How does this email sound to you?

[jimbobeen]

Hi all,

 

I'm considering contacting my ex gf after 2 months. She broke up with me (full story here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/499290-break-up-after-nearly-4-years-but-why)

 

Why? hmmm... I guess I feel like "I want her back(edit: or at least I'm willing to give it a chance), but if that doesn't work out at least I can give back her clothes and keys, say goodbye and move on for good."

 

Here's the email that is sitting in my drafts box, how does it sound to you? (names and places are changed)

Hi Jenny,

 

Just a quick email to see how you are doing.

I spent the weekend in Paris. Everyone is asking about you and sending their best wishes :-) I have a postcard addressed to us from John and Jane that they wrote in Australia but never got round to sending.

When are you going home for Christmas? I guess your mother has already started with the cooking ;-)

<my brother> Mark has finally finished his thesis and it's a big weight off his shoulders, how are you getting on with yours? <Sister in law>Anne got a job in New York and they're moving there just after Christmas.

Let me know if you'd like to meet up for a coffee sometime, it would be nice to catch up :-)

All the best, x

Jimbobeen

"

 

I would welcome your thoughts and opinions about how it sounds and what message is sends

 

Thanks a lot :-)

Edited December 16, 2014 by jimbobeen
To clarify

[Simon Phoenix]

All e-mails in your situation are a terrible, terrible, terrible idea. This one is no exception. You shouldn't send anything, but this one has way too many smileys and is trying way too hard. If she wanted to talk to you, she'd contact you. Please don't send that.

[SoThatHappened]

+1 to Simon's post.

 

This may be solely because I'm male, but the smiley faces show weakness.

 

The reasons she gave for breaking up with you (in your original post):

 

-She has changed a lot in the last few years; she's a "completely differently person"

-She's been "completely f***ed up" lately

-She needs time to sort out her thoughts and emotions

-She doesn't feel strongly about anything at the moment

-She still loves me

-The feeling she has for me is not the same as it was

-I haven't done anything wrong, she just needs some space to sort her own head out

 

She wanted out. She got out. Let her have what she wanted. Best way to get her back is absolute NC in my opinion and experience.

 

I'll tell you this: I broke up with a long-term ex over a year and a half ago. Ugly breakup where I asked her to move out in a weekend. We both went no contact.

 

Guess what? I think more highly of her now than when I wanted out of the relationship. She showed strength in not contacting me. You should do the same.

[jimbobeen]

Thanks to both of you for your replies.

 

Nothing you've said has surprised me to be honest, just wanted to see what others would think. I've deleted the email.

 

Other opinions still welcome tho!

[CarrieT]

Glad you deleted the email.

 

And all those smiley faces personally made me cringe...

[jimbobeen]

Yeah I only noticed that after others pointed it out! haha

 

So if I convince myself that the only sensible option is not contacting her, what should I do about her clothes and keys. Just pack them away somewhere out of sight and if she ever wants them she can ask...?

 

Thanks

[SoThatHappened]

Yes. Just pack them away, out of sight.

 

If she contacts you for them, workout a situation where she can pick them up at a third party's place or on your porch when you're not home.

 

Do not be in the same place as her when the exchange happens. Keep the contact business-like if she asks for her stuff back.

 

The reason I say this is because any contact during this time is likely to hurt you since you're still heart broken.

 

When I split up with my last ex over the phone, I told her that all of her stuff will be in the garage and she can pick it up on a day when I'm out of town. Since she had a key and garage opener, she did exactly that.

 

If I would have been there while she picked up her stuff, I probably would have said and done things I regret since the heartbreak was fresh. Instead, the housekeeping things got taken care of with little drama.

 

I have no regrets related to the post-breakup occurrences. I didn't say or do anything I can regret since I wasn't there.

 

Regardless of if you want her back, it's been too soon for either of you to change or realize anything. Best bet is to be a ghost as much as possible until the dust settles.

[IfiKnewThen]

its harmless. i like it. this writing a letter to her is calling at you. so send it!

 

im sorry but you have nothing to lose anymore and might learn some things. good bad or indifferent and at least you know u tried. thats how i feel. life is short. know that you did the things u wanted to do. u have been NC long enuff ...go for it.

 

good luck God bless

[IfiKnewThen]

ps. if u get that cup of coffee. give her her keys etc. personally.

 

i liked your letter

[Smarter Love]

If you want to stay in contact with a person, I say, that's fine!

 

An ex may be an ex. But it's not like ex =/= human being.

 

Only if you contact them with the vibe of "I want you back" or "this email will make her want me again" will it backfire.

[SycamoreCircle]

[English subtitles]

 

Hi Jenny,

 

Please just listen.

I'm cool and worthwhile, no really. We have so many mutual friends that would agree. John and Jane want us to be a couple. What are you doing? I know your Mom and am using the fact that I know her to emotionally blackmail you. People in my family really liked you, too. More stuff about people you don't care about. Can we please talk about us?

 

Thinking about you,

 

Pet name you came up with that I'm using to trigger your heartstrings

[todreaminblue]

to me, its a friendly email ......i like the smiley faces...but i am a big kid......you are right not to send it....you are wanting her back not to just be her friend......if it were me on the receiving end of that email.... i would see a hand of friendship in the words you write...as that is what i see.....and thats not what you really want......best wishes.......deb

[jimbobeen]

Thank you all for your responses! It's really great to hear others' interpretation of the situation. I particularly enjoyed SycamoreCircles thorough clarification

 

Now, as it happens, I haven't sent the email or any other form of contact, but we did randomly bump into each other today! We chatted casually for a short while and parted ways. We didn't talk about anything serious or make any plans to meet again.

I felt happy and relieved after we talked, but as I type this I can't say exactly why...

I suppose I was happy that she seemed well and every was cool, and I felt the same applied to me.

I was also happy that I could have a civilised conversation with her without getting clingy and emotional and later depressed about it. So many times I've read on forums etc "I spoke to my ex and broke down, now I'm back at square one"

 

I kinda feel like, now we can communicate or not and either is fine by me.

 

Also, we met at the gym and I had been hoping she wasn't avoiding the place and wasting the money on membership just to avoid me.

 

 

So all in all, I'm happy about it.

 

Where to from here (didn't really think about that yet)

Agh too much thinking for this time of night!

Bottom line I feel good about the whole thing :-)

 

Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting.

[jimbobeen]

Sorry, just reading the whole thread, I just realised I never mentioned that this weekend involved lots of alcohol and a small amount of another mind altering substance.

Since the breakup, I've always been my most sad and depressed about it on days I had a hangover (just occasional).

I last drank Monday night (ie 48 hours ago) but I've been outta party mode and back to working, exercising and eating well since then.

So that may partially explain my overall happy and positive outlook.

[dumbass2]

Sorry, just reading the whole thread, I just realised I never mentioned that this weekend involved lots of alcohol and a small amount of another mind altering substance.

Since the breakup, I've always been my most sad and depressed about it on days I had a hangover (just occasional).

I last drank Monday night (ie 48 hours ago) but I've been outta party mode and back to working, exercising and eating well since then.

So that may partially explain my overall happy and positive outlook.

 

I think you're happy because you just saw your ex and talked to her. For us dumpees (especially if we want them back and still love them) it's called "getting your fix". Our ex is like a drug. We want to hear from them but we don't and when we do it's like a drug and like most drugs it wears off after a while and then you need more and more and more until you figure out that the drug is killing you and you have to go cold turkey.

[Ducktape]

I agree with Dumbass2. Hate to break it to you, and I hope I'm wrong. But in 2 days, you'll be a mess wondering why she hasn't contacted you and you'll be trying to find 50 reasons to send her a quick sms. Hang in there.

[jimbobeen]

Thanks for your replies,

 

let's hope that's not what's going on! haha. Time will tell.

 

Jimbobeen