Confused602 Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) Backstory for anyone who is curious. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/534385-over A brief recap if you don't want to read the whole story... We broke up right after fathers day weekend, he said he had a fear of commitment. We were both hurt, cried, and still said we loved each other. I went NC immediately and gave him space, so we didn't ever have any ugly fights. It's was a pretty amicable split. During NC, I allowed myself to grieve and get a grip on my emotions. The whole time, I was told to go NC and to move on. Most people assumed he just used that as an excuse to get out of the relationship. Well, after three weeks, I felt much more level headed, and broke NC. I asked him out to coffee, in which he immediately replied and accepted to meet me that weekend. We met up, and it was great. We had a wonderful time and ended up giving each other a kiss, saying we really enjoyed seeing each other again. After the coffee date, he began initiating contact with me and making time for me again. We have just gone out and had fun, seeing plays and going on dates. He admitted to me that he realized on our coffee date that he really realized that we have an unbeatable connection and that he left feeling intense emotions, and that no one has made him feel this way. Now, being that worry kind that I am, I laid it all out to him. I told him that I am not interested in anything purely physical and that if he isn't sincere or this isn't what he truly wants, that he can walk. He assured me that to him it's real, and that he isn't playing around. We have done nothing beyond kissing each other, and he has been respectful of my boundaries and not pressured me to do anything. We have been actively working on our relationship since I broke NC and communicating a lot more. Although it isn't 100% yet, We both agree that we are moving forward towards working things out and are very happy to be spending time together. He has been putting in great effort to show me he's being real, by initiating contact, making time to see me during his busy schedule, and communicating effectively with me about our relationship. I am very happy with how we are progressing and feel like we will come back from our break up stronger. I just wanted to give everyone an update on my story. NC worked in helping me get level headed, but if you feel like reaching out to your ex, even if they dumped you, then do so...BUT do so when you are strong and can accept any outcome. If I would have listened to the assumptions people made about my ex, I wouldn't be where I am at now. Ultimately, only YOU know the dynamics of the relationship and break up, and the kind of person your ex is. With all that, I would say use NC to heal, and then use your best judgement on what to do next. No situation is the same and what works for others may not work for you. So take charge and again, use your BEST judgement once you have healed. Edited July 30, 2015 by Confused602 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I hope you two end up back together. I don't mean to be pessimist but I went through something similar and we ended up breaking up again a year later because of the same issue (i.e. his fear of taking the relationship to the next level). Tread cautiously because someone who has a fear of commitment doesn't suddenly snap out of it. It sounds like you are going into this level-headed so good for you. I wish you the best. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
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