things changed all of sudden

[lostbacha]

Can you help me figure this out. I am so confused. This started when she first came to live with us as my sister's roommate. We never went out on date, i never tried to impress her. But we fell in love, living in the same house together. First i tried to push her away, telling her about my bad habits of smoking, drinking, girls and weed. The girl problem was last thing I wanted in my life. But she left crying. Then I realized she had already fallen for me. She left her boyfriend of 6 years for me. It was not that easy. She was easily manipulated by my housemates who were totally against it. she was confused, she thought it was an attraction with me. she chose him. I respected her decision as you cannot force anyone to fall in love with you. We were told to stay away from each other. However, whenever she saw me, she would cry and give me a warm hug, . I fought with my entire housemates for her. Then she moved out. But still we met and I used to see her everyday(most of) after work. She was kicked out of the the job for being late, because of the fact that she would be with me till 4 in the morning. I knew she had a boyfriend, we were just friends.

But one day, i figured out that she was not talking to him or even replying his messages. She was crazy about me and she confessed it. I would had done anything for her. We moved in together and we were having a happy life.

First she had no job. I went to every shops in the place where we lived and searched a job for her. Her problems were my problems and helped her to be a person who she is right now. I was always there for her and would do anything to make our life successful together. But every now then then, we started having very minor arguments. She is 5 years younger then me, we both were short tempered. But in the end, we used to forgive and madly fall in love with each other again. The fire that ignited between was something i never felt after being with so so many girls. i was always loyal to her and we were perfect for each other. We rented our own apartment. We were planning to get married together next year or so. My siblings and cousins knew about her. She was the first girl that I ever introduced to my family. Everyone thought we were a perfect couple and we would last together. But my habit of smoking ciggis and weed, cost me my relationship. Its not like she didn't try. She hated guys who smoke and wanted me to quit. but it was difficult for me as work, studies and stress made me smoke. she caught and forgave so many times. But this time she had enough. I lied to her about smoking for more than a year because I was so scared to lose her. However this time she broke up with me. I did not have strength to convince her like I used to previous cases. I could not say anything. I slept in next room for couple of days. After few days, she tells me, she wants to move out. i tried to convince her not to. She would not listen. I came back to room, we were sleeping together (cuddling, not sex) again and she would cook me dinner, wash my clothes. But she wanted to break up. It was over. She even faked dating with some random guy in her college, so that I would let her go.

 

After trying to convince her, arguments and stuffs, I was finally convinced she had no feeling for me. So I even helped her move out as deep inside I knew she was madly in love with me. I expected her to be back in months. After she moved out, she were best friends. Even though she moved out, we were talking to each other and seeing each other over dinner. Once she she came to stay for two days. We ended up reigniting the old fire and ended up having sex. I thought I got her back. But when she left after two days, she didn't answer my call.

 

When I confronted her, she told me she regretted whatever happened with us in those two days and does not want to give me false hope. She told me she was already seeing the same guy from college after a week we broke up. I could not handle this. I went to her place late night, threaten to come up to her room or she would tell me the truth. She told me she lied to push me away. Next day when I met her, she said she had no feelings for me and the fact I lied about smoking ruined everything. She would then delete my number and block me from facebook. (which she did). After that I stalked her twice. I went into depression, didn't go out anywhere, work, college. My office called her telling that they would fire me, if I didn't show up. She tried calling me and meet me to convince me to go to work. I didn't respond to her. Few days later I had sucidal tendencies, I called her. She tried to talk me out of it, I didn't listen. She would cry and feel guilty. Then after that never contacted her.

 

Now what I don't understand is, is the reason I was given good enough for our break up? We were perfect as a couple, she wanted me to marry her, just a month after we moved in together. I convinced her that she is still young. But now she is seeing this same guy just few days after we broke up. After a week they are officially dating. Her friends at work(of 6 months) have convinced her that this guy is the real deal as he is the mutual friend with them. Now this guy has his profile picture with her in facebook which hurts a lot. Did she really love me? Is this new guy her rebound, as he looks like a monkey and is just a decent guy. I am not judging him, but if I am 8/10, that guy is 4/10. She deserves a lot better. I am happy for her, if this guy is her soulmate. But I don't want her to ruin her life over a rebound. Our mutual friends tried to convince and warn her about breaking up with me, but she would not listen. Or Is it because I was so busy with work and stuffs, that I could not give her enough time, so she left me? Did she cheat on me, and smoking was her escape goat? If smoking was the case, she would helped me quit. I did try to quit, I was smoking less and improving it. But work, college, pressure, money made smoke. Smoking is a bad habit, I am trying to quit.

 

Now its been more than a week since I have talked to her. She has cut me off from all contacts. What should I do?

 

I am so hurt badly, I know I have to move on. But i can't keep her off my head. It still feels like a dream as we would never broken up like this. Everything reminds me of her. But the fact she is seeing some other guy kills me. I am really trying hard to move on, but I can't. I have been through a lot of breakups. But this time, I can't hate her, swear her or be abusive. People tell me she used me and she is a gold digger, but my heart tells me otherwise. I just love her so much.

Edited April 19, 2015 by lostbacha