still wanting her back

[JKreis]

its been about 8 months since the lady and i split apart. we were together a little over 4 years and had plans on getting married. we have a beautiful little girl together and i want nothing more than to have my family back under one roof. even though the chances of that happening appear to be pretty slim. im not sure why. we didnt really have a whole lot of problems. got along perfect for the first few years and stuff started to go down hill.(i didnt recognize this at first). mainly being my fault from what i can put together in my own head. i had a lot of stress due to work, money issues, etc. i worked nights, 11pm to 7am, would come home and be up most of the day with her.

 

i busted my ass(excuse my language) to take care of my family. eventually the lack of sleep among other things caught up with me and i just started to boil over. sometimes for really no reason at all. i would just get set off over little things at times. i always tried to tell her i wasnt mad or yelling at her. i mean we did have our arguements at times. everybody does, but nothing really to serious. i will admit i do have (or did at least) a little bit of an anger problem. im not psycho or anything just snappy at times.

 

from what i can tell she just got tired of me being a grouch all the time and she left and went back to her home town and told me that it was best thing for us at the moment. she got with someone else about a month later which is somebody that i use to friends with. since we have been apart ive put in a lot of effort to try to change my issues and i know on my end if i can shift her eyes back to me we can make it work. i just dont really know how to go about it. i dont know if she happy with her new relationship or not. i had my problems with it in the beginning and did the crying an pleading nonsense.

 

it all just kinda caught me off guard but i backed off and let her do her thing. all i want is to have my daughter and the woman i love most in this world back in my arms. i just dont know how to go about making it happen. i do understand that it may just be done with no chance of ever fixing it, but im not willing to just be all yay you found somebody else now i will too. i believe that when u have children with somebody you dont rip the family apart and shove other people where they really have no business being. i dont mean to be cocky but thats how i feel. i grew up with the split family garbage.

 

mom jumped from one guy to the next trying to me to call another man dad and basically just trying to shove my father out of the picture entirely. dad is still single and has been for the bast 20 years. i dont want that for my kid. in anyway whatsoever. im not having my daughter kept from me. we have a mutual agreement worked out with out the courts being involved(just makes everything worse in my opinion) and we do talk with out fighting. i wouldnt say we constantly talk but mor often than not. i know her well enough that i can pretty well see how she feels when i read her texts or when we meet up for the kid exchange. it still appears to me that she still has feelings for me.

 

how she speaks her body launguage, etc and obviously i still love her just as much as i always have. is the really anything i can do? or do i just shut up and get over it. any advice would be very much appreciated.

Edited December 15, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lolablue17]

When she left she told you it's the best thing for you two. This means that everyone of you will have time and space to think and change.

 

You say you're in a process of changes. Does she know about it? When she start a relationship with someone else, it's clearly "not the best for you two", it's the best only for her.

 

Have a serious talk with her. Tell her that if she was your Gf with no children involved, you would have moved on with your life. But because you have a child, You feel that you don't want to throw it all to the garbage just because there is a difficulty.

 

Tell her that you are in a process of a major change, that you have learned your mistakes, that you are different now, and you decided you want to give it another chance even though it's hard for you to accept that she's been with someone else.

 

If she feels at least some responsibility to her previous choices in life and for your child, than you are ready for it because you still have feelings for her. If she had moved on, So that's it - set a written contract with her about and custody, visits, alimony and so. Don't leave it without a written agreement with or without the court.

 

Either way - Don't beg, don't plea, don't ask - You just make an offer. The same as she offered something "best for you two", You have a better offer for all three of you., Including your child who wants to leave with his dad. You make an offer, you don't ask for any favor or anything else.

Edited December 15, 2014 by lolablue17