with his old girlfriend -aka- cheat on his gf. This guy is a piece of work. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 "Never As Good As The First Time" Good times they come and they go Never going to know What fate is going to blow You're way just hope it feels right Sometimes it comes and it goes You take it ever so slow And then you lose it, then it flows right to you So we rely on the past Special moments that last Were they as tender as we dare to remember Such a fine time as this What could equal the bliss The thrill of the first kiss It'll blow right to you It's never as good as the first time Never as good as the first time Good times they come and they go Never going to know It's like the weather One day chicken next day feathers The rose we remember The thorns we forget We'd love and leave We never spend a minute on regret It is a possibility The more we know the less we see Second time, second time is not quite what it seems Natural as the way we came to be Second time won't live up to the dream It's never as good as the first time Never as good as the first time Natural as the way we came to be Second time won't live up to the dream Natural as the way we came to be Second time is not quite what it seemed It's never As good as the first time As the first time (Never as good as the first time) The First time Natural as the way we came to be Second time won't live up to the dream Natural as the way we came to be Second time is not quite what it seemed It's never As good as the first time As the first time (never as good as the first time) The first time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Warriors Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I think the second chance / time around, is a similar feeling or even better feeling than the very first date, if it works out. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted August 1, 2015 Share Posted August 1, 2015 I think the second chance / time around, is a similar feeling or even better feeling than the very first date, if it works out. That really depends on whether the dumper wants to come back and make it work. Link to post Share on other sites
acapelo_dp Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 I think it depends on if both parties are working on the issue(s) that broke them up in the first place. My boyfriend and I broke up for 3.5 months back in February, got back together in June. Honestly it isn't all rainbows and butterflies, but we are going a hell of a lot better than we did the first time around in our relationship because we are working on what broke us up in the first place. It can happen, but it takes work. Mind you there was never any cheating, lying or huge issues in my relationship that broke us up so it is definitely a case by case. I guess it just depends.. Link to post Share on other sites
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