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Sent girl a apology video....


Pixel_Hugs

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First timer here.....

 

I was dating a women for about a month. Things were cool, relaxed. We went out about once a week and we hit it off.

 

Things suddenly got a little weird. I got a little disappointed one night she said she was going to come by, didn't and kept me hanging a few hours before she called to say she wasn't coming. I think I was just excited to see her. I wasn't disappointed or mad in her at all. She thought I was mad which I wasn't but I do understand how she thought I was. I was half asleep when she called and I was up till 2am waiting for her. Anyway, that's when things grew a little weird.

 

We spoke about it one night. She freaked out because she thought it's too soon to be getting upset at things but I assured her I wasn't mad. I don't think she believed me. I ended up telling her we shouldn't see each other anymore but I regret it. I'm a creative guy and like to do things to stand out sometimes. I mad her a stop motion video with letter blocks saying I was sorry for how things ended and that I miss her. I posted it on youtube and sent her the link.

 

I thought it was a fun, creative, and thoughtful thing to do to show her I still would like to see her. I put in the effort. It's been a few days and I haven't heard anything.

 

Any thoughts on this from women and what would be my next move?

 

Thank you.

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I would not have reacted well to a video. Sincere apologies are to be delivered in person. Anybody who has to hide behind technology is not somebody I want in my life.

 

OMG and you posted it on You Tube? I would be humiliated that you put something so public as our break up on freaking YOU TUBE?

 

Unless this woman is a narcissistic attention whore I can't imagine this helping your cause.

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SycamoreCircle

Friend, you will not be hearing from this woman again.

 

I'm sorry. When I was in my 20's I was just like you. I'd send women I'd gone out with one time gushy poems and so forth. REJECTION. Oh, they just can't understand my deep, sensitive, romantic heart. In reality, I was moving WAY TOO QUICKLY and it scared the crap out of them. I was following the model set down by Hollywood movies where the cute guy does the cute thing to win the love of that special girl.

 

The sooner you realize that stuff is bu11****, the sooner you'll have a girlfriend.

 

Reality: you moved too fast on a girl that was just getting to know you.

Result: you killed her interest.

Next Step: move on and do better next time.

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I would not have reacted well to a video. Sincere apologies are to be delivered in person. Anybody who has to hide behind technology is not somebody I want in my life.

 

OMG and you posted it on You Tube? I would be humiliated that you put something so public as our break up on freaking YOU TUBE?

 

Unless this woman is a narcissistic attention whore I can't imagine this helping your cause.

 

 

It's not a public video. Youtube is just the vehicle of delivery. It's not published.

 

I am not hiding. Millions of men send flowers every day. I just chose a different path. One I think is more thoughtful and unique.

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Friend, you will not be hearing from this woman again.

 

I'm sorry. When I was in my 20's I was just like you. I'd send women I'd gone out with one time gushy poems and so forth. REJECTION. Oh, they just can't understand my deep, sensitive, romantic heart. In reality, I was moving WAY TOO QUICKLY and it scared the crap out of them. I was following the model set down by Hollywood movies where the cute guy does the cute thing to win the love of that special girl.

 

The sooner you realize that stuff is bu11****, the sooner you'll have a girlfriend.

 

Reality: you moved too fast on a girl that was just getting to know you.

Result: you killed her interest.

Next Step: move on and do better next time.

 

Sorry, I just don't see how I moved too fast. Moving too fast is sharing emotions too soon. I love you, your the best thing, meet my parents, lets move in together....etc... We BOTH were there, together once a week by mutual agreement for dinner and conversation. We barely talked on the phone or texted. She misunderstood something that happened.

 

And, like I said millions of men send flowers every day. I just chose a different path. One I think is more thoughtful and unique.

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Flowers, love poems and videos are IMO for women who are in love with the sender.

 

Sending apology flowers, poems, or videos, may not be really appreciated, as they can smack of manipulation.

 

I was nasty and uncaring to you,

I send you flowers, a poem, a video

You are so grateful,

I must be such a nice guy,

-> You love me...

 

Doesn't always work out like that.

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It's not a public video. Youtube is just the vehicle of delivery. It's not published.

Doesn't matter - what d0nnivain said: You won't be hearing from her again.

 

Millions of men send flowers every day.

Yes, to women with whom they are already in established relationships...

 

I just chose a different path. One I think is more thoughtful and unique.

I get that you are different. It still will not be received well, I'm afraid...

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Doesn't matter - what d0nnivain said: You won't be hearing from her again.

 

 

Yes, to women with whom they are already in established relationships...

 

 

 

Really ? I don't know about this. Men have always sent flowers to women even after one date. Men have even sent women flowers just to show interest. Not to digress.

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Flowers, love poems and videos are IMO for women who are in love with the sender.

 

Sending apology flowers, poems, or videos, may not be really appreciated, as they can smack of manipulation.

 

I was nasty and uncaring to you,

I send you flowers, a poem, a video

You are so grateful,

I must be such a nice guy,

-> You love me...

 

Doesn't always work out like that.

 

I feel myself suddenly in defensive mode here.....

 

I wasn't nasty or uncaring to anyone and I am not trying to manipulate anyone.

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Men have always sent flowers to women even after one date. Men have even sent women flowers just to show interest. Not to digress.

I am 50 years old. I *just* got married after having gone on 100+ first dates.

 

In all that time, only one guy ever sent flowers.

 

Men do not ALWAYS send flowers...

 

Just sayin...

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So what?

 

I F*#@$% up because I want to do express myself in a different way?

 

I'm the screwed up one here and I come off like a desperate jerk or something?

I made things worse, drove her further away and there is no salvaging this?

 

Was it that f@%$# up to do? Not even the effort will be appreciated?

 

Holy crap...

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No reason to get so uppity.

 

You came here and asked on "thoughts from women" and you've been getting them.

 

Sorry if it isn't what you want to hear. Just take it as a lesson, learn from it, and move on.

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No reason to get so uppity.

 

You came here and asked on "thoughts from women" and you've been getting them.

 

Sorry if it isn't what you want to hear. Just take it as a lesson, learn from it, and move on.

 

 

No getting uppity at all.

 

I'm getting upset with myself. Refer to my last post. Is this what I'm really hearing?

 

I just seem to always mess things up with women even when trying to fix something. Seems I can't catch a break lately. It's all my fault no matter what I do. I can't be nice, I can't be a douche, I can't play it cool, I can't express myself, I can't pretend things don't bother me. I saw to much, I say too little. Can't call, can't text, wait too long, didn't wait long enough.

 

Come one man. It couldn't have been such a bad thing to do.

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Hey Pixel,

 

I don't think the video is even the point.

Why are YOU the one apologizing when she was the one rude enough to keep you waiting till 2am before having the decency to formally cancel plans.

 

I think she's ignoring your video not so much because it is 'too much' but because:

a) she isn't that interested in you (sorry) or

b) She's put off by the fact that she treated you badly and you're the one apologizing.

 

I know you're apologizing for wanting to break up - but I don't think you should be sorry. She was rude and disrespectful and on top of that she was the one complaining that you guys should be mad at this stage in the relationship!

 

yeah you shouldn't be mad at this stage, but no one should be rude or disrespectful at ANY stage.

 

Forget her.

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Your heart may have been in the right place but apology flowers come with a hand written note. It's personal. A video, while creative, seems cold. It's very impersonal. To me it really feels like you are putting the medium between you & the other person, which is creating more barriers & making things worse.

 

Even if I'm wrong & she isn't opposed to the idea of the video the fact remains: You got upset because she said she would come by one night & then didn't. In two sentence you tell us you were disappointed. Then you say you weren't disappointed. Which is it? You talked about it later & she told you that it was too soon for you to feel upset by her behavior. Translation: She thinks you were moving to fast & getting too attached for her comfort. You then broke up over it with you initiating the break up.

 

From her perspective you are a clingy, overly sensitive guy. Now to "fix" the problem you caused, you create this video. The video is over the top & way outside of the norm, even if flowers are your baseline. This video was too much. I don't care if it's some how "protected". It's on You Tube. I doubt that is as secure as you think it is. So now you look clingy, overly sensitive & like you don't share conventional social boundaries. I am not saying you are those things but that is most likely how she is perceiving you.

 

While I think this is hopeless & this woman has on her track shoes trying to put as much distance between you as possible, the only thing that might help is a personal discussion but even then I bout she'll meet or take your calls.

 

Sorry.

 

These so called "grand gestures" backfire everywhere except the movies. Save them for when you know each other better. For example, about 8 months into a relationship my then BF & I had a fight. We didn't break up but it was a BAD fight. he tracked me down at a seminar & covered my car in paper hearts & real flowers plus an apology note. That grand gesture melted my heart. Had he done something like that a month in, I would have been heading for the hills & investigating how to get a restraining order.

 

Do you see the differences?

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Hey Pixel,

 

I don't think the video is even the point.

Why are YOU the one apologizing when she was the one rude enough to keep you waiting till 2am before having the decency to formally cancel plans.

 

I think she's ignoring your video not so much because it is 'too much' but because:

a) she isn't that interested in you (sorry) or

b) She's put off by the fact that she treated you badly and you're the one apologizing.

 

I know you're apologizing for wanting to break up - but I don't think you should be sorry. She was rude and disrespectful and on top of that she was the one complaining that you guys should be mad at this stage in the relationship!

 

yeah you shouldn't be mad at this stage, but no one should be rude or disrespectful at ANY stage.

 

Forget her.

 

Yes, it was an apology for breaking up and maybe not having a little more patience.

 

Now, It appears i look like a idiot for being different and making an effort.

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Yes, it was an apology for breaking up and maybe not having a little more patience.

 

Now, It appears i look like a idiot for being different and making an effort.

 

You should only make an effort for someone that treats you right.

This girl didn't.

 

But don't lose that part of you that likes to be sweet and creative and all that - don't - it's a great thing.

But you should only give that to people that deserve it.

 

That girl didn't.

I'm sorry.

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Your heart may have been in the right place but apology flowers come with a hand written note. It's personal. A video, while creative, seems cold. It's very impersonal. To me it really feels like you are putting the medium between you & the other person, which is creating more barriers & making things worse.

 

Even if I'm wrong & she isn't opposed to the idea of the video the fact remains: You got upset because she said she would come by one night & then didn't. In two sentence you tell us you were disappointed. Then you say you weren't disappointed. Which is it? You talked about it later & she told you that it was too soon for you to feel upset by her behavior. Translation: She thinks you were moving to fast & getting too attached for her comfort. You then broke up over it with you initiating the break up.

 

From her perspective you are a clingy, overly sensitive guy. Now to "fix" the problem you caused, you create this video. The video is over the top & way outside of the norm, even if flowers are your baseline. This video was too much. I don't care if it's some how "protected". It's on You Tube. I doubt that is as secure as you think it is. So now you look clingy, overly sensitive & like you don't share conventional social boundaries. I am not saying you are those things but that is most likely how she is perceiving you.

 

While I think this is hopeless & this woman has on her track shoes trying to put as much distance between you as possible, the only thing that might help is a personal discussion but even then I bout she'll meet or take your calls.

 

Sorry.

 

These so called "grand gestures" backfire everywhere except the movies. Save them for when you know each other better. For example, about 8 months into a relationship my then BF & I had a fight. We didn't break up but it was a BAD fight. he tracked me down at a seminar & covered my car in paper hearts & real flowers plus an apology note. That grand gesture melted my heart. Had he done something like that a month in, I would have been heading for the hills & investigating how to get a restraining order.

 

Do you see the differences?

 

I was disappointed I didn't see her NOT disappointed IN HER. Like...Oh man, that sucks I wanted to see her NOT I am disappointed in her.

 

That's a difference.

 

I do see a difference in my video versus covering someone's car with hearts and flowers....a big difference..If I did that after a month I'd probably get arrested. It's not that big of a gesture in my eyes....maybe in hers. I see that.

 

Anyway, no getting out of this now.

 

I get it. I look like a desperate needy manipulative clingy guy. It the LAST thing I want because I am not that guy AND I will see her again because we have mutual friends and she is on my Facebook.

 

No one needs to repeat that. I already feel like an idiot.

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I feel myself suddenly in defensive mode here.....

 

I wasn't nasty or uncaring to anyone and I am not trying to manipulate anyone.

 

I didn't say you were nasty or uncaring, it was an example, but whether or not you were trying to manipulate her, it can come across in that way.

I made you a lovely video, so you HAVE to care about me, otherwise you are heartless...

 

You have been seeing this girl once a week for a month ie 4 dates, you have a disagreement and you make her a video??

Keep your nice videos for a woman who actually cares about you.

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I made you a lovely video, so you HAVE to care about me, otherwise you are heartless...

 

 

Ya, I don't get that either? If she thinks that way then that's twisted.

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SycamoreCircle

That video demonstrates time, thought and effort on your part. Unless the woman is REALLY into you, it's not going to be appreciated. It demonstrates, as someone else said, a subtle manipulation and like I said moving too fast---pushing your feelings on someone else.

 

Women have so many options. As soon as some guy she's seen a few times starts digging his hooks into her it creates the opposite of attraction.

 

By no means do I advocate all that PUA mumbo-jumbo, but next time you meet a girl you like---practice a little restraint. Be yourself, but if she sends you a text that's two sentences long. Send her a text that's one sentence long. Just pull back in your excitement a little. Let her lead things a little.

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That video demonstrates time, thought and effort on your part. Unless the woman is REALLY into you, it's not going to be appreciated. It demonstrates, as someone else said, a subtle manipulation and like I said moving too fast---pushing your feelings on someone else.

 

Women have so many options. As soon as some guy she's seen a few times starts digging his hooks into her it creates the opposite of attraction.

 

By no means do I advocate all that PUA mumbo-jumbo, but next time you meet a girl you like---practice a little restraint. Be yourself, but if she sends you a text that's two sentences long. Send her a text that's one sentence long. Just pull back in your excitement a little. Let her lead things a little.

 

 

This girl is not the lead things type. Old school European mentality. Likes and wants to be chased. I have on good authority she wants that.

 

Damned if you do damned if you don't....

 

I feel like an idiot now and I now feel like all the things you all said I look like. Now I know NO second chances here.....

All the things I didn't want to do, I did. All the things I don't want to be, I look like I am.

 

Now I know. I need to get a therapist.........

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SycamoreCircle

No, no therapist. It's just about becoming more confident in yourself. Knowing who you are and so forth. You'll get it.

 

It's important to show your interest in girls you like. Then, let go. They get to make the choice. It doesn't happen often as we'd like, but sometimes they choose us.

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You're being too hard on yourself. You made a mistake... Laugh it off and move on.

 

Yes, I'm being hard on myself.

 

I liked this girl. I have to see this girl and her friends. Some of whom I've known for years. Do I delete her from my contacts, social media, etc..

 

And yes, I care what I look like and right I feel and look like a douche.

 

Now what? I have to start a whole new category about coping with looking like a a desperate needy manipulative clingy insecure ass? I didn't do anything wrong but now this is how I look and feel?

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