Did I push my ex away for good?

[amkxoxo]

So my ex and I have not seen each other in a year in a half. We have had little communications, but some texting here and there since. Distance had a lot to do with our downfall, and his lack of commitment. He wasn't out seeing all these other girls, which I wouldn't have stood for, but he wouldn't make me his girlfriend, which I wanted. We were back and forth, on and off, together for close to eight months. I cared about him deeply and I know he liked me, but I could no longer take the waiting around and not being a priority in his life. He is a good, smart man, and I respect him, but I was so dark and down inside because things did not work out. I am finally back in a happy place in my life with new friends and a great job.

 

Recently my ex, got a job in the town next to mine. I could not believe we were ending up in the same place. It seemed so ironic. I noticed as the day for him to move here got closer, he was sending me texts here and there. He wished me happy birthday and some other random things. Nothing of substance.

 

He sent me a text the other day. It was about some sports team he enjoys. I figured we would have a conversation. I tried to be upbeat and personable with him, but he made it so hard. I would ask him questions about his new job and his new place, generating conversation. He wouldn't ask me anything and it was hard to be positive when he wasn't anything. I tried to make a funny joke and he didn't even laugh or acknowledge it much.

 

His answers were so simple, instead of conversation. Since I was asking him about his new life here, he started complaining to me that he has no friends and feels alone. It make me feel bad for him and put a negative spin on our conversations. We have now been texting on and off for days. He seems to hint to want to do something with me, as he will even go about asking what I am doing, but when I tell him I am out with a friend or when I don't invite him out with me, he doesn't invite me out either. Its very strange. His lack of friends makes me feel bad for him, but at the same time I am not going to just hand him over my friends on a silver platter because he doesn't have any. Especially since when we dated, he would often ditch me to go out with his friends. Its not my fault he has none now. I have been trying to be positive and tell him that he should throw a party or talk to more people he works with, but he is so negative. He brings me down.

 

Finally last night I texted him. I was asking him about something general. I figured maybe we could talk. I made a joke about him getting out of his "imaginary no friends rut"

 

I was kidding. I figured it would spark something positive. But it didn't, he went on about how he is alone watching television. I asked him if he invited anyone over to watch it with him, and he said he had no one to ask.

 

I just got so sick of us not having a regular back and forth conversation. He was such a debby downer. I told him I thought he was being a bit dramatic. I told him that I moved here and I had to make friends too and it was hard, but I did it.

 

I told him that he is complaining about having no friends to me, someone who could be his friend and how it is really counter productive. He agreed that this was true. He said he didn't mean to complain and that he would stop.

 

Lastly, I told him how we haven't talked in so long and one of he first conversations we have is about him being alone and without friends. I told him that is was a sad tone to set in a conversation. I told him I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, and I wanted him to make friends and I knew he could.

 

He stopped responding. So I didn't respond either. I feel bad, but at the same time I want us to be friends. I even thought maybe we could try and work our way up to something more. But talking to him I realized that I couldn't be with someone negative and he was making me feel bad for him, when I am in such a happy place in my life. I have a lot going for me. What also made me open my eyes was that my guy friend and I have been texting a lot and I always laugh and smile when we talk back and forth. He and I have a conversation. Its two sided. I was texting my ex and it was stressful, and then my guy friend would text me and it was fun and upbeat. Even if my guy friend and I were talking about something serious, it was interesting.

 

I feel bad that my ex hasn't responded. I was unsure and still am unsure if I should try to reach out again and apologize. I was just telling him the truth. I don't know what to do...

[Confused32]

as a guy, I would say he's setting the wheels in motion for having his cake and eating it. Seems like he wants to know you'll be there if he gets really lonely, or gets horny. It's like you're a plan b.

 

Move on, you deserve someone focused on you 100%, not if, and when he feels like it.

[Ruby65]

Why on earth are you chasing after this guy?

 

He was never that into you.... and now you're still chasing him and expecting that will somehow make him *more* into you?

 

Nope, he's only keeping you around as a Plan B or FWB. If he was really into you, he'd be doing all the work to make the conversations flowing and entertaining.

 

STOP chasing this guy!

 

[Simon Phoenix]

I mean, you keep repeating history over and over and you wonder why it always remains the same. You keep dumbly trying to manipulate him into being this boyfriend which he's never been, he always backs off, and then you type this wall of text. Don't you get tired of history continuously repeating itself? You've been doing this for years.