Facebook for NC

[Van Norden]

Hi there. I'm new in the forum and in the painful realms of love I guess. I've been reading you guys a lot and, unlike some other rather bitter and somewhat misogynistic boards, I appreciate your positive outlooks at some cases.

 

First, my case: I spent a year with a troubled woman which seemed perfect if wasn't for the last month. One afternoon we dated and she seemed a bit sadder, so my insecure-self thought that it was for something that had to do with me. To make things worse, when she apologized for being so moody (not that I blamed her or commented on her behavior), I texted her saying that "it's OK, I love you for who you are". Big mistake. Still my friends say I was more than right to say such thing if I felt it, but deep inside of me what I was asking was her approval, and she replied that she was REALLY into me, that I was the only man in her life (after countless questions she kept saying so), that I was so perfect in every sense but she was unable to love me and that she would better do alone. We kept dating and having a couple or three excellents weeks (I even got her apology for the immature behaviour she had, saying that she really loved being with me and she should be less dramatic). After asking me to skip a date when I was in my way, I phoned her annoyed and told her that "all drama will be suffered if it was shared, that I couldn't care less if she held me down or not since that as a man I would struggle alone (some tongue-in-cheek humor we used to share), but I wouldn't permit her to get depressed alone at home". We finally arranged the meeting and after a nice chat and typical made-outs, she texted me back that she was really thankful for everything. Beautiful. Moving.

 

One day later we got an argument at phone in which we broke up because she insisted in her unability to love me. That she NEEDED me, that REALLY LIKED me, that I got all what she's asking for but still she's unable to keep it up. I struggled hard knowing she was being biased for her moody character, but finally said "okay, there you go, hope you all the best, sincerely". No further drama. She wrote me back saying that I was a GREAT man, that in a future who knows if chances are, that she was doing right and I'll appreciate it later. Who knows. I got severely shattered, still I am. She kept on texting me, saying that she went to places I usually went, to shows I was supposed to attend in hopes of finding me, because it was so difficult for her to leave things like this. I wrote her a long email saying that "it's all or nothing", that I already knew her from different angles to conform to just friendship when she actually really wants to bang me as well. Told her gently to go NC until she is ready for a mature relationship in which there can exist confidence and she respected it.

 

There is no single day I cannot think of all those beautiful memories, regretting all my insecurity-driven acts, and my moody self (as well) oscilates dramatically from euphoria when I think that some time in a distant future we can make amends (she had it all for me, even her insecurities amused me) and sadness when I think that it's all gone for good. Who knows.

 

Sorry for this long preamble. I'm not asking for any hint of "move over, bro" or "just be patient, it will all sort out". I think of that all the time! I keep myself occupied and actually I've been looking better since I worked out again. I'm feeling proud of myself, but still there is a piece that's missing. I confess, this was a way to relieve my pain publicly, for writing events some times helps.

 

Now, my question. I've been without Facebook for a long time. Now I don't know what to do. Honestly, I don't miss it and I'm really against its policies. On the other hand, I guess it's a good way to keep track of other women, to knew 'em better and help to ease oneitis and, at the same time, make her feel a bit of jealousy (how wrong was I when I felt adored when she often showed her disgust toward women I used to meet... if only I knew...). To be honest, I'm an interesting clever man and I use to post interesting stuff which would trigger again her interest on me, as worked with other women. But I'm afraid it could backfire any further interaction since a wider availability erased any further mystery or real disappearance of her life. And, though she does not have much social (either virtual or real) life, it kicks me in the balls to read ANYTHING related with her. So which are your points on this?

 

Sorry for the long thread. And I hope sincerely that this can be of use to someone else. Or, at least, I hope someone finds solace having experienced the same situation. Cheers!

Edited February 28, 2015 by Van Norden

[Ruby65]

Go ahead and use Facebook, just make sure she's blocked so she can't see any of your posts nor you her's.

 

Posting stuff there to make her jealous? Nope.

 

There's a guide posted on this site to help you with No Contact, it answers all kinds of questions about social media and whatnot.

 

Here's also a great guide to help with recovery: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

Good luck to you -- and welcome!

[Van Norden]

Go ahead and use Facebook, just make sure she's blocked so she can't see any of your posts nor you her's.

 

Posting stuff there to make her jealous? Nope.

 

There's a guide posted on this site to help you with No Contact, it answers all kinds of questions about social media and whatnot.

 

Here's also a great guide to help with recovery: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

Good luck to you -- and welcome!

Thanks for the advice. It's taken highly in regard.

In fact, I don't MISS Facebook, but I surely miss her. I thought of it as a tool to get her interested again, or to foster feelings in some way or another, like showing the more decided and recovered me living strongly in opposition of my downtrodden self she knew during our last call. Seeing it won't help **** I'd rather let it go and continue my search for new girls in real life with no pixels nor binary code while she misses what we got by herself, or not at all. You never know, I guess. **** gets harder each day, to be honest. And I'm feeling really miserable posting my own sadnesses to people I don't know, but that's how all went. 3 months and the agony just grows stronger. If that helps, she was my first serious relationship and I was her third, so she must be really relieved by now.

 

Now my self-esteem has been lowered to hell, but still I have a gut feeling that she'll eventually recognize how important I was. ****, I like what I see in the mirror and I know she really felt amazed by many of my qualities, she loved being with me and all. I'm really one of a kind, and she'll surely miss me - but I need a miracle to happen, indeed. But I really thought she was in love and acted really accordingly and passionate, when she wasn't at all. So I cannot put my finger on a damn thing, and that sucks. And I know damn well the guidelines, but still I'm unable to stop thinking of her. That's all. Meanwhile, I'll try to believe in miracles still while she's failing (or successing) with other men and I do so with other women. What has to be, will be, or so they say. Sorry folks for my confession!

Edited March 1, 2015 by Van Norden

[AdamantyumKrystal]

you indeed are one of a kind man :3 i love reading your posts u really seem clever and good guy type, i'm sorry she put u in drama and ****s like that... hope fate will be good to u

[Van Norden]

you indeed are one of a kind man :3 i love reading your posts u really seem clever and good guy type, i'm sorry she put u in drama and ****s like that... hope fate will be good to u

Hey, thanks for your kind words! While I'm a bit on the bitter side lately, this definitely helps uplifting! I mean, I'm trying to appreciate small things in life, like getting a "thank you" and a smile when you open a door to someone, but in the end my cynical self ends up in a "fine, will this attitude get you the woman of your dreams or some kind of real reward?" Anyway, I'm so glad to see such amount of great and supportive people in this forum, in which one can debate of almost any aspect in life without hesitation for trolls and bad manners.

 

As for my case, well, it gets frustrating by each day. I keep NC and I kinda get the feeling that it helps her moving on instead of helping me. I'm on no social media and I don't change profile pic or status on WhatsApp, so she does not really know anything about me. Again, I know the guidelines damn well, but knowing she is so damn beautiful and she'll eventually find someone prettier than me anytime irritates the hell outta me. Now what it's only left for me is the God I've never put trust in until now, out of neediness. And this space where I can vent my own feelings freely with the substantial help that is to be read by people who also admit to enjoy my posts.