Will she give me a second chance?

[kjetil]

I can start off with me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for 6 years now, we have two children together, and we are a fairly young couple, I'm 23 years old and she is 22 years old. for approximately two years ago, out of it blue, she dumped me. I'm did all the mistakes a man could do by trying to convinc, Beg and Plead to her, but she was dead set on ending the relationship.

After the third day after det breakup, she started to see this new guy who was about 8 years older then her (i believe this is whats called a rebound relationship). I was crushed to death, when i found out she even had sex with him multipe times wich made me even more depressed.

After that i found out about the "no contact rule", so i did not contact her for about 3 weeks, until i went to her house to deliver our daughter (we had only one child then). i was trying to act cheerfull and happy, but when i saw her, she seems to have such a good time and beeing happy, that i couldt hold back the pain.

I started to cry and did all the mistakes over again, and she told me that i just have to move on with my life. She even told me i should start dating other girls, and that was a really gut wrenching feeling to hear from her. i lost all hope at that moment, but when i came home and got my mind clear, i didn't want to give up on her, so i NC her for about 2 more weeks when i took the chance to call her and ask if she wanted to take a walk in the park with our daughter sometime, and it would be a shame to throw away such a good friendship. She agreed, but didn't sound to eager about it.

When i met her in the park i felt really confident, i flirted, we had a great time together, the convirsation was great and next thing i knew, we were holding hands and we got back togheter the next day. she even proposed to me a half year after. it made me feel she would never leave me again.

 

So now all the **** that happend before has happend again..... she left me, again

24 days ago sha was out drinking, with her sister and my uncle. she didn't come home that night wich made me furious, i tryed calling her 100 times but she didn't answere the phone, later she called me up and said she got too drunk and slept over at my uncles house. I was excessively angry at her and said alot of horrible things to her, i was basicly acting like an **** who could not controll myself. i told her she should just stay at her mothers house for a few days and i didnt want to talk to her.

when a few days had passed, she sent me a text that she wanted to take a break from our relationship, and she was really sad that i never helped with cleaning the house and not spending time with her. I have been a lazy idiot who took her for granted, I must have really hurt her, and i probably deserv this.

she then later broke up and moved out, and guess what.... she have found herself a new guy a few days after the breakup. i have been NC her since the breakup and spending time with our kids , but i'm starting to lose hope her since this has happened before and i dont think she will give me a second chance.

 

What are you guys' thoughts on this?

do i really have a chance to get her back to me??

Sorry for the long post, i didn't want to leave any details behind

[towardthefuture]

I can start off with me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for 6 years now, we have two children together, and we are a fairly young couple, I'm 23 years old and she is 22 years old. for approximately two years ago, out of it blue, she dumped me. I'm did all the mistakes a man could do by trying to convinc, Beg and Plead to her, but she was dead set on ending the relationship.

After the third day after det breakup, she started to see this new guy who was about 8 years older then her (i believe this is whats called a rebound relationship). I was crushed to death, when i found out she even had sex with him multipe times wich made me even more depressed.

After that i found out about the "no contact rule", so i did not contact her for about 3 weeks, until i went to her house to deliver our daughter (we had only one child then). i was trying to act cheerfull and happy, but when i saw her, she seems to have such a good time and beeing happy, that i couldt hold back the pain.

I started to cry and did all the mistakes over again, and she told me that i just have to move on with my life. She even told me i should start dating other girls, and that was a really gut wrenching feeling to hear from her. i lost all hope at that moment, but when i came home and got my mind clear, i didn't want to give up on her, so i NC her for about 2 more weeks when i took the chance to call her and ask if she wanted to take a walk in the park with our daughter sometime, and it would be a shame to throw away such a good friendship. She agreed, but didn't sound to eager about it.

When i met her in the park i felt really confident, i flirted, we had a great time together, the convirsation was great and next thing i knew, we were holding hands and we got back togheter the next day. she even proposed to me a half year after. it made me feel she would never leave me again.

 

So now all the **** that happend before has happend again..... she left me, again

24 days ago sha was out drinking, with her sister and my uncle. she didn't come home that night wich made me furious, i tryed calling her 100 times but she didn't answere the phone, later she called me up and said she got too drunk and slept over at my uncles house. I was excessively angry at her and said alot of horrible things to her, i was basicly acting like an **** who could not controll myself. i told her she should just stay at her mothers house for a few days and i didnt want to talk to her.

when a few days had passed, she sent me a text that she wanted to take a break from our relationship, and she was really sad that i never helped with cleaning the house and not spending time with her. I have been a lazy idiot who took her for granted, I must have really hurt her, and i probably deserv this.

she then later broke up and moved out, and guess what.... she have found herself a new guy a few days after the breakup. i have been NC her since the breakup and spending time with our kids , but i'm starting to lose hope her since this has happened before and i dont think she will give me a second chance.

 

What are you guys' thoughts on this?

do i really have a chance to get her back to me??

Sorry for the long post, i didn't want to leave any details behind

 

Doesn't matter if you'll get a *third* chance or not. Don't get back with her. It's a terrible terrible idea.

[Satu]

Just accept the current reality as it is.

 

You are not together.

 

Get your life working within the current realty of you being a single person.

 

Forget the future. Nobody knows what the future will be.

 

Put your attention on yourself and grow/progress/evolve.

 

You will be ok, no matter what the future will be.

[AlexfromBoston]

Buddy, I really hate to break it to you, but she was cheating on you the whole time you were together. I mean, the writing is on the wall. Any girl who finds a new man immediately after a breakup was seeing him from the get-go. In fact, that night she stayed at your uncles house, she was probably sleeping with the man she left you for. Unless of course, your uncle can collaborate the story...which in itself is weird. Why is your girlfriend sleeping over your uncles house anyways? Well anyways, it sounds to me like your girlfriend is incredibly immature and selfish. She knows she can play you and have you crawling back at the snap of her finger. My advice to you...remain cordial with her for your children's sake, but cut her out of your personal life completely. Go out and meet new girls and start to enjoy yourself. As a single dad, online dating sites would be greatly beneficial to you. Trust me, at the end of the day, you will come out on top. Women, especially party girls, do not age well and being a single mother is almost damning in the single world. Your best course of action would be to find a prettier, younger and more stable girl whom will completely outshine your ex all together. Watch, your ex will go wild and once you cut her out of your personal life and start dating, you will completely turn the tides and attain control of the power structure.

[Cedar27]

Buddy, I really hate to break it to you, but she was cheating on you the whole time you were together. I mean, the writing is on the wall. Any girl who finds a new man immediately after a breakup was seeing him from the get-go.

 

Wow, where can I go to get your psychic abilities to see into someones life?

 

Don't listen to people like this OP. They are toxic, negative, and black and white thinkers who are using their own experiences to define yours. This is exactly what I hate about this site.

 

Alex, how dare you tell someone who is hurting without any CLEAR evidence of an affair, that the person they love was in fact cheating on them. Do you realize how incredibly meritless that statement was, and how damaging it could be to someone if in fact it wasn't even true?

 

As to the OP, take a break right now from her. Respect her space and work on yourself. Don't call her/text her unless both of you agreed to talk. Make friends, exercise, go out, even if you don't feel like it. Lastly, by god don't listen to people on this site who will tell you all the hidden secrets about what happened in your relationship when they really only have a few paragraphs to go on.

 

In fact, take a break from this website if you can…or just sift through the jaded mind readers who will give you absolutist advice. See a therapist. They are objective and ask lots of questions before dispensing any advice, and the advice they give is usually catered to your specific situation. 90% of people on this site say the same thing to every post: "She was cheating dude, definitely", "never contact her again, ignore her forever", "she doesn't love you anymore and will never come back", etc. I'd like to know what planet you people live on where every person and relationship is exactly the same.

 

Again, your best option right now is to not look into the future. Focus on right now. Focus on yourself. Seek a therapist if you must. Take care.

Edited January 25, 2015 by Cedar27

[AlexfromBoston]

Wow, where can I go to get your psychic abilities to see into someones life?

 

Don't listen to people like this OP. They are toxic, negative, and black and white thinkers who are using their own experiences to define yours. This is exactly what I hate about this site.

 

Alex, how dare you tell someone who is hurting without any CLEAR evidence of an affair, that the person they love was in fact cheating on them. Do you realize how incredibly meritless that statement was, and how damaging it could be to someone if in fact it wasn't even true?

 

As to the OP, take a break right now from her. Respect her space and work on yourself. Don't call her/text her unless both of you agreed to talk. Make friends, exercise, go out, even if you don't feel like it. Lastly, by god don't listen to people on this site who will tell you all the hidden secrets about what happened in your relationship when they really only have a few paragraphs to go on.

 

In fact, take a break from this website if you can…or just sift through the jaded mind readers who will give you absolutist advice. See a therapist. They are objective and ask lots of questions before dispensing any advice, and the advice they give is usually catered to your specific situation. 90% of people on this site say the same thing to every post: "She was cheating dude, definitely", "never contact her again, ignore her forever", "she doesn't love you anymore and will never come back", etc. I'd like to know what planet you people live on where every person and relationship is exactly the same.

 

Again, your best option right now is to not look into the future. Focus on right now. Focus on yourself. Seek a therapist if you must. Take care.

 

Cedar, dare I say, your unwarranted positivity is faaaaaaaaar more toxic than my "negativity". So you're telling us, Cedar, that his ex just conveniently found someone new just days after their initial break? You don't think that perhaps she had "monkey branched" from the OP to her new man? Because, I would put money on the fact that she did. A big step in the healing process is to confront the obvious and learn from it. OP, your ex cheated on you, she was talking to this new guy before the both of you were ever officially broken up. Now, I didn't say she was sleeping with him...I didn't even say she was going on dates with him, but she was talking to him and she did display a genuine interest in him...which constitutes cheating in my book. OP, A women DOES NOT meet someone just three days after a breakup. Im no detective but even I can detect some shenanigans here...cant you? Don't listen to Cedar, she/he is not being realistic and is pumping you up will false positivity. I bet dollars to donuts that even he/she knows that the writing is on the wall....she/he just doesn't have stomach to tell you.

[bigtrouble]

Cedar, dare I say, your unwarranted positivity is faaaaaaaaar more toxic than my "negativity". So you're telling us, Cedar, that his ex just conveniently found someone new just days after their initial break? You don't think that perhaps she had "monkey branched" from the OP to her new man? Because, I would put money on the fact that she did. A big step in the healing process is to confront the obvious and learn from it. OP, your ex cheated on you, she was talking to this new guy before the both of you were ever officially broken up. Now, I didn't say she was sleeping with him...I didn't even say she was going on dates with him, but she was talking to him and she did display a genuine interest in him...which constitutes cheating in my book. OP, A women DOES NOT meet someone just three days after a breakup. Im no detective but even I can detect some shenanigans here...cant you? Don't listen to Cedar, she/he is not being realistic and is pumping you up will false positivity. I bet dollars to donuts that even he/she knows that the writing is on the wall....she/he just doesn't have stomach to tell you.

 

I agree with this...

 

Women can't do this on the fly...

They don't just go that fast...

You don't trade someone you love for so long...

For someone you just met...

Let alone feeling nothing after the BU...

Unless it has been going on longer...

 

You want a second chance...

She left you for a reason...

I know how you feel you want to strike the iron while its hot...

But You need to give her time...

 

She knows what she left behind...

And knows what she is getting into...

She made a choice...

Work on yourself, if she see you get better...

 

You might just get it your second chance...

Edited January 25, 2015 by bigtrouble

[Simon Phoenix]

Wow, where can I go to get your psychic abilities to see into someones life?

 

Don't listen to people like this OP. They are toxic, negative, and black and white thinkers who are using their own experiences to define yours. This is exactly what I hate about this site.

 

Alex, how dare you tell someone who is hurting without any CLEAR evidence of an affair, that the person they love was in fact cheating on them. Do you realize how incredibly meritless that statement was, and how damaging it could be to someone if in fact it wasn't even true?

 

As to the OP, take a break right now from her. Respect her space and work on yourself. Don't call her/text her unless both of you agreed to talk. Make friends, exercise, go out, even if you don't feel like it. Lastly, by god don't listen to people on this site who will tell you all the hidden secrets about what happened in your relationship when they really only have a few paragraphs to go on.

 

In fact, take a break from this website if you can…or just sift through the jaded mind readers who will give you absolutist advice. See a therapist. They are objective and ask lots of questions before dispensing any advice, and the advice they give is usually catered to your specific situation. 90% of people on this site say the same thing to every post: "She was cheating dude, definitely", "never contact her again, ignore her forever", "she doesn't love you anymore and will never come back", etc. I'd like to know what planet you people live on where every person and relationship is exactly the same.

 

Again, your best option right now is to not look into the future. Focus on right now. Focus on yourself. Seek a therapist if you must. Take care.

 

Holy bitterness Batman. She might not have cheated on him, but she definitely was interested in the guy she was with when she was dating the OP. At the very least they were flirting and talking with each other. You can't afford to be this naive or obtuse. And if you hate the website and these posters, you don't have to stay. Attacking them in a toxic matter and throwing shade isn't the way to make your point. It just makes you look crazy.

[erklat]

Alex is right here. Women hate uncertainty of the singles life. She had

the guy lined up, she wouldn't dare to play it any other way.

[Satu]

It doesn't matter very much whether the ex was cheating before the end or not.

 

What matters most is the OP successfully adapting to the new reality of being a single person.

[Cedar27]

Why am I being attacked for telling others to stop making baseless statements about the OP's life (i.e. "she's definitely cheating")?

 

By the way, when someone finally becomes single, and they are hurt, irrational, confused, etc., it's possible and even fairly common to go out immediately and hook up/rebound with someone else, to try to numb the pain they are experiencing. I'm not saying it's healthy, but is certainly not always indicative of prior cheating. People who don't cope well with emotions could be completely faithful during the entire relationship but when it ends the first thing they want to do is numb and escape. Whether that is the dumper or dumpee. Some escape with alcohol and drugs, others porn, others people and sex. The break up could be so overwhelming that they choose to exercise extremely poor impulse control to escape the feelings of helplessness.

 

To tell someone this equals automatic prior cheating is ridiculous. It's also unfounded.

 

Don't tell me i'm being dangerous for being optimistic, because I AM NOT optimistic. I'm trying to be objective and unbiased. Extreme optimism or pessimism aren't healthy, and many of you here are on the extreme end of pessimism, whereas I like to think i'm somewhere in the middle. However, some of you are so used to seeing the same amount of bitterness from other posters, reasonable people like myself make your head spin in disbelief.

 

For all I know the relationship is over forever, who knows? Do you? The point is, IT IS OVER NOW and OP should start thinking that way. Is that being unrealistically positive? I never said I had any hope for OP's relationship. I told him to leave her alone, don't contact her, and work on himself. Be open to love again. Is that so bad?

 

My post simply attacked the fact that many posters here don't seem to understand the true effect they have on others when they make absolutist statements with no basis. This can really hurt people not only in the short run, but also effect the trust/health of future relationships (ex or otherwise). It's just not healthy or reasonable to say stuff like that, without any sort of evidence. How the hell do you know for sure someone's cheating? Are you psychic? If not, don't say it. So many here automatically assume the worst in everyone, in every situation, and I suspect it's from their own baggage. This negativity does not show signs of growth, it shows signs of bitterness expressed through black and white thinking. The world is a lot more grey than you think.

 

I am not calling everyone out on the whole site, but there is a majority of people here that seem to be on this kick to tell others what's "really" happening behind the scenes, even though they have no basis to do so outside of their own personal experience. Maybe my expectations are too high. The type of advice given on this site really can't compare to the advice of trained relationship counselors/therapists, which is only dispensed after questioning and then is given from an objective standpoint. I probably shouldn't expect logical, reasonable, and unbiased advice from a bunch of people gathering around on an internet forum…most of whom are still bitter from their own break ups.

 

I don't want to derail this thread, so this is my last post.

Edited January 26, 2015 by Cedar27

[AlexfromBoston]

Why am I being attacked for telling others to stop making baseless statements about the OP's life (i.e. "she's definitely cheating")?

 

By the way, when someone finally becomes single, and they are hurt, irrational, confused, etc., it's possible and even fairly common to go out immediately and hook up/rebound with someone else, to try to numb the pain they are experiencing. I'm not saying it's healthy, but is certainly not always indicative of prior cheating. People who don't cope well with emotions could be completely faithful during the entire relationship but when it ends the first thing they want to do is numb and escape. Whether that is the dumper or dumpee. Some escape with alcohol and drugs, others porn, others people and sex. The break up could be so overwhelming that they choose to exercise extremely poor impulse control to escape the feelings of helplessness.

 

To tell someone this equals automatic prior cheating is ridiculous. It's also unfounded.

 

Don't tell me i'm being dangerous for being optimistic, because I AM NOT optimistic. I'm trying to be objective and unbiased. Extreme optimism or pessimism aren't healthy, and many of you here are on the extreme end of pessimism, whereas I like to think i'm somewhere in the middle. However, some of you are so used to seeing the same amount of bitterness from other posters, reasonable people like myself make your head spin in disbelief.

 

For all I know the relationship is over forever, who knows? Do you? The point is, IT IS OVER NOW and OP should start thinking that way. Is that being unrealistically positive? I never said I had any hope for OP's relationship. I told him to leave her alone and work on himself. Be open to other women, or her coming back….but get over her either way and be a better man. Is that so bad?

 

My post simply attacked the fact that many posters here don't seem to understand the true effect they have on others when they make absolutist statements with no basis. This can really hurt people not only in the short run, but also effect the trust/health of future relationships (ex or otherwise). It's just not healthy or reasonable to say stuff like that, without any sort of evidence. How the hell do you know for sure someone's cheating? Are you psychic? If not, don't say it. So many here automatically assume the worst in everyone, in every situation, and I suspect it's from their own baggage. This negativity does not show signs of growth, it shows signs of bitterness expressed through black and white thinking. The world is a lot more grey than you think.

 

I am not calling everyone out on the whole site, but there is a majority of people here that seem to be on this kick to tell others what's "really" happening behind the scenes, even though they have no basis to do so outside of their own personal experience. Maybe my expectations are too high. The type of advice given on this site really can't compare to the advice of trained relationship counselors/therapists, which is only dispensed after questioning and then is given from an objective standpoint. I probably shouldn't expect logical, reasonable, and unbiased advice from a bunch of people gathering around on an internet forum…most of whom are still bitter from their own break ups.

 

I don't want to derail this thread, so this is my last post.

 

Lol, Cedar, nobody is attacking you. We are merely disagreeing with your post. Isn't that the point of this forum, to discuss problems and hear opposing viewpoints? Well, your opposition to my post was greatly welcomed. I mean, you did it with some venom but nothing I can't handle. And, you might be right of course. We can't get into his exes psyche...so maybe both of our posts are inaccurate and off-base.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why am I being attacked for telling others to stop making baseless statements about the OP's life (i.e. "she's definitely cheating")?

 

By the way, when someone finally becomes single, and they are hurt, irrational, confused, etc., it's possible and even fairly common to go out immediately and hook up/rebound with someone else, to try to numb the pain they are experiencing. I'm not saying it's healthy, but is certainly not always indicative of prior cheating. People who don't cope well with emotions could be completely faithful during the entire relationship but when it ends the first thing they want to do is numb and escape. Whether that is the dumper or dumpee. Some escape with alcohol and drugs, others porn, others people and sex. The break up could be so overwhelming that they choose to exercise extremely poor impulse control to escape the feelings of helplessness.

 

To tell someone this equals automatic prior cheating is ridiculous. It's also unfounded.

 

Don't tell me i'm being dangerous for being optimistic, because I AM NOT optimistic. I'm trying to be objective and unbiased. Extreme optimism or pessimism aren't healthy, and many of you here are on the extreme end of pessimism, whereas I like to think i'm somewhere in the middle. However, some of you are so used to seeing the same amount of bitterness from other posters, reasonable people like myself make your head spin in disbelief.

 

For all I know the relationship is over forever, who knows? Do you? The point is, IT IS OVER NOW and OP should start thinking that way. Is that being unrealistically positive? I never said I had any hope for OP's relationship. I told him to leave her alone, don't contact her, and work on himself. Be open to love again. Is that so bad?

 

My post simply attacked the fact that many posters here don't seem to understand the true effect they have on others when they make absolutist statements with no basis. This can really hurt people not only in the short run, but also effect the trust/health of future relationships (ex or otherwise). It's just not healthy or reasonable to say stuff like that, without any sort of evidence. How the hell do you know for sure someone's cheating? Are you psychic? If not, don't say it. So many here automatically assume the worst in everyone, in every situation, and I suspect it's from their own baggage. This negativity does not show signs of growth, it shows signs of bitterness expressed through black and white thinking. The world is a lot more grey than you think.

 

I am not calling everyone out on the whole site, but there is a majority of people here that seem to be on this kick to tell others what's "really" happening behind the scenes, even though they have no basis to do so outside of their own personal experience. Maybe my expectations are too high. The type of advice given on this site really can't compare to the advice of trained relationship counselors/therapists, which is only dispensed after questioning and then is given from an objective standpoint. I probably shouldn't expect logical, reasonable, and unbiased advice from a bunch of people gathering around on an internet forum…most of whom are still bitter from their own break ups.

 

I don't want to derail this thread, so this is my last post.

 

Who claimed that this site was better than therapists with a doctoral degree in psychology? Those are the type of statements that undermine your point. We aren't psychiatrists and aren't trying to be, so why you made that point is beyond me.

 

As for the actual subject being discussed, no one knows if they are cheating, but it's quite rare to go from one relationship to another relationship that quickly with no leadup, whether it's outright cheating or behind-the-scenes flirting and innuendo. I think your point would have more credence if it was a one-night stand, then yes, it's very plausible that she didn't have anyone behind the scenes and was just looking to hook up out of rebounding/desire to emotionally get past the situation. But people don't go from zero to 100 and get in a relationship that quickly. It just doesn't happen. There was some communication between the two parties while the ex was dating the OP, and I'd guess there was definitely some flirting going on at minimum. Do I know this for a fact to where I'd testify under oath in the court of law? No, but that's usually how these things roll having been on both sides of the coin.

 

Either way, just dial down the anger a bit. No need to get all crazy. We're all trying to help.