vickyj Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 My boyfriend and I met online and we had been together for what was an amazing 6 months. I grew comfortable with him faster than I ever imagined, we saw eachother 2 or 3 times a week (I'm at uni but he only lives half an hour away) and everything was going great. A few weeks ago I noticed his attitudde changed with me, he told me he was going through a hard time due to his father's death anniversary/moving out the family home in which he used to live with his dad, that his 'head was ****ed' and he didn't know what he wanted anymore/if he could give me what I needed. We had an off week, but he soon apologised and told me he loved me and he was stupid for ever doubting our relationship because I was 'so amazing to him'. We carried on the relationship for a further month then all of a sudden, it happened again but this time he told me that he simply didn't want a relationship, he wanted to be on his own. He told me it wasn't anything to do with me, he just simply wasn't ready to commit. The first week I did what any girl would do if they had just been dumped for what seems like no reason and begged him to come back - to which he responded that he needed to 'think'. I gave him the week to think and kept getting mixed signals, one day he told me he loved me and missed me and was thinking about giving it another go, he just needed to be 100% sure. The next day, he kept reiterating that he didn't want anything at the moment. So that's how it stands now - he doesn't want to be in a relationship with anybody. The thing I'm finding hard to deal with is his uncertainty. Well, he is certain he wants to be on his own but when we speak about it (We have spoken extremely regularly since the break up through text) he keeps telling me its 'at the moment' and 'for now'. He has also said to me that it may work somewhere down the line but he doesn't know what will happen. Obviously this is unfair to me, I want to wait for him naturally but I know this is stupid as he may well never want me back but at the same time I know he might. We even had a holiday booked together for in 2 months time, which now obviously isn't happening. We spoke last night as I asked him to come round so we could talk face to face about what he and I both want. I know he's not going to change his mind, or as he keeps telling me he won't, I just don't appreciate always speaking over text as we just end up arguing. The conversation went a completely different way and we started speaking about possibly sleeping together when he comes to talk. He told me he doesn't want to hurt me anymore but seemed extremely open and excited about the idea! This is where my real dilemma lies - obviously I know it's a stupid idea because I'm in love with him and want him to be with me so bad, yet he wants to be alone. It's not going to help me get over him if we never get back together, yet the other part of me thinks it could possibly make him want me back. I'm not saying I'm going to use him and sleep with him in order to bribe him to want me again, I'm just not sure if it's a possibility. What do you think will come of it? Do you think he will ever regret leaving me and eventually be ready for a relationship or should I just move on? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 The timing was off. I'm assuming that he's around your age which means if his father's death anniversary is coming up, he lost his dad when he was relatively young. That is a hard thing to deal with. If it's stirring up emotions he won't be in a good place & ready for a relationship for a while. You can't wait for him because you don't know that he will ever be ready. He may associate you with this bleak time in his life. Let him go. Live your life. If your paths cross again in the future, see where you both are but for now it's just not meant to be. Link to post Share on other sites
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