Hoping for second chance. Feel stupid.

[SLee]

I've posted my full break up story in full detail here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/524909-3-5-later

 

If you want more detail, read away. It is a bit long.

 

Basically, a lot of things happened in a very short amount of time. Both each other's first love, both college students, started when I was 18 and he just turned 20. We both got REALLY committed really fasted. We were never apart when we lived in separate dorms/apartments for two years. Then we moved in together officially for the last year and a half. I still believe it was the right decision at the time. We genuinely loved each other. I do believe that, but we were immature emotionally, and both handled some things not well.

 

Mainly, I was struggling with depression/anxiety and didn't take care of myself like I should have, which is my responsibility, which certainly contributed to our recent downfall. I relied on him way too much for support. He was possessive and overprotective, limited the time I could see my friends, was already forcing me to compromise on some very "grown up" topics (where to live, what type of house to buy, how to decorate it, what kind of wedding we wanted, the list goes on, where to go to grad school so as not to be apart, the list goes on.) basically I compromised on all my goals for him, which freaked me out.

 

Last summer, I brought my fears up to him. I told him it may not be the best idea to be so committed when we didn't even really know what careers we wanted. I made it clear that it wasn't a break up, I just wanted a little bit of the pressure off. Like most people our age, I was feeling pressure with family, academically, financially, terrified of an uncertain future, etc. He was sad, but understood. I took my time and got my mental issues under control. I got better. But he pulled away completely from me. When I approached him asking if we could give our relationship a real shot at the long haul, he told me he "got over" me and didn't love me and wanted to break up for good.

 

After a few very confusingly emotional weeks, we decided not to renew our lease for next year for a lot of reasons. We'll be going no contact once we move out. We're working towards that now with not texting so much, we stay in separate rooms, no physical stuff, we keep to ourselves and are pulling away emotionally.

 

But there's a problem. I know the relationship is over for now. I've accepted that. But we mean so much to each other. We shared our lives together. We promised everything to each other. It's was picture perfect for the majority of the relationship, I know everyone says that about their ex, or at least many do, but I just can't shake that feeling.

 

I know neither of us are in a place to have a LTR at this time. He has a lot of maturing to do. I have a lot to figure out with my academics. I gave up a lot of opportunities for him and I need more self-confidence back. We both have grown a lot since we first got together and I do really believe we have a really good shot at a good life. Maybe not now, but I really believe we do. We both want the same things in life: no kids, modest home, careers we enjoy, no fame or fortune or anything. We have the same political beliefs, similar (but sometimes differing) tastes in art, music, and movies, we have the same religious background/beliefs, we both like each other's families and vice versa, sexual compatibility, etc.

 

Maybe I'm delusional. There were problems, but looking on it, the problems stemmed from being immature and inexperienced. He doesn't want to give me "hope", but has said maybe in the future when we're older and hit it off again there might be a chance for us.

 

Even though it sucks and I'd like nothing more than to just make up and stay in the same living situation, it wouldn't be good for either one of us. But I still feel dumb and really pathetic because I'm still hoping that after we see what it is to be truly alone without each other, that we'll come back together and reconcile, both being a bit older and wiser.

 

I have my own goals: No contact so that I can heal, spend time with family, work on my friendships, get my academics sorted out, grow up more, do things I'm proud of, etc. But I still hope, and it makes me feel stupid that, at least right now, it keeps me going.

 

I'm putting this mainly here to vent. I know the relationship didn't work. It couldn't keep going how it was going at all, but like I said, I still hope and pray someday we'll find each other again. Not for a while, but someday.

 

I know those chances are slim, but I don't know how either of us can so easily throw everything we had away. I feel like a miserable idiot.

[LifeWasted]

Quit beating yourself up. Sometimes relationships between two people just don't work out. He has detached. Quit trying to crawl inside his head. You may not like what you find.

 

Move out and move on. Find someone you are truly compatible with.

[Satu]

Live in the present.

 

Nobody knows what the future will be.

 

Reality is the present moment.

[SLee]

Quit beating yourself up. Sometimes relationships between two people just don't work out. He has detached. Quit trying to crawl inside his head. You may not like what you find.

 

Move out and move on. Find someone you are truly compatible with.

Thank you for the advice. For weeks I've been trying to "figure him out" and try to understand what he was thinking. Every time I did, I got more hurt. So I'm not pushing him to try again ever, I'm taking all the pressure on my end off. I don't have the heart to hurt him like that.

 

I flip back and forth too. Sometimes I'm wondering if I'm better off just leaving him behind for good. The other half of the time, I want him back so bad. It's a terrible place to be in.

[SLee]

Live in the present.

 

Nobody knows what the future will be.

 

Reality is the present moment.

Thank you. I will keep telling myself that!

[tinydancer324]

Dear, you are so very young. If it hasn't been working, take some time for yourself. You have the rest of your adult life to possibly get back together. Right now, take the NC period and use it to better yourself. You'll be glad you did, and the only way you guys can get back together is if you BOTH make progress as individuals first.

 

Two more pieces of BTDT advice from me (I'm 38):

 

-The exes who truly love you will always try to come back to you eventually. But if they wait too long, guess what: you won't care anymore and you'll have found someone better.

 

-I'm 3 weeks in to my marriage separation and the pain has finally started to lift and I am starting to function. If that's any consolation, it will start to hurt less.

 

Sending hugs...

[Bohonia]

You were not the one, he was not your one. Right now that may sound strange as you are obviously emotionally attached to him. He was your placeholder and you his. This is life when you meet the person you are meant to be with you don't have to push and push it flows naturally. Get yourself something constructive to do to keep you busy and grow as an individual. Right now you want answers why this why that but you're not going to get them thats no how life works things will be revealed to you when you are ready not when you demand and want to control..

[SLee]

tinydancer, thank you so much. I really appreciate advice for people who are older than me. I'm a pretty booksmart person, but I seriously lack the wisdom that only comes with experience and getting older. It's hard now, because I do know I'm young of course, but this feels so be all, end all. That's my crazy dumpee brain, for ya.

 

I plan to take the NC period very seriously. I'm fortunate to have a good support system of family and friends (something the ex doesn't have because he pushed everyone in his life away for our relationship, even though I told him not to!) so I can always reach out to them when I'm low. It's going to be so incredibly hard. I'm expecting the worse. I expect the move and actually, truthfully saying goodbye to very traumatic for me. I'm hoping to make it through and be a better me at the end of the tunnel.

 

I hope he does. I'm in no place to find someone else, even though my mind does go that way sometimes. I just want him back. Like I said, just the mere hope that there is a chance in the future is what is keeping me going for now. Hope is hard to kill.

 

I'm sorry about your separation, but I'm glad you're beginning to heal. That really gives me hope, even though I don't like that you're in that situation. My mom is going through a divorce with my step dad who had an affair that she found out about just over a year ago. She went through everything I'm currently going through (in a different way because she's older, married for 10 years, and has a child with him) and she told me tonight that in a year I definitely WILL feel differently. Whatever that "differently" is. That's why advice from people who are older than me is so valuable to me.

 

Thank you for the hugs! I accept them gladly!

[SLee]

Bohonia, thank you so much for replying. It's direct and hard to hear, but I know I need to hear it. So thank you. It sounds dumb, but he feels like the one, oh goodness does he!

 

No matter what the outcome, I'm going to work on me. It's my only option at this point. I'm going to spend time with family and friends, focus on building the life I want for myself, get back into creative writing again, etc. I'm trying to set achievable goals.

 

You're right, I am wishing for answers. Every time I asked him for answers, it just hurt more. I don't need his answers, no matter how much I want that. I know that, but it still hurts. For the moment, I'm letting go. I'm surrendering. Even though I still cling to the smallest glimmer of help. Easier said than done.

 

Again, thank you!

[SLee]

In addition to everyone's reply, it is becoming easier to maintain hope which I don't know is healthy...

 

The mother of a childhood friend just got engaged to her high school sweetheart from some 30 years back. Two of my good friends (mutual friends of the ex and I) are getting married next month, and they were broken up a while before finding each other again. One of my school friends from college were broken up for over a year or so and just got engaged recently.

 

Seeing all this pop up everywhere in my life, all these exes getting together from all walks of life and finding each other, just makes me hope a bit more. It's pathetic and silly at this point. Like I said, our relationship could NOT carry on how it was going. But any glimmer of hope keeps me going, and encourages me to work on myself. As pathetic as that is.

[Fallenangel82]

I'm in the same shoes so I feel your pain, although lately it's been crossing my mind more and more that I miss the feeling of being in a relationship more than him, whereas at the beginning being with HIM was the be all and end all.

 

I still have days where I miss him as a person but if he was to appear in front of me I'd be nervous as hell and not able to be myself. That's how I know I'm not ready to even consider taking him back, even if he wanted to. We broke up because he wanted space, now ironically it's me who needs it.

[SLee]

Fallenangel, what you said is SO how I feel. I'm still in the beginning of it so I miss him SO much as well as the stability and support of the relationship. It's a really crummy place to be in. He still feels like the be all, end all. I'm still at a point where I fear I lost the love of my life, as silly as that sounds.

 

I understand that too! I want him back desperately, but if he were to have some change of heart or some weird come to jesus moment where he wanted me back, I'd be really nervous that it would crumble and be anxious and scared all time.

 

And same, he needs some time away from me. I know that. But I need time away from him too. Our relationship wasn't working where it was at that point, and neither him and I are in a place to jump into anything while this hurt is so fresh.

 

Thank you so much for your words. They mean a lot to me.

[mikeveli4g]

Greetings Slee...

 

 

I just finished reading your post and found myself in your situation for a second as it is very similar to what I'm recently going through. One thing I can say from a man's point of view, majority of the time if we are the ones to walk away, especially after something that is long term, some how some way we will always come running back and majority of the time, it is too late.

 

 

 

 

All the things you mentioned... "no contact" and focusing on yourself and family is the perfect route to go and trust me when his ego starts to kick in he will be calling again and I'm sure after both of you have grown it can work out the way you want it to.

 

 

Trust me... the dating scene SUCKS for a man so let him do his thing for now and lucky for you, a woman can get any man she wants and eventually your chances of finding someone a lot better are greater for you then it is for him and I can vouch for that.

 

 

My ex-fiance' pulled the plug on me as we were both verbally abusive to one another over things similar to what you speak and after 7 years of friendship, 3 years of me being faithful and did anything she wanted (Long Distant Relationship, 2 countries apart), she fled to where the grass was greener and I'm back in the game struggling trying to find my way wishing upon a star one day we find our way back to one another.

 

 

Keep the faith love... If he's smart... he won't keep you waiting too long. It's a harsh reality when that other side of the bed gets cold. Best wishes.

[Fallenangel82]

That feeling of "OMG, he was the one" will pass, believe me it does in time. Crikey, I've thought that about all my SO's at some point!

 

As much as this feeling sucks, I just keep reminding myself that if there is any hope in hell of reconciliation I need to be over all this hurt that is still in me and that's going to take time.

 

We are not going to wake up tomorrow, next week or maybe even this month magically healed.

 

All we can do is hang in there and work on healing ourselves. Then, should they return great, if not, we are in a better place anyway and probably wont care either way.

 

One thing is for sure, when my ex met me I was happy, bubbly and care free, now since he left, I resemble AND have the attitude of Oscar the Grouch in his trash can so for the time being, Im keeping away! He does not need to see this!

[SLee]

mikeveil4g, wow. You're message is very comforting. He's also been really flip-floppy, saying how he'll "miss me" when we move out and go no contact. How he won't have anyone to "Act weird or silly" around, and he said "Who am I going to be weird around!?" All I could do was shrug really. He's the one who wants to end it, not me. He said "It's gonna be weird not talking to you." and I told him honestly, that one day we'll be in the apartment together, the next day it'll be nothing. He was sad about it. At first, he seemed almost excitedly relieved at the prospect of not being around me and going no contact. But, just knowing him and how he is, as it becomes more and more real he'll feel some hurt.

 

I'm torn too. Like I said, I know this guy and we're all somewhat creatures of habit. Once I'm really, actually not around, I feel like he'll feel the loss and loneliness. On the other hand, I think he'll just get on with his life. He claims to have already "moved on".

 

I really hope what you say is true!

 

I know I can date again when I want to, but I feel like he's a rare catch that some other woman will swoop to really fast. He's smart, handsome, kind, caring, and all those other great qualities women (particularly women my age) pray for. But yeah, I think what you say has a TON of truth for the dating scene for men. Especially for him, who's really far into college. Everyone has their groups of friends and their people. When we got to school when we were younger making friends and meeting people was easy and everything. This far into school, not so much.

 

I'm thinking in the right way, like you said, but still clinging to hope. It's all I have at this point, working on myself. It's all I can do. Once I graduate and grow up a bit more, hopefully he'll be in a different place too.

 

Similar to what you said, our arguments got really bad and always over the STUPIDEST stuff. Stress and everything really does a number on you. And like you said, once he sees that this was worth trying for and the grass isn't greener, hopefully he'll come back.

 

Thank you so much for your wisdom and kind words. They mean so much to me.

[SLee]

Fallenangel, That's exactly how I feel! If he did come running back this instant I'd be in so much shock after all this hurt. As much as I would want to, the wounds are just too fresh. I mean, I probably would say yes because my emotions are so crazed up right now, but my brain says I need to heal a lot more.

 

Right now I get good hours and bad hours. I get really excited about my future, other times I get miserable and scared.

 

That's exactly what we have to do. Keep on healing. As much as it sucks. Right now, since we still have to live together, all he sees is the woman who is sometimes okay, sometimes miserable who's often just a mess. It's going to be a shock when we go no contact and for sure doesn't need to see my lonely, crying fits I'm bound to have. What you say makes so much sense!

 

So thank you, again. You're really very kind!

[Fallenangel82]

Slee I hear you on the good hours and bad hours.

 

Some days fly by, others feel like years where you are up and down within an hour and can't wait to go to sleep so it's a new day. I almost feel relieved I get my own space and sanctuary to let it out without him seeing.

 

It must be so tough to still be living together, I admire you for being as strong as you are. You must feel like you are in such an uncertain limbo. Just remember the emotions you are feeling are completely normal, even if you feel irrational or silly. Just ride the waves.

[SLee]

Fallenangel, you're hitting everything right on the head. The uncertain limbo is complete murder. Living together is completely tough, but moving out will be even harder as we've been living together for a year and a half and have spent almost no time apart in 3.5 years.

 

That's what I have to remember though. I'm in the middle of the storm right now. It's just crazy 'cause I've NEVER felt like this before. But for now, it's about waiting it out.

 

Thank you so much! You're wonderful.

[mikeveli4g]

mikeveil4g, wow. You're message is very comforting. He's also been really flip-floppy, saying how he'll "miss me" when we move out and go no contact. How he won't have anyone to "Act weird or silly" around, and he said "Who am I going to be weird around!?" All I could do was shrug really. He's the one who wants to end it, not me. He said "It's gonna be weird not talking to you." and I told him honestly, that one day we'll be in the apartment together, the next day it'll be nothing. He was sad about it. At first, he seemed almost excitedly relieved at the prospect of not being around me and going no contact. But, just knowing him and how he is, as it becomes more and more real he'll feel some hurt.

 

I'm torn too. Like I said, I know this guy and we're all somewhat creatures of habit. Once I'm really, actually not around, I feel like he'll feel the loss and loneliness. On the other hand, I think he'll just get on with his life. He claims to have already "moved on".

 

I really hope what you say is true!

 

I know I can date again when I want to, but I feel like he's a rare catch that some other woman will swoop to really fast. He's smart, handsome, kind, caring, and all those other great qualities women (particularly women my age) pray for. But yeah, I think what you say has a TON of truth for the dating scene for men. Especially for him, who's really far into college. Everyone has their groups of friends and their people. When we got to school when we were younger making friends and meeting people was easy and everything. This far into school, not so much.

 

I'm thinking in the right way, like you said, but still clinging to hope. It's all I have at this point, working on myself. It's all I can do. Once I graduate and grow up a bit more, hopefully he'll be in a different place too.

 

Similar to what you said, our arguments got really bad and always over the STUPIDEST stuff. Stress and everything really does a number on you. And like you said, once he sees that this was worth trying for and the grass isn't greener, hopefully he'll come back.

 

Thank you so much for your wisdom and kind words. They mean so much to me.

 

 

 

SLEE... TRUST ME! It always happens this way and the signals are already there. So what if he says he's "MOVED ON," it doesn't mean that his heart is completely gone and I'm telling you as a man whether we were the ones who did the dumping or being dumped... we ALWAYS take our time when it comes to stuff like this and for some odd reason we pay the big price in the end.

 

 

All it takes is one argument and he will call you and again by that time I'm sure you will already have something new of your own but like you've been doing take time to heal because it's a ruthless game out here and if a new man senses you still have emotion for your other guy... it's "pimp or die."

 

 

When he sees you are happy... believe you me, you're going to hear a lot from him and may find yourself at a crossroad.

 

 

I'm just speaking from my own personal experience.... Women whether they get dumped or do the dumping, they always win in the end. I was dumped cold-blooded, and she is over there living the life like we never existed and I'm left in the cold with THOTS that are worth nothing. I would give anything just to hear her cuss me out over something stupid again but trust... it's a harsh reality.

 

 

Take your time... cry if you must... WRITE ALOT as that has helped me... and keep quiet. Time will take it's place. You'll be fine

[SLee]

Mikeveil4g, I pray you are right! He says things like "I want you to be okay" and stuff like that because he "Cares" and whatnot, also that he doesn't see us "ever getting back together." and that he's "in a better situation to move on" than I am at this point. But I can't tell if he's talking out of his butt or not. And then he flips back to the "I'm gonna miss you" stuff. It's difficult to navigate. I'd like to believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder and I think he's relieved at this point, but who knows if that'll last or how long.

 

And you're totally right, I am in NO position to see anyone else right now. Not for a long time until I'm healed from all this mess. I'm not the rebound type of person (not that there's anything wrong with that) and I just know if I were to date or see anyone, I would be constantly comparing them to him and it'd be a toxic mess. And I'm at the point where I'm looking for something more serious and long term. Ironically that's where the ex is too, which is part of the reason this break up makes no sense to me because we want the exact same things. Honestly, it's hard to find people our age in our location who have those same goals in a partner unless they're very religious or conservative (again, there's nothing wrong with that.)

 

I do hope your situation improves as well, I genuinely do. I understand the hurt you're going through very deeply.

 

That's what I need now, time. I wallow when I need to. The mornings are the hardest because I keep waking up to the same nightmare situation with no change. I've been doing a lot of writing too! My feelings, letters I'll never send, venting my anger and sadness, all that stuff.

 

Thank you again for your kind words, I certainly pray that you're right in all this!

[mikeveli4g]

Mikeveil4g, I pray you are right! He says things like "I want you to be okay" and stuff like that because he "Cares" and whatnot, also that he doesn't see us "ever getting back together." and that he's "in a better situation to move on" than I am at this point. But I can't tell if he's talking out of his butt or not. And then he flips back to the "I'm gonna miss you" stuff. It's difficult to navigate. I'd like to believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder and I think he's relieved at this point, but who knows if that'll last or how long.

 

And you're totally right, I am in NO position to see anyone else right now. Not for a long time until I'm healed from all this mess. I'm not the rebound type of person (not that there's anything wrong with that) and I just know if I were to date or see anyone, I would be constantly comparing them to him and it'd be a toxic mess. And I'm at the point where I'm looking for something more serious and long term. Ironically that's where the ex is too, which is part of the reason this break up makes no sense to me because we want the exact same things. Honestly, it's hard to find people our age in our location who have those same goals in a partner unless they're very religious or conservative (again, there's nothing wrong with that.)

 

I do hope your situation improves as well, I genuinely do. I understand the hurt you're going through very deeply.

 

That's what I need now, time. I wallow when I need to. The mornings are the hardest because I keep waking up to the same nightmare situation with no change. I've been doing a lot of writing too! My feelings, letters I'll never send, venting my anger and sadness, all that stuff.

 

Thank you again for your kind words, I certainly pray that you're right in all this!

 

 

 

 

Any time my friend and thank you for your kind words as well. Unfortunately, my situation is a long shot as she is on the other side of the world and I haven't heard from her in weeks and I've poured my heart out so much I'm even surprised it's still beating lol. But, she did jump into a relationship VERY QUICKLY and still hasn't deleted me off of FB, only to rub it in my face and knowing how she is I know it could backfire at a split second. So, granted if destiny should send me someone new clearly it's goodbye but no matter how crazy things got, an engagement is worth another try considering all she has meant to me over the years. We just ran into hard times. But again, not holding my breath as I take baby steps to stay healthy, continue to write and enjoy what the single life has to bring even though it hasn't been much.

 

 

On top of all that... I like seeing and helping others get things back on track with their significant others and that includes you. I hope I'm right as well but in the mean time just be patient and let things play out. If he is saying he is going to miss you that's always a positive and as long as you aren't pushy and possessive (like I was) he will keep you in a special place in his heart.

 

 

Take care of YOU before anything else... you'll be just fine

[SLee]

I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I feel you. I'm surprised I'm still going how I am with all of this. And engagement is definitely worth another shot, I mean my ex and I were discussing engagement stuff before it all started to collapse, and if two people mean so much to each other for so long I find it so hard to believe that it can all be tossed away so easily.

 

I understand with what you mean, of course my situation is a bit different as we're both still in school studying. And we just got really caught up in finances (broke university students), being stuck in degree programs we didn't like, work, etc. And the petty crap that didn't actually matter (squabbles over chores, family nonsense, etc.) just built and built and drove us apart. And as soon is it got too real and he wasn't feeling the love anymore, he bailed. I explained that no matter who he's with you're not going to feel that honeymoon stuff 100% of the time and all. Hard times ALWAYS happen. Didn't matter. So I can relate to what you mean.

 

When I was 17 I was very keen on the single life, but now that I'm (a little bit) older all I want is stability and companionship. But I'll take what I can from it by not worrying about how to carry myself around his family, not commuting two hours to see his family, working on my friendships, focusing more on my education and creating a life that I want, hobbies I've neglected, etc.

 

You're very kind to help others as you have and I feel similarly. I'm taking your advice completely to heart, practicing patience and humility in all this. I was really pushy at first (when everything went down) and that made everything worse. Now I don't bother him and just am riding it out, as much as it hurts to do so.

 

I hope you're situations improves you truly deserves. But for now it's all about US as the dumpees! That's all we got.

[we'llneverknow]

I feel like I'm in the same boat as you all...

 

3+ years together, then he tells me he doesn't know if I am the one or not. It's not that he knows I'm not the one, but he doesn't know. Said he doesn't want to waste my time and told me to move on, and all of my reconcillation attempts have been ignored and rejected. Seems that he needs time to figure things out for himself.

 

Now that it's been 3 months since the break up and 2 months of NC. This isn't my first heartbreak, I know how the process works. I'm doing my best to move on and focus on myself, and on most days now I can function without too much heart ache. Soon I will be moving to another country for work for 1-2 years. Hoping that by taking myself out of the enviornment to somewhere with no memories of him, I may be able to recover faster.

 

But at the same time, I still hope that maybe after a year or two time apart, he may figure his stuff out and come back to me. I also fear he will forget about me altogether. Realistically I realise it's better not to hold on to the hope of him coming back, but a huge part of me still feels like it was the right person wrong timing, you know?

 

You hear so many stories around you of people getting back together in a few years, and actually make things work.... it makes you hopeful.

Edited April 22, 2015 by we'llneverknow

[mikeveli4g]

I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I feel you. I'm surprised I'm still going how I am with all of this. And engagement is definitely worth another shot, I mean my ex and I were discussing engagement stuff before it all started to collapse, and if two people mean so much to each other for so long I find it so hard to believe that it can all be tossed away so easily.

 

I understand with what you mean, of course my situation is a bit different as we're both still in school studying. And we just got really caught up in finances (broke university students), being stuck in degree programs we didn't like, work, etc. And the petty crap that didn't actually matter (squabbles over chores, family nonsense, etc.) just built and built and drove us apart. And as soon is it got too real and he wasn't feeling the love anymore, he bailed. I explained that no matter who he's with you're not going to feel that honeymoon stuff 100% of the time and all. Hard times ALWAYS happen. Didn't matter. So I can relate to what you mean.

 

When I was 17 I was very keen on the single life, but now that I'm (a little bit) older all I want is stability and companionship. But I'll take what I can from it by not worrying about how to carry myself around his family, not commuting two hours to see his family, working on my friendships, focusing more on my education and creating a life that I want, hobbies I've neglected, etc.

 

You're very kind to help others as you have and I feel similarly. I'm taking your advice completely to heart, practicing patience and humility in all this. I was really pushy at first (when everything went down) and that made everything worse. Now I don't bother him and just am riding it out, as much as it hurts to do so.

 

I hope you're situations improves you truly deserves. But for now it's all about US as the dumpees! That's all we got.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I appreciate it my friend. Definitely a "DIFFERENT" situation from yours but very similar to yours in a sense with family, friends and other dumb things that just added up to where I was willing to fix it but she was quite selfish and very demanding of things I had no control over but it is what it is. It's so much more to it I won't bore you with but it was a legal process to go with it which caused stress on both of us and but it cost me lots of cash and sleep lol.

 

 

To your situation... school is definitely stressful especially towards the end and it may be best that it's this way for now. I think what both of us are struggling with is that new people are in the picture and being that we appear to care for our significant others so much it's just a gut wrenching feeling that someone can just easily come along and take away what we worked hard for. Lucky for you, the emotion still appears to be there and with a man anything can happen. With women, it appears it's like the point of no return... when yall are fed up it's pretty much "peace out." I just felt like she could have broken if off better other than leading me to believe it was over a fight which didn't take place in those last days and she never looked me in the eyes to tell me she no longer loved me. All this was done over the phone and had I'd been in her presence I don't think she would have been able to do such a thing.

 

 

LDR sucks.... but that's the game I guess. I'm hoping and I'm positive your situation won't come to a complete end anytime soon and from what it sounds like time will take it's place and it's going to work out. Remember, you are a woman should you decide to test the waters you won't be free very long but just make sure you're ready if you go that route

[SLee]

we'llneverknow, thank you so much for your reply! Like I said before, it's comforting that I'm not alone in this. No matter how logically I explained it to him without begging and pleading (all the same life goals, how good of a team we are, how we COULD make it work, that I was in the exact same place he is now last summer and I still came back, etc.) and he even said I'm usually right about these kinds of things. But still, he said his heart just wasn't in it and it was "too little, too late". And it makes no sense to me at all.

 

I've come around to the fact that there's nothing I can do for him at this point. I had a bit of time to work on me and take care of myself. He never did. And even though I'm almost 2 years younger than him, he's a bit behind me on this matter. He needs to figure himself out.

 

He flip flops all over the place as I said, one minute he wants almost nothing to do with me (we still live together until summer) and says how he doesn't see us getting back together and what not. The next minute he tries to initiate intimacy and says how he'll miss me and have no one else he can act himself around, and how maybe "in a few years if we hit it off" we can try again. But nothing from him about reconciling.

 

We both made dumb choices. I was 17 when I met him and he was a year ahead of me in school. He went to school in the same city that I was going to be going to once I graduated high school, and he transferred out of his major (which he hated) and his school (which he also didn't like) for me. I told him not to do it FOR me, but he did anyway and didn't tell me. He likes our school alright, but he hates his major. And he got miserable. I committed to early and sacrificed everything and didn't take care of my mental health issues like I should have. Like I said, young and dumb.

 

Your second to last paragraph hits home for me, every word! I really hope that he'll realize being alone isn't better. But maybe he'll just move on even more, as he says he's "moved on" already. But I don't know what to believe when he's being so inconsistent. I feel like for now that it's the right choice to figure my life out and what not without having to worry about a relationship, at least where I am in life currently with school and my age. But I still really hope that after a little time, once the dust settles and all that we'll find each other once we're more stable financially and career wise, and once we grow up more.

 

The right person, wrong timing thing makes so much sense. If we would have met further down the line when we actually KNEW what we wanted, it would have gone so much smoother.

 

And people getting back together is literally ALL around me. I see it all over in my friend circle and on social media and in my life in general, it really makes me hope. I see exes getting back together all the time and it makes me really hopeful.

 

I hope everything works out for you too. You're very kind. I'm glad you're at a point where you can function pretty well, that makes me hopeful for me. I hope you enjoy your adventure in the other country and I hope it does help you enormously.