I want her back, but she has another man.

[confusedokie]

My ex, weve been married 11 years and are seperated, started seeing a "rebound" about 1 month after we broke up. He lives an hour away and they only see each other on the weekends when he comes up and stays the night. Will this long distance relationship work out? She basically won't talk to me. But some days we talk like nothing ever happened between us. I'm not pushing "let's get back together" when we talk. I'm just having everyday banter with her.

 

So, last night she texts me outta the blue after about 3 days no contact. She texted to ask me how was the weather. She was sitting at her computer, I find out while I am talking to her. She coulda looked it up online, but she chose to text me and ask (we were in tornado watch all night).

 

She is allowing me to hang out with her son, my step son. We've been married for 11 years. Me and her son have been getting along great and she sees this. He tells me he loves me in front of his mom, when she comes to pick him up. I initiate no contact with her when she comes to get him. I'm pleasant with my fakest happy face I can muster. So, she initiated the contact, last night when she coulda looked up the weather online. What does this mean? Is she finally warming back up to me?

[Mr Carson]

Why did you separate, what was her reason? Another man one month later doesn't sound good.

[GoBlue]

I am not sure what this means exactly, and she may not either. I want to recommend a book to you: Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis by Dr. James Dobson. It has some very practical advice on how to respond in a situation like yours. My heart breaks for you because I know what it is like going through an unwanted divorce. Obviously a reconciliation cannot take place with just one person. She will have to decide that she is open to it. At that point, there is lots of help available, but she holds the key. The book I mentioned will be very helpful showing what you can do to increase the chances that she may want to try again while outlining the things that will clearly hinder that possibility. Feel free to send me a private message for any additional questions or recommendations for help. Be blessed.

[SolidGoldTurd]

My ex, weve been married 11 years and are seperated, started seeing a "rebound" about 1 month after we broke up. He lives an hour away and they only see each other on the weekends when he comes up and stays the night. Will this long distance relationship work out? She basically won't talk to me. But some days we talk like nothing ever happened between us. I'm not pushing "let's get back together" when we talk. I'm just having everyday banter with her.

 

So, last night she texts me outta the blue after about 3 days no contact. She texted to ask me how was the weather. She was sitting at her computer, I find out while I am talking to her. She coulda looked it up online, but she chose to text me and ask (we were in tornado watch all night).

 

She is allowing me to hang out with her son, my step son. We've been married for 11 years. Me and her son have been getting along great and she sees this. He tells me he loves me in front of his mom, when she comes to pick him up. I initiate no contact with her when she comes to get him. I'm pleasant with my fakest happy face I can muster. So, she initiated the contact, last night when she coulda looked up the weather online. What does this mean? Is she finally warming back up to me?

 

 

Dude, just RELAX and don't contact her. She's in a rebound relationship with a definite "USE BY DATE". Once the new guy **** up, she'll come round to you because she'll realise the grass ISN'T green on the otherside.

 

When she contacts assume she wants to meet up and say "Hey, it's great to hear from you, I'd love to meet up. When are you free?"

 

Don't worry about the weather thing ... go No Contact and expect her to reach out. I'm pretty damn sure she will though.

 

If she says no tell her "That's a shame, well contact me in the next 2 to 3 weeks if you change your mind" and leave it at that.

 

She'll either contact you further down the line (if she does repeat the process), will either say "Fine when and where" or won't contact you again.

 

 

Be the man, make her chase you! ESPECIALLY since you got dumped.

[Mrlonelyone]

I have seen a couple marriages in my family go through stuff like this. One spouse or the other goes walkabout. If you want her back you need to use NC in a certain way a way that does not make you seem like a buthurt teenager.

 

Go NC but leave the door open to her contacting you. Just stop contacting her. Don't initiate and don't engage beyond what is needed to take care of your business. Don't give her the emotionality of a relationship without having to give you the relationship.

 

 

Still see your step son, keep that relationship strong. You raised the boy for 11 years. That gives you a relationship to him that is independent of the romantic relationship to his mother. In allot of places that gives you paternal rights and responsibilities that can't simply be taken away. According to this you could sue for visitation if this goes to a divorce Rights of Step-Parents in Custody and Visitation - Attorneys.com

 

 

This is what my parents did when they were separated. This is what other relatives have done in simmilar situations. Those couples have been married for over 20 years now so I'd say this work.

[OldRover]

You didn't really say who broke things off, but will assume that she did.

 

Agree with the rebound statement, but you never know where that will go. If she was emotionally disconnected with you for several months, the new guy could have been in the background long before you split, and less of a rebound.

 

However, agree with just waiting it out for awhile. There's lots of good info on getting one's ex back... worked for me twice. Mine had a rebound and I asked her for dinner one night and she dumped her date and had me over, and we were back together that night.

 

I'm betting you'll be successful, if the relationship was pretty good over the years.

[irishguy]

You cant wait for her to come back to you , actually start to move on and enjoy life ,she has .Maybe if she sees you out enjoying yourself and dating , she might change her mind but you wont gain anything by waiting for her .

[SolidGoldTurd]

You didn't really say who broke things off, but will assume that she did.

 

Agree with the rebound statement, but you never know where that will go. If she was emotionally disconnected with you for several months, the new guy could have been in the background long before you split, and less of a rebound.

 

However, agree with just waiting it out for awhile. There's lots of good info on getting one's ex back... worked for me twice. Mine had a rebound and I asked her for dinner one night and she dumped her date and had me over, and we were back together that night.

 

I'm betting you'll be successful, if the relationship was pretty good over the years.

 

I have seen a couple marriages in my family go through stuff like this. One spouse or the other goes walkabout. If you want her back you need to use NC in a certain way a way that does not make you seem like a buthurt teenager.

 

Go NC but leave the door open to her contacting you. Just stop contacting her. Don't initiate and don't engage beyond what is needed to take care of your business. Don't give her the emotionality of a relationship without having to give you the relationship.

 

 

Still see your step son, keep that relationship strong. You raised the boy for 11 years. That gives you a relationship to him that is independent of the romantic relationship to his mother. In allot of places that gives you paternal rights and responsibilities that can't simply be taken away. According to this you could sue for visitation if this goes to a divorce Rights of Step-Parents in Custody and Visitation - Attorneys.com

 

 

This is what my parents did when they were separated. This is what other relatives have done in simmilar situations. Those couples have been married for over 20 years now so I'd say this work.

 

You cant wait for her to come back to you , actually start to move on and enjoy life ,she has .Maybe if she sees you out enjoying yourself and dating , she might change her mind but you wont gain anything by waiting for her .

 

 

Agree with all of these.

 

Assume it's over and move on. If you want her back, please do leave the lines of communication open and she might reach out if she wants to.

 

Don't let anyone tell you about "breadcrumbs" or whatever, because you'll inevitably over-analyse. Just say it's nice to hear from her and you should meet up. This is ONLY if SHE contacts YOU.