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Sent my ex a "text apology".


SolidGoldTurd

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SolidGoldTurd

Yeah, I know what you're going to think "Why a text?".

 

Well during the time I sent the apology itself, I was struggling with revision, preparation and the exams themselves. I thought sending a simple but sincere apology by text would mean I could just get on with my life whilst she responds --- This might not be a valid excuse for a lot of you, and I respect that, but it is what it is. I suppose I also wanted to avoid any confrontation that might occur with a phone call!!

 

Anyway. A little back story:

 

We broke up just over a month ago. It was a very sticky break up, and to be perfectly honest with you at the time I didn't know who broke up with who.

 

As I analysed the situation, it came to me that it was me who instigated it.

 

After 2 weeks of NC my ex sent me a text ...

 

It took me a week to reply. I was busy, and I didn't even know she wanted a response.

 

3 days later she responds to the text, tells me she "completely understands" blah blah blah.

 

It's then, a week later, that I decided I just had to apologize for it all.

 

 

This is what I sent her:

 

"Hey (ex), I hope everything's going well and that you're absolutely smashing your exams :) I want to apologize for my behaviour and everything I said the last time we saw each other. I was rash, incredibly rude and the way I treated you was totally uncalled for. Send my love to your family"

 

 

I felt it was upbeat, cheerful and more importantly genuine. I didn't ask questions, I didn't shift the blame on to her, I didn't say "but" ... you know all those things that make an apology appear false/fake!

 

So I left it at that and begun to move out of the flat I had rented for the year (we didn't share it).

 

 

 

3 days later she replied with this:

 

 

"That's totally not true, it was completely understandable and I didn't think it was rude at all. Anyway I should be the one who takes the blame for being unfair. Everything's great. Hope you and your family are all OK as well".

 

 

I can say that I am happy about the response ... it has made me feel a lot better.

 

 

 

What do you guys think?

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It seems like a nice piece of closure to have. It's thoughtful to send a text like that. You can tell from her response that an apology wasn't needed, she doesn't really care much but it's more important that you have had your closure. It wasn't a bad idea I think.

 

We could analyze the small print but really the summary is: time to move on to other things.

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ColdandLonelyinAK

I see nothing wrong with that. A lot of people probably would agree that you should have just gone NC and not sent it, but I did the same exact thing with my ex a few days ago, and it really helped to relieve a lot of tension. Before the text, he was very angry at me for thinking he had left me for someone else, and confronted me when he saw me in person about it and was an emotional mess. Part of the reason I sent the text the next day was because I didn't want that tension there anymore, and I had said some really terrible things to him that night in the heat of the moment and I couldn't go on with the guilt of what I had said.

 

If it gives you a sense of closure and makes you feel like a good person, I say go for it. The last thing I want is for my ex to have a bad last memory of me in his mind. Now she will have a good memory of you also, and if you want a reconciliation you may have a bit of a better chance with that on her mind.

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Yeah, I know what you're going to think "Why a text?".

Ha ha... actually, my first thought was "Why an apology?"

 

Having said that, you don't need to excuse or explain yourself. If it turned out well (and it appears that it did) then that's all you need.

 

My only warning: in spite of lolablue's "she wants you back" comment (which I'm thinking may have been sarcastic?) just don't let this lead you down the path of getting back together, if the fundamental reasons for the breakup were "solid", as it were. Allow this to be the pleasant closure that it is, and as DJOkawari said: time to move on.

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lolablue17

My only warning: in spite of lolablue's "she wants you back" comment (which I'm thinking may have been sarcastic?) just don't let this lead you down the path of getting back together, if the fundamental reasons for the breakup were "solid", as it were. Allow this to be the pleasant closure that it is, and as DJOkawari said: time to move on.

 

Of course i'm only guessing. But i'll tell you why do i think she wants him back.

 

She replied to his text with a special extreme care. she makes sure not to cross any line, and giving him EXACTLY 100% the same, of what he gave her. not more, but not an inch less.

 

For me it's a sign that she wants to give him more, but is waiting for him to lead the progress. But he must do that gently and slowly, if he wishes.

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Simon Phoenix
Of course i'm only guessing. But i'll tell you why do i think she wants him back.

 

She replied to his text with a special extreme care. she makes sure not to cross any line, and giving him EXACTLY 100% the same, of what he gave her. not more, but not an inch less.

 

For me it's a sign that she wants to give him more, but is waiting for him to lead the progress. But he must do that gently and slowly, if he wishes.

 

I think you are reading way too much into it.

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SolidGoldTurd
I think you are reading way too much into it.

 

Oh the irony. The guy is only giving his opinion, like everyone else is here ... I expected me to be all defensive, not you ;)

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SolidGoldTurd
Do you want to get back together??

 

Yeah, I would ... but like Lola said, if there's a chance, I want to take it nice and slow.

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SolidGoldTurd
I think she wants you back.

 

 

Of course i'm only guessing. But i'll tell you why do i think she wants him back.

 

She replied to his text with a special extreme care. she makes sure not to cross any line, and giving him EXACTLY 100% the same, of what he gave her. not more, but not an inch less.

 

For me it's a sign that she wants to give him more, but is waiting for him to lead the progress. But he must do that gently and slowly, if he wishes.

 

Funny how when someone suggests that an ex might want me back, everyone just on the "you're overthinking" band-wagon :laugh:

 

Although I do hope she wants to give us a second chance ... I'm not going to take your opinion as if it's 100% the truth!!

 

 

Let me tell you something though:

 

I was very, very surprised about her texts. Not only did I think she would never answer mine, but I never thought that she'd be taking some of the blame herself and making out that what I did was "understandable" and "Not rude at all"... that blew my mind!

 

 

Thanks for the input anyway!

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SolidGoldTurd
Ha ha... actually, my first thought was "Why an apology?"

 

Having said that, you don't need to excuse or explain yourself. If it turned out well (and it appears that it did) then that's all you need.

 

My only warning: in spite of lolablue's "she wants you back" comment (which I'm thinking may have been sarcastic?) just don't let this lead you down the path of getting back together, if the fundamental reasons for the breakup were "solid", as it were. Allow this to be the pleasant closure that it is, and as DJOkawari said: time to move on.

 

 

I was the one who ended the relationship. Do I think the reasons were "solid"? No. It was a rash spur of the moment thing.

 

My pride was hit, and when it is, it turns into anger/embarrassment.

 

I wouldn't say it's as big as an issue as it was a few years ago ... I've learnt to control it to an extent ... but it still causes me to make stupid decisions like I did a month ago.

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SolidGoldTurd
I see nothing wrong with that. A lot of people probably would agree that you should have just gone NC and not sent it, but I did the same exact thing with my ex a few days ago, and it really helped to relieve a lot of tension. Before the text, he was very angry at me for thinking he had left me for someone else, and confronted me when he saw me in person about it and was an emotional mess. Part of the reason I sent the text the next day was because I didn't want that tension there anymore, and I had said some really terrible things to him that night in the heat of the moment and I couldn't go on with the guilt of what I had said.

 

If it gives you a sense of closure and makes you feel like a good person, I say go for it. The last thing I want is for my ex to have a bad last memory of me in his mind. Now she will have a good memory of you also, and if you want a reconciliation you may have a bit of a better chance with that on her mind.

 

 

Yeah I agree, sending an apology really did remove this burden I had for weeks. I've become more calm I reckon.

 

I don't know where this all going, but wherever it takes me ... good.

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Funny how when someone suggests that an ex might want me back, everyone just on the "you're overthinking" band-wagon :laugh:

 

I don't see how it's possible to reach a conclusion one way or the other because you haven't posted much information on the relationship.... or what lead to the breakup.... or who said what during the breakup and why.

 

These details matter.

 

Some people say they caused the breakup when in reality their ex's behavior pushed them into ending the relationship like it or not -- in which case, it's less likely your ex is hoping to reconcile.

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SolidGoldTurd
I don't see how it's possible to reach a conclusion one way or the other because you haven't posted much information on the relationship.... or what lead to the breakup.... or who said what during the breakup and why.

 

These details matter.

 

Some people say they caused the breakup when in reality their ex's behavior pushed them into ending the relationship like it or not -- in which case, it's less likely your ex is hoping to reconcile.

 

 

- Basically I got embarrassed/pissed off at something I did

 

- Took it out on her (blame pride)

 

- Asked her what she wanted, "should we just break up"?

 

- She didn't want to ... cried

 

- After a while said "Maybe it's best if we do"

 

- I left

 

 

 

It was all very rash and again, a spur of the moment thing.

 

Honestly, I've looked at all these "break up signs", you know the obvious ones and the more subtle ones ... but there was nothing there from her side at least - nothing at all!

 

 

Anyway what matters right now is the present.

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SolidGoldTurd
What did you do that caused the breakup?

 

 

Basically got angry and shouted "What do you? Should we just break up?".

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Basically got angry and shouted "What do you? Should we just break up?".

 

No, what was the thing you did that caused you initially to become embarrassed/pissed off at your own behavior?

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SolidGoldTurd
No, what was the thing you did that caused you initially to become embarrassed/pissed off at your own behavior?

 

 

I'd rather not say ... it's still very embarrassing for me. It was after we had sex, I noticed I did something and it made me angry at myself. My ex kept pestering me ... for some reason she wanted to see it. I told her no at least 5 times, but she kept insisting. I got more and more angry and then boom! I told her what I told you.

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Okay, well -- I'm not getting any clear read on what went down from what you've described.

 

Best of luck to you though! I hope it works out as you'd like it to. :)

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Simon Phoenix
Oh the irony. The guy is only giving his opinion, like everyone else is here ... I expected me to be all defensive, not you ;)

 

This response makes absolutely no sense.

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