Dylanice Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 My girlfriend and I broke up originally 5 months ago. Things were not great but still her ending it seemed sudden. I tried my hardest to reconcile and for ages she was not interested. Fast forward a few months and I am staying with her were doing fun stuff but nothing official. I noticed her diary and something inside of me... Things were not adding up and I had to understand more. Completely wrong but what I found I felt somewhat justified. She was cheating on me with the guy who was staying with her. She had failed to tell me for months but still had fun with both me and him. We have attempted to sort this but really not easy. I discovered her Facebook password and checked on that too as I wondered what else she had lied to me about. It was Pandoras box I felt reassured nothing was still going on but also didn't fully trust her yet to not check. I actually did stop checking diary/Facebook a few weeks back but a friend who I confided shared that I knew her Facebook and read her diary more then once. The friend believes she is doing me a favour by taking dishonesty out of the picture but I am angry at her as that was not her call to make. The girlfriend (yes we decided to give it another go) is now rightfully furious I have been invading her privacy and believes I also now have to earn her trust back. I know I was wrong invading that space but it brought me comfort. I want to return her privacy but don't believe this discredits her cheating and lying to me. All very messy what can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
dg2302 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Honestly, she's the one who needs to earn your trust back. She cheated on you, not the other way around. If she wants to be in a committed relationship with you, then she should never hide anything from you. I'm all about second chances and forgiveness, but there are boundaries that have to be set and being fully transparent is of major importance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dylanice Posted July 28, 2015 Author Share Posted July 28, 2015 Honestly, she's the one who needs to earn your trust back. She cheated on you, not the other way around. If she wants to be in a committed relationship with you, then she should never hide anything from you. I'm all about second chances and forgiveness, but there are boundaries that have to be set and being fully transparent is of major importance. Agreed she still has to earn my trust back for sure a lot more but has she lost her right to privacy if she wants to try again? Surely were all meant to have that private side that should be private? So confused Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Agreed she still has to earn my trust back for sure a lot more but has she lost her right to privacy if she wants to try again? Surely were all meant to have that private side that should be private? So confused In a REAL relationship, everything should be transparent. There should be no secrets, especially on social media, with other friends, where you spent your time, etc. While you should haven't been snooping in her stuff, she should have offered and showed it to you, and same with you, if she wants to know. Yes, she has to earn YOUR trust again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stupidkittten Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Once you cheat, you lose the right to privacy and the fact that she would even act like you're doing something wrong makes me question if she's doing enough to try to fix it. I honestly don't think you've done anything wrong and I'd probably leave someone who had the nerve to get mad at me for "invading their privacy" after they cheated. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 There is no hope for this relationship. Neither of you trusts the other and you've both stooped to deceit. It will not get any better and you're just wasting your time trying to convince yourself that she's not who she is. Just end it and move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Her cheating was bad. You reading her diary was bad. But they were bad in different ways. You don't trust each other at this point. Trying to stay together when you have already crumbled the foundation of your relationship is more trouble then it's worth 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Her cheating was bad. You reading her diary was bad. But they were bad in different ways. You don't trust each other at this point. Trying to stay together when you have already crumbled the foundation of your relationship is more trouble then it's worth Disagree.... People can ALWAYS reconcile, but it will have to come from both sides and will take some work. Probably worth a chance. Set ground rules and parameters, and have a transparent relationship... nothing hidden. And see how it goes. As time goes on you can rebuild trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 She cheated. You thought something was up do to her shady behavior and you looked. Your wasting your time. Dump her. She will just do it again if you stay with her. Never stay with a cheater. Who cares if you read her diary. She shouldn't have been shady in the first place to even question it. C 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 She cheated. You thought something was up do to her shady behavior and you looked. Your wasting your time. Dump her. She will just do it again if you stay with her. Never stay with a cheater. Who cares if you read her diary. She shouldn't have been shady in the first place to even question it. C I think we need more info to make those statements... why she cheated, and the details of their relationship. While I'm not condoning cheating, we all make mistakes that can affect a relationship, and we can all make amends. Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Move on to someone with honor and integrity. Why stay with someone with this much drama and distrust especially before marriage and kids? She cheated...lost her right to privacy...and you will never trust her again, and you probably shouldn't. If you have to track down your gf like she is some criminal, she probably is bad for you and toxic for your mental health. My advice is break up, find someone better, which would be most women, G 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Disagree.... People can ALWAYS reconcile, but it will have to come from both sides and will take some work. Probably worth a chance. Set ground rules and parameters, and have a transparent relationship... nothing hidden. And see how it goes. As time goes on you can rebuild trust. only when they've gotten past the issues which drove them apart. These two haven't. He just opened up a fresh wound and completely undermined his own high road. It's just best for him to cut his losses and get rid of the drama in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 only when they've gotten past the issues which drove them apart. These two haven't. He just opened up a fresh wound and completely undermined his own high road. It's just best for him to cut his losses and get rid of the drama in his life. You make a good point, but it all depends on how strongly he (and she) will feel about making it work. It this is a short term, semi serious, ya... cut the rope. Link to post Share on other sites
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