Would you get back with an ex if they been with someone else

[Mizz Layta]

so lets say your ex met someone else and they tell you that they really like this new person and are smitten with him or her so you know its not a rebound.You are devastated since you still care about your ex.

 

 

If things don't work out with this new person some time down the road and they come back in your life, would you take them back or there is no going back at that point and it wont be the same?

[evanescentworld]

They had their chance, they blew it.

I will never be a fall-back, second option for anyone.

 

Why give them another chance to do it again?

The trust is gone.

 

Nope.

Never go back, never take 'em back.

[No Limit]

Hell no. I wouldn't even take an ex back if he vowed to never touch another woman until I take him back. But under the circumstances that his new one didn't work out? Unless he pays me 3 million cash per minute I won't even answer contact attempts.

[erklat]

I would consider unless I was dumped for someone else.

 

Even though every dumpee rightfully so has all rights to hate

their dumper, when the relationship is over it's same as before

you were together - you are not part of each others life.

 

Either way it will happen long past the point of no return when you

develop feelings for someone else.

[Trep]

Once an ex, always an ex.

[LostInLosingLove]

Because I contributed to her leaving me for someone else... yes I would take her back or get back together with her. But only after enough time had passed in order to give us the opportunity to change our circumstances so that we could start somewhat fresh.

[d0nnivain]

No.

 

The only exception might be if the dumping happened in high school & they I met up with the person again in my 20s.

[tikay00]

No way. I'd feel like I was their rebound to their new S/O. I'm not trying to be someone that's familiar, and comfort them in a time of need, when they didn't comfort me in my time of need (the breakup).

[central]

For the reasons you give OP, the answer is no. There are some scenarios in which I'd consider resuming a relationship with an ex, but they are few.

[Ducktape]

Yes. Humans are flawed, they screw up sometimes. And sometimes they take decisions for their own happiness, decisions that are not compatible with us. Doesn't mean they wanted to hurt us. And sometimes they regret their decisions, even if at the time, they took the best decision possible they thought. The important part is what he/she is willing to do to make amends.

[tikay00]

Yes. Humans are flawed, they screw up sometimes. And sometimes they take decisions for their own happiness, decisions that are not compatible with us. Doesn't mean they wanted to hurt us. And sometimes they regret their decisions, even if at the time, they took the best decision possible they thought. The important part is what he/she is willing to do to make amends.

 

That's not a flaw. A flaw is your GF burping really loudly after eating. A flaw is your BF always cursing when he's mad.

 

Straight up leaving you is a choice they made, telling you, "you're not the one for me. Goodbye. Oh, but I might come back in a few months or a year if I can't find anyone better." That's literally what it boils down to.

 

There isn't some magical moment they come to realize one day you're the one like the movies.

[Ducktape]

We've all made mistakes, thinking we want something, just to realize that wasn't what we wanted after all.

 

But okay. Don't be mad because I would give a second chance and you wouldn't. Not really sure what you are arguing here.

[xUnknown]

That's not a flaw. A flaw is your GF burping really loudly after eating. A flaw is your BF always cursing when he's mad.

 

Straight up leaving you is a choice they made, telling you, "you're not the one for me. Goodbye. Oh, but I might come back in a few months or a year if I can't find anyone better." That's literally what it boils down to.

 

There isn't some magical moment they come to realize one day you're the one like the movies.

 

Although it all depends on why they broke up...I'm with Ducktape on this. We all make mistakes. Just because someone thought one decision was best for them at that time, doesn't mean it was the wrong one. It just means it didn't work out for whatever reason. Sure, to you it may seem like they made the 'wrong' decision, hell, maybe even they think they made the 'wrong' one...but the point is, at that time, they thought that was what was best for them, and that is the route they took.

 

As mentioned above, it all depends on what steps they're taking to rectify the friendship/relationship.

 

Obviously cheating thats a done deal.. no way. But if it wasn't the right time for someone and they went with someone else... perhaps what was best for them was that someone else (again, at that time in their life).

[tikay00]

Although it all depends on why they broke up...I'm with Ducktape on this. We all make mistakes. Just because someone thought one decision was best for them at that time, doesn't mean it was the wrong one. It just means it didn't work out for whatever reason. Sure, to you it may seem like they made the 'wrong' decision, hell, maybe even they think they made the 'wrong' one...but the point is, at that time, they thought that was what was best for them, and that is the route they took.

 

As mentioned above, it all depends on what steps they're taking to rectify the friendship/relationship.

 

Obviously cheating thats a done deal.. no way. But if it wasn't the right time for someone and they went with someone else... perhaps what was best for them was that someone else (again, at that time in their life).

 

I guess you can be right, but I like to look at it like, if the love was true, then you'd stick it out, and work it out no matter what.

 

Just giving someone else besides your immediate ex the chance to love you, and you loving them back is enough to be a deal breaker.

 

If you cherish the hell out of your phone, and can't stand the idea of someone else having it (no matter how flawed or glitchy it is), would you leave it out on a counter at a store, then expect it to be there a few months or years later?

 

You break up with someone with the expectations that it's over forever. You literally made that choice. That wasn't a mistake. You willingly did it. That's not a flaw. That's something you planned out in your head, and you went through with it.

 

Yeah, if I broke up with you because I couldn't stand the way you sing in the shower, that's a mistake I made in the heat of the moment, but obviously we're not talking about that.

Edited December 15, 2014 by tikay00

[me85]

Never say never. I used to say "When I'm done I'm done, I don't ever go back. I've never gotten back together with an ex and I never will." But that sentiment rang untrue with my most recent ex. I took him back after he left me to date someone else.

 

The point I'm at in life, I'm a lot more realistic and I don't attempt to predict how I'll feel in the future, like I used to. I don't know how I'll feel about anything until the time comes for me to deal with it. So I'll just cross bridges when I come to them.

[tikay00]

Never say never. I used to say "When I'm done I'm done, I don't ever go back. I've never gotten back together with an ex and I never will." But that sentiment rang untrue with my most recent ex. I took him back after he left me to date someone else.

 

The point I'm at in life, I'm a lot more realistic and I don't attempt to predict how I'll feel in the future, like I used to. I don't know how I'll feel about anything until the time comes for me to deal with it. So I'll just cross bridges when I come to them.

 

But because you took him back, does that make it right?

 

Can you trust him again? What makes you feel like this is a special case where it'll work out?

[me85]

But because you took him back, does that make it right?

 

Can you trust him again? What makes you feel like this is a special case where it'll work out?

 

Well who is anyone to say what's right and what's wrong in situations such as these? There is no right and wrong in RSs per se. There's only live and learn. RS tend to die sooner when outside opinions start pouring in and people no longer decide for themselves. LS members' advice can be just as toxic for people, as much as it can be helpful. There should be no harsh judgment cast upon anyone because none of us are perfect.

 

Who are you to say that someone else's situation (which you know nothing about) is or isn't special?? I think you're coming across as very rude.

Edited December 15, 2014 by me85

[tikay00]

Well who is anyone to say what's right and what's wrong in situations such as these? There is no right and wrong in RSs per se. There's only live and learn. RS tend to die sooner when outside opinions start pouring in and people no longer decide for themselves. LS members' advice can be just as toxic for people, as much as it can be helpful. There should be no harsh judgment cast upon anyone because none of us are perfect.

 

Who are you to say that someone else's situation (which you know nothing about) is or isn't special?? I think you're coming across as very rude.

 

 

You're being very defensive. I simply asked you a question. I never said your case won't work out. I asked what signs he was giving that you think it will work out.

 

Your initial post sounded like, "well it works, and I'm proof of that". Obviously you didn't actually say that, but it came off as that. And my question was, "how do you know it was a successful reconciliation, and you're not gonna be back on here in a few months in more pain?"

 

If I misinterpreted your post, my bad. The reason why I may come across as harsh or "rude" to you is because 90/100 people will usually say "no way!", and I agree with them, ESPECIALLY if your ex has been with someone else. You're obviously in the 10% of people that's trying it out as we speak, and in the situation of being dumped, and your ex got with someone else, so it's going to come across as harsh.

Edited December 15, 2014 by tikay00

[me85]

 

You're being very defensive. I simply asked you a question. I never said your case won't work out. I asked what signs he was giving that you think it will work out.

 

Your initial post sounded like, "well it works, and I'm proof of that". Obviously you didn't actually say that, but it came off as that. And my question was, "how do you know it was a successful reconciliation, and you're not gonna be back on here in a few months in more pain?"

 

If I misinterpreted your post, my bad. The reason why I may come across as harsh or "rude" to you is because 90/100 people will usually say "no way!", and I agree with them, ESPECIALLY if your ex has been with someone else. You're obviously in the 10% of people that's trying it out as we speak, and in the situation of being dumped, and your ex got with someone else, so it's going to come across as harsh.

 

Defensive? No. Hardly. You're a complete stranger to me. I'm not at all offended or on the defense. My post says "never say never...people may not have in the past but they may in the future, just as I did." That's exactly how my post read. Don't know how you took it as "well it works and I'm proof." It was more than a year ago when I gave my ex a chance when he wanted to come back but it still didn't work out.

 

It's not that I was saying YOU in particular were being harsh but that people who judge people can be. I took nothing personally from you. I did not feel you were being particularly "harsh" to me at all. I'm speaking up for those who are currently giving (and have in the past) an ex a second chance in the hopes that it may work out. I'm saying I used to say I'd never take an ex back ... but once in my life I did.

 

No one knows what will happen for them in the future, no matter which direction in life they take. People are ultimately going to do what they want to do. No matter the opinions of others.

[Danda]

I personally wouldn't, but my answer has everything to do with me + me trying to be honest with myself.

 

I wouldn't be able to let it go completely deep down, and it would just be a slow-building turbulence in the relationship. Like one of those things that if we ever got into a heated argument, I'd probably blow up about it out of left field. That sort of thing.

 

Knowing that about myself tells me that it would be a bad idea to get back together with an ex if they were with someone else during the in between.

 

I'm sure other people have done it and had no problems, though. I think it's all about knowing yourself and making decisions that are right for you.

[tikay00]

Defensive? No. Hardly. You're a complete stranger to me. I'm not at all offended or on the defense. My post says "never say never...people may not have in the past but they may in the future, just as I did." That's exactly how my post read. Don't know how you took it as "well it works and I'm proof." It was more than a year ago when I gave my ex a chance when he wanted to come back but it still didn't work out.

 

It's not that I was saying YOU in particular were being harsh but that people who judge people can be. I took nothing personally from you. I did not feel you were being particularly "harsh" to me at all. I'm speaking up for those who are currently giving (and have in the past) an ex a second chance in the hopes that it may work out. I'm saying I used to say I'd never take an ex back ... but once in my life I did.

 

No one knows what will happen for them in the future, no matter which direction in life they take. People are ultimately going to do what they want to do. No matter the opinions of others.

 

I didn't judge you though. So what happened? You guys still together?

[me85]

Defensive? No. Hardly. You're a complete stranger to me. I'm not at all offended or on the defense. My post says "never say never...people may not have in the past but they may in the future, just as I did." That's exactly how my post read. Don't know how you took it as "well it works and I'm proof." It was more than a year ago when I gave my ex a chance when he wanted to come back but it still didn't work out.

 

It's not that I was saying YOU in particular were being harsh but that people who judge people can be. I took nothing personally from you. I did not feel you were being particularly "harsh" to me at all. I'm speaking up for those who are currently giving (and have in the past) an ex a second chance in the hopes that it may work out. I'm saying I used to say I'd never take an ex back ... but once in my life I did.

 

No one knows what will happen for them in the future, no matter which direction in life they take. People are ultimately going to do what they want to do. No matter the opinions of others.

 

Thank you for clarifying that you were not judging.

 

What happened? He was full of sh*t in saying everything he said to win me back. He meant none of it. He met a girl 6 years younger than him and I and that was that. They're still together. (I'm sure he was seeing her while seeing me) For many months he kept me on the hook by telling me this and that. Coming to see me and buying me things...promising me the world, blah blah blah...how he was confused, blah blah blah...

 

I was a fool for a long time. Doing things I didn't normally do, staying when I should've left...but it's made me all the more wise and all the more strong. Shame I chose to go that route but at the time, I thought it meant that I was oh so in love. Now I know better. A lot of it was my ego.

 

It took me over a year to get over him but boy when I finally did!!! (=

[tikay00]

Thank you for clarifying that you were not judging.

 

What happened? He was full of sh*t in saying everything he said to win me back. He meant none of it. He met a girl 6 years younger than him and I and that was that. They're still together. (I'm sure he was seeing her while seeing me) For many months he kept me on the hook by telling me this and that. Coming to see me and buying me things...promising me the world, blah blah blah...how he was confused, blah blah blah...

 

I was a fool for a long time. Doing things I didn't normally do, staying when I should've left...but it's made me all the more wise and all the more strong. Shame I chose to go that route but at the time, I thought it meant that I was oh so in love. Now I know better. A lot of it was my ego.

 

It took me over a year to get over him but boy when I finally did!!! (=

 

Ahhh, I thought you meant you were still with him. That's my fault. But yeah, I'm glad you got over him. How long after the reconcile did he find this new girl, that you were aware of?

 

He sounds like a a scum bag.

[me85]

Ahhh, I thought you meant you were still with him. That's my fault. But yeah, I'm glad you got over him. How long after the reconcile did he find this new girl, that you were aware of?

 

He sounds like a a scum bag.

 

Haha. It's ok. I'm sorry for calling you rude. /=

 

I would just say he is not a good boyfriend. To any of his GFs. Knowing that he's talked to me behind his new gf's back tells me that my gut feeling about him cheating on me when we were together was spot on. He's certainly not trustworthy as a partner. In the beginning, he's Prince Charming and even when he hurt me, he'd be charming enough to sweep me back off my feet again. It. was. an. insane. RS. Very toxic and codependent and I will do everything in my power to never get involved in that kind of RS with anyone ever again.

 

I don't think my ex is a bad person, I just think he's a very mixed up person (emotionally disturbed in a way) and that he's not good at RSs and needs to be single. He has jumped from girl to girl every since he was 17, he's now 29. I think that's very unhealthy. How will you ever find yourself that way? I did back to back LTRs from like 21-28. But I realized I needed to take time to be single. I was depending on my boyfriends to make me happy. I thought, "as long as I'm in a RS, I'm happy." Wrong-o. I was just covering up and avoiding myself and my own feelings. I was too focused on the guy and how they made me feel.

 

Basically, my ex and I BU back in July of 2013, but still tried to make the RS work, just thought we'd take time apart, so I moved out. Then in Oct I found out he had been seeing someone behind my back and lying about it when I asked (a mutual friend finally confirmed) so I go NC immediately without even confronting him. By the end of Nov he was begging for me back, I say "ok let's take it slow, I need time to trust you again but I'm here, just not ready for official couple status again" well by the first or second week of Jan when I say "ok, I think I may be ready to be an official couple again" all the sudden he tells me "I think there's too much damage between us" and I just had no concern left at that point. So I went NC again. A week later I see that he has moved on. I knew the reason he had a change of heart was because he met someone else again. I just didn't bother confronting him. He wasn't worth the fight to me anymore. And still isn't.

 

I only have myself to blame for the majority of it. After all, I tolerated it and forgave him over and over. I never thought it would be possible for me to love a lover unconditionally. I'm still surprised. Before my ex, I had the kind of confidence that never allowed my pride & self worth to be f'd with. I'm slowly getting my spark back though. It's taken a lot of work but I'm a believer that everything that happens was supposed to happen, for whatever reason and sometimes that really sucks. lol

[apedrerov]

No, I'd rather stay single for all my life than living stressed all the time because of another person 'coming back' to my life.