Kermit007 Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 So...my ex and I had our first date since 1,5 years of NC. A year and a half ago she ended our 3,5 year relationship and it was a nasty break. 2 weeks ago...After we had a drink, she texted me the same night saying she enjoyed herself and wanted to do it again. I said it was fine by me. About 2 days later she texted me asking me out to dinner. I said this was OK for me and I would give her a day. I gave her a specific day, it was OK for her. So we made the date last week, tomorrow we are going out to dinner. But since last week I havent heard anything from her. The days before we set up the date, she would text me on some days, making small talk. But since last week... Nothing...I havent send anything either. She always initiated contact... Am I analising too much ? Its just strange...she would text me from time to time...but now since almost a week...nothing.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2015 Share Posted February 25, 2015 You are analyzing the wrong things too much & not even thinking about the important things. If it was a nasty break up, do you know what caused it & what concrete evidence do you have that those problems have been resolved? If you don't know if they have been fixed, all you are doing is going back to the same old mess that wasn't working. You need to be analyzing why you want to do that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit007 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Well guys...we went on a date yesterday...she was very open and admitted her mistakes she made, was in tears and told me she wants to give things a 2nd try Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Well guys...we went on a date yesterday...she was very open and admitted her mistakes she made, was in tears and told me she wants to give things a 2nd try Wow. Congrats!!!! Take this and run with it, be on your absolute best and take all those things you have learned this last 18 months and apply it. I wish you guys the very best. You got what many of us here want desperately, make us proud! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FortunateSon Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Well guys...we went on a date yesterday...she was very open and admitted her mistakes she made, was in tears and told me she wants to give things a 2nd try Proceed with caution. Make sure that her actions match her words, talk is cheap. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Well guys...we went on a date yesterday...she was very open and admitted her mistakes she made, was in tears and told me she wants to give things a 2nd try Proceed with extreme caution. At this point, they are only words. Her mistakes probably weren't the only things that broke you up. Her saying sorry doesn't mean she can change or that she has changed. After 1.5 years, she probably sees you as easier / better than the other guys out there but that doesn't mean that the problems which broke you up were magically cleansed away in her tears. Link to post Share on other sites
Nolan 93 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Like everyone else tread lightly my friend. But im happy for you, I bet you feel like your on top of the world. But you have another shot and I will be rooting for you!!!!! Good luck my friend Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I agree -- good luck to you! JUST REMEMBER.... you broke up for a reason. 1-1/2 years ago she broke up with you because she lost feelings for you. Right now, the excitement of reconciling could boost her level of interest..... but once you're past the initial excitement of the honeymoon phase, her old doubts and disinterest could return. My advice is to take it slow and make her work for every inch you give her, every step back into your life and into your heart. If she's serious, she'll do the work. I ended a relationship and came back to it about a year later -- to great results, we were married over 18 years! So, happy endings are definitely possible. BUT.... how I proved my interest and commitment (once I had convinced him to give me another chance) was to fly 3,000 miles to see him again (I had moved after the split) and within months I had moved back to his coast. Just by way of illustration, THIS is the kind of work someone will do to win back your trust and your heart. Don't settle for less and don't overlook any little signs that tell you she might be losing interest again. In short: let her do all the work to make this happen. Keeping my fingers crossed this works out for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit007 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 I agree -- good luck to you! JUST REMEMBER.... you broke up for a reason. 1-1/2 years ago she broke up with you because she lost feelings for you. Right now, the excitement of reconciling could boost her level of interest..... but once you're past the initial excitement of the honeymoon phase, her old doubts and disinterest could return. My advice is to take it slow and make her work for every inch you give her, every step back into your life and into your heart. If she's serious, she'll do the work. I ended a relationship and came back to it about a year later -- to great results, we were married over 18 years! So, happy endings are definitely possible. BUT.... how I proved my interest and commitment (once I had convinced him to give me another chance) was to fly 3,000 miles to see him again (I had moved after the split) and within months I had moved back to his coast. Just by way of illustration, THIS is the kind of work someone will do to win back your trust and your heart. Don't settle for less and don't overlook any little signs that tell you she might be losing interest again. In short: let her do all the work to make this happen. Keeping my fingers crossed this works out for you! Well at least I am going to take thing very very slow...I mean...I think thats the best way to go. Also in order to make things work, you cant make the same mistakes again. She already admitted her mistakes, said she wont makes these ones again...but they are only words at the moment. Like everyone says...her actions need to match her words. We both made mistakes the previous time...but in my opinion she make 95% of them, so I think she needs to do 95% of the fixing! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cedar27 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 A better way of putting it is you both need to start over fresh and wipe the slate clean. Let her actions from here on out speak for themselves. Little you can do to change the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) A better way of putting it is you both need to start over fresh and wipe the slate clean. Let her actions from here on out speak for themselves. Little you can do to change the past. "A better way of putting it?" Not really.... she's the dumper, so she needs to do the work to win him back. What has he done that he needs to be forgiven for? Why does he need his slate wiped? He hasn't broken up with her. Beginning to explore a reconciliation with an ex isn't like starting fresh with a stranger who's never hurt you. It's opening your heart, once again, to someone who's already shown that they're perfectly fine with breaking up with you! You can choose to forgive... but it's frankly a bit naive to *forget*! Edited March 2, 2015 by Ruby65 Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 (edited) He is right actually. The reconciliation is a new relationship. If he holds grudges it will never work. Nice remark on capabilities to hurt you. For me, loving my ex again is completely beyond imagination. Edited March 2, 2015 by erklat Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Given this woman's past behavior.... we'll have to agree to disagree! Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Then he shouldn't entertain the idea of reconciliation at all. There should be no "past behavior". No point in reconciling but secretly hating her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 It's not a matter of hating her -- or not forgiving. It's a matter of not walking in blindly wiping the slate clean as if the past hasn't happened! I think to say "start fresh with a new relationship" is a thing that people say.... but in practice, I've never experienced it anyway. I've had 3 relationships reconcile, one succesfully, but in none of them was it ever a "new" relationship. We were always pretty happy to be the same people interacting in much the same way with each other. In fact, it was missing the *old* relationship that brought about the reconciliations. You are who you are... unless many years have passed, you're still going back to basically the same person who broke up with you. And yes, I agree -- given her past behavior, I'd never give this woman a second shot at breaking my heart! Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 I think "starting fresh" is all a matter of how you look at it. Obviously, your memories are not going to be "wiped clean" totally and you actually DO need to remember the past in at least one way - to avoid making the same mistakes that doomed your interactions before, and remember the "triggers" that led to your issues before so you can recognize them and deal with them healthily. If you can be honest with yourself and with each other about what those mistakes and issues were and communicate openly about them and work on fixing them, then you have a chance to be happy again, in my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kermit007 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 It's not a matter of hating her -- or not forgiving. It's a matter of not walking in blindly wiping the slate clean as if the past hasn't happened! I think to say "start fresh with a new relationship" is a thing that people say.... but in practice, I've never experienced it anyway. I've had 3 relationships reconcile, one succesfully, but in none of them was it ever a "new" relationship. We were always pretty happy to be the same people interacting in much the same way with each other. In fact, it was missing the *old* relationship that brought about the reconciliations. You are who you are... unless many years have passed, you're still going back to basically the same person who broke up with you. And yes, I agree -- given her past behavior, I'd never give this woman a second shot at breaking my heart! Are you talking about my ex? Cause im somewhat confused. You are giving me advice but are ending it with saying you would not give it another go?! Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 (did not read comments) So what you haven't heard from her? She hasn't cancelled on you, so that's a positive. MAYbe she is seeing if YOU will initiate contact with HER since she's always the one to initiate contact first... Link to post Share on other sites
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