I think I want her back, but I'm unsure of my chances. Any similar situations

[nick92]

This is probably gonna be veeery long, but I'll try to keep it as short as possible. Haha:p

 

Me and my ex were in "no contact" for over 2 months except for me asking her a question about a travel location about 1 month in. I felt like I was done with the relationship, but I have had a few fallbacks now and then. After the breakup I was being pathetic, and it ended with me having to delete her off facebook and everything to move on.

 

We are both musicians, and I have plans to record an EP with my band during the summer. I wrote a song I really want some female backing vocals on, and I sent her an E-mail asking if she would be interested in helping out with that. I had no ulterior motives when e-mailing her.

 

She said she would want to help out with it, and said she was happy that things were looking up for me. She did say that I needed to know that this wasn't going to lead anywhere. We kept talking for a bit, she asked me how I was doing ,and she mentioned how I acted after the break up, and that it seemed like I had "matured" a bit. I told her that I basically just had to pull myself together and get my life on track. She asked if it would be possible to be friends, since I have pulled myself together, and I said I'd have no problem with that.

 

After a little while she texted again, asking: "So, If it really is possible for us to be friends, would you want to grab a coffee with me next time I'm in town. We used to be such good friends, so I think it would be nice". She said it was because she's on sick leave for a while and doesn't want to just sit around at home. I told her I'd be in town on sunday and monday, and that I'd see if we could find some time.

 

Again she said "Only if you're a 100 % certain that you're drama free, and understand that there's going to be nothing else." She said I kinda scared her with how I acted after the break-up. I told her I was over it, and jokingly said that I'm not 12 years old, although it seemed that way at the time. She wrote back "Haha, good! " End of conversation.

 

A few hours later she sent me a friend request on facebook. We talked for a bit and she seemed glad. She then wanted me to send her a sample of the song she would be helping on, which I did. She said "This sounds really good! You know I love your music!" I just said thanks, and that I appreciate it.

 

So, we broke up because I wasn't at a good place in my life, and I had a tendency to take it out on her. Nothing physical, mind you, I'd never do that. But I was either being really closed off or being really whiny. No wonder she dumped me, haha. After we have talked a bit I have been thinking about her alot, all the good times we had, and all the plans we had for life. And I really want that back. I'm not sure if it's a good idea but I really want to explore it.

 

She kept texting me for a few days and we met up on monday for a cup of coffee. It went very well I thought, it was very friendly and I kept making her laugh. She has been struggling a bit with things that doesn't have anything to do with the breakup, and I could tell she was still pretty down about it. My life has been going very well lately and she seemed impressed at how passionate I was when I was talking about it.

 

After we sat there for a while she was going home and I had some things I had to do, so we hugged and said goodbye. She texted me almost immediately after I walked off saying she had a good time and that it's so good we can be friends. She was texting and sending snapchats throughout the day, and also a few today. Now she's suddenly stopped, and I don't really know why because I haven't really said anything. I sent one which she didn't reply to aswell.

 

Anyway, is there any chance at all she wants to try to get back together somewhere down the line? She kinda keeps emphasizing the 'friends' part though. Have any of you guys been in a similar situation? What happened?

[Ruby65]

She's made it really super 100% crystal clear that this isn't leading anywhere and that you shouldn't read anything into this contact.....

 

So, why the confusion?

 

She's HAPPY to have you as a friend, in the Friend Zone. Nothing more.

 

If this is going to be too painful for you, you shouldn't be hanging out with her anymore.

[Mrlonelyone]

Be friendly and detached. Look at her actions not her words. Women, God bless em, are notorious for doing one thing while saying another when it comes to relationships. Look at her body language, her shows of interest, and how she reacts physically to your touch.

 

Don't fixate on her. You are broken up and she dumped you. Keep your options open.

 

As for text reply less than she sends. Initiate rarely.

 

One question, how long did you date? If it was more than a year a two month breakup is not a big deal.

Edited May 13, 2015 by Mrlonelyone

[nick92]

Be friendly and detached. Look at her actions not her words. Women, God bless em, are notorious for doing one thing while saying another when it comes to relationships. Look at her body language, her shows of interest, and how she reacts physically to your touch.

 

Don't fixate on her. You are broken up and she dumped you. Keep your options open.

 

As for text reply less than she sends. Initiate rarely.

 

One question, how long did you date? If it was more than a year a two month breakup is not a big deal.

 

Hi, and thanks for replying!

 

We were only together for about six months, but it was pretty serious. We were supposed to move in together back in december. We've been broken up since the start of february, but we kept in contact a bit before I totally broke it off about two and a half months back.

[Ruby65]

Women, God bless em, are notorious for doing one thing while saying another when it comes to relationships.

 

Please don't listen to this.

 

She's told you -- over and over -- she wants only friendship.

 

Women, god bless 'em, have brains just like guys do.

[carhill]

Anyway, is there any chance at all she wants to try to get back together somewhere down the line?

Anything is possible. None of us can predict the future with absolute certainty. However....

She kinda keeps emphasizing the 'friends' part though.

That's the now. Live in the now. If you can be happy for her, as a friend, dating another man, then friendship is in your cards now. If not, not.

Have any of you guys been in a similar situation? What happened?

 

I heard that line in MC and observed movements regarding it. My response? "If we were friends we'd still be married"

 

YMMV.

[DJOkawari]

Please don't listen to this.

 

She's told you -- over and over -- she wants only friendship.

 

Women, god bless 'em, have brains just like guys do.

 

Yeah, that was weirdly sexist. I agree with his sentiment though, judge people, all people, on their actions and not their words.

 

On the other hand, OP, based on what you said, there is nothing in her actions to suggest any different. She didn't respond to your messages. Remember that! In my opinion, you are playing a risky game with your mental state. If she met someone new, how would you feel? Would you still want her to collaborate with you on your music? Just wanted to remind you of the stakes.

 

If you want something healthy and longterm, the seed for reconciliation cannot come from anyone but the dumper. The way you've represented yourself so far is positive in regards to her impression of you, but that doesn't actually mean anything for the future. I really hope your situation allows you to heal.

 

The phrase "Nobody knows what the future holds" is a simple truth, there is no hope or despair contained within it. Some how most people see hope.

Edited May 14, 2015 by DJOkawari

[nick92]

Yeah, that was weirdly sexist. I agree with his sentiment though, judge people, all people, on their actions and not their words.

 

On the other hand, OP, based on what you said, there is nothing in her actions to suggest any different. She didn't respond to your messages. Remember that! In my opinion, you are playing a risky game with your mental state. If she met someone new, how would you feel? Would you still want her to collaborate with you on your music? Just wanted to remind you of the stakes.

 

If you want something healthy and longterm, the seed for reconciliation cannot come from anyone but the dumper. The way you've represented yourself so far is positive in regards to her impression of you, but that doesn't actually mean anything for the future. I really hope your situation allows you to heal.

 

The phrase "Nobody knows what the future holds" is a simple truth, there is no hope or despair contained within it. Some how most people see hope.

 

I agree with everything. But after we reconnected, she initiated every conversation, and now she isn't even replying. And I didn't really say anything at all. Last thing she initiated was sending a snapchat of herself saying something like "I feel more fresh now after a shower ", and I just replied, "That's good! " or something like that. And after that it's been really weird.

 

I'm probably just overthinking though

[Mrlonelyone]

I agree with everything. But after we reconnected, she initiated every conversation, and now she isn't even replying. And I didn't really say anything at all. Last thing she initiated was sending a snapchat of herself saying something like "I feel more fresh now after a shower ", and I just replied, "That's good! " or something like that. And after that it's been really weird.

 

I'm probably just overthinking though

 

Uhmmm snapchat usually includes a picture? If she was anything less than fully dressed that was your come on for a little fun flirty talk if nothing else.

 

Don't take any advice by me or anyone else too much to heart.... but a woman isn't going to say "Come on an eff me big boy" in this situation. They fear rejection just like anyone.

 

I think you blew it right there. You have to show some heterosexuality towards the woman when she does that or you are FZ'd for good.

[nick92]

Uhmmm snapchat usually includes a picture? If she was anything less than fully dressed that was your come on for a little fun flirty talk if nothing else.

 

Don't take any advice by me or anyone else too much to heart.... but a woman isn't going to say "Come on an eff me big boy" in this situation. They fear rejection just like anyone.

 

I think you blew it right there. You have to show some heterosexuality towards the woman when she does that or you are FZ'd for good.

 

Well, it only showed her face so I can't really know what she was wearing, haha. But it was after that she stopped initiating conversations with me so I don't know..