Uses my feelings or wants me back?

[thorin]

I am a couple of days in NC, after she told me she doesn't love me and wants to have fun, and the only thing she feels for me is addiction and friendship. She also wanted to stay friends, but I said no and went nc.

 

Now we texted a bit, she said she misses me, wants to hug me, but I said it was her decision - she wanted to have fun with others, she can do that but without me. But she replied she already doesn't know what she wants.

 

So we are meeting in two hours. Is she just using my feelings to meet with me, and stop missing me, or could she really have changed her mind after I gave her space?

[Ruby65]

She's telling you she "doesn't know" what she wants because if she told you.... you wouldn't continue to stay in contact with her and meet up and be her safety net to help her feel better while she moves on.

 

She wants to be "friends."

 

She wants you there to keep her company and make her feel less guilty about hurting you.

 

She wants you in her life.... up until the day she meets her next boyfriend.

 

I wouldn't be hanging out with her and I wouldn't let her push me into some kind of fake friendship. It doesn't help you heal -- and it prevents her from ever experiencing not having you in her life.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

IF she ever changes her mind and wants to get back together... she'll let you know!

[KBarletta]

You say you were NC but then "texted a bit" - who initiated and why? If it was her, what was said at the beginning?

 

You are meeting with her, so you obviously are going to hear her out this time. But unless she comes to you with "I made a mistake and I want to try again and here's how it's going to be better ..." then I would tell her you need time apart and go back to NC.

 

As long as she doesn't know what she wants, staying in contact with her is only going to be bad news for you.

[Ieris]

Let her make that decision in her own time, not on yours. When she makes up her mind, you then decide if you even want her anymore. Definitely don't hang around in a background waiting for her to take you back, don't put your life on hold for anyone x

[thorin]

Well, I met with her, she behaved like we were in a relationship, and talked normally, but when I asked her if she wants to commit she still said she doesnt know.

 

Well I dont want to go through all that again, or find out she sleeps with another dude cause I told her to be with me or get out. So I think I will give her time till tomorrow to make up her mind, while she desperately wants to meet with me, and if not...back to nc 1 day, and all of that repeats all over again, uhh.

[sandylee1]

You need to move on because she's messing with your feelings. You don't need that.

[KBarletta]

Well, I met with her, she behaved like we were in a relationship, and talked normally, but when I asked her if she wants to commit she still said she doesnt know.

 

Well I dont want to go through all that again, or find out she sleeps with another dude cause I told her to be with me or get out. So I think I will give her time till tomorrow to make up her mind, while she desperately wants to meet with me, and if not...back to nc 1 day, and all of that repeats all over again, uhh.

 

If she doesn't know what she wants after seeing you today, one more day is highly unlikely to change anything. I would go back to NC right now and stick to it.

 

She has told you she doesn't love you. That's hurtful and a difficult thing to back-track on. She referred to you as an "addiction" which is why she continues to contact you - she wants to hold on to what she can because doing so will help her slowly heal as she breaks herself from that addiction, while it will have the opposite effect on you.

 

She had her chance to take things back and didn't. For your own well being, I think, you need a clean break.

[thorin]

Well, it's like...she wrote this just because she missed me and wanted to meet me. Then she said she loves me but only as a friend. Why, f*ck, why is she doing that? :0

 

Crap, this time I am blocking her COMPLETELY, and all her friends, and I'm telling my friends to ignore her. No contact for at least 60 days.

 

Thanks!

[Mi7522]

Well, it's like...she wrote this just because she missed me and wanted to meet me. Then she said she loves me but only as a friend. Why, f*ck, why is she doing that? :0

 

Crap, this time I am blocking her COMPLETELY, and all her friends, and I'm telling my friends to ignore her. No contact for at least 60 days.

 

Thanks!

 

Try NC forever, that usually does the trick

[BlackHat]

I am a couple of days in NC, after she told me she doesn't love me and wants to have fun, and the only thing she feels for me is addiction and friendship. She also wanted to stay friends, but I said no and went nc.

 

Now we texted a bit, she said she misses me, wants to hug me, but I said it was her decision - she wanted to have fun with others, she can do that but without me. But she replied she already doesn't know what she wants.

 

So we are meeting in two hours. Is she just using my feelings to meet with me, and stop missing me, or could she really have changed her mind after I gave her space?

 

1. "To give space": This happens when she has a space that needs to be filled by another guy's *go take a guess*

 

2. "Stay friends": So when the other guy has filled her "spaces" and throw her like an used napkin she can come back to you. Her plan is to use her "spaces" to conquer the guy she really loves, but if all fails she still needs someone to pay support for her future child.

 

Now let me tell you a story:

 

Once I manage to nail a dance instructor (yeah, I couldn't believe my luck either). She was crazy in bed...and otherwise. She was no good so I dumped her. A few months later she called me. She had problems and wanted to talk to me about it. She thought and told me that we were "friends".

 

I told her the following: We can meet for "intimate encounters" but that's that. She thought I was too rude and literally hanged up, to call back a couple of days later.

 

We had all the sex. Then she confessed me that she had a boyfriend and had problems with him and wanted to leave him. My answer was "not my problem" and I left. No way I was going to be any rebound for anyone.

 

So back to your story this is what I would do if I was you:

 

She is no good. Believe me. You could use her (letting her know clearly beforehand) but no way you are going back with her. She will think her "spaces" will conquer your love, but you will have a stone cold head and do what is right FOR YOU.

 

We are XXI century men. We are not in the business of rescuing princesses.

[thorin]

Aaargh, why does it have to be so difficult? Application blocking her number must have turned off when I restarted my phone, haven't turned on automatically, and her texts got through.

 

She initiated texts saying basically that she really would want to commit, and to have a relationship with me, but she doesn't feel "it". She's not jelous at all, doesn't want to spend all of her time with me, etc. But she really wants to.

 

What does that mean? I mean, she told that we could even travel the country for like 2 weeks together (never been doing something like that with her before), so that maybe she feels something.

 

Uhh...

[Ruby65]

It means she LOVES having you around as a Plan B safety net....

 

.... but she's not *in love* with you, and as soon as she meets someone she does feel *in love* with, you'll be history.

 

How about this: change your number! Then she can't continue to string you along with her pathetic breadcrumb texts. I did it for my last breakup and it worked wonders.