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Don't i deserve a second chance?


wrongmoves

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Need some advice from someone that might have gone through similar situation..and when you read please don't judge me...I’m simply looking for advice.

 

I was in a long term relationship but met someone else who was also in a long term relationship...we fell madly in love BUT i couldn't leave my ltp out of fear and he couldn't leave his because he had kids. We continued to see each other in secret for over 5 years, In the latter years he was putting pressure on me to leave my ltp for him for us to set up a new life together and I at that time stupidly hadn't the gumption to do it..Even though I had a pretty loveless relationship with my partner.

In the summer of last year I couldn't cope with my lover’s constant badgering, controlling behaviour, and accusing me of going off with other people all the time, when I had not been with one other person because I loved him so much. I broke off the relationship for 8 weeks out to get my head together... in that period i realized i still loved him and wanted him back and i sat home every night with my ltp miserable and just knew it was time to call it a day and be with the one i really wanted to be with.

You could say I sat on the fence for too long.

I contacted my ex-lover again and explained that i had made a huge mistake dumping him and wanted him back and that this time properly and for good and that i was going to leave my current boyfriend.

He was very adamant he didn’t want me back, said i broke his heart and that i hadn't given a toss about him or his feelings in those 8 weeks I had disappeared.

I begged him to give me another chance and that i had made one huge mistake and surely if he loved me still after all those years he wouldn't give up on us so easily.

So slowly we started things back...Meeting once a week... not full on just taking it slowly.

I proved myself over and over again during that time that i loved him and him alone. In my head i had made my decision, he was the love of my life and i wanted to be with him.

It then all blew up in my face weeks later before i even got to leaving my boyfriend.. It transpired my long term partner had been cheating on me behind my back all long with another woman, i hadn't noticed because i was already involved with my lover for all those years. My long term partner left, i felt nothing... it was like a relief and i felt this opened up the gates for me and the other person to make a proper go of the relationship, no going around in secret, and being a proper open couple.

Suddenly he didn't want this... didn't want to leave the house where his kids were, gave all sorts of excuses...wanted to wait a few months to make sure he wasn't jumping from the frying pan into the fire. So i said okay i would wait. I had admitted the 8 weeks we were apart was my mistake and i would wait till he was ready.

 

Two weeks later...someone sent me a text and said ... he had a new profile on a social media website of him and another woman and had I not seen this and questioned it... I was confused when I heard this as he had me blocked from his social media page since we had split up previously.

My head went into meltdown ... and couldn't understand who or where this woman had come from.

He then admitted that in the 8 weeks we had split he had gone on to a dating website and met another woman whom he had been seeing the entire time we broken up right up until we got back together! So he was seeing both of us, telling me he wanted to wait a few months, god knows what he was telling her.

 

When i asked him why didn't he just tell me he had met someone else..? He said he didn't want to hurt me, we had history and he didn’t know why he didn’t just tell me.

I still to this day do not understand why he would do this to me. Okay i put him through the ringer and i made one big mistake walking away for 8 weeks BUT i came back because i loved him.

I asked him to break it off with her and he refused... He said that she wasn't good looking or anything like that but she had been there for him when i had dumped him and that he now loved this woman.

He waited a grand total of 3 weeks from us splitting before hooking up with her and he now loves her?

How can you fall out of love with someone that quickly and in love with someone else?

It’s like I am a distant memory. We had some great times over those years and terrible rows as well but we were crazy about each other through it all and I never thought he would do this to me, ever.

I had no choice but to walk away. It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life.

It has been a month now and I’m still devastated. I don’t miss my ex-boyfriend at all which proves i fell out of love with him years ago

The only person I miss with all my heart is the this guy i was with for all those years and he is now with this other woman.

He does not live with her as far as i am aware and he told me that she loves him for him, and I know that she does because I got enraged and messaged her to tell her everything and she gave him another chance.

I know there are those who will slate me for sitting on the fence, cheating on a long term partner in the first place.. And god knows i'm not proud of it but i love this man and he will always be the love of my life and i don't know how to move on from this.

Has anyone been in a situation similar?

My friends are saying that he was never going to leave his house and kids for me and the reality hit him when i was suddenly ready and available to make a proper go of things and that he was just a player who goes round ruining people’s lives and didn't love me at all in the first place.

I begged and pleaded with him and lost all dignity in myself asking him to dump his new relationship and he said he couldn't. He was afraid I’d hurt him again and that she loves him and he is sticking with her. She is a good woman from what I can gather and she is madly in love with him.

I just can’t move on from this.

I have not contacted him since and its been hell.

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To be honest, I think you need to move on, as hard as it is. He is with someone else who he says he love and who loves him. There's not a lot you can do a the moment besides be a second option for him, and that is no place you want to be.

 

Your relationship was long, but it also was based on both of you lying to and cheating on your long-term partners, which is not exactly the best basis for a new long-term relationship once you are able to be together in the light of day.

 

I proved myself over and over again during that time that i loved him and him alone.

 

How did you do this, if you were still with your partner?

 

Not to sound harsh, but it sounds to me like both of you wanted to eat your cake and have it too and it blew up in your face.

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"Not to sound harsh, but it sounds to me like both of you wanted to eat your cake and have it too and it blew up in your face".

 

 

I would agree with this statement some people just never learn.

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