Jump to content

Going to meet up with ex in a week


LostanConfused

Recommended Posts

LostanConfused

Hello everyone. I'm here to post that I will be meeting up with my ex in a week to talk over everything. I contacted her last night about going out to get something to eat so we can talk once she is home form spring break. She replied that she doesn't promise changing her mind, but would like to talk. We chatted a bit after so I know when she will come back and when I'm free and everything seemed alright! She has been sharing photos on facebook about missing a person and not letting go of those who mean a lot to you so i felt that was a sign that she still cared even after we broke up. We just need to fix up on what happened and talk. She did send me a few snapchats out of nowhere that she was out at a hookah bar but i didnt reply. When I see her in a week I'm going to do this and hope it all goes well.

 

What im planning to do when i meet her is be as nice as i can possibly be. I will bring a rose, let her know how beautiful she looks before i take her out and have a good time. Might take her to her favorite place to eat. Have some good chit chat and then tell her how much i do like her and want things to work even though i know there will be changes. i will ask her if there is anything she would like us to do once we begin talking again and ask her does she see us being together again even if it takes time? Thats when i will know my answer and either continue taking her out and spending time or moving on. If any advice or anything it woul help. Thank you :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
Hello everyone. I'm here to post that I will be meeting up with my ex in a week to talk over everything. I contacted her last night about going out to get something to eat so we can talk once she is home form spring break. She replied that she doesn't promise changing her mind, but would like to talk. We chatted a bit after so I know when she will come back and when I'm free and everything seemed alright! She has been sharing photos on facebook about missing a person and not letting go of those who mean a lot to you so i felt that was a sign that she still cared even after we broke up. We just need to fix up on what happened and talk. She did send me a few snapchats out of nowhere that she was out at a hookah bar but i didnt reply. When I see her in a week I'm going to do this and hope it all goes well.

 

What im planning to do when i meet her is be as nice as i can possibly be. I will bring a rose, let her know how beautiful she looks before i take her out and have a good time. Might take her to her favorite place to eat. Have some good chit chat and then tell her how much i do like her and want things to work even though i know there will be changes. i will ask her if there is anything she would like us to do once we begin talking again and ask her does she see us being together again even if it takes time? Thats when i will know my answer and either continue taking her out and spending time or moving on. If any advice or anything it woul help. Thank you :)

 

Ditch the rose. This isn't a date, so don't treat it as such.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't wanna destroy your mood or anything, but every time I personally have had one of these "post - breakup dates" (every one of my relationships) it's just been the dumper telling me they're sorry and that they hope we can still be friends. The first few times I would go into it with hope like you, thinking "awesome, i'm gonna get her back tonight" but it's never the case, and i've learned to just go into them agreeing with everything they say, and then vanishing. The decision has been made. She's ended it and it's taken her a lot of introspection and thinking for her to do it. She's not just gonna go back on this decision, sadly. She's been on spring break aswell, she's probably feeling quite good about everything and doesn't want to leave things on a bad note with you. I know this isn't what you want to hear but it's the most likely scenario and I think you should go into this meeting with absolutely zero expectations other than that she's not going to budge on her decision. Any other mindset is going to crush you and you will leave that "date" feeling like absolute garbage when she rejects you.

 

I could be wrong here, obviously, i don't really know any details around your breakup. But I would still go into this meeting with the expectation of NOT getting back together. For the sake of your mental well being.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I don't wanna destroy your mood or anything, but every time I personally have had one of these "post - breakup dates" (every one of my relationships) it's just been the dumper telling me they're sorry and that they hope we can still be friends. The first few times I would go into it with hope like you, thinking "awesome, i'm gonna get her back tonight" but it's never the case, and i've learned to just go into them agreeing with everything they say, and then vanishing. The decision has been made. She's ended it and it's taken her a lot of introspection and thinking for her to do it. She's not just gonna go back on this decision, sadly. She's been on spring break aswell, she's probably feeling quite good about everything and doesn't want to leave things on a bad note with you. I know this isn't what you want to hear but it's the most likely scenario and I think you should go into this meeting with absolutely zero expectations other than that she's not going to budge on her decision. Any other mindset is going to crush you and you will leave that "date" feeling like absolute garbage when she rejects you.

 

I could be wrong here, obviously, i don't really know any details around your breakup. But I would still go into this meeting with the expectation of NOT getting back together. For the sake of your mental well being.

 

Sometimes this happens because its hard to build attraction again with an ex since you're so use to treating her like a girlfriend.

 

The OP is already on the losing end he said he's bringing a rose and act as nice as possible? Ugh

If OP is going to go forward with that plan then he mine as well call her now and tell her, "hey let's just be friends".

 

You're doing WAYYY too much for one date.

Edited by Jonp219
Link to post
Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf

yeah man definitely dont take the rose. If she doesnt want you back then that rose will backfire big time. Do you see what youre doing here though? youre putting her on the biggest pedestal and doing everything you can to please her.

i use to do the same but if you allow that to happen, they look at you like youre weak. I decided f*** my ex and i went NC. now 2 weeks later she is always texting me saying she misses me and loves me, she came over in the weekend crying for me and saying she needs me so badly.

 

I use to always downgrade myself and do whatever i could to get her back but now for once i decided she didnt deserve me and now shes doing anything she can to get a peep out of me. I once did what you did, i took flowers and a letter to her expressing how much i love and miss her. She cried to me and said she loves and misses me too but just "cant do it right now". Boy does that hurt when you hear that.

 

You need to slow down and think of yourself first. Be strong and independent. Dont let her know of your struggle. act like everything has been great, when she sees you dont suffer when shes not around then she will miss you. But if you make it blatently obvious that you want her back and need her then she will let you chase to feed her ego. I dont know how she is personally but you are going the wrong way. You need to cover yourself cause youre giving her the chance to run everything.

 

I think just go on this little meeting and catch up, have fun. Dont mention your guys break up, dont mention the problems, dont mention working on anything and definitely dont tell her you want her back, especially on the first meeting. Be yourself, the guy she fell in love with and trust me if she misses you, she will fall for you again. You just need to play it cool, just have fun and make her laugh. Dont say anything emotional, then when you leave, it will leave her thinking about you and thats when she will come back to you and start chasing. Really you just need to use this as a moment to remind her that she really loves you but doing it subconsciously.

 

If you tell her you want her back and want to work on it, that gives her all the power. and that opens yourself up to the big chance she says im sorry i just want to be friends. take it easy bro slow it down. definitely no rose lol you have to think of this as a stepping stone, not the page turning. You cant expect it to all go back to normal after 1 meeting, ease into and think that its a good investment for her coming back to you in the near future.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
LostanConfused

Thank you guys for giving your opinions and personal experiences. I thought it would be nice to get the rose and act romantic, but in the end it might backfire and turn worse. I'm going to prepare myself for the worse and acknowledge that she might not want me back. Its going to be tough, but i feel like i have to give it a try. I will learn form this experience since i have never done it before. I will try to go in acting like myself and know the shots are 50/50. Luckily this is sooner than later. If she wants to be friends, then i will decline. Tell her i had a wonderful time and drop off the face of the earth for awhile until I am better. She might or might not like me at the moment. At times i feel like messaging her and or calling her just to ask so i don't waste my time taking her out if things don't end well. For the moment i will mentally prepare myself and do what i can for my life.

Link to post
Share on other sites

That's a good plan. How long have you been broken up? I was under the impression this was your "final meeting" type thing where you were going to discuss the fresh breakup, not a meeting that's occurred after a period of NC from both of you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
xinaxxsdertf

The fact that she has given him the chance to meet up with her means theres something there. Or it could be her way of making sure you stay tied up on her. When my ex dumped me, she declined when i asked to meet up because she knew that in person we were perfect together but she still couldnt take it so she helped herself recover by not seeing me at all.

 

Just take the chance man if you are going to be okay if she hurts you and tells you she cant do it then by all means go ahead. But if you cant handle that sort of pain right now then dont do it. But just give it a go, i guess it will either give you what you want or it will be the final closure that you need. If she turns you away this last time, be done with it man. Full NC and dont ever be there for her ever again. If she cant be with you, then she doesnt deserve your emotional support everytime shes struggling.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thank you guys for giving your opinions and personal experiences. I thought it would be nice to get the rose and act romantic, but in the end it might backfire and turn worse. I'm going to prepare myself for the worse and acknowledge that she might not want me back. Its going to be tough, but i feel like i have to give it a try. I will learn form this experience since i have never done it before. I will try to go in acting like myself and know the shots are 50/50. Luckily this is sooner than later. If she wants to be friends, then i will decline. Tell her i had a wonderful time and drop off the face of the earth for awhile until I am better. She might or might not like me at the moment. At times i feel like messaging her and or calling her just to ask so i don't waste my time taking her out if things don't end well. For the moment i will mentally prepare myself and do what i can for my life.

 

The only thing you need to show her is a good time bro. Just be playful, funny, and flirty you're putting her way to high on that pedestal. You need to treat her like you're on regular date with another woman. Women are smart, they can sense the neediness and overkill in the air.

 

Get her the rose after having a few dates with her, when you feel like she's liking you again (body language is the biggest indicator). The reason she wants to see you is because she wants to see if anything has changed with you. Best way to attract a woman is to just make the experience fun for her, just have a good time man.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Atmosphere77

Do not bring a rose! Do not ask her if she wants to give you another chance! Do not tell her how beautiful she is! You will be shot down in flames. Go, be relaxed. Have fun. Don't bring up the old relationship or a chance for a new one. If she's still interested she will let you know without you asking or bribing her with gifts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Dude, you only dated this girl for a few weeks.

 

During which, you discovered, she was texting other guys she met off Tinder.

 

Then she broke it off with a really lame excuse -- "too busy with schoolwork".

 

Now you want to "reconcile" something which barely was anything after just a few weeks of being "broken up"?

 

I say -- bring on the roses! Why just one? Go for a dozen. Take her out and make a go of it. You literally have NOTHING to lose. It wasn't a substantial relationship and the breakup seems to have happened on a whim. I see no reason not to try and make it as romantic as possible and see if you can start dating her again.

 

However, given that she didn't seem that interested during the weeks you dated her, I wouldn't expect her to be interested in dating you again. :(

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
organizedchaos
Dude, you only dated this girl for a few weeks.

 

During which, you discovered, she was texting other guys she met off Tinder.

 

Then she broke it off with a really lame excuse -- "too busy with schoolwork".

 

Now you want to "reconcile" something which barely was anything after just a few weeks of being "broken up"?

 

I say -- bring on the roses! Why just one? Go for a dozen. Take her out and make a go of it. You literally have NOTHING to lose. It wasn't a substantial relationship and the breakup seems to have happened on a whim. I see no reason not to try and make it as romantic as possible and see if you can start dating her again.

 

However, given that she didn't seem that interested during the weeks you dated her, I wouldn't expect her to be interested in dating you again. :(

 

Totally agree. He's acting like a 4 year relationship ended.

 

They dated a month. A month! There's nothing to save. Move on.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
LostanConfused

Thanks everyone haha. I've been thinking to myself more and more about it since its coming closer and im starting to feel sick. Its tough knowing she is logging on facebook and still sharing the missing people quotes and such, but she won't send me a message. I was thinking about sending a message asking her if she really wants to get together and talk because now im starting to doubt things. Right now i don't even know how she feels about me and it confuses me. Also it wasnt her fault i was mainly the blame if you saw my other threads. I broke the trust boundaries significantly. I'm glad she is giving me this chance, but i feel i can go out and meet someone more special who i can have a wonderful time with. I won't be super romantic, i will be myself when i see her. This is tough

Link to post
Share on other sites

Dude: she's not giving you a second chance.

 

She's agreeing to let you pay for a dinner and stroke her ego, that's it. :love:

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
LostanConfused

That is very true. Now I'm thinking i don't want to go at all and just go no contact. we haven't dated too long im not sure why im trying so hard. I recently logged back into my dating apps and put new photos up and for some reason im getting positive results :) my mind still wants me to go just to see what she will say so i know and have experience with it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're able to keep the dinner in your mind for five minutes only like a goldfish and then forget it completely.... then go right ahead.... and proceed on with your life.

 

If, on the other hand, you have ANY hopes for a future with this woman, I'd ask you to consider the following:

 

SHE COULDN'T STAY FAITHFUL FOR EVEN JUST ONE MONTH.

 

I think you deserve much much better than that. ;)

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
organizedchaos
That is very true. Now I'm thinking i don't want to go at all and just go no contact. we haven't dated too long im not sure why im trying so hard. I recently logged back into my dating apps and put new photos up and for some reason im getting positive results :) my mind still wants me to go just to see what she will say so i know and have experience with it.

 

You wanna switch up the dynamic and see if she really wants you back? Cancel on her. Tell her you can't make it afterall. Don't contact her, see what she does. In the meantime, continue to date and put her out of your mind.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
LostanConfused

We don't have an exact day where we panned to meet. I just told her to let me know when she is free once she is home. When and if she gives me a day i will just tell her i have other things going on and can't go. Not sure if i should delete her off facebook or not...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't take her out to dinner, or anywhere fancy. If it was just a 1 month relationship, I'd probably just let it go. However if you're THAT desperate to try and get things going again, do not text her anything negative like asking her if she's sure she wants to meet up. Don't put doubts in her head. Just go with it, be fun, lighthearted, confident. Take her to get coffee or something, and just talk like you would with a friend, what's been going on in your life etc.

 

Treat it as if you're getting to know her all over again, be the you that you were before you began the relationship. Although in my honest opinion, if she was unable to stay faithful for just 1 month, I would forget about her and move on. I know that's difficult, I'm currently trying to move on from a 5 month relationship and feel as though I'm almost out of the woods. You'll get there, you jut need time, and someone new to capture your interest.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
LostanConfused

So I don't know why I did this, but I sent her a message earlier saying, "I can't wait to see you in a few days :) ". She read the message, but no reply. I guess it was because I didn't pose a question so there was no need to reply. I don't think she likes me anymore to be honest. I feel like i should tell her thank you for everything. then cut her out of my life. just thinking about it hurts me. meeting her wont do us any good cause if she isnt feeling me now, im not sure how meeting up will be any better.

Link to post
Share on other sites
meeting her wont do us any good cause if she isnt feeling me now, im not sure how meeting up will be any better.

 

Dude, she hasn't been feeling you all along! It's a painful truth -- but the good news is, you haven't spent that much time on her.

 

It's much better to go back to No Contact -- heal -- and then find someone much much better than this girl who's excited to be your girlfriend! :bunny:

Link to post
Share on other sites
So I don't know why I did this, but I sent her a message earlier saying, "I can't wait to see you in a few days :) ". She read the message, but no reply. I guess it was because I didn't pose a question so there was no need to reply. I don't think she likes me anymore to be honest. I feel like i should tell her thank you for everything. then cut her out of my life. just thinking about it hurts me. meeting her wont do us any good cause if she isnt feeling me now, im not sure how meeting up will be any better.

 

If she really wanted to see you, she would have written back and acted excited. Well, you sent out a feeler, and now you know.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
organizedchaos
So I don't know why I did this, but I sent her a message earlier saying, "I can't wait to see you in a few days :) ". She read the message, but no reply. I guess it was because I didn't pose a question so there was no need to reply. I don't think she likes me anymore to be honest. I feel like i should tell her thank you for everything. then cut her out of my life. just thinking about it hurts me. meeting her wont do us any good cause if she isnt feeling me now, im not sure how meeting up will be any better.

 

We've all been telling you this.

 

No reply is a reply. As BC mentioned, if she was looking forward to seeing you, she would have replied with "Me too!" or something along those lines.

 

Your text came off as needy and desperate. Not calm, cool, confident and collected.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix
I don't think she likes me anymore to be honest.

 

Well yeah, I think that was readily obvious.

 

I feel like i should tell her thank you for everything. then cut her out of my life. just thinking about it hurts me. meeting her wont do us any good cause if she isnt feeling me now, im not sure how meeting up will be any better.

 

Why would you thank someone for going on a few dates with you before looking around for other options?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
LostanConfused

Heyy! So today went wonderful. I met her and we went out to eat and the whole time we were together we laughed and joked around and since it was cold I put arm around her. At times I noticed she would inch closer to me or lean on my shoulder. Everything was wonderful. When I went to drop her off that's when I brought up my feelings and talking about things working out. I did kiss her and she kissed me back. She said she still likes me and I was one of the very few guys that treated her nicely the she wanted to be, but she still has to think about us if we were to date again because of what happened. My question is should I continue talking to her and hanging out until she feels the time is right or give her space to think?

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...