PizzaMuffin Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 So, it's been several months now since my girlfriend of a year said she wanted "a break" (Turns out she meant BREAK UP, but whatever) We've been in limited contact since, haven't spoken on the phone since a few days before Christmas. I've not once haggled her to get back together, and have done the best I can to work on my self. I've lost 50lbs, had a whole makeover, and gotten my career on track. I have to maintain contact with her due to work. She sends me a work related email last week and says "Hey, you.....(work stuff, followed by) We should meet up for drinks next time I'm in... would be good to catch up!" I'm pretty curious as to why she's reaching out now. I've wanted reconciliation for MONTHS and have had a hard time getting over her. She seems to be reaching out a bit more lately, but I don't know what her intentions are. I've played it cool and haven't bugged her, but I can honestly say she's lingered with me. It's funny how she contacts me after all these great things are going on in my life, and I completely change. Quick backstory...we've known eachother over 10 years, lost contact for a long time, started hanging out, and then started dating. It was an amazing relationship, and I thought this was the girl I'd be spending the rest of my life with. She's told me several times in the past she doesn't stay friends with exes. She still has all my pictures up on her social media sites. I'm not seeing anyone currently, and as far as I know neither is she. I did get matched up to her dating profile a few weeks ago that she hasn't logged into in a few months, so I really dunno. Thoughts? Anybody have any experience with this kind of thing? I know I'm over thinking a LOT, but I guess I'm trying to get down to the root as to why she wants to meet. More info on my story and the break up is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/508429-she-needs-break-work-her-career Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 None of us can tell you, only she knows. Maybe she saw something that reminded her of you and wants to see how you're doing as a friend, figuring you must be over things by now. Maybe she saw all the changes you made and wants to see if you've changed your personality as well and if so, she'll want to reconcile. Nobody knows, could be an amazing meet up, could be awful. It's a risk you'll have to decide if it's worth taking 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 She doesn't want to reconcile. She wants to have drinks with an old friend. She misses the friendship you used to have. She does not want the romance back. Since you do, I would not have drinks with her because it will only depress you with what you can't have. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PizzaMuffin Posted July 13, 2015 Author Share Posted July 13, 2015 I realize there is a MORE than strong chance that she doesn't want the romance back. I'm willing to accept that. Maybe I'm looking at it as an opportunity for hope in some way. What I don't understand is...why me? She's not friends with any of her exes. NONE of them. What makes me different? I thought she was doing everything she could to cut me out of her life, and then this email plops into my lap. Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 She's noticed the changes you've made, she's probably quite impressed. I would be surprised if she wasn't at least a little bit interested in dating again. My guess is she wants to get together and test the waters, see if there's any kind of spark there. Seeing as how you want to be back in a dating relationship with this girl, I don't see where turning down her invitation for drinks makes any sense. She broke up with you (if she's being honest) due to a high stress period in her life. It sounds like this past year has done you both a lot of good. I would at least explore this opportunity. It's important in a situation like this, to make sure you are staying in control of your emotions. I wouldn't tell her how you feel about her or anything like that. Just be cool. Hope it works out for you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 13, 2015 Share Posted July 13, 2015 She doesn't want to reconcile. She wants to have drinks with an old friend. She misses the friendship you used to have. She does not want the romance back. Since you do, I would not have drinks with her because it will only depress you with what you can't have. How do you KNOW this...? You write this as absolute facts... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
grokcahsevol Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 If you want to see her and know theirs a chance where it might not lead back to romance, you have to accept that and it may hurt. If you are willing to take the chance, hang out & have fun. Don't bring up labels unless she brings it up first. Of course.. this won't happen on your first "meet" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thistooshallpass21 Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Look man take a leap of faith go for it! It's been a year maybe there's a chance maybe there's no chance only she knows. So go for it but don't go in with any expectations. If you do that you won't get hurt if you get rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PizzaMuffin Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) I guess in a lot of ways I'm just hoping it's not a blank invitation. In other words, she's just reaching out to see if she still has me on a string. I only replied "Sure, that might work. Hope you're doing well" It's REALLY hard for me not to over analyze this. The fact that she suggested we go out for drinks kinda blew my mind and left me with a bunch of mixed feelings. I would have given anything to get her back, and now I'm dealing with the fear of getting hurt again, or just not knowing what exactly to expect. The other thing is the fear that she might be seeing someone else, and this is her way of telling me. I don't think she'd want to meet me if she was seeing someone else though. Eh, I'm over thinking it. There's quite a bit I've left out as well. She's been reaching out "slightly" every now and then. Leaving comments on social media, random text messages here and there, tagged me in a post on her Instagram and then took it down, and reposted without me tagged in it. She's confusing the hell outta me honestly. Edited July 14, 2015 by PizzaMuffin My spelling sucks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I guess in a lot of ways I'm just hoping it's not a blank invitation. In other words, she's just reaching out to see if she still has me on a string. I only replied "Sure, that might work. Hope you're doing well" It's REALLY hard for me not to over analyze this. The fact that she suggested we go out for drinks kinda blew my mind and left me with a bunch of mixed feelings. I would have given anything to get her back, and now I'm dealing with the fear of getting hurt again, or just not knowing what exactly to expect. The other thing is the fear that she might be seeing someone else, and this is her way of telling me. I don't think she'd want to meet me if she was seeing someone else though. Eh, I'm over thinking it. There's quite a bit I've left out as well. She's been reaching out "slightly" every now and then. Leaving comments on social media, random text messages here and there, tagged me in a post on her Instagram and then took it down, and reposted without me tagged in it. She's confusing the hell outta me honestly. If you're overanalyzing, then meeting is a bad idea. She's throwing a lot of breadcrumbs, but she's not exactly giving you any meat. I would not meet if I were you because if you are getting all twisted around about this stuff, contact is going to really mess with your head, because the odds of her coming correct -- whether it's to say she wants you back or say that you don't have a shot in hell -- aren't very high. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 If you're overanalyzing, then meeting is a bad idea. She's throwing a lot of breadcrumbs, but she's not exactly giving you any meat. I would not meet if I were you because if you are getting all twisted around about this stuff, contact is going to really mess with your head, because the odds of her coming correct -- whether it's to say she wants you back or say that you don't have a shot in hell -- aren't very high. I agree with Simon. Plus the fact that she wasn't honest with you about wanting to break up instead telling you she wanted a break. Also sounds like she just strung you along for awhile. I think you should continue with your improvements and keep doing you. I believe that if she is really interested in getting back together with you she should be more forthcoming and honest. Remember she left you so easily. Don't let her in so easily. Make her work for it and earn a second chance with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PizzaMuffin Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 I agree. I'm not wanting to just jump when she says jump. I do feel like I've been strung a long a bit, and I can't help but think she's put me on the back burner. Many questions I might never get answers to. She has zero pics of exes on her social media sites, yet I'm still up there. She's still in contact with me in a few forms or another. I want to keep working on myself, and if the time comes I'll either meet her or blow her off. It's definitely a confusing situation. I guess the fear is still inside that this might be a potential chance to reconnect and work things out. I agree with Simon. Plus the fact that she wasn't honest with you about wanting to break up instead telling you she wanted a break. Also sounds like she just strung you along for awhile. I think you should continue with your improvements and keep doing you. I believe that if she is really interested in getting back together with you she should be more forthcoming and honest. Remember she left you so easily. Don't let her in so easily. Make her work for it and earn a second chance with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 How do you KNOW this...? You write this as absolute facts... Human nature isn't that hard to divine. If she did want to get back with him, she'd have been saying "OP, I made a mistake. I want to get back together with you. We never should have broken up. Will you forgive me? Can we try again?", not "Hey, you.....(work stuff, followed by) We should meet up for drinks next time I'm in... would be good to catch up!" It's a fishing expedition because whatever she chased after didn't work out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PizzaMuffin Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 True, but I'd like to think that if she did want to get back together, she'd do it in person. I've tried to work things out with exes in the past (never like this though) and I always made sure it was face to face. I'd like to think if my ex ever did decide she wanted another shot she wouldn't do it through text/email. Human nature isn't that hard to divine. If she did want to get back with him, she'd have been saying "OP, I made a mistake. I want to get back together with you. We never should have broken up. Will you forgive me? Can we try again?", not "Hey, you.....(work stuff, followed by) We should meet up for drinks next time I'm in... would be good to catch up!" It's a fishing expedition because whatever she chased after didn't work out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 True, but I'd like to think that if she did want to get back together, she'd do it in person. I've tried to work things out with exes in the past (never like this though) and I always made sure it was face to face. I'd like to think if my ex ever did decide she wanted another shot she wouldn't do it through text/email. Just don't go in with any expectations or false hope.. It is what it is..Drinks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 True, but I'd like to think that if she did want to get back together, she'd do it in person. I've tried to work things out with exes in the past (never like this though) and I always made sure it was face to face. I'd like to think if my ex ever did decide she wanted another shot she wouldn't do it through text/email. But she'd be more direct about her motives than pussyfooting like she has. And the pictures thing doesn't matter at all. All that shows is that you are still overanalyzing and that meeting her is not going to work out well. If she truly wants to reconnect, she'll make sure you know of that desire. If she backs off because you aren't ready/are skeptical, then she really isn't too invested on reconnecting. I can see you overanalyzing and making excuses for her, which is a bad, bad combo. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 I don't think her invitation to meet up is necessarily a sign that she WANTS to get back together. However, I do think it could be a sign that she is interested in exploring the possibilities. Like I said before bro, you've made a ton of positive changes in your life over the last year. She hasn't blocked you on social media. She sees your stuff. She's wanting to meet up and see how it feels. You can do the same thing. Your attitude and expectation is what will be important here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 .Your attitude and expectation is what will be important here. I say you should hit up the costume store and get the best rapper outfit they have(big chains, a "grill",sideways hat,ect..) Stroll in with the pimp walk and when you approach her at the bar, just start spitting out some "gangster slang"..do that for about 5min and revert back to your normal self. Please do this and report back! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PizzaMuffin Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 HAHAHA! It wouldn't be too unlike me to show up in a random costume, that's for friggin' sure. I say you should hit up the costume store and get the best rapper outfit they have(big chains, a "grill",sideways hat,ect..) Stroll in with the pimp walk and when you approach her at the bar, just start spitting out some "gangster slang"..do that for about 5min and revert back to your normal self. Please do this and report back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PizzaMuffin Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 True, true. It's the part of going in without expectations that I'm trying to get over now. There's always that lingering amount of hope, so I need to work on getting past it. And since I am an actor, I could just try and fake my way through it and act as if nothings wrong. Preeeeetty sure she might see through that though. Ah well! I don't think her invitation to meet up is necessarily a sign that she WANTS to get back together. However, I do think it could be a sign that she is interested in exploring the possibilities. Like I said before bro, you've made a ton of positive changes in your life over the last year. She hasn't blocked you on social media. She sees your stuff. She's wanting to meet up and see how it feels. You can do the same thing. Your attitude and expectation is what will be important here. Link to post Share on other sites
CalvinM Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 So, it's been several months now since my girlfriend of a year said she wanted "a break" (Turns out she meant BREAK UP, but whatever) We've been in limited contact since, haven't spoken on the phone since a few days before Christmas. I've not once haggled her to get back together, and have done the best I can to work on my self. I've lost 50lbs, had a whole makeover, and gotten my career on track. I have to maintain contact with her due to work. She sends me a work related email last week and says "Hey, you.....(work stuff, followed by) We should meet up for drinks next time I'm in... would be good to catch up!" I'm pretty curious as to why she's reaching out now. I've wanted reconciliation for MONTHS and have had a hard time getting over her. She seems to be reaching out a bit more lately, but I don't know what her intentions are. I've played it cool and haven't bugged her, but I can honestly say she's lingered with me. It's funny how she contacts me after all these great things are going on in my life, and I completely change. Quick backstory...we've known eachother over 10 years, lost contact for a long time, started hanging out, and then started dating. It was an amazing relationship, and I thought this was the girl I'd be spending the rest of my life with. She's told me several times in the past she doesn't stay friends with exes. She still has all my pictures up on her social media sites. I'm not seeing anyone currently, and as far as I know neither is she. I did get matched up to her dating profile a few weeks ago that she hasn't logged into in a few months, so I really dunno. Thoughts? Anybody have any experience with this kind of thing? I know I'm over thinking a LOT, but I guess I'm trying to get down to the root as to why she wants to meet. More info on my story and the break up is here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/508429-she-needs-break-work-her-career Yes. Cancel. It'll do absolutely no good seeing her again. She'll throw your heart in a blender. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 True, but I'd like to think that if she did want to get back together, she'd do it in person. I've tried to work things out with exes in the past (never like this though) and I always made sure it was face to face. I'd like to think if my ex ever did decide she wanted another shot she wouldn't do it through text/email. Wouldn't she have said "I'd like to talk with you about something..." if she wanted to reconcile with you, not some innocuous "Hey, you... We should meet up for drinks next time I'm in... would be good to catch up"? She's not even making a specific time to talk to you, which leads me to believe that it's not about reconciling. I wouldn't get my hopes up. I'd ask her what she wanted to talk about and if she kept it vague, I'd decline the offer, get off the phone and block her so I could get on with my life. I think she's just yanking your chain with her non committal message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 HAHAHA! It wouldn't be too unlike me to show up in a random costume, that's for friggin' sure. Shock and awe,Dawg!! Dat's how we pamp's does deez streets,yo! Link to post Share on other sites
lil hoodlum Posted July 14, 2015 Share Posted July 14, 2015 Wouldn't she have said "I'd like to talk with you about something..." if she wanted to reconcile with you, not some innocuous "Hey, you... We should meet up for drinks next time I'm in... would be good to catch up"? She's not even making a specific time to talk to you, which leads me to believe that it's not about reconciling. I wouldn't get my hopes up. I'd ask her what she wanted to talk about and if she kept it vague, I'd decline the offer, get off the phone and block her so I could get on with my life. I think she's just yanking your chain with her non committal message. I agree with kendahke! It doesn't sound like your ex has been honest and forth coming. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PizzaMuffin Posted July 14, 2015 Author Share Posted July 14, 2015 I can absolutely agree with this. I'm keeping the idea of the meeting open to see if there is actually anything worth salvaging (Friendship or otherwise) My curiosity is mildly peaked, maybe hers is too. The other thing is wondering if she's wanting to apologize for the crappy way she handled things at the end by just avoiding an actual breakup , and doing this "Break for a week or two" non-sense. I don't know. I'm also realizing I'm much more forgiving than most, and willing to give people the benefit of a doubt. But I CAN'T go through this again. All in all I'm just wanting to take back my power and move forward with my life, with her or without her in it. Wouldn't she have said "I'd like to talk with you about something..." if she wanted to reconcile with you, not some innocuous "Hey, you... We should meet up for drinks next time I'm in... would be good to catch up"? She's not even making a specific time to talk to you, which leads me to believe that it's not about reconciling. I wouldn't get my hopes up. I'd ask her what she wanted to talk about and if she kept it vague, I'd decline the offer, get off the phone and block her so I could get on with my life. I think she's just yanking your chain with her non committal message. Link to post Share on other sites
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