DK666 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 This is Part 1 which happened last Friday... update coming straight after. My ex broke up with me saying that she just didn't want to be in a relationship with me, or with anyone at all. She said she wanted the single life again and wanted to be able to do things without there being anyone else to be concerned about (btw she is 36). She also said that she does love me, but not enough and that she knows that a lot of the problem in the relationship was because of her, because she thinks she is not designed to be in a relationship. Also, during the last 2 weeks of the relationship, I had some family issues going on, so I hadn't been seeing her as much, she said that she didn't miss me during those times and that she was happy to be on her own. Now we actually broke up around the same time last year (just before summer break as she's a teacher), we would have resolved it fast had her family not gotten involved. I actually bought your guide and used it, and lo and behold it worked! we got back together within 4 weeks (slept with her in week 3 and that pretty much sealed the deal). I'm concerned this time that it is entirely her decision without anyone else's input and that she may be going through a midlife crisis or suffering from Grass is Greener Syndrome, so I'm worried that this actually may be nigh on impossible to come back from. I should mention we had some stress the last couple of months due to trust issues on my part, due to the fact that she started partying more, dyed her hair and generally started changing a lot of things about her life, which got me concerned something was up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DK666 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Part 2: I know I broke NC and I feel crap but I spoke to her about 20 minutes ago, we had a 40 minute conversation and I got some good info I feel. She said problems had been building for about 2 weeks when I spent some time away from her and she realised she didn't miss me. My insecurities had been annoying her, plus my current lack of a job. She said that if we had talked earlier then maybe we would still be together. Another part was that she has recently been having hormone issues and her sex drive had dropped off completely. She admitted that the sex was an important part of our relationship but there was nothing she could do about it. If any one of these issues could have been resolved then she said we might still be together. She said that us splitting up was the right decision and that her sisters were very happy about it (they always hated me), so I feel that any reconciliation is going to be hampered by them. The problem is at the moment she feels the breakup is the right idea and wants to move on. Her best friend (who is also my friend) said she seemed back to her old self and was happy.I really have a bad feeling that this is all insurmountable. Is there any chance? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 It sounds like its unrecoverable. Thats the bad news. The good news is that your future happiness doesn't depend on any one person. You're in a state of shock. That will pass. Then comes a period of healing. And then you'll be ok. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DK666 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 Spoke to her face to face yesterday, and she said that is is already over the breakup, less than a week after it happened. This is tearing me apart inside, just over a week ago we were telling each other how much we loved each other, and now suddenly the love has gone. I'm so confused right now, I can't stop thinking and obsessing about her. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Sorry you're hurting and in pain. I've been there my man. You'll get through it faster if you do the right things. To do them will be very hard but I can tell you it worked for me. Reading what you said, she really wasn't that into you. She's broken up with you once already. She's now giving you all kinds of lame excuses for this and that. I wouldn't believe one word she's saying. There simply words. Focus on her actions. They are saying "I don't want you in my life anymore". That's the bottom line. I was in a similar off/on relationship. I found this site and read about NC. I was hurting BAD! Not eating, sleeping, confused, hurt and angry. I followed the advice given here and most other sites. I vanished from her life. The message that resonated w/me is them saying "I don't want you in my life anymore".. Ok, you got it sweetie. I blocked her on all social media. I avoided anywhere I may run into her. I accepted that I stayed in a toxic/dysfunctional relationship way to long and had issues of my own that made me stay. I KNEW I never wanted to go back to her for more of the BS. I healed enough to start dating again a couple months later. I then met my now 2 year GF. I couldn't of done any of that had I had ANY contact with this ex. I read all the time that guys/gals get dumped. When it happens to them, they are DONE with the ex. The vanish and never speak to the ex again, ever. They know reconciliations don't work. It didn't for you BTW. They heal and move onto someone else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I have read on thread after thread on here where the dumper more than likely started detaching from the relationship well in advance of the actual break up (probably more than the 2 weeks she said). You might not have seen it coming, but she new and was preparing for it. The words mean nothing. "I love you", to me, is thrown about more and more carelessly these days. Yeah, it's nice to hear it and can mean a lot more to one person in the relationship, but it's most important to feel it and see it in action. What you are seeing is her "not" in love with you. You two broke up once already, so I would think that this is it. Bottom line is, she does not see a future with you. You are not "the one" and she is "not" the one for you, so try your best to go full NC at this point and set your mind to just finally moving on from her for good. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DK666 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) I know you are both right, but right now it feels so damn hard. I feel completely stuck. Avoiding her is going to be a real problem as we live in a small town, and she lives practically next to the town centre. Her place is visible as I walk in to town. Not to mention there are tons of reminders of where we went together. I don't have a ton of cash so going elsewhere isn't an option for me. I'm not sure how to get past this because the other option is sitting at home, and doing that is driving me crazy. I should also mention her sister lives only a short distance away from me, and she is round there often. I am surrounded by reminders of her, and that's not even counting the times she pops up on facebook (we have mutual friends). Edited July 3, 2015 by DK666 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DK666 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 I'll just push through and do NC as best I can, if setbacks happen I'll have to redouble my efforts mentally. Thanks peeps. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I know you are both right, but right now it feels so damn hard. I feel completely stuck. Avoiding her is going to be a real problem as we live in a small town, and she lives practically next to the town centre. Her place is visible as I walk in to town. Not to mention there are tons of reminders of where we went together. I don't have a ton of cash so going elsewhere isn't an option for me. I'm not sure how to get past this because the other option is sitting at home, and doing that is driving me crazy. I should also mention her sister lives only a short distance away from me, and she is round there often. I am surrounded by reminders of her, and that's not even counting the times she pops up on facebook (we have mutual friends). I get it and have done it though it was very hard and painful. You need to do the best you can at avoiding running into her. The longer you can avoid her, her friends, etc, the quicker you will move on. As far as Facebook? You need to go into self preservation mode. When my last ex and I ended, not only did I block her, I blocked her sister as well. I then went in and removed all friends of hers (not many) and anyone else that knew us both. I didn't want to see anything to do w/her. I INSURED all my settings were private. She couldn't see ANYTHING about me nor could anyone else she knew. I know this sounds hardcore and extreme but it's what it took for me to move on. The thought of hearing about her, seeing her or anything else the first month or two would of hurt me, and I knew it. Again, I didn't go ANYWHERE I could of possibly run into her. She did reappear a 6 months later. She wanted another chance, missed me admitted she made mistakes, blah, blah, blah.. She was ignored and she kept reaching out. My GF finally said to tell her I'm happy w/my new GF, I'd never get back with you and good luck. I can tell you had I not gone NC, started dating and didn't have my GF, I would of stupidly considered her again. Thank God I didn't! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DK666 Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 (edited) Not sure why I am posting this but right now I am just trying to cope. Last night I saw the ex and her sister while I was out with my mates in a club. The sister starts verbally laying into me, while I can see my ex making out with some guy 15 years younger than her. The sister starts saying all these things that I had told my ex in confidence, very personal and hurtful things that should have been kept between us, noone else but my ex knew these things. Then after I leave, the sister is on my ex's phone messaging me all this abuse. I'm feeling really betrayed, hurt, lonely and all the rest of it all over again. I cannot believe that this girl that I have loved for the past 2 years, could turn around and tell her sister such things and let them be used against me. It seems like she is a completely different person. I know I typed other stuff above it seems like I'm just going on and repeating myself, I'm not sure what typing all this stuff out now will achieve, but I need to get it out. Edited July 5, 2015 by DK666 Link to post Share on other sites
ravfour4 Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Vent away my friend, that sounds like a rough situation you ran into at the club. No one needs an ex's sister spilling their personal business and then bashing them via text all while seeing your ex make out with another man. Sounds like torture! Try to avoid places you think she may be and block her number if her sister continues to harass you from it. Make you your number 1 priority, she can be #2 for now, but you have to be #1. When you face a decision - think, what decision should I make that would be best for me, not best for her or you both, and go that route. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 My ex broke up with me saying that she just didn't want to be in a relationship with me, or with anyone at all. She said she wanted the single life again and wanted to be able to do things without there being anyone else to be concerned about (btw she is 36). She also said that she does love me, but not enough and that she knows that a lot of the problem in the relationship was because of her, because she thinks she is not designed to be in a relationship...She said problems had been building for about 2 weeks when I spent some time away from her and she realised she didn't miss me...She said that us splitting up was the right decisionI would listen to your ex. It doesn't sound like she's lying to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts