Should i initiate contact? Do i have any chance?

[Simonet1]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on here, but i really need some advice and perspectives from someone other than friends and family.

 

 

Okay, so my ex BF broke up with me 3 month ago after a 1,5 year long relationship. The break-up were my fault and i really left him no choice. We had a good loving relationsship, but I was not a good girlfriend at all in the last months of it (i did not cheat or anything that bad tho). I were the love of his life and he adored me a lot, would do anything for me and his friends are telling me how he would light up the whole room when talking about me or if i would send him a text - even till the very end before the breakup. But the day we broke up it just got too much, and I went out of line in an arguement we had. He cried he's eyes out when he broke up with me, but i just went complete cold and in shock i think...

 

 

I've tried to do everything to get him back and his friends are telling me that he is just as devestated as I, he just wont admit it till anyone (but they've seen him change, cry and not being himself at all etc.) the last months. He has been very cold towards me since the breakup but agreed too meet up with me after we've been seperated for a month, only to reject me and tell me some not too nice things.

 

 

After that I cut contact (which is hard because all of our friends are mutual, so we've seen eachother a few times but didn't speak).

 

 

A month ago we were at the festival with all of our mutual friends (in two separate camps), and he would tell me i coudn't come see my friends in the camp where he also stayed because he would be with other girls etc. and he was saying it to protect me only. (he wasn't with anyone tho...)

 

 

So, after the festival I wrote a letter to him explaining that I didn't think he had handled our break-up very well because of the things he had said to me and his actions on the festival, i apologized for my behaviour (once again!) and told him it felt wierd, but good, to finally let him go, and that i was wishing him all the best in the future.

So now 3 weeks later I get a message from him saying that: he is very sad that things went the way they did and he is sad that I first come to realize my mistakes now. He also said that he had realized that he did those things to me at the festival mostly to protect himself because he had so many feelings and thoughts and still do, and that he has had to keep himself busy all the time these months so he wouldn't think about me. He also wrote that it has been so hard for him but he couldn't see any other opportunity than to walk away from me in the end. At last he says that he doesn't regret being with me, and he looks at all of our good times and that all my messages after the breakup went right in his heart, he can just first admit it to himself and me now and are still thinking very much about everything. At the end he is writing that he hopes this message will give me some answers and help him as well, he just needed to tell me how he was feeling. And if i would say hello to my family from him, and i always will be in his heart. (This is not the whole message, but the message is very sweet all the way though and he expresses a lot of feelings and is very honest)

 

 

ANY thought about this? I WANT him back. Should i initiate something? Our friends say i should because he is a big chicken and wouldn't do it himself even if he wanted me back (and they think he will - im not so sure on the other hand), and besides he knows i'm seeing someone else... (rebound... yes i know, not good....)

 

 

Do i have a chance? Any thoughts will be appriciated. Sorry for the spelling and the long post.

[Justme1977]

Go for it. Life is short. Keep us posted.

[GoBlue]

I was with you right up to the end where you casually mention, "besides, he knows I'm seeing someone else." Ummmmm, is this how you handle all of your relationships? You are heartbroken over the loss of your boyfriend, but you move onto someone else anyway. While you are with this other person, you initiate contact with and pine over the ex-boyfriend. What is it that he is supposed to believe? I am completely confused myself. How old are you?

 

There seems to be some kind of relational issue that you have that has not been stated. Have you considered going to see a counselor to work through some of these issues? Inherent problems do not get resolved when you leave one relationship and move right into another. They don't even get resolved when and if you get back with your boyfriend. These issues need to be confronted and worked on intentionally. There is a lot about this whole relationship that has been left off and I really don't know what is best. If you and your ex-boyfriend really are as miserable as you say you are by being apart then what do you have to lose by being honest and open with him? Good luck. I hope this all works out.

[aloneinaz]

Aw, young love.. You're not providing what you did to be that "bad GF"? If he dumped you over it and then has been rude since, why recycle going back to what was a bad R/S?

 

 

You're both at an age (I'm assuming) that you should be dating and seeing others or sowing your oats. You've already jumped into another R/S even though you "love" your previous BF?

 

 

As the other poster suggested, if you're doing stupid things in relationships, you should address those issues before swinging from one relationship to the next then back to the old one.

 

 

You need to decide what's the best course to take. Getting back with the previous guy may be VERY short lived. Reconciliations don't last long, especially at your age. He may not be very forgiving that you swung out of his arms, right into another dudes..

[quattrob]

I can't say I respect the decisions you make especially how you "use" others for your own selfish reasons. Using others to help you cope is fine but having a relationship (Rebound) to help you cope is another level which I do not agree and respect at all. With a mind and heart like yours now, you should not and don't deserve to be in any kind of love relationship.

 

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just saying how it is. There are just too many people like you that would do something like having a rebound relationship because they are weak and can't go through the pain of breaking up. And you will learn that by going into any kind of relationship when you haven't truly moved on, it will only dig yourself a bigger hole filled with guilt.

 

 

Break up with the guy that you're rebounding with before you even think of getting back with your ex.