Stories of getting back together

[Riou]

Contribute any stories of getting back together here.

 

First of all this thread is not to encourage holding on to hope but to inspire that life is full of possibilities.Moving on and letting go will only do good for the dumpee.Keep an open,unbiased mind while reading and quit reading if obsession occurs.

[Chin Up]

Myself..once i've fallen out of love, whether I'm dumper or dumpee, that's it.

Never again. I'll just give instances of my LTR's:

 

1. (2 years): found out he cheated me with over 12 girls, including my best friend. Dropped him (and my "best friend"!) and never looked back. He tried to get back with me right away and for a year after..wtf...no lol.
    
   
2. (2.5 years): I outgrew partying, he wanted to party more. He felt I was a bore so he broke up with me so he could keep partying and "experience life". Guess it wasn't all that exciting cuz he tried to get back with me after 6 months and I was already seeing someone. He was pretty shocked and hurt I didn't take him back.
    
   
3. (10 years): Guy I started seeing after guy#2. I was honest with him from the beginning that I never wanted to get married or have kids. He said he was ok with it for years but changed his mind. It hurt like a mofo, but I understand. He was unnecessarily cruel and sadistic about the breakup though, so when he contacted me 4 months later to see how i was, i essentially told him to go fk himself.
    
   
4. (1 year-currently 3 months out):Player. Never had been mixed up with one before so I was ill equipped to see what was going on. Dumped me out of the blue and was pretty hurt and confused for a bit. Treated me like garbage. It would take nothing short of a miracle for me to remotely consider taking him back.
   

 

Dayum. I sure know how to pick em, eh?

[The Poster]

I'm a believer in second chances if there isn't too much damage. Sometimes circumstances come between couples, sometimes there's confused feelings, and sometimes people make mistakes and don't realize what they had.

 

One of my best friends dated a girl for 5 years before a bad breakup. She moved away and dated someone else for a few years. She moved back home, her and my friend got back together and they're getting married this summer.

 

I have another close friend who dated a girl for a very short time. Didn't work out. They got back together, have a kid, and they're getting married in the fall.

 

I know another guy who dated a girl for years, they broke up, got back together and are now happily married.

 

People can act like there's no hope, but when it comes to love and feelings, anything is possible. No one should stop themselves from moving forward and looking around, but you never know what could happen. I do think time and personal improvement is vital for reconciliation to work though.

[Aint_Easy]

One of my best friends dated a girl for 5 years before a bad breakup. She moved away and dated someone else for a few years. She moved back home, her and my friend got back together and they're getting married this summer.

 

This one right here. I have heard of this happening many times. While it is nice to be hopeful and feel happiness from hearing these stories, the key is to NEVER expect the same result for your situation. That expectation will most certainly cause it to fail. And this has nothing to do with pessimism or realism. It is just a fact.

 

I was with my absolute best friend for 5 years. We planned to get married. We were inseparable. Life and young age got in the way. Bad breakup. I guarantee you if our paths cross in the future and we are single we will get back together. Am I living my life hoping for that moment? No. I am moving on because I have confidence in a bright future, whether it involves her or not. So be hopeful. Be optimistic. But do not stop yourself from moving on just because of that hope. Move on. If true love was there, it will never cease to exist.

[The Poster]

This one right here. I have heard of this happening many times. While it is nice to be hopeful and feel happiness from hearing these stories, the key is to NEVER expect the same result for your situation. That expectation will most certainly cause it to fail. And this has nothing to do with pessimism or realism. It is just a fact.

 

I was with my absolute best friend for 5 years. We planned to get married. We were inseparable. Life and young age got in the way. Bad breakup. I guarantee you if our paths cross in the future and we are single we will get back together. Am I living my life hoping for that moment? No. I am moving on because I have confidence in a bright future, whether it involves her or not. So be hopeful. Be optimistic. But do not stop yourself from moving on just because of that hope. Move on. If true love was there, it will never cease to exist.

 

Yup. I'm a firm believer in whatever is meant to be, will be. Nothing will come between what's meant to be. Just keep moving forward in life and let the chips fall where they may.

[Cailinsona]

In the early stages of a reconciliation currently.

 

Things are going well so far.

 

I feel much more wary this time.... I think you lose that innocent joy you have first time around

[d0nnivain]

I only have one. We were together for almost 2 years. He broke up with me out of the blue. In fact that night he dumped me, I thought he was coming over to propose.

 

 

Anyway I begged etc. We got back together after a month. It was . . . different. The whole thing felt broken. I had no trust. I was constantly on edge that he was going to leave me again. I didn't feel as connected. I think we lasted a whole other month & I was the one who said let's end this.

[Riou]

He was unnecessarily cruel and sadistic about the breakup though

 

Why do you say that?

 

In the early stages of a reconciliation currently.

 

Things are going well so far.

 

I feel much more wary this time.... I think you lose that innocent joy you have first time around

 

Grats! More details about it?

[Chin Up]

Why do you say that?

 

Not to hijack, but..

 

He up and ditched me for xmas and NYE. I was worried sick as to what the hell was going on. New Years day he called and broke up with me over the phone. He showed up at home a few days later bawling his eyes and begging me back. He should have got an Oscar for that performance. I took him back, we went for dinner, went back home and had sex, about an hour after having "make up sex" he 180'd and told me he made a mistake and broke up with me again and asked me to go sleep on the couch. (must have been bad sex lol!)

 

Next few days as we're splitting up our lives, packing, etc he started saying really cruel and inappropriate things. I'm moping around with a broken heart and he's asking me if other girls would want him to "manscape" his pubes. Which dating sites he should go on to meet chicks and if I'd help him take pics and word his profile. Wanted my opinion on how to soundproof the bedroom walls in case he meets a "screamer". Told me I was nothing but a rebound (10 year rebound?). At one point I was taking a bath and crying..he came in and declared "see! This makes me happy to see you so sad because it means you really love me and I can get you back if I can't find anyone else! Is it wrong that I'm really turned on right now?".....

 

And so on. It was pretty bad. He later told a friend he was trying to act like he was fine, even though he was hurting, and thought he may have over done it. That's a massive understatement. He acted like a lunatic and I ended up on Ativan for 3 months after cuz I was traumatized, constantly shaking and having panic attacks.

 

Yeah..would never take him back lol.

[ralfgarnett]

Yes I have done it, I was with a girl for 5 years we broke up for 6 months then got back together for one year, it was actually a really good year but by that time we both wanted different things out of our lives so we went our separate ways and have never seen each other since, a year after that I met my wife whom I was with for nearly 20 years up until our separation last summer, so good things can happen so just have an open mind just don't hold your breath waiting for it to happen that's all.

[FancyFace]

ChinUp:

 

My mouth was wide open reading your description of your breakup and I am beyond words about what happened to you. So sorry you had to go through that but so glad you didnt go back.

 

Mine was similar, he ignored me for a week, so like a stalker I showed up to his house only for him to dump me. Like an idiot I begged and pleaded for him to stay and work it out he had the nerve to turn all Donald Trump on me basically quizzing me on why I should have the great honor of remaining his girlfriend. He made comments about how he can reinvent himself and that there are amazing people out there and how his friends just do not like me (thats the first I ever heard about that btw). We had sex that night and then in the morning, we had sex again so I was thinking everything was fine until he started making arrangements as to how I must come and fetch my stuff.

 

I was devastated.

[Light Breeze]

Wanted my opinion on how to soundproof the bedroom walls in case he meets a "screamer". Told me I was nothing but a rebound (10 year rebound?). At one point I was taking a bath and crying..he came in and declared "see! This makes me happy to see you so sad because it means you really love me and I can get you back if I can't find anyone else! Is it wrong that I'm really turned on right now?".....

 

Chin Up,

 

I don't really get that bothered when reading other people's stories about their exes. But, I don't know, your ex just tripped something in me that makes me really want to cause him bodily harm... Sorry...

 

P.S. Op, sorry for the minor thread jack, just really wanted to get it out of my system. Lol.

[ralfgarnett]

ChinUp:

 

My mouth was wide open reading your description of your breakup and I am beyond words about what happened to you. So sorry you had to go through that but so glad you didnt go back.

 

Mine was similar, he ignored me for a week, so like a stalker I showed up to his house only for him to dump me. Like an idiot I begged and pleaded for him to stay and work it out he had the nerve to turn all Donald Trump on me basically quizzing me on why I should have the great honor of remaining his girlfriend. He made comments about how he can reinvent himself and that there are amazing people out there and how his friends just do not like me (thats the first I ever heard about that btw). We had sex that night and then in the morning, we had sex again so I was thinking everything was fine until he started making arrangements as to how I must come and fetch my stuff.

 

I was devastated.

 

 

FF he sounds a dirty sleazy scumbag, you deserve much better than that, please don't ever put yourself through that ever again not just with him but with anyone, no man on earth is worth that level of humiliation and your worth so much more, why is it that all these lovely girls and us lovely blokes all live so far apart when it is obvious that we could all be such good friends if only we all lived closer to each other, oh well that's life I suppose, only the other day my counsellor asked me about my relationship with my wife and she said "do you know how many single women out there would love to meet a bloke like you" must admit I had never thought of that before but also not even in the mood to even contemplate dating again made me think though .

[orangetree]

I believe in second chances IF there isn't too much damage already done.

 

Things like cheating or lying are red flags and I would never forgive someone and give a second chance if my bf did that.

 

Other things can be fixed. CAN.

 

My boyfriend and I actually broke up twice in two years. We had a lot of problems in the beginning, cultural differences, communication problems, both of us were immature and we fought about stupid things. He was also really scared of a deeper commitment(no, he did not cheat). When he lost me the second time, I went NC for more than three months. I was ready to let him go. He came back to me and seemed changed and really willing to work on our relationship.

 

That was more than six months ago. Since then we haven't had any of the old problems. We're even talking about getting married and having kids and he has asked me to buy a house with him, things we have never done before. Sometimes you have to let someone go to make him/her realize what he/she has lost. But never know what the future brings.

[Chin Up]

Funny thing was, while all of it was happening..I was more concerned for him than myself! I remember crying and asking him what was happening to him. I thought he had lost his mind. It was like he had changed completely into someone else and a not very nice one. If the breakup hadn't have gone down like that, I'd probably still be thinking back on him as "the one that got away".

 

So kids lol, if you may want to potentially reconcile one day, don't be a complete psycho about how you breakup with someone!

 

This latest ex. I'll admit, if he had tried to come back within 1.5 months after the breakup, i would have taken him back...but distance has really put things in perspective and I don't want him back. I don't even want to be friends with him or talk to him anymore. He's wronged me too many times.

 

I would have taken ex#2 back but it was bad timing.

 

I hope more people answer this thread because I'm interested to see what the lasting potential is/was for reconciliations. I've never taken anyone back but I imagine I'd be very guarded, leary and slow to trust again. I'm guessing it wouldn't feel the same a second go around..like the relationship is now stained.

[Cailinsona]

Yes, that's how I felt.

 

I've never given someone a second chance before either.

 

I do feel guarded the second time around. Things are going very well, but they were the last time around too.

 

In my situation, the break up came out if the blue. There was no contact at all for ten months. I didn't expect him to come back at that point (I did initially, but I'd given up expecting that to happen)

 

I'm taking it one day at a time- the trust needs to be rebuilt. I need to know that he is dependable and reliable. Time will tell...

[Riou]

 

I hope more people answer this thread because I'm interested to see what the lasting potential is/was for reconciliations.

 

I guess each case is different but it seems that a year or more apart gives more lasting reconciliation than getting back just after a month or so.

Do you have stories of people around you getting back together?

[ralfgarnett]

I would give almost anything to get a second chance I didn't deserve to lose out the first time.

[dumbass2]

I guess each case is different but it seems that a year or more apart gives more lasting reconciliation than getting back just after a month or so.

Do you have stories of people around you getting back together?

 

This would seem to make more sense. Both people need enough time apart to look at themselves and see what it is that they might need to work on and if they do re-connect, then maybe there is a chance. I would think that most people, especially in my age range 40+, are not going to change very much, but there still might be areas to improve on that can make a difference. I know I learned a lot and have made some positive changes even at my age, but in having my ex re-connect with me, I can see she is exactly the same and I'm not sure she can really look at herself and see any room for improvement. Self awareness is a great attribute if you have it.

[Chin Up]

I guess each case is different but it seems that a year or more apart gives more lasting reconciliation than getting back just after a month or so.

Do you have stories of people around you getting back together?

 

Umm, I've had a few friends that have done the makeup/breakup routine, ad-nauseam, that inevitably ended in a permanent split. So..kinda?

 

I'm really wracking my brain here and can't think of anyone I know or have known that got back with someone later on. I'm sure it has happened with at least one friend, but I'm drawing a blank lol.

[bigtrouble]

We got back for a month and a half, dunno if this counts.

This was years ago, I was the dumper.

 

 

My dumpee came back, with a sob story.

She led me for about a month and a half.

She broke up with me after an argument I cried on the phone.

I begged, pleaded, reasoned, but she was firm, cold and indifferent.

Must have been golden for her. She felt the power.

I grieved for a whole week and forgot about her.

But the whole experience must have been positive for her.

She got what she wanted. "She just want to feel my love and walk away".

She went abroad with the Man who will be with her for the rest of her life.

 

Dumpees Revenge... and I was a Sucker to fall for it...

Edited January 22, 2015 by bigtrouble

[Chin Up]

Harsh. Unfortunately some people are like that. Now THAT, that is something I've seen friends do, so I don't count that as reconciliation cuz it's really a situation of spite/revenge. I won't deny that I have entertained those thoughts in the past with exes, but i would never follow through. It's one thing to be hurt because things weren't working on the other persons end. It's another to intentionally hurt someone to make yourself feel better. sheesh!

[Lion Heart]

Gosh I wish I had Internet 40 years ago AND LOVESHACK.ORG EXISTED THEN TOO!

 

I didn't have any positive, healthy relationships to witness as a child, dysfunctional family, mentally ill mother who raised us as a SP. I only joined LS around 1 month ago and the education I'm getting about relationships is first class. If only.....

 

I've loved quite a few men. Some I married, one I wish I'd swam from Australia to England for! Now that I'm a BW, not sure of the outcome, should I be offered a second chance with him, I'd take it in a heartbeat if I was D.

 

I'm Questioning everything I can about second chances atm.

My WH wants one.....

 

Second chances could work for me (I think) if the first separation occurred through physical distance ie being in another country. Or even a partners need for a change of focus ie issues with children or legal problems, even employment issues. Infidelity crosses a line a BIG F***ING line. So that's a present and future deal breaker. IMO cheaters have so many issues that another person can't straighten out for them. I'm totally unsure if they can ever "fix" themselves to ever feel that a LT monogamous relationship would satiate them.

 

BUT I gave my first love a second chance after 2 years apart. He'd only done ONE thing wrong in the first months into the second chance by dating a girl while I was interstate. Our relationship hadn't been formalised beforehand but he knew.

I married him 2 years later. We stayed married for 5 years. I never trusted him and hadn't had the maturity nor insight to understand what I felt. He became cruel and controlling, so I left him. It took a year but I did. 25 years later & each of us have 4 children in different marraiges but HE STILL SEEKS INFORMATION about me, my life etc through common school friends. Somehow he got my email address around 5 years ago & started conversing (I thought he must have joined pyramid selling! No). I told my husband. It didn't bother him but I changed my email address. Reminded my friends NC.

 

I'm not even sure I describe my situation now as a second chance. I'm too bewildered now the initial phase has passed. 5 weeks 6 days since D DAY. WH is still living at my house. 3 children still at home. I have formed an exit plan. MC & IC for him but no labotomy scheduled so I predict he can never be "fixed". Not even sure I'm prepared to let him hang around so I can see.

 

Lion Heart

[mawkij]

the dumper is always sure he can get the second chance by a blink of an eye......being able to walk away from you adds much to his/her ego and therefore they most likely wouldnot come back .... and talking about true love it is not there anymore,cuz they could leave already and get rid of you...don't do my fault and clinge please on the false really false hope...

[babylola]

x1) friends of mine that have been together for 8 years, they spent 6 months apart, due to the guy " wanting to be single" after they had been together a year. The girl was persistant...didnt let him go and eventually got him back even tho he was seeing other people. they have been happy as larry ever since.

 

 

2) my ex's sister and her boyfriend have been together now for about 5-6years, they also broke up for about 6 months...and she got another rebound boyfriend in that time...eventually something brought them back together...and they have been living together and ate more in love than ever...

 

 

3)a girlfriend of mine, got bored in her relationship..she wasnt in love with her boyfriend anymore, although she loved him and thought the world of him, she just wasnt happy. Another guy had caught her eye...and although she never ended up with him sje had a few encounters and leftnher boyfriend on the off chance that something wouldnhappen with rhis new guy...it never did. She finaly realised woth she had done..and after about 8 months went back to her ex...they have juat bought a house together

 

 

4) a young man i used to work with had a girlfriend for a year or so...he would complain about her quite often, saying things like..she loves me more than i love her, and that he didnt think he loved her atall. They broke up, he missed her, they got bk together...but he felt the same...a while later they broke up properly..after a month or two they got back together..hes madly in love with her now and they are engaged.

 

 

5) my own personal experience...i was with him 2 1/2 years..it wasnt great, i was never really in love with him but i had love for him. I got used to life with him and loved his family and friends. He cheated on me more than once, we broke up once or twice before the big one. He told me he didnt love me anymore...he didnt want me to go but he just didnt know. We stayed together another week or two after that and i eventually got the courage up to leave after i found out he had been seeing another girl. I packed my bags amd left while he was out. Well after saying he didnt love me..he bombarded me with texts all day and night telling me wot a mistake he had made. How much he loved me, he was sorry....blah blah. Anyway after a while i missed him...and i ALMOST went back...i was so close...but i didnt..i thought better of it, even tho i missed him alot. That is the closest ive ever got to a proper reconciliation myself..that wod have been a big mistake.

 

 

...so there you go people it does happen....it happens all the time, i dont know how or why. But i do know that all of these reationships seemed hopeless at some point..with one person not really being in love, so...dont give up y'all....miracles happen xxx