Three1 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 So if NC isn't a way to get your ex back what is a good way to do it when i hurt her? When is a good time to prove that i have changed and the break up helped me? Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 So if NC isn't a way to get your ex back what is a good way to do it when i hurt her? When is a good time to prove that i have changed and the break up helped me? The only way you can truly show her that you've changed is when she realizes it on her own. There is nothing you can do or say to prove to her that you've made changes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Three1 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 The only way you can truly show her that you've changed is when she realizes it on her own. There is nothing you can do or say to prove to her that you've made changes. Yea i understand i can't force/pressure or convince her I've changed. But she lives an hour and half away, theres no chance at running into her. So how could she realize it on her own when she can't see it or even know I'm capable of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mi7522 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Yea i understand i can't force/pressure or convince her I've changed. But she lives an hour and half away, theres no chance at running into her. So how could she realize it on her own when she can't see it or even know I'm capable of it. She will realize it when she wants you back in her life until then there is nothing you can do but keep improving yourself for YOU not for her. In the long run you'll be much better off for it Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Why did she break up with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Three1 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Stupid argument escalated and i ended it with saying "i want you out of here tomorrow". Didnt mean it and was sorry as soon as i said it, getting help now for working myself up and not controlling what i say out of impulse. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Stupid argument escalated and i ended it with saying "i want you out of here tomorrow". Didnt mean it and was sorry as soon as i said it, getting help now for working myself up and not controlling what i say out of impulse. Well if you're the one who ended it you have to be the one to try get it back. Try call her and just explain it was stupid and you're getting help etc Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 So if NC isn't a way to get your ex back what is a good way to do it when i hurt her? *When is a good time to prove that i have changed and the break up helped me? *How have you changed? What is different about you now? You have to be really clear about that yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Three1 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 Well if you're the one who ended it you have to be the one to try get it back. Try call her and just explain it was stupid and you're getting help etc i meant ended the argument saying that, she ended the relationship because those words really hurt her and she doesn't think i won't do it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Three1 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 *How have you changed? What is different about you now? You have to be really clear about that yourself. My outlook on things for one, i never thought she would leave me so maybe i took her for granted. The way i argue i need to see her point of view more, say sorry even if i think I'm right, agree to disagree and drop things that aren't worth it, be less possessive, communicate differently because she takes things wrong. Overall improvements i need to make for any relationship to be successful and being outside the relationship helped me realize them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
quattrob Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 It's easy for anyone to "say" they have changed, and honestly I don't believe you can just change that quickly. It's ridiculous to think you can just change that fast. You may be able to convince me but good luck on convincing her. You need to give it alot of time and thought before you actually change. You may think you have changed but alot of times you changed only until you get what you want back. This is why you need to take time and actually really change. Alot of people are guilty of this, they make so many promises and even change themselves to get what they want. And then once they got what they want, they go back to how they were. Changing isn't something you can just snap your fingers, you need time and dedication and commitment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 If you've apologized, there's nothing more you can do. It's up to her now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Three1 Posted March 6, 2015 Author Share Posted March 6, 2015 It's easy for anyone to "say" they have changed, and honestly I don't believe you can just change that quickly. It's ridiculous to think you can just change that fast. You may be able to convince me but good luck on convincing her. You need to give it alot of time and thought before you actually change. You may think you have changed but alot of times you changed only until you get what you want back. This is why you need to take time and actually really change. Alot of people are guilty of this, they make so many promises and even change themselves to get what they want. And then once they got what they want, they go back to how they were. Changing isn't something you can just snap your fingers, you need time and dedication and commitment. I get what your saying but i think just the fact that I am more aware what i was doing needed to be changed is huge and realizing i need to do some things different is a big step. I always thought every argument/bickerment/disagreement had to be talked out and settled no matter what and always thought that it was right way to do it and now just realizing thats not how i want to go about it is something i never would have realized before. Thats just an example but theres a lot of things i was doing wrong that i didnt think were wrong or had to be done differently and the fact that i now realize i should change those things is big. Its a new outlook that i needed. Now am i naive enough to say if we got back together i won't make some of the same mistakes no, its old habits that i will fall back into from time to time and this break up isn't going to make me the perfect boyfriend but just the realization that i want to do things different that i never had before can make a huge difference. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 You can't get your ex back. She has to come on her own. Even if you changed, the urge to show her that is very needy and insecure. You live a meaningful life without her. Real change that stays takes a lot of dedicated work and introspection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Three1 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Basically everyone is saying don't say anything and let her come back...but isn't that No Contact which everyone says is NOT a way to get your ex back? I just don't see her changing her mind and thinking i won't hurt her again out of no where without me trying to prove it or show her changes Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 that is wonderful that you have learned things about yourself since this break up You need to apply those lessons to your next relationship. Read up on the five stages of grief. You are grieving the loss of your relationship & you are in the bargaining phase. You haven't reached acceptance yet. When you do you will be over her & ready to move forward. For now don't go backward. That relationship is over. Read a book called They Call it A Break Up Because It's Broken. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Three1 Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 that is wonderful that you have learned things about yourself since this break up You need to apply those lessons to your next relationship. Read up on the five stages of grief. You are grieving the loss of your relationship & you are in the bargaining phase. You haven't reached acceptance yet. When you do you will be over her & ready to move forward. For now don't go backward. That relationship is over. Read a book called They Call it A Break Up Because It's Broken. Yea im excited about the things I've learned and my new outlook on what to do different. I know the relationship is over i guess I'm stuck in the phase where i want a new fresh relationship, but still with her because i want her to see my changes and show her the 2.0 version of myself. Im stuck in the mindset i broke this i can fix this and if i had just learned these things before we would still be together. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Basically everyone is saying don't say anything and let her come back...but isn't that No Contact which everyone says is NOT a way to get your ex back? I just don't see her changing her mind and thinking i won't hurt her again out of no where without me trying to prove it or show her changes Your changes will only register if she sees them on her own. You going "look at me, look at me, I've changed!" won't do anything but annoy the crap out of her. You have no control over her and trying to manipulate her into seeing the new you is just going to prove that you're the old you. The only thing you can do is keep improving and evolving. It's up to her whether she chooses to see it. If she does, it'll make a lot more of an impact on her than you forcing her to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
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