Is there hope of being together again?

[getbacktogether]

Hi, I've been married for 14 years together for 17 years. My wife filed for divorce last october and we were divorced in march of this year.

I cheated on my wife back in 2008 and confessed to her about what I did.I was truly disgusted for what I did because there were so many other things I could have done instead of cheating. We did try to move forward and we had another child in 2010. In 2012 our child passed away from medical conditions. We were both devastated but we were stronger as a couple( I believed).

In june 2013 she told me she wanted to be separated because she couldn't deal with my infidelity from 2008. I didn't know what to do.

At the time she was talking to her ex from 17 years ago and didn't know. She also cheated on me with him a year after we started dating. But I forgave her.

So during our separation I was working out of town and I was talking to anyone who would listen about our situation because I didn't know what to do, she didn't want counselling together she seldom talked to me. A woman at my work was offering support to me so I would talk to her. I noticed that she was started to get interested in my so I stopped talking to her. Some friends from work were planning a trip to mexico so I went. There were men and women on the trip, the same girl I talked to was celebrating her birthday on of the days and she was asking all of us for birthday kisses so we all did(a peck on the lips) at no point did I sleep or do anything sexual with anyone.

So I get back and my wife is asking who this girl is commenting on my social media sites. At the time I was confused as to who the person was but later found out who it was.

My wife then accused me of having another affair and filed for divorce. As time went by I found out the girl from work was sending my wife messages that I am sleeping with other women and and creeping our kids on instagram.I had her fired but my wife believed everything she said.

Even after the divorce my wife and this girl were communicating and I am caught in the middle. I am still trying to be with my wife but she says she can't trust me that I was cheating our whole marriage. I tell her and show her that I am devoted to her yet she doesn't care.

She still talks to the ex boyfriend and now she is sleeping with a 28 year old guy in town. She has told me they don't know about each other and that she is only friends with both of them. I believe she is doing this because of what I did to her in our marriage and I am hoping she will come back to me and we can start a new relationship. She is a good woman, just hurt and confused. Am I just living in fantasyland or is there a chance she will come back?

[Michelle ma Belle]

Anything is possible but you both have to want to make it work.

 

From the sounds of things, your wife doesn't. She may have managed to forgive you but she certainly is not ready to forget and that can make all the difference in healing a broken relationship.

 

The fact that she is refusing counselling says it all. I'm sure she's suffering and struggling with all of this and is likely behaving in a way that is not "normal" for her but in her mind is the only way she knows how to cope with everything.

 

You broke her trust and her heart. Those things are VERY hard to repair even with the best therapy in the world.

 

All you can do is continue to tell her and show her that you've changed, that you love her and that you are committed to HER. If and when she's ready, she will let you know but it can't be forced.

 

Good luck.

[No Limit]

No offense but, game over.

 

It doesn't matter that you didn't cheat throughout the whole marriage as she believes, you did it once so she knows you're not above such acts. This girl from work saw that and played her right, so now all you are to her is a serial cheater. Since she has two FWBs at the same time it's obvious she's not ready to have a real relationship, much less work at something that has been perfectly torn down due to the circumstances.

 

Unless you have a few years you want to wait for her with the big chance that she'll find a BF and invest in him, I'd say there's nothing for you left.

[EgoJoe]

If you cheated first then you need to do something big once and lay it all out and put the ball in her court once and for all.

 

 

Tell her you'll wait a few months and be happy to take it slow, you will need to have a set amount of time before you move on

 

 

 

 

This is just one idea that I have.

[Satu]

 

Am I just living in fantasyland or is there a chance she will come back?

 

I think you'd be doing yourself a favour if you'd just accept that its over, and make a new life for yourself.

 

You can't go back, but you can go forward.