harnold Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 We broke up about a month ago and never really did NC. The main reason we broke up is because I put our relationship secondary to my work. Something that I had been working to fix, but apparently not enough. Anyway, I have been taking steps to fix that and achieve some more balance in my life, and we still hang out on occasion. Once every 10-14 days or so. There are times when I can tell she really enjoys being around me, but there are also times I can sense a cold attitude towards me. I don't wanna say that she holds a grudge towards me, but it definitely turns our hangout sessions "sombre" and more formal. If that makes any sense. It might be partly my fault as well, since I still find it awkward sometimes around her given how fresh our break up is and that awkwardness probably sneaks its way into conversation at times. How do I get around this and get her to open her up to me again? We plan to take some dance lessons together soon, and that might help break the ice a bit. Maybe we just need some more novel experiences to bring us closer again. Thoughts? I know I'll get the "NC for exes" response, but thats not really what I'm looking for, heh. Although I wonder if it'll eventually come to that... Link to post Share on other sites
Author harnold Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 bump........... Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 No replies, because you have already worked out what we're going to tell you. If you're hoping to re-kindle a relationship with her, and that is your ulterior motive, then I think you're on a hiding to nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Assada Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 So why did you break it off in the first place? How long were you guys together? So many details left out Link to post Share on other sites
Author harnold Posted December 18, 2014 Author Share Posted December 18, 2014 So why did you break it off in the first place? How long were you guys together? So many details left out I tried to keep it brief!! Lol... cause I know alot of longer posts don't get read She broke it off with me because I was putting my work ahead of her. We were together for almost 2 years Link to post Share on other sites
Author harnold Posted December 18, 2014 Author Share Posted December 18, 2014 bumping again.. damn Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Quit bumping! You've had 170 views, but I told you - you got it pretty much in the can, in your post, which is why you're not really getting many replies. What are you after, exactly? What are you asking, if anything?? And you didn't answer my comment. Are you looking to winch her back in? Because it won't work, ok? She has friend-zoned you. You clearly want more, and cannot be friends with someone if you still love them, with no love reciprocated. Answer? Go total NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 We broke up about a month ago and never really did NC. The main reason we broke up is because I put our relationship secondary to my work. Something that I had been working to fix, but apparently not enough. Anyway, I have been taking steps to fix that and achieve some more balance in my life, and we still hang out on occasion. Once every 10-14 days or so. There are times when I can tell she really enjoys being around me, but there are also times I can sense a cold attitude towards me. I don't wanna say that she holds a grudge towards me, but it definitely turns our hangout sessions "sombre" and more formal. If that makes any sense. It might be partly my fault as well, since I still find it awkward sometimes around her given how fresh our break up is and that awkwardness probably sneaks its way into conversation at times. How do I get around this and get her to open her up to me again? We plan to take some dance lessons together soon, and that might help break the ice a bit. Maybe we just need some more novel experiences to bring us closer again. Thoughts? I know I'll get the "NC for exes" response, but thats not really what I'm looking for, heh. Although I wonder if it'll eventually come to that... Take this one step at a time. First, you need to get the job before relationship situation addressed and on track. It is very difficult to establish connection or even re-establish a connection by seeing someone only 10 to 14 days apart. Too much is no good, but not enough is worse. And, when you do get together, do new things, do things you haven't done before. Yes, the dance lessons will help. You should do as much as possible not to discuss the past since you already know what went wrong. Demonstrate in an active way that you are working on that issue. Make it happen. She likely needs to see sincerity and change. Once that happens, you may see a change in her. She is likely still feeling a little bit of a 'sting" for having been made to feel like she wasn't a priority and so will still be a little distant. It will take time, so be patient. Don't apply pressure on her to open up to you. Just make it so she can feel comfortable about doing it when she is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 This is a catch twenty two, NC is for healing but you broke up due to her perceived neglect. Try being a little aloof but directly romantic without being pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
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