Im close to winning my Ex-GF back. Or am I?

[Warriors]

Two weeks ago from tomorrow my Girlfriend broke up with me after a month strong of constant arguing and her increasingly becoming more angry, distant, cold, mean, being pushed further and further away until she suddenly broke up with me. Because she couldn't take it no more.

 

I know what it takes to be an amazing boyfriend. I've been an amazing boyfriend to the wrong girls. My current girlfriend (or ex) has been the closest person to me for years and we had some incredible times over the past year as a couple. I took her for granted a lot of the time. Lets just say I could of been so much better of a boyfriend to her considering how much she loved me, cared about me more than any female I've ever been with.

 

==========================

==========================

 

CURRENT SITUATION

 

We been broken up for two weeks. I've been trying my best to win my love back as quikly as possible. I don't want to continue things months later, years later but to fix things within a month. Before either of us moved on..

 

I haven't been talking to any females (she respects this) to show my loyalty is still to her by heart. That Im trying to continue our relationship and treating the situation as if it's something were going through.

 

Meanwhile, she is the dumper and in her mind has made her decision when she blocked me on social media after posting selfies and added all of her old guy friends and guys around town. Im probably not the only guy she's talking to right now. This will be difficult to talk her into dropping communication with these guys if were getting back together. These guys have no intentions other than sleeping with her or dating her so I think out of respect of being with someone you love, you should drop communication with them for the relationship. That isn't being controlling.

 

The first few days of the breakup were bad for me and anytime we talked there was crying, yelling, arguing, hanging up ect. We have had limited contact but have talked every single day at least once.

 

She claims she's not talking to anyone (like that) she's slept with me on the phone the past 4 nights. Though, we are not in a relationship. We aren't together right now. She's leaving that open for me to prove something to her to make her want to be with me again. "Not words, but actions" She told me to ask one of her friends for advice.

 

I talked to one of her friends she said give her time, make it up to her by doing something as small - send her flowers. And so I did.. Them flowers were to be delivered to her door today (July 21st) she hasn't been home since the morning so hasn't gotten them if they came in.

 

She claims this is something were just going through for now, but the sooner I fix this the better...

 

So Im lost what to do here, because she wont accept me back until I made an effort to show that I actually want her back instead of just words.

 

I feel as if it isn't in her heart to be back together but she's talking about giving me that chance, being back together as soon as I proven to her that I changed and actually want her back with actions...

 

Is she playing a game ? What is my best move here to win my girl back ?

Edited July 21, 2015 by Warriors

[wizer]

Maybe you oughta go back and read your first thread on this exact same subject.

 

You were given loads of great advice and you didn't take any of it, and here you are once again, asking for advice.

 

The almost unanimous advice you were given on the other thread was to back off, give her space, don't be so needy, clingy, and show her that you are strong and independent and can get along without her.

 

You have done anything BUT that. In fact you have maintained that your strategy from day one was to keep contacting her until your "anniversary weekend" and if she failed to come around in time for you to spend the weekend with her, you'd go "no contact" as advised until and unless she agreed to reconcile.

 

Yet here you are, still contacting her each and every day.

 

You've abandoned your original strategy and you haven't taken any of the advice offered. You continue to chase your tail trying to "win her back:" and that is the exact opposite of what you need to be doing at this point, and it's a shame, because ultimately you will LOSE and this one might have been salvageable had you taken a different approach.

 

Good luck man. You're going to need it because you aren't doing anything to better your situation.

[Warriors]

Maybe you oughta go back and read your first thread on this exact same subject.

 

You were given loads of great advice and you didn't take any of it, and here you are once again, asking for advice.

 

The almost unanimous advice you were given on the other thread was to back off, give her space, don't be so needy, clingy, and show her that you are strong and independent and can get along without her.

 

You have done anything BUT that. In fact you have maintained that your strategy from day one was to keep contacting her until your "anniversary weekend" and if she failed to come around in time for you to spend the weekend with her, you'd go "no contact" as advised until and unless she agreed to reconcile.

 

Yet here you are, still contacting her each and every day.

 

You've abandoned your original strategy and you haven't taken any of the advice offered. You continue to chase your tail trying to "win her back:" and that is the exact opposite of what you need to be doing at this point, and it's a shame, because ultimately you will LOSE and this one might have been salvageable had you taken a different approach.

 

Good luck man. You're going to need it because you aren't doing anything to better your situation.

 

I haven't went NC because I feel the oppertunity is in front of my face to win her back before either of us were to move on. When one of us does, that kills the original relationship completely. If we ever did get into a relationship again later in life, it would be a brand new relationship.

 

I would rather quikly patch this up and continue what were doing, but prove myself with time that I can be everything she wanted me to be. That I can make up for all my mistakes. I'll never take her for granted again! In order for a relationship to last a lifetime, you have to get through situations like this. Cause life is too long, couples will fight, fall out of love, relationship in danger over whatever the situation is... You work it out.

 

Im only asking what to do, because she's leaving it open for me to "do something" to make her heart forgive me. She's shown interest in a reconcilation so I been chasing it.

[Simon Phoenix]

I haven't went NC because I feel the oppertunity is in front of my face to win her back before either of us were to move on. When one of us does, that kills the original relationship completely. If we ever did get into a relationship again later in life, it would be a brand new relationship.

 

I would rather quikly patch this up and continue what were doing, but prove myself with time that I can be everything she wanted me to be. That I can make up for all my mistakes. I'll never take her for granted again! In order for a relationship to last a lifetime, you have to get through situations like this. Cause life is too long, couples will fight, fall out of love, relationship in danger over whatever the situation is... You work it out.

 

Im only asking what to do, because she's leaving it open for me to "do something" to make her heart forgive me. She's shown interest in a reconcilation so I been chasing it.

 

So you'd rather quickly and clumsily patch up a relationship that didn't work than take time, let things settle, find yourself and build a better relationship -- whether with your ex or someone else -- on a more solid foundation? That's a really dumb thought process and, unfortunately, I think this whole thing is bound to blow up in your face.

[goldway90]

You're close to winning a place to the friendzone. You sent flowers? wait you want to fix things within a month so neither the two of you move on!

The best one is " trying to show your loyalty" while she talks male friends! dude the amount of bullsh@t and excuses you are telling yourself just unreal! You should be healing right now, you can't fix a relationship's problem within a month, this is not the notebook. What you need to do since she dumped you, go NC there's no reason for you to try too hard, she's done with you, blocked you on social media yet you keep forcing things. This will end badly, the more you try the closer you get to the friendzone. Do nothing now, NADA.

[Satu]

Everything you are doing will only, can only, make things worse.

 

Your original post reads like something somebody wrote to illustrate what not to do.

 

Back off from her, and let the poor girl breathe.

[Warriors]

Im chasing and attempting to fix this within a month because she's teasing the idea of getting back together.

 

She told me to prove myself and insulted me for "not being romantic" she hinted herself that she wanted flowers. I think she told her friend this as well (the one who she told me to talk to) that I have to do this ONE THING that will convince her to take me back. Until this is proven she's not seeing me..

 

They say don't beg or plead. Im not begging or pleading anymore. Im talking with her better.. You can tell Im the one pushing things and pressuring things.

 

In most cases this don't work, but I think she actually DOES want a hand written apology and flowers! She told me to put actions behind my words. If I want her back so bad, do something don't just talk.

 

I asked her numerous times "lets just go out , we'll talk about this in person." She says I have to prove myself before she see's me.

 

Flowers is the only thing I could think of. I spent 80 dollars on the delivery to her house. It would be the very first time I got her flowers.

 

I was just on here asking for help to win back my love, not move on..

 

I'll move on very soon if this backfires. Im not the type to chase for months on end.

Edited July 22, 2015 by Warriors

[lil hoodlum]

.. You can tell Im the one pushing things and pressuring things.

 

 

I don't like to kick someone while they are down, but it really seems that you are in the denial and bargaining phases of a break up.

 

 

Most people's reaction to being pushed and pressured is to back away.

 

 

Maybe what you are doing will work for you but in my opinion and that of others on this forum, all you are likely doing is pushing her away. Or she is enjoying the ego stroking while dangling a carrot in front of your nose.

 

 

Do you really want to be with someone who has to be pressured and pushed into a relationship?

[lolablue17]

I don't believe much about those kind of tests.

 

She wants flowers?!!!! That's what she's expecting? I don't know, but I have a strong feeling that you're being dragged into an unhealthy situation.

 

She must want you and love you without conditions. She must desire you. This is the essence of relationships. If she comes like this, I don't know... I'm afraid you'll be dumped again.

[goldway90]

She's playing you like a toy, teasing and telling you to prove yourself. are you serious?

Also you THINK she does want flowers? it's your OWN thought projected on her. Millions of people who got dumped tried the flowers thing and guess what? It didn't work! it won't work for you.

 

She wants actions, here's one tell her hey i'm tired of this **** if you don't want to be with me then f@ck it i'm gone. And move on with your life. Where's your self respect man? why are you allowing her to string you along like this?

 

You can't WIN her back if she's not interested, you're friendzoning yourself. The way i see it, you're going to push and try to force things, you'll get " Oh i'm so confused, i have a lot of stuff in my life right now...." Then you're hanging out untill her new love comes and give her a passionate kiss with you watching. Of course you'll be smiling, and happy for her of course at the end of the day you're just a FRIEND.

[wizer]

Every single post, is once again telling you to stop letting her play games with your head, and to back off and go no contact.

 

And here you are maintaining that you are going to do whatever you're gonna do, even though it's clear that it's not working and it's never going to work.

 

Please update us on what you decide to do and how it works out for you.

 

Maybe you'll be the one situation where doing everything wrong actually works.

[Warriors]

Your right guys, the flowers didn't win her back.... It wasn't going to be that easy! Even though they caught her off guard last night, this was the first time I actually heard happiness behind her voice in a while. This wasn't a fake happy neither just to not hurt me. I would be able to tell if she was fronting. She really liked the flowers. I got upset when she started going into how "the flowers made my night, but it's not going to fix our problems. My heart needs to heal and forgive you." and I started getting frusturated. i broke down. Haven't cried in days but if I went back to last night on the phone, I would of held back the tears cause it just made me look pathetic. We argued for like 8 minutes but ended up sleeping on the phone together.

 

She was the most loyal girlfriend I've ever had. There's no person who's been closest to me these past few years, there's no girl who fell for me harder and loved me as much as she has - She was never a liar or a shady character, but now she's playing games. Playing with my head...

 

I was asking what's my best approach and move here to win my girlfriend back?

I would like for it to be as soon as possible. But everything is saying my only chance is disappearing, walking away. Then maybe a month from now things will re-connect even if that blows that this summer I was supposed to be sharing with her.

 

Things she's doing that's messing with my head.

 

- hot / cold, she goes off and on from seeming interested in working things out, then going cold distant mean and doesn't care. One moment she's talking about us meeting up, then she's back to saying Im not ready to see you, need time to heal.

 

- sleeping with me on the phone past few nights.

 

- She said "this is just something were going through, and hopefully it isn't permanent. The sooner you prove yourself, the better." the line that has me hooked on chasing the most.

 

- She talks about chances of reconcilation before Summer is over. Said "hopefully you change your act before your birthday" (which is in two weeks) But it all depends when she suddenly decides, since now I tried everything to win her back didn't work.

 

- She never says there's no chance, never tells me to **** off it's over and completely ignored me telling me there's no way were getting back together! She hasn't given me this kind of rejection. Instead she seems to be enjoying me chasing her. Cause she's in complete control of the situation, Im in her hands she decides what to do with me.

 

- Last night she told me to "Behave" as in don't talk to other girls. Meanwhile Im blocked from her facebook and Im 90% sure she's most likely talking to other dudes she used to talk to before we was together, promoting herself online (fishing) possibly for a replacement. But doesn't want me with any other girls. She says she's not talking anybody but I know her when she's single. I highly doubt that.

 

Meanwhile Im eating less, depressed, angry, called out of work twice the past two weeks. Thats why I started crying last night because my life has revolved around getting my girl back. I don't know how much longer I can do this before I have to force myself to change my heart, start seeing other girls. I'd rather of not had to go down this path before reconcilation if it does happen.

[lil hoodlum]

Yep! The more you push her for reconcillation and pressure her, the more she keeps you at arms legnth away.

 

 

Doesn't that sound about right?

 

 

Do you really want to be with someone who you have to push and pressure into being in a relationship with you?

 

 

Warriors, I know how much you think of this girl and desperately want to work things out, but all of this scheming and hoop jumping just isn't working out for you buddy. Can't you see that?

 

 

Have some self-respect and just walk away. She asked for space and all you have done is pushed, pressured her, and then get upset when things don't work out as you hoped for. It really is time you take the overwhelming advice that everyone keeps telling you and just walk away from all of this.

 

 

I know it is so hard to just walk away when you feel so strongly for someone, but please do it. If she really wants to be with you and to work things out with you she will put forth the effort to do so. Until then, you are only just beating a dead horse.

[LeslieKnope]

She's leaving that open for me to prove something to her to make her want to be with me again. "Not words, but actions" She told me to ask one of her friends for advice.

 

Actual girl talking here: flowers are a lovely gesture, but I'm wondering if you've really considered what she's asking you to do to reconcile. What was happening that was causing the arguments to begin with? Were you nit-picking each other? Not supportive of each other? Accusing each other of things?

 

That's where you start. She doesn't want to go back to a situation where you're inevitably fighting again. So think back and ask yourself: what were the triggers? How much of a role did you have in creating the conflict? What about her role?

[LeslieKnope]

Also, just an addendum: I agree with everyone here about not being pushy/needy. If she says she needs time and space, give it to her!

 

Reflection is a good thing.

[goldway90]

Meanwhile Im eating less, depressed, angry, called out of work twice the past two weeks. Thats why I started crying last night because my life has revolved around getting my girl back. I don't know how much longer I can do this before I have to force myself to change my heart, start seeing other girls. I'd rather of not had to go down this path before reconcilation if it does happen.

Basically you are a mess right now. Stop contacting her, it doesn't matter if she slept with you on the phone, that's not the biggest achievement of all times. If you took time away from her and done NC you'd be in better shape. Even if you reconcile it will blow in your face weeks later, why? because you didn't take time to heal and get yourself in better shape. Right now you are in the friendzone, no flowers or sleeping on the phone will get you out of there. You can't be her lover and friend at the same time, aand you don't let her toy with you like this. You are like a submissive little girl ( no offense ladies) but she told you to " behave" WHAT? the two of you are broken up you have the right to talk to any girl. Be a man and stand up for yourself.

[Satu]

Warrior, the best thing you can now Is to back off, and let her find her own true feelings about you and the relationship. If you keep popping up like a jack-in-the-box, you will make it really hard for her to do that.

 

Relax.

Edited July 22, 2015 by Satu

[NopeNah]

You say you want things back the way they were...This after saying you've been arguing for the past month? Then in your failed attempt with the flowers you argue?

 

Out of curiosity: How do you sleep on the phone together? Sounds creepy.

[NopeNah]

my life has revolved around getting my girl back.

Co-dependent much?

 

You need to focus on getting on with life instead of spending all your energy chasing ONE GIRL. You sound young with the "sleeping together on the phone" stuff. At first I thought you were talking about phone sex...cool! But now I'm starting to think you actually lay by both of your phones and sleep(odd at any age,btw.)..

[MidwestUSA]

Your words on July 10th:

 

"Your right, and I was going to prove her completely wrong the next time I saw her. In person our relationship is not broken. Sex life is great, just being around each other is great, last day we spent together was amazing. It's the time apart (phone routine) that sucks. If things are not repaired within the next week, then I will completely move on. Go NC and heal this broken heart. I just believe there's still a chance I can win her back immediately if I say the right things. Im not going to talk to her until tonight. She told me to give her 24 hours to think about it. I would keep limited contact over the next week if were going to work on things. I was supposed to leave to see her a week from today."

 

 

Um, I read that you've called her 'bitch, ho and slut' in the past? You weren't even out of the honeymoon period, where the hell does that come from? I'm surprised she didn't kick you to the curb long ago.

 

She's 22, has a baby and lives at home with her mother. Time for you to move on and learn how to respect women. You sound like an immature hothead. And all this ridiculous immature stuff about Facebook? Just eeeew. She knows you're not going to change. She also knows if you pathetically hang around long enough, you'll get to see her with another guy. Is that what you want?

 

Don't waste this girl's time anymore.

[Warriors]

The problem is though, that everytime she reflects recently especially when I try bringing up the past.... She only brings up the bad times! My bad qualities. I tell her when I reflect I remember the good vibes, feelings, memories and everything about her that I loved n' didn't drive me nuts. She's overlooking our good times, and what I have done for her.

 

She's leaving that open for me to prove something to her to make her want to be with me again. "Not words, but actions" She told me to ask one of her friends for advice.

 

Actual girl talking here: flowers are a lovely gesture, but I'm wondering if you've really considered what she's asking you to do to reconcile. What was happening that was causing the arguments to begin with? Were you nit-picking each other? Not supportive of each other? Accusing each other of things?

 

she wanted me to do something romantic. She loved the flowers. Obviously they aren't going to change the situation.

 

We live almost 2 hours apart so it is technically long distance. Two different area codes.. I have had a lot of trust issues because of girls I fell for that WERE actually bad women. When a gf steals money out your wallet that says a lot about her. My current ex was a great woman to me. That I messed up, took for granted.

 

I made her happy for the longest time, and she were so in love. Hard to think she wouldn't ever miss me.

Edited July 22, 2015 by Warriors

[NopeNah]

The problem is though, that everytime she reflects recently especially when I try bringing up the past.... She only brings up the bad times! My bad qualities. I tell her when I reflect I remember the good vibes, feelings, memories and everything about her that I loved n' didn't drive me nuts. She's overlooking our good times, and what I have done for her.

 

 

 

she wanted me to do something romantic. She loved the flowers. Obviously they aren't going to change the situation.

 

We live almost 2 hours apart so it is technically long distance. Two different area codes.. I have had a lot of trust issues because of girls I fell for that WERE actually bad women. When a gf steals money out your wallet that says a lot about her. My current ex was a great woman to me. That I messed up, took for granted.

 

I made her happy for the longest time, and she were so in love. Hard to think she wouldn't ever miss me.

 

Sometimes I think psych students come here for their assignments. This is one of those times.

 

Either move on or prepare for a TPO from this girl. She does not want you around her..period! You "sleep on the phone together"...Insanity!

 

How old are you and were you born without a backbone?

[Simon Phoenix]

The problem is though, that everytime she reflects recently especially when I try bringing up the past.... She only brings up the bad times! My bad qualities. I tell her when I reflect I remember the good vibes, feelings, memories and everything about her that I loved n' didn't drive me nuts. She's overlooking our good times, and what I have done for her.

 

 

 

she wanted me to do something romantic. She loved the flowers. Obviously they aren't going to change the situation.

 

We live almost 2 hours apart so it is technically long distance. Two different area codes.. I have had a lot of trust issues because of girls I fell for that WERE actually bad women. When a gf steals money out your wallet that says a lot about her. My current ex was a great woman to me. That I messed up, took for granted.

 

I made her happy for the longest time, and she were so in love. Hard to think she wouldn't ever miss me.

 

You aren't letting her reflect if you're there bringing up the past. Letting her reflect means leaving her alone and letting all the emotions settle. She brings up the bad stuff because you are being needy and pressuring her. I mean, you're pretty much your own worst enemy at this point and you're making things uncomfortable.

 

And if she does reflect and only comes up with bad things, that shows that you don't have a prayer at this. Stop trying to manipulate her into remembering what you want her to remember. Not only are you acting like a tool when you do this, but all you are doing is keeping the bad memories closer to the surface and pushing the good memories down. Eventually, the good memories will completely disappear and she'll look at you as a pushy, manipulative toolbag who doesn't respect her voice or opinion. That's the path you are headed down because you don't really seem to care about what she wants -- it's all about you and what you want.

 

You really need to stop shooting yourself in the foot. What you are doing really sucks.

[Warriors]

Honestly the entire relationship we never "slept on the phone" once. Not even one time. Only once, like the first week we ever talked in 2012 when I was drunk I fell asleep on the phone and so did she..

 

I actually do it because she likes it. I don't keep the phone by my head, I put it aside on the bed. Isn't like Im sitting there listening to her breathe. Now that I think about it, yeah it's kinda weird but I only do it because she likes to.

 

We'll see what happens. Cause as of right now anything could happen. I am planning to completely disappear this weekend. Starting tomorrow night.

 

I'll try. If she leaves me alone we wont talk at all.

[goldway90]

Seriously if we had the girlfriend here you'll get a completely different story from the one this guy is telling us. A little bird is telling me after reading his previous posts that we need to the other version