Haerts Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Been dating for about 9 months and I always noticed some bad behavior from my boyfriend. Never knew whether it was my insecurity bringing back old baggage into my current relationship (like I was expecting too much from him) or if he simply wasn't a good guy. 3 weeks ago, I was made sure that I've never been the problem; he was. He confessed he used to flirt with other girls (while dating me), pay drinks to them when he went out without me, and also confessed he lied about some stuff and hid some important things from me. Since the start, I couldn't trust him completely, I didn't know why, but my guts were always suspecting. Now that I know why, I can't trust him at all. I broke up with him. He came back begging, crying and swearing he would never do these things again. He said he was confused, said everything was moving so quickly, but he also said that it's been months since he did these things he told me and that he's a better person now, that he's sure of what he wants and that is: stay with me forever, build a life together, have a family, etc (which he's been always telling me since the start; even during his confusion). We're back, but I have to admit I have absolutely ZERO trust on him. I'm always suspecting everything. I'm now an extremely jealous person. I know he's trying very hard, I am too, but I can't get over the fact he did those things once. I need some help. Should I even continue investing time into this relationship and try to rebuild the trust? Or should I break up for good? I can't see a happy future with him right now, but I know I still love him very much. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm sorry... how old are you guys...? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haerts Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm 24, he's 22. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Move on. You're young, and there are plenty of really cool guys out there who will love you and never have to work to prove that. Seriously: This is not a long-term relationship. Once the trust is gone, it will take him at least 2 years of diligent, open transparency for him to regain your trust. At your age, with the world at your door - do you really want to work that hard? If you knew the date of your death, is he the guy you'd want to spend the interim time, with? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haerts Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 If you knew the date of your death, is he the guy you'd want to spend the interim time, with? I don't know. My closest friends with whom I shared what happened also say I should move on. They're all like "you know it's bad, you know what's going on, you know what to do, but you're so blind you still insist in something that's been long gone already". I don't even know why I love him. My heart says I should stay, but my mind is like "run away from him ASAP". Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Listen to your mind. It can predict what pain feels like. hearts are the worst things to listen to. They're the rosy-spec bits that get broken, remember? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I would say no, liars will always be liars, those type of lies are to cover his nasty acts, as a cheater, they are not what you will call "good thought lies". A relationship where there's no trust, can never work, you will always be wondering if... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Haerts Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 We've broken up. Today I was feeling down 'cause of his indiscretion. It's been haunting me since the day he told me about it. I tried to keep it for myself, so we wouldn't fight, but he noticed something was wrong and I told him what it was about. I said I was having a difficult time trying to forget everything. Instead of helping me feel better or reassure me everything will be eventually okay, he got upset. We had a fight. He said he was very tired of me not trusting him. He said he was tired of me reminding him of his mistakes. And he said that even though that happens, he's still with me. That was enough to make me finally realize how bad this relationship has turned. I can't believe he actually tried to blame me, or make me feel guilty, like I'm the problem. OBVIOUSLY I'm not going to trust him after everything he did. OBVIOUSLY every now and then I'm going to get sad when I think of what he did. If he can't help me get through the **** that HE DID and be patient til everything gets better, why should I bother to do it alone? So I said I'm done and told him to leave me alone. Until now, he's done that. I hope it stays that way. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Read the No Contact Guide and implement it. Seriously, he forced your hand and put you in an untenable position. He behaved like a jerk, projecting things onto you. So now he pays the price. Good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 follow your heart and in that dont settle for less than you deserve regardless of how much you love him....be honest with him on how you feel and expect him to do the same tell him that....everyone deserves a chance...so let him know this is his only chance.....and your heart knows best on whether he deserves it or not in my opinion...you make your choices in life based on what you know what you feel and where you want your life to go...none of us can know all that or feel what you feel........but you do.........so write a list from your heart of all his positives and the negatives and read it from your heart...if you get a heart sinking feeling..its time to let go if you feel optimism .....try to really trust that he is being truthful with you now and give it that chance to work.......good luck.....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Warriors Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 You don't have to move on because your "young." Perhaps you could forgive him for making a mistake. My parents have been together since they were 19, so follow your heart. A forever lasting relationship go through different phases. You have to get through rough times like these if you want something to last. People on here will tell you to move on over anything that goes wrong. Try working through your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 "I have absolutely ZERO trust on him" This relationship doesn't stand a chance, there's no trust what's the point to have a bf if you need to keep tabs on him? Link to post Share on other sites
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