CatalinSt Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Its been four days since my BU. Unlike a lot of people here the reason for the breakup was my fault. You see I was so insecure and scared that I kept a secret from my boyfriend, which he eventually found out. I kept from him that I was still married to my ex even though separated, because I didn't know how to say it, and I was scared he would leave me. This ate at him over a few months until he could no longer be with me because he didn't trust me. Im heartbroken and a mess. I love this man with all of my heart, and can't see my life without him. I can truly say I didn't know what love was until him. I wish he would understand that I'm only human and not perfect. I made a mistake, but he isn't perfect either right? That if our love is so strong and were so happy together we can't let something like this ruin everything we've built. I spilled my heart to him even though I know I probably won't change his mind. I will forever beat myself up knowing I ruined not only my happiness, but his too. He told me how much he.loved me and how.he knew what he had and wouldn't do anything to mess this up, so why isn't he willing to fight for our love like I am and give me a second chance? If there's anything with fighting for its our relationship and love for eachother, because I know we won't find this kind of love in anyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Did he think you were divorced or single, never married? How long were you together? Give him some time to process it and come to terms with the deception. He may decide he can forgive and work towards the relationship or he may never be able to get over it. You have to give him space but you can't put your life on hold for the possibility that he may come back. Best wishes! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CatalinSt Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 He knew I had an ex but I didnt have contact with him. He was my past not my present. We were together about a year, which I know.is.not that long, but we lived together, did everthing together, had a routine together. Im hoping giving him space helps, but I know hes not the second chance type. He had many flaws and wasnt perfect. I wish he had the unconditional understanding live I have for him Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Sorry but marital status is a deal breaker. You didn't accidently forget to tell him because it slipped your mind. You chose to hide this info because you gambled that you could make him fall so deeply in love with you that when you came clean he'd be so smitten it wouldn't matter. You lost that bet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 I wish he would understand that I'm only human and not perfect. I made a mistake, but he isn't perfect either right? That if our love is so strong and were so happy together we can't let something like this ruin everything we've built. Im sure he's not perfect and he knows you aren't perfect but you were very deceptive to him and to some people, deception and the lack of trust that goes with it is the ultimate dealbreaker. As a guy reading your story, I don't care how wonderful you are, or how much in love with you I might be, to live a lie like this would mean the end of the relationship as soon as I found out. It says a lot about you and the type of person you are to mislead him like that, he's probably thinking what else will she or has she lied about. Without trust there is nothing to base a relationship on. Respect his wishes, and accept that this one is over. Next time, don't keep the truth from someone you love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CatalinSt Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 True and I understand what I did. Ive never lied to him about anything else. But I messed things up and now I have to deal with the consequences. Its so sad and frustrating that one mistake can ruin everything. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 "I'm only human" is a weak excuse. If anything, "I'm just human" means that "unlike an animal I can consciously make decisions", and your decision to keep this detail secret was obviously a bad one. Why don't you show your BF that you're committed to him? What's keeping you from divorcing your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CatalinSt Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 I will. I have to wait a certain amount of time in my state. I have realized that there's no way to fix this. I'm going to do someone said and respect his wishes. Doesn't mean it won't be hard for me, but I ****ed up so I need to own it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I will. I have to wait a certain amount of time in my state. You might not be getting the best info/advice from your lawyer -- you've been with this guy for a year...and in most jurisdictions, one year of separation is all (the longest) you need, before you can file for divorce. And, even if you were still sharing a house with your stbx during part or all of that time, the separation date (for the one-year rule) can still be established and it WILL count. You could check online, for your local "rules and regs" -- rather than pay another lawyer. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 it's fine. break ups happen. just get over it and let the other party move on. stop making issues about things that don't matter in the present. you made a mistake.... stop bringing it up. Link to post Share on other sites
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