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ex responded but now what?


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Hi, just after some advice please.

 

I was briefly seeing this guy, only for about three weeks (but seeing each other most evenings during that time) and then I got a bit needy due to my as-then untreated anxiety and other things going on at the time, ended up going into his work one day and arguing with him, and he ended things, understandably.

 

At the time, he said that if I left him alone for a few weeks he would talk, I got on with my life and it got to 8 weeks since last contact...then I got a feeling I should contact him.

I phoned him on Thursday evening, he didn't answer but sent me a text about half an hour later asking "to what honour do I get a call from you?".

I asked if he knew who he was texting and he said yes, its (my name) and then I asked to phone him and he replied "why? What do you want? No offence intended just a bit odd". I phoned half an hour later and he answered, we had a decent chat with him, he asked what u had been up to etc, I did stupidly say I assumed he was seeing someone by now and he joked that he couldn't say, asked if I was and then said that no, he wasn't seeing anyone.

I sort of hinted around being upset that things had gone so badly and he suddenly said "are you saying you want to see me? If you are, just ask". I told him I didn't fancy a rejection and he said "you might be surprised actually, I might say yes. But on one condition...that if any of that stuff you did before (going into his work and pestering him, texting constantly) starts again, I'm gone."

 

After the phonecall, I texted him and said I would like to see him soonish if he is okay with that, he just replied that he would let me know so I jokingly conmented that I wouldn't hold my breath as it didn't sound too positive. He replied "no, I just don't know when though. When were you thinking?" To which I replied that it might be better if he suggested a day and time as he has a job with unstable hours and told him to let me know, speak soon.

 

Then last night I ended up calling him by mistake (put phone in pocket before it had screen locked) and texted saying that my pocket had phoned him, not me. I then text again about 20 mins later asking if I could phone him after all quickly, and he didn't reply to either of those messages.

 

I'm wary of texting too much, so what do you suggest I do now?

 

A friend of mine (male) suggested that i text him with a list of dates I am available in the next couple of weeks, but I'm pretty much free any evening...

 

Thing is, I know he used to have his children on two set nights a week and worked in a nightclub until the early hours of the morning at weekends, rendering those nights unsuitable for a meet up, and I've never been sure what hours he works on weekdays as it changes all the time..which is why I wanted to phone him, so I know what days might be suitable.

 

Do you think maybe I should just text early next week saying something like if he still wants to meet up, I have a day off from work on Thursday if he has time during the day, or I am free on (give a couple of evenings I am available) if he would rather meet during the evening, then ask him to let me know?

or should I just wait for him to get in touch?

 

Or...should i just send a how are you type text next week and leave meeting up for a bit? Get some dialogue going via text message first?

 

Sorry for long post but I could really use some advice, thanks.

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It sounds to me as if your behavior is still way too needy.

 

All the insecurity -- the texts -- you're clearly pursuing him and he's setting the pace. None of that is attractive.

 

I wouldn't contact him again and see if he starts to contact you. If not, consider it a life lesson.

 

But no more texting! Delete him from your phone so you don't accidentally contact him or reach out in a moment of weakness.

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Oh :(

 

Well I did end up sending one more text, asking if he was free tonight and if not, I'm available next week (gave days I am free).

 

Wish I had read this before I did that!

 

So you think he hasn't replied because he's freaked out again now then?

 

I thought I was being reasonable with the texts I sent... :/

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Yeah, I think you've totally blown it if the goal was to make him interested in you as more than just a booty call.

 

I don't think he's freaking out. I think -- at best -- he's just not that interested. Your behavior has (in my opinion anyway) been clingy and creepy and desperate.

 

Go ahead and delete his number from your phone and DON'T contact him again.

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