So my ex wants us to be friends?

[Lolita_Sky]

He wants us to be friends as a way to start over. He said that we never know what could happen.

 

We both did/said some bad things to each other and well I guess in his own way he wants to stay in contact.

 

 

I think he wants to get back together but he's afraid of this whole drama thing happening again.

 

What actions should I take in order for this not to go down the wrong road? I've already made up my mind that I'm not sleeping with him. If he just wants to be friends then fine but I'm definitely not going to compromise my self respect and dignity just by getting scraps from him.

 

Something tells me in order to get him back I'll have to cut contact to the bare minimum. I feel like I'm thinking very level headed about this and it's not something I'm getting caught up in.

 

I know there's a possibility that we won't even get back together. However because he wants to stay in contact I believe it means he doesn't want me out of his life...yet.

 

So there's a 50/50 chance here. And I know it solely depends on how well I play my cards.

 

Any advice you guys would really help.

[kendahke]

What actions should I take in order for this not to go down the wrong road?

 

Stay off that road.

 

I've already made up my mind that I'm not sleeping with him. If he just wants to be friends then fine but I'm definitely not going to compromise my self respect and dignity just by getting scraps from him.

 

Something tells me in order to get him back I'll have to cut contact to the bare minimum. I feel like I'm thinking very level headed about this and it's not something I'm getting caught up in.

 

I know there's a possibility that we won't even get back together. However because he wants to stay in contact I believe it means he doesn't want me out of his life...yet.

 

So there's a 50/50 chance here. And I know it solely depends on how well I play my cards.

 

Any advice you guys would really help.

 

Being friends means you listen to them talk about the new girl who has spun his head around. Do you want to take that demotion and add insult to the injury by listening to him go on about a new girl?

 

Understand that he may be wanting to be friends with you as a way to make him feel better about how he broke things off with you. It may not have anything to do with you or having you in his life.

[goldway90]

Let's fix the title for you ' So my ex wants me as backup plan? "

 

Honestly it won't work, you'll get hurt in the long run.NC and heal.

[Lolita_Sky]

Let's fix the title for you ' So my ex wants me as backup plan? "

 

Honestly it won't work, you'll get hurt in the long run.NC and heal.

 

I was thinking this earlier this morning when I was doing an early morning run.

 

He texted me last night. I have yet to respond. I'd been thinking if I even wanted to go down this road that I'd be better off leaving things as they are.

 

If he truly wanted to be with me and right the wrongs he's made he'd have said that. However nothing like that ever came out of his mouth. As a matter of fact he's still on his online dating site. I found out yesterday when I signed onto mine to delete it. Decided I'm going to focus on myself.

 

Any way my point is that he may have more problems than just one. For him to do me the way he did and then get back on the drawing board like that.

 

He's totally aware of his mistake however it doesn't sound like he's wanting to change himself and fix this flaw is my point. So he's back on this dating site with this HUGE flaw that he clearly needs to fix. Hey its whatever though.

 

I've had enough time to realize that he wasn't as great a guy I thought he was. He'll come across the same problems in his next relationship.

[Lolita_Sky]

Stay off that road.

 

 

 

Being friends means you listen to them talk about the new girl who has spun his head around. Do you want to take that demotion and add insult to the injury by listening to him go on about a new girl?

 

Understand that he may be wanting to be friends with you as a way to make him feel better about how he broke things off with you. It may not have anything to do with you or having you in his life.

 

I never intended to either. If he doesn't know he'll know soon that I'm not that type of person. I don't put up with bs. I respect my self far too much to be treated like that. He doesn't even have any female friends. All his friends are males. So I know it's just bs. I kind of feel like in order for him to realize how great a catch I was I'd have to make him miss me. So I think removing myself from the picture is the best bet.

 

I thought about this while running this morning. He can't miss me while I'm always in his face.

 

And even then he still may not want me back. I just have to focus on myself and do good to myself. The rest will follow.

[Lolita_Sky]

We have officially cut ties.

 

I called him up and told him we should no longer keep in touch. He feels given the things that transpired between us the damage has been done and irreversible. I mean even though he felt like he didn't want to hear from me he'd still pick up and or return my calls.

 

I told him that because of the things that happened last weekend it has taught me a lot. That the behavior he displayed was truly unique in the sense that I'd never experienced that before. Said it was a huge eye opener for me. That behavior like that is what makes a person hesitant to commit to a person. It was a huge eye opener for me and because of that I thanked him. That it taught me a lot and that next time around I'll be a lot more careful. He got very very quiet. He didn't know what to say. Which is saying a lot for him because he always has something to say. I continued and told him that I'd wish him all the best in life and to take care.

 

He simply said he wishes the same for me as well.

Edited July 26, 2015 by Lolita_Sky

[mimiMobile]

I guess it depends how long ago you two broke up and if your intentions are to get back together. I assume they are. So I would advise to take a break with NC, a few weeks and see how you feel.

 

A little story of one of my good friends that recently married her ex -- they were together for several years and broke up. She was devastated. Even though they stayed friends, she said what helped bring him back most was completely disappearing for a few weeks and letting him truly miss her. He ended up coming back full force. But they were broken up for a few years as an FYI. I think she even dated someone seriously during that period and when talks of engagement started surfacing, her best friend / ex came back and proposed because he was afraid of losing her.

 

I don't think there is a cookie cutter way of going about these things. But I would 100% take a break for a few weeks to focus on you.

[Lolita_Sky]

I guess it depends how long ago you two broke up and if your intentions are to get back together. I assume they are. So I would advise to take a break with NC, a few weeks and see how you feel.

 

A little story of one of my good friends that recently married her ex -- they were together for several years and broke up. She was devastated. Even though they stayed friends, she said what helped bring him back most was completely disappearing for a few weeks and letting him truly miss her. He ended up coming back full force. But they were broken up for a few years as an FYI. I think she even dated someone seriously during that period and when talks of engagement started surfacing, her best friend / ex came back and proposed because he was afraid of losing her.

 

I don't think there is a cookie cutter way of going about these things. But I would 100% take a break for a few weeks to focus on you.

Thank you very much for responding.

 

I have already cut ties with him. I feel the last words I spoke to him left him with something to think about. If he feels he wants to give us another go then he knows what to do. I only cut ties because he said with his own words that because of what transpired between us that we've reached a "dead end" that there isn't anything else to be done. So I told him then we should no longer stay in touch. He agreed. I wished him the best he wished me the same in turn.

 

I believe the best way to handle things like this is as gracefully as possible. Maybe with time he'll realize he lost a great catch...I don't know however I'm not going to stay stuck on it.

 

I've already made peace with it and am taking steps to move on.

 

Thanks again for your response!