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Does he want to try again?


SoccerChick144

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SoccerChick144

So I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half and about 4 weeks ago he breaks up with me saying he's not the same person anymore and that he just doesn't love me anymore and then a week ago he tells me that he has a girlfriend and has already slept with her. He also said that he was lying to himself when he said that he didn't love me anymore and that he doesn't have the same feelings for her as he did/does me. I really do love him and at one moment it seems like he's going to say that he wants me back and then he goes and says that he doesn't deserve a second chance and that I should move on but I've been trying to and I just really don't want to but then if he does decide that he wants to try again I'm not sure if I'll be able to get over what he did. I just don't know what to do.

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So I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half and about 4 weeks ago he breaks up with me saying he's not the same person anymore and that he just doesn't love me anymore and then a week ago he tells me that he has a girlfriend and has already slept with her. He also said that he was lying to himself when he said that he didn't love me anymore and that he doesn't have the same feelings for her as he did/does me. I really do love him and at one moment it seems like he's going to say that he wants me back and then he goes and says that he doesn't deserve a second chance and that I should move on but I've been trying to and I just really don't want to but then if he does decide that he wants to try again I'm not sure if I'll be able to get over what he did. I just don't know what to do.

 

It sounds to me as if this guy is saying what has to in order to carry on his relationship with this other girl yet keeping you holding on at arms length so you will be waiting for him to take him back once that girl dumps him. He is using you as the backup girl in my opinion reading your post. I think you would be better off without that guy in your life .

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So I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half and about 4 weeks ago he breaks up with me saying he's not the same person anymore and that he just doesn't love me anymore and then a week ago he tells me that he has a girlfriend and has already slept with her. He also said that he was lying to himself when he said that he didn't love me anymore and that he doesn't have the same feelings for her as he did/does me. I really do love him and at one moment it seems like he's going to say that he wants me back and then he goes and says that he doesn't deserve a second chance and that I should move on but I've been trying to and I just really don't want to but then if he does decide that he wants to try again I'm not sure if I'll be able to get over what he did. I just don't know what to do.

 

Actually sounds like he might have traits of BPD. If this is the case just let go, I've been there. You can bleed your heart out for an BPD SO but it's futile and unless you have the emotional strength of mother Theresa you will always suffer, just my experience. Borderline Personality Disorder is not easy to deal with and requires a lot of patience and inner strength.

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SoccerChick144

h20-50 When we first started talking he actually thought that he might have that and he told me straight away. It was never that bad and I was able to deal with it whenever he would switch up on moods. This just sort of feels different.

 

J2911 I'm not actually sure if he is still with her. When he told me what happened he said that he lied to her saying she wasn't the rebound girl when apparently she actually was. Yesterday was my birthday and he wished me happy birthday then said that he couldn't make up his mind then later he said I love you but since there is an 8 hour time difference between us and he works we haven't really spoken since then and I just don't know what he's thinking or what he wants.

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Simon Phoenix

You're wasting your time trying to figure out what he's thinking. He's obviously using you as a safety net while he explores other options. Why would you want to be someone's second or third choice? You have more value than that.

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His lack of communication with you about his "new girlfriend" is a huge red flag, but also one of the problems with long distance relationships. They are very difficult to maintain, but possible if both parties are loyal and honest to one another 100%. I would suggest focusing on something else now while you are hurting. Are you sure you want a guy who goes out and hooks up with another woman and then gets involved in a relationship with her? All the while you are supposed to be in a committed, long term relationship? Unless he runs back to you owning up to everything and asking for forgiveness and begging for you to tell him what he can do to make it right, let this one go. That's my two cents.

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i mean its probably the most natural thing in the world to at least once but most likely few times every year to feel that dang this girl is much better looking then my girlfriend, but what if u have to act on it?. there are people like myself who dont act on it. im not perfect but i dont need anyone else then the person i love and i expect the same from that person.

 

think about it. is it really worth it?

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SoccerChick144

Update!

I messaged him asking what he wanted as in what he wanted to do and he replied saying that he was just going to be alone. I just said okay and I'm just not going to bother with it anymore. You're all right. It doesn't really seem like he wants me or hardly even cares about me so I'm just going NC and going to try to get over him. Thank you all for the help

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