ruby655 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Really need some advice. I was with my childhood bf from 15 years old for seven years. We did absolutely everything together, lived together, said we would marry, travelled the world and overall had such a great life and were matched really well. I stupidly got involved with another guy and things ended really badly. I was selfish and really really hurt him. The other guy turned out to be emotionally abusive, narcissistic and has destroyed my life and career and was using me. Over the past couple of years my ex tried to contact me still just a few times to ask how i was and said he does miss me. Just a couple of weeks ago he got engaged to a girl after a very short time together. only two months ago he was still emailing me to ask how things were. i replied but then got no response. I miss him terribly and have the biggest regrets imaginable, i literally cry and spend every day thinking about what i did wrong and wishing things could go back. i don't think i can stand to stay where i am now and watch him get married i am finding this so difficult to cope with. i don't know whether i should tell him how i feel as i don't want to hurt him again and also face up to him not wanting to know. but i also then wonder what if i just sit back and not try then i would never know. This is all my own fault and i don't know how to change things, i literally don't feel like me without him. what would yous do if in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Hi friend, this is what I think, You made your choice, now you've realized it wasn't the best one. The only thing left for you now is to live with the consequences of your choice. I'm sure you'll learn something from it. Let your ex be happy with his new partner. And for you, try to move on with your life. Big hug for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
diamondgirl Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 how long ago did you break up? personally, if i had those kinds of regrets i would have to say something or i would always wonder what if. if he's happier with his current fiancé then let him be, but maybe deep down he is wishing you would come back. you will never know unless yyou try. if you do go for it now, make sure you know its because you know you want marriage with him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 There are chances in live that never return. Instead of mourning what was lost and what might have been you should finally look forward and move on in life. You made a decision and it was a bad one, but that doesn't mean that things always have to be bad and that your ex was the only escape from it. It's always been your choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoThatHappened Posted May 29, 2015 Share Posted May 29, 2015 I'm in the "go for it" category. You regret the things you DON'T do more than the things you DO. Worst-case, he rejects you and you are forced to live with it. But at least it was a decision on HIS volition. Best-case, things work out, you get back together and you learn to never do what you did to him before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kevin_D Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Waaaiiit a minute. You're telling me that you threw away 7 years and a great guy pursue a relationship with a narcissistic ******* (are you still with that guy by the way?). It would be understandable if your ex never wanted to see or speak with you again after something like that. But he kept caring about even after you treated him like garbage. Yet you chose to stay with the new *******, who, by the way didn't ruin your life - You did. It was your choice to leave something good for something exciting. But it's okay. Young people make mistakes, It's a part of growing up. But what pisses me off is, that you knew for all these years that your ex missed you, but you didn't do anything about it... But now when he finally has moved on and is engaged, you suddenly want him back...? What the hell?! Seriously, if you really love him, leave the guy (who seems to be a really great guy who deserves woman who cares about on a deeper level) alone. You already ruined one relationship for him, so don't try to interefere with his now one. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
SLee Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I think your pain is normal, and I'm sorry you're going through it. People make mistakes, and although mistakes are forgivable, sometimes things can't go back and we can't change it again. I would let this guy be. Even though the falling out was your choice, he chose to move on and all. When you're ready you'll find a guy who's just as great and likely even better. Let go of the hurt and guilt, it's done. Learn from whatever mistakes and build the future that you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Well, so you messed up a good thing with a great guy because you were selfish and dumb. You have known he still loved, cared, and missed you all this time. You have missed him, regretted what happened, wanted him back and did nothing about it. You have had plenty of time and your inaction in apologizing and putting a true effort towards him so he finally moved on. Now you feel like yo should do something about it because you will be losing him. Do the respectable thing for him, if you truly love and care for him like you say you do and leave him alone!!! You had your time with him Decided to toss him away like trash and could have maybe fixed things but never tried so this is the outcome. To me it still seems you are a selfish person asking how to fix this now as you don't want to lose him. Spend some time being single, figure out why you did what you did, and move on and maybe you will find someone as good or better than him. Sometimes you do sometimes you don't. Many times you only get a great connection with a great person once, twice, maybe 3 times in life. Hopefully you will find another. Best of luck 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 In this case I agree you should leave him alone. You left someone good and steady for someone exciting. Only now that he is finally fully totally moving on you want him back. Search your soul and only pursue him at this point if you can confidently say no to the following. Do I want him back because he has moved on and I cannot have him? Do I want him back because he was a secure fall back position and now he's not that anymore? If and only if the answer is no to both of those should you even consider trying for him again. That said, you need to work on yourself and address the root cause that made you want to leave him. By my math you were dating for 7 years from 15 onward, broke up at 22, now he's getting engaged after trying to talk to you just a couple of weeks ago. ... that sounds like a great sign for a stable marriage. You are both under 25 or close to it. I have seen stranger reconcilliations. I have seen them work for decades or just some more years. TL;DR: Leave him alone unless you are certain that you want him because he is the one not for selfish immature reasons like wanting what you can't have. If you are certain he is the one do whatever it takes to get him back. Finally if it does not work out, as hard as it is to belive there will be others who match about as well as he did. They aren't just around the corner and you won't find them every day...but they are out there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 You should leave your ex alone to enjoy the happiness he's found. As for you, you will get over it, and have a chance to find your own happiness. See this as a learning experience. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 If he was single, I would tell you to reach out to him and express your sincere regret and tell him you want another chance. But ... he's engaged. He's clearly moved on, after a long period of not wanting to. I am sure that was extremely difficult for him, and - to be brutally honest with you, I am in his shoes and I would not trust you anymore if I were him. There is still a part of me that loves my ex and wants her back, but a *bigger* part of me knows I could never trust her again and if she returned, it would only mess with my head at a very confusing time. That is what you'd be doing to him. I feel for you, but I think that ship has sailed. Now is not the time. If you both find yourselves single in the future - that could be the time, but now it's not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenJourney Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Tell him how you feel and that you want him back. Right now. Apologize, and tell him exactly what you did wrong, and where you knew you were lacking. You'll never know if you don't take a risk. Don't live a life of "what-ifs." But once you tell him, if he's not interested, accept his answer and let him go. If he doesn't want to take a chance with you, let him enjoy his new relationship, try to be happy for him, and move on with finding your own happiness. Good luck. Life is tough, we all make mistakes. Acknowledge your role in your current situation, but then forgive yourself. The days are too precious to waste. Link to post Share on other sites
loveandlight Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 As long as you are sure you definitely want him then you have to tell him. I am a great believer in taking action rather than left wondering what if. Time goes so fast. Seize the moment !! Link to post Share on other sites
MrWhite Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 After 7 seven years, he is no longer the same person you think his is. You remember him and your time together from a long time ago. That is now long gone. After this much time what IS, and what WAS, are very different. Lastly, you had YEARS to do something and you did NOTHING. He is engaged. Do NOT ruin his happiness to make yourself happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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