She returned contact...not sure

[Pixel_Hugs]

Not sure what to make of this...

 

I sent her a text message after two weeks and she responded. We didn't chat. It was just one message. I tried once to make contact last week (with that video, previous post) and she didn't responded.

 

The message was just a playful one. Nothing serious. My intention was to make her laugh, which she did. I was then going to lead with that but I choked. Didn't know what to say. I was just very surprised that she responded. I knew I was taking the risk of her not responding and sending a strong message but she did. I ended up getting caught up with some work and not saying anything else.

 

I broke it off with her and have regretted closing the door ever since. I don't expect her to do any pursuing here.

 

I am not sure how I should handle it and I want my intentions known that I want to see her again. Could her responding mean she might want to open the lines of communication or does it mean nothing at all? Should I call her or just see how it plays out?

 

Any advise on this ? Advise from some women may be helpful on this one.

Edited March 4, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[Mi7522]

Not sure what to make of this...

 

I sent her a text message after two weeks and she responded. We didn't chat. It was just one message. I tried once to make contact last week (with that video, previous post) and she didn't responded.

 

The message was just a playful one. Nothing serious. My intention was to make her laugh, which she did. I was then going to lead with that but I choked. Didn't know what to say. I was just very surprised that she responded. I knew I was taking the risk of her not responding and sending a strong message but she did. I ended up getting caught up with some work and not saying anything else.

 

I broke it off with her and have regretted closing the door ever since. I don't expect her to do any pursuing here.

 

I am not sure how I should handle it and I want my intentions known that I want to see her again. Could her responding mean she might want to open the lines of communication or does it mean nothing at all? Should I call her or just see how it plays out?

 

Any advise on this ? Advise from some women may be helpful on this one.

 

There's no better way to find out where you stand then to give her a call that way you know if there is any interest or not. No need to play mind games with yourself trying to figure out what she is thinking. Give her a shout and see where it leads.

[Pixel_Hugs]

There's no better way to find out where you stand then to give her a call that way you know if there is any interest or not. No need to play mind games with yourself trying to figure out what she is thinking. Give her a shout and see where it leads.

 

Thank you

 

I do agree that ultimately is the only way to find out. Absolutely.

 

I have to ask though. What's your take on the response? In my experience

any women who I've dated, be it a week or a year, who no longer had any interest would send a strong message by not responding at all so soon.

 

I also was previously advised to sit on things for a week or two. Let her figure out things. That's were I sit know and part of the reason I decided to go against a lot of other advise and reach out.

[Ruby65]

How many dates total did you have with this woman before you decided not to see her again?

[Pixel_Hugs]

How many dates total did you have with this woman before you decided not to see her again?

 

4 real dates. One time out with a group.

[Ruby65]

I would leave it be.

 

You left the contact on a positive note, see if she picks up on it. If not, you can just assume she wasn't that interested in you.

[Pixel_Hugs]

I would leave it be.

 

You left the contact on a positive note, see if she picks up on it. If not, you can just assume she wasn't that interested in you.

 

 

Thank you

 

I definitely lean 90% that way. The other 10% is left to the fact that I know she isn't the type to pursue at all. I just don't think she would even if she wanted to. She's a bit old school, traditional and expects a guy to pursue her. She is a bit of a free spirit in other aspects of her life but with guys and dating i'm pretty sure she's that way. However, on the other hand she is the type to drop a hint.

 

Not going to rush and make a move here for sure. Just want to make sure it's the right move. I've sat back and waited before and I can do it again if I need to.

Edited March 4, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[Ruby65]

Just try to stop over-thinking this.

 

Live your life and if you don't hear from her again, someone else will come along eventually.

 

If you don't hear from her, assume she's trying to gradually fade away -- which is the preferred method for most people trying to end a relationship that never really progressed past dating.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Just try to stop over-thinking this.

 

Live your life and if you don't hear from her again, someone else will come along eventually.

 

If you don't hear from her, assume she's trying to gradually fade away -- which is the preferred method for most people trying to end a relationship that never really progressed past dating.

 

Good thoughts. Thanks again

 

I think she wouldn't have responded at all. Based on my experiences most women have just not responded to any attempts at contact. They drive home the point of no longer being interested with out actually saying it. That's the clear message they send and it's the one I receive.

 

Anyway. Not trying to over think it. Just don't want to do something stupid.

[KBarletta]

I broke it off with her and have regretted closing the door ever since. I don't expect her to do any pursuing here.

 

If you are the one who broke it off, I think you are the one who needs to do what's necessary to put it back together, if that's what you want. You said yourself that you don't expect her to do any pursuing. And she probably won't, as the dumpee, unless you give her more than a playful text to go from.

 

If you want to try again, you need to be transparent about that and stop playing games. Tell her honestly that you miss her, you made a mistake breaking it off, you want to try again. Then leave the ball in her court. If she says OK, great. If she doesn't, then at least you won't be left wondering "what if?"

[Pixel_Hugs]

If you are the one who broke it off, I think you are the one who needs to do what's necessary to put it back together, if that's what you want. You said yourself that you don't expect her to do any pursuing. And she probably won't, as the dumpee, unless you give her more than a playful text to go from.

 

If you want to try again, you need to be transparent about that and stop playing games. Tell her honestly that you miss her, you made a mistake breaking it off, you want to try again. Then leave the ball in her court. If she says OK, great. If she doesn't, then at least you won't be left wondering "what if?"

 

 

I do agree with you too. Yes, I was trying to have fun but not trying to be playing games.

Edited March 4, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[Pixel_Hugs]

Getting responses on thoughts of what I should do, which is great. Would love to hear, keep it coming, more but I am also looking for thoughts from women on the second part of my post...

 

Could her responding mean she might want to open the lines of communication or does it mean nothing at all?

 

Thanks again

[Ruby65]

If you are the one who broke it off, I think you are the one who needs to do what's necessary to put it back together, if that's what you want. You said yourself that you don't expect her to do any pursuing. And she probably won't, as the dumpee, unless you give her more than a playful text to go from.

 

Normally I agree: it's up to the dumper to do the work.

 

HOWEVER.... you're not talking about a relationship, here. You're talking about 4 dates. He's already put it out there to her twice -- with a video on youtube and now with this text -- that he'd like to continue contact.

 

I really do think you've done enough, OP. You left things on a good note, she knows you want to stay in contact.

 

Give her the opportunity to quietly disappear -- I think it's possible she wasn't that interested to begin with, which is probably why she kept you waiting until 2 a.m. on your last date.

[Pixel_Hugs]

why she kept you waiting until 2 a.m. on your last date.

 

Just to be clear so there is no mistake.

 

That wasn't our last date. That wasn't even a date. She was working in a restaurant as a manager and had to close. It was her stopping by after work for a drink.

 

I am NOT defending her. I don't know what happened and it wasn't a big deal to me. Earlier in that same evening she had asked me to stop by her restaurant to say hello and have a drink but I bailed on her and didn't go because I ended up working late. I just don't want any misunderstanding as to what that was and when. Non of it was a big deal to me. She made it into something it wasn't.

 

I don't want to keep talking about the past or bringing up the whole story. I don't care. I want to forget about it. Although I don't blame myself I do know where I went wrong. I don't think we had enough time together. I enjoyed her company and would like to do it again in another way.

Edited March 4, 2015 by Pixel_Hugs

[Ruby65]

Whatever happened, it was a big enough deal for you to tell her you didn't want to see her anymore.

 

Let this go. Loosen up. IF she's interested, she'll let you know.

[KBarletta]

Normally I agree: it's up to the dumper to do the work.

 

HOWEVER.... you're not talking about a relationship, here. You're talking about 4 dates. He's already put it out there to her twice -- with a video on youtube and now with this text -- that he'd like to continue contact.

 

I really do think you've done enough, OP. You left things on a good note, she knows you want to stay in contact.

 

Give her the opportunity to quietly disappear -- I think it's possible she wasn't that interested to begin with, which is probably why she kept you waiting until 2 a.m. on your last date.

 

OK. I hadn't seen the post about the video until now, so I was just going by what I saw here. However, I still think being straightforward and directly to the point is more effective in this case than doing a video or sending a humorous text. Those could come off as passive or childish (not saying they are - just that they could be perceived that way). Are you certain that she actually watched the video OP?

[Pixel_Hugs]

OK. I hadn't seen the post about the video until now, so I was just going by what I saw here. However, I still think being straightforward and directly to the point is more effective in this case than doing a video or sending a humorous text. Those could come off as passive or childish (not saying they are - just that they could be perceived that way). Are you certain that she actually watched the video OP?

 

I am not certain, no.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Whatever happened, it was a big enough deal for you to tell her you didn't want to see her anymore.

 

Let this go. Loosen up. IF she's interested, she'll let you know.

 

I still would like your thoughts on her responding to me. I haven't heard that from you.

 

Is it wrong to say that the very fact that responded at all might be her expressing interest in some way ?

[AprilTears]

Getting responses on thoughts of what I should do, which is great. Would love to hear, keep it coming, more but I am also looking for thoughts from women on the second part of my post...

 

Could her responding mean she might want to open the lines of communication or does it mean nothing at all?

 

Thanks again

 

If I were her I would be wondering what in the he** you were doing. Meaningless messages after you ended it with me would annoy me and most likely make me not want to hear from you again.

 

Man up and tell her what you want!

[AprilTears]

I still would like your thoughts on her responding to me. I haven't heard that from you.

 

Is it wrong to say that the very fact that responded at all might be her expressing interest in some way ?

 

She is being polite. There is no other meaning!!

 

If you want to know what she's thinking and if she'll give you another shot then call her on the phone and ask her! If you are too afraid to because you're fearful of being rejected then just leave her alone.

[Pixel_Hugs]

If I were her I would be wondering what in the he** you were doing. Meaningless messages after you ended it with me would annoy me and most likely make me not want to hear from you again.

 

Man up and tell her what you want!

 

 

That is you, right? In all likelihood you would not have responded at all if that is what you thought. Correct? There would not have been a polite response at all because you would have been afraid it sent the wrong message, correct?

 

You would have been annoyed and it would have made you not want to hear from me again is what you said. So why respond at all?

 

It wasn't a meaningless message. It meant a lot. It meant I want to open the lines of communication, It meant I wanted to make her laugh, it meant I am still interested. If you saw it as meaningless then your not looking deep enough.

[KBarletta]

I am not certain, no.

 

OK. If you tell her to her face (or in a phone conversation) that you A. Are sorry B. Miss her and C. Want to try again, then you know for certain that she got the message. Then if she says yes, great. If she says no, you have your answer. I know it's not your intention to "play games" but when you are expecting people to interpret things rather than coming out and saying them, that's kind of what you're doing.

 

Be direct. Then either you move forward or you move on. Either way, you know for sure what's going on.

[Ruby65]

Dude: you had a few dates with this girl. That's it.

 

She's ALLOWED to just disappear at this point if that's what she chooses.

 

If she's not doing her fare share to move things smoothly along in these beginning stages, she's not that interested. This is NOT a *reconciliation* with someone you've been involved with and rejected and hurt. This is a beginning to something that sputtered out and both of you walked away from it.

 

You sent her a video. She didn't reply, maybe didn't even see it. You texted her. She replied -- possibly just to be polite. NOW, at this point, if she wants to disappear, leave her alone so she can do it.

 

If you can't stop obsessing, then go ahead: call her and just ask if she wants to go out with you again and put yourself out of your misery already. But I can tell you, in her shoes, it would seriously creep me out that you were putting me on the spot that way.

 

Either way -- either way! -- you're way over-thinking this. The best course of action would be to try and relax and just wait a bit to see if you ever hear from her again.

[Pixel_Hugs]

Dude: you had a few dates with this girl. That's it.

 

She's ALLOWED to just disappear at this point if that's what she chooses.

 

If she's not doing her fare share to move things smoothly along in these beginning stages, she's not that interested. This is NOT a *reconciliation* with someone you've been involved with and rejected and hurt. This is a beginning to something that sputtered out and both of you walked away from it.

 

You sent her a video. She didn't reply, maybe didn't even see it. You texted her. She replied -- possibly just to be polite. NOW, at this point, if she wants to disappear, leave her alone so she can do it.

 

If you can't stop obsessing, then go ahead: call her and just ask if she wants to go out with you again and put yourself out of your misery already. But I can tell you, in her shoes, it would seriously creep me out that you were putting me on the spot that way.

 

Either way -- either way! -- you're way over-thinking this. The best course of action would be to try and relax and just wait a bit to see if you ever hear from her again.

 

Man....AND your way too over reacting to this. I'm totally chill. Just here seeking advise like everyone else.

 

I am not over thinking it and I never ever said anything about her disappearing or not. You did. I never said she isn't allowed to disappear if she chooses. You used this term, you thought of this idea, this concept.

I mean really? Disappearing? Who said she's trying, who said I'm not letting her. She responded to a text.

 

I am not obsessing over this girl. Holy crap. Some of you just read into the threads way more then others and make way too much of it.

 

As you can see some give the advise to call while others don't yet your so adamant your the right one and make it sound like calling is like putting a bullet to my head.

[AprilTears]

That is you, right? In all likelihood you would not have responded at all if that is what you thought. Correct? There would not have been a polite response at all because you would have been afraid it sent the wrong message, correct?

 

You would have been annoyed and it would have made you not want to hear from me again is what you said. So why respond at all?

 

It wasn't a meaningless message. It meant a lot. It meant I want to open the lines of communication, It meant I wanted to make her laugh, it meant I am still interested. If you saw it as meaningless then your not looking deep enough.

 

You are misunderstanding what I'm trying to tell you.

 

This is very new with you two. You broke it off with her. You start messaging her and she replies to be polite. There's no hidden message there.

 

We cannot tell you with 100% certainty that she absolutely texted you back because she wants you. We can only give you our opinions which many have.

 

If it were me I would prefer to hear from you (on the phone not through a text message or some video). I would like to hear that you feel as though you made a mistake and you would like another shot.

 

You're making this far too difficult. It doesn't need to be.