Nitty81 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I've seen a lot of posts on here and they have helped me a lot. Maybe to late now though? My girl and I broke up a couple weeks ago. We had an amazing relationship from what I thought. Never fought at all. Smiles all the time together. Then on Valentine's day she went completely silent. I asked her what was wrong and she said she needs to go home. Which is a 2 hour drive. It broke my heart because I didn't know what I did wrong. Then the texts started flying. She told me she needed space. She still loves me but maybe "love isn't enough". This really hurt. I started doing the opposite of what I should have been doing. I was blowing up her phone. Her facebook. Even her Xbox profile. I was accusing her and making her feel guilty. It's like I was hunting for the next round of pain. Recently I did a search on a dating site where we met. I found her profile. It gutted me because she had told me she was wanting to find herself and make her self happy for awhile without those kind of distractions. I accused her of lying. She got real mad. Telling me she wasn't on there and if she was its none of my business and we will not be getting back together, she didn't want to come out and say it straight up because she cared and didn't want to hurt me more than I was already hurting. I told her I will leave her alone because I have clarity that she doesn't want to be with me. That oddly helped me at first to hear. Because I felt she was stringing me along until she finds a replacement. I've started no contact as I should have done right away. I feel like a complete idiot and it's all my fault. Have I screwed myself completely with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Twigyy Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Whenever she is unsure, you should be gone already. Stop blowing up her phone. You will only push her away. There is nothing you can do to change her decision. Tell her that you will only settle for a relationship with her, no best friends. The relationship is over. Cut all contacts from her and start healing. If she changes her mind she will tell you. If she loves you enough she will start to regret, and you cannot do anything about it. So stop waiting and start healing. That should be your mindset on NC, not to win her back, but for yourself to heal. Regarding if she will come back, nobody knows. It depends on what her reason for breaking up. Maybe you were too clingy? Maybe the relationship was boring for her, there was no challenge? You know it the best. You can think about what was the challenges in the relationship and make the next one work. Keep those for yourself. Do not tell those to your ex. She dumped you and was looking for another man. Stay strong. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 She cheated and then wanted to be out of the situation. Go total NC (= no contact) on her for good, this isn't the type of girl you want a relationship with. Link to post Share on other sites
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 She cheated and then wanted to be out of the situation. Go total NC (= no contact) on her for good, this isn't the type of girl you want a relationship with. How do you know she cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. Tell people that you don't want to know anything she is doing or saying. Do remember that NC is for healing, not a way to influence the ex. You do it purely for your own benefit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nitty81 Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 She wasn't cheating on me. She wanted to make it work down the road at first. All she needed was time. Time to feel that spark again. I didn't give her the time she needed I smothered her and pushed her and pushed her for answers. Basically made her break up with me. I didn't know what I know now. Feeling pretty stupid. But I can't change that now. I'm on day 6 NC. Making myself into the best man I can be. It just sucks to go into NC when she's angry at me. Because I'm guessing she's feeling pretty single right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nitty81 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 I went no contact and made it 21 days. She changed her profile picture to her and a 25 year old kid! (She's 32) I found out she's dated this kid for the whole time I was nc! He was recently dumped buy his ex girl. Double rebound? Do you have any idea how these relationships work? Would it be that they are relying on eachother to get through the pain and make them strong? I'm gutted. I know I need to move on. It's all I can think about though. Any advice? Help me Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 (edited) Yeah, I was just about to second No Limit's post about her cheating when I saw the update. In female talk "space" usually means "there is this other guy I'm interested in and I want to see where it goes with you out of the picture, but if it doesn't work then I will be back" PS it wasn't a double rebound it was more likely his GF found out and dumped him then she dumped you. This was going on while you were with her. Dude, don't give her anymore head space move on. Edited April 13, 2015 by DKT3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 13, 2015 Share Posted April 13, 2015 Yeah, I was just about to second No Limit's post about her cheating when I saw the update. In female talk "space" usually means "there is this other guy I'm interested in and I want to see where it goes with you out of the picture, but if it doesn't work then I will be back". Agreeed -- except of course this isn't "female speak", guys say this just as often and for exactly the same reason. "Space".... "time alone".... "might be back"..... these are all indicators that there's someone else on the horizon, but she wants you around to come back to just in case it doesn't work out with him. She says she loves you -- but "love isn't enough"? That's a crock. Love is ALWAYS enough! What she meant was that she loves you like a friend but isn't "in love" anymore, and that's not enough for her. She's not into you, that's the long and short of it. Follow the rules of No Contact -- it's the fastest way to heal. Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck to you! Keep posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nitty81 Posted April 13, 2015 Author Share Posted April 13, 2015 Thanks for advice guys. I'm gonna go nc and try and become a better man now. This whole thing has almost killed me literally. Can't eat lost 20 lbs. When I try to eat I get stressed out about it and puke. Anxiety attacks. I have felt a lot of pain in my life but nothing has hurt me more than this. I'm embarrassed to say but I need to go see a doctor. I've lost my family with her. Dreams shattered. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 Don't be embarrassed -- breakups often have very real physical symptoms....loss of appetite, insomnia, anxiety attacks. Going to your doctor is a great move -- there's no reason not to get some medication to help you through a hard time. There's also natural herbal supplements you can take to help with sleep and anxiety. Google "melatonin" for sleep and "valerian" for anxiety attacks (works for falling sleep, too). The BEST medicine is whatever exercise you can manage, even just walking is good for you, out in nature if possible. It helps flood your body with chemicals that help you feel better. Appetite can take a while to return. For now, just try and get down whatever you can. Don't force yourself -- you'll be eating normally again soon, it just takes a while. In time, the pain will lessen and you'll have a different perspective on what the future holds for you. You really WILL be okay.... it just takes a while to get there. Take it a day at a time -- and keep posting! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nitty81 Posted April 14, 2015 Author Share Posted April 14, 2015 Thanks a lot. Its the naseua that's killing me. I get a thought and stress out and puke. No matter how hard I try I can't stop thinking about it. I find myself staring at a lot of walls. Our relationship was intense. I love her so much still Link to post Share on other sites
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