Getting Back After Ex Sleeps With Someone Else

[backtogether]

Would you get back with someone after you broke up and during that time slept with someone else. They didn't know the person beforehand and claims it was just a distraction. Is that a believable story or does it mean the sex was hotter?

[UnicornGirl]

I wouldn't let that stop me from getting back together. I think sleeping with someone casually is not a big deal for a lot of people out there, it's just a physical thing that makes them feel powerful and attractive and successful.

 

Tell yourself YOU're the hottest one on the face of the earth and the other person is of no consequence. Wondering if "just a distraction" means "hotter sex" is a sign of insecurity -- don't let your insecurity sabotage things.

 

But if it's a big deal for you to be with this person after they've slept with someone else, or you think the ex had genuine feelings for this person, it might be a reason to hold back on getting together until you feel you are comfortable with it.

[Weird]

i couldn't do it because it would just eat away at my mind everytime I was with the person and thought about how she was fuggin some other dude. Also, I tend to actually put importance into sex so I would think less of the girl if she just humped some dude for fun after we broke up.

[snilljente]

wouldn't and couldn't do it...they had their chance and threw it away...end of story.

[Devildog]

I would have a hard time with it. Was she dumping me to see what else was out there and didn't find anything she liked?

[Blah Toolz]

I don't know... it's one thing if you've just met her and she's already slept with people before. That's understandable.

 

But can you go back to someone after you know they've slept with other people... after all you experienced together? I just heard that my ex might be pregnant with her new guy, and this makes everything I had with her seem like ****. The fact that she wanted to be pregnant with me makes me realize that she had some ****ing issues.

[amerikajin]

I'm pretty no-nonsense when it comes to putting up with cr#p in a relationship, but the rule is, when you're broken up, you're broken up. She's on the market again, just as you were. The fact that you made a choice not to sleep with someone else and she did shouldn't enter into it. She just had sex with another guy, but she presumably honored the relationship you had when you were together, so what's the big deal???

[reservoirdog1]

I agree with amerikajin. As long as you were both broken up, and the expectation was that it was over, then you were both free agents. What you did before getting back together wasn't something you have to apologize for.

 

In my case, TBXW wanted out of the marriage after years of her cheating and lies. I moved out almost a year ago. And, my first night in my own apartment, I slept with another woman. There was definitely a "f*ck you, TBXW" element to it, no doubt. But I had every right to do it. I've slept with a few others since, and though the divorce hasn't gone through yet, the marriage ended in all but law the day I moved out. If we got back together (as she did ask a couple of times), I would never apologize for sleeping with other women. At least I was honest and didn't betray her when I did it.

[amerikajin]

<getting out of my seat and pumping my fists>

 

YES!! ROCK ON, RESERVOIRDOG!!! I like your spirit.

[BridetoBEin2weeks]

Resevoir.. with that attitidue, screwin another girl the NIGHT you LEFT your wife.. your marriage was over WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY before the night you left. Lies? Cheating oh her behalf?? Kind of hard to believe with that "spirit" you display.

 

I notice a lot of people on this board support that sort of behavior, and it's pretty sick.

 

If you really love someone, you don't go lay in bed with someone else immediately when you leave the home you've shared. And if you don't understand that dog, give me some chalk, a chalk board and 20 minutes and i'll explain it to you.

[immoralist]

I notice a lot of people on this board support that sort of behavior, and it's pretty sick.

 

What's "sick": dog's behavior or those who understand and sympathize with someone who was badly burned by a spouse and slept with someone to start a long healing process? Perhaps both?

 

People aren't machines. We all have physical, emotional, intimacy and sexual needs, which vary in intensity over our lives. On his first night of separation, after learning of his spouse's multiple betrayals, dog reached out to someone to provide some shelter from the storm.

 

If that makes dog, or those who can empathize with him, sick, then I'm proud to count myself among the ill.

[amerikajin]

If you really love someone, you don't go lay in bed with someone else immediately when you leave the home you've shared.

 

That's exactly his point. After all the cr!p he'd been through with her, he no longer had the love. Hence the revenge f*ck.

 

And if you don't understand that dog, give me some chalk, a chalk board and 20 minutes and i'll explain it to you.

 

I have a better suggestion. Take that same piece of chalk, and use it as an enema.

[BridetoBEin2weeks]

What is sick is his behavior. The sympathy and empathy for someone who has been burned is not bad, don't be stupid.

 

The fact that someone can so quickly jump from their shared bed to anothers bed is what is sick.

 

So, basically, what you're saying is.. dog learned of his wifes betrayl the VERY same night he left? So, he just had to get some right away to make himself feel better?? OR even not, he just got tired of trying to make things work, threw his hands up, and went and stuck his hand in someone elses honeypot??

 

See, your rationalization, is just that. Fortunately, and unfortunately, it only makes sense to men like you who would do that kind of thing in a New York minute.

 

He didn't reach out to "someone". He reached out to "something" and it was only once. Come on.. he wanted a screw, even he admitted it. One night stand. That's alright, i'm not going to argue with you about decency.. you apparently have none. (that is, as a man that can defend that ridiculous behavior) As a matter of fact, any more responses to you two would be a waste of time since you consider a life of being inappropriate, well, "appropriate". FIGURES. I guess in this case, two wrongs make a right..eh dog?

 

Oh, ameriturd.. I'd take your advice about that chalk, but it seems like i'd have a bit of a time getting it out of your tightly woven a-hole.

Next time, suggest that your butt buddy here uses a lil more KY, to ease in the removal process.

 

 

tah tah

 

Originally posted by immoralist

What's "sick": dog's behavior or those who understand and sympathize with someone who was badly burned by a spouse and slept with someone to start a long healing process? Perhaps both?

 

People aren't machines. We all have physical, emotional, intimacy and sexual needs, which vary in intensity over our lives. On his first night of separation, after learning of his spouse's multiple betrayals, dog reached out to someone to provide some shelter from the storm.

 

If that makes dog, or those who can empathize with him, sick, then I'm proud to count myself among the ill.

[amerikajin]

don't be stupid.

 

Practice what you preach...and my do you preach a lot!

 

The fact that someone can so quickly jump from their shared bed to anothers bed is what is sick.

 

God gave us hormones. We may fall out of love with someone, but we don't fall out of a desire to have sex.

 

So, basically, what you're saying is.. dog learned of his wifes betrayl the VERY same night he left? So, he just had to get some right away to make himself feel better?? OR even not, he just got tired of trying to make things work, threw his hands up, and went and stuck his hand in someone elses honeypot??

 

Newsflash! It takes TWO people to make a relationship work. I can only hope you don't have to learn that firsthand, and sincerely, I hope you don't have to. But maybe in time you'll also understand what that means without having to learn that lesson the hard way.

 

See, your rationalization, is just that. Fortunately, and unfortunately, it only makes sense to men like you who would do that kind of thing in a New York minute.

 

The rah! rah! you hear isn't the fact that he want out and had sex like some chimpanzee in the jungle. It's the fact that he was able to move on with his life, and for some people, having sex like a chimp is the first step on the long road back to building up a man's self esteem. Men aren't the only ones who cheat.

 

He didn't reach out to "someone". He reached out to "something" and it was only once. Come on.. he wanted a screw, even he admitted it. One night stand. That's alright, i'm not going to argue with you about decency.. you apparently have none. (that is, as a man that can defend that ridiculous behavior) As a matter of fact, any more responses to you two would be a waste of time since you consider a life of being inappropriate, well, "appropriate". FIGURES. I guess in this case, two wrongs make a right..eh dog?

 

How old are you, anyway? I'm wondering about the maturity coming from someone who's so cocky, so sure that she's made all the right decisions in her life, so much so that she sees fit to judge others so harshly. My guess is that you're a young 20-something, spoiled, used to having things your way.

 

Oh, ameriturd.. I'd take your advice about that chalk, but it seems like i'd have a bit of a time getting it out of your tightly woven a-hole. Next time, suggest that your butt buddy here uses a lil more KY, to ease in the removal process.

 

Hey, you were the one who mentioned the chalk, not me.

[BridetoBEin2weeks]

LIke I said, responding on this subject would be a waste.. apparently by your lack of common sense in this reply, you have proved me right.

 

How funny you turned it into a personal attack though, ha ha.

 

But since you asked and attacked (how low), I am a 33 year old professional, with a masters degree in Psych from Berkeley, and a minor in business law. I have had several long term committed relationships in my lifetime, which have enabled me to grow and learn from beautiful wonderful people. I was smart.. I experienced life before I married. Spoiled? I've had a rough life, had to grow up fast, if life experience makes one "spoiled" then i'm the DEF the rotten one in the bunch! I'd like to think that makes me a little more "up" on life matters, compared to a narrow minded individual like yourself, no offense.

 

Did I mention, I also have a minor in not taking bs from any smart ass who thinks he knows everything.

 

I would also like to thank you for your sincere wishes in my life matters, and i'd like to extend mine to you... I hope that you stop having problems with your erections and are finally able to give your g/f some one day, I mean that, sincerely (that's not a personal attack, honest, just my sincere interest in your lack of potency)

 

I still believe you're wrong on this though, and I stand firm on this no matter what type of mental fantasy you try to project here to prove yourself right.

[immoralist]

I hope that you stop having problems with your erections and are finally able to give your g/f some one day, I mean that, sincerely (that's not a personal attack, honest, just my sincere interest in your lack of potency)

 

And you're a "psychotherapist"!?

 

Speaking of erections...

 

[BridetoBEin2weeks]

I have a degree in sarcasm too

[amerikajin]

How funny you turned it into a personal attack though, ha ha.

 

You fired the first salvo, sweetie. You came charging in with your judgmental attitudes, assuming some degree of moral superiority.

 

But since you asked and attacked (how low), I am a 33 year old professional, with a masters degree in Psych from Berkeley, and a minor in business law.

 

So you really are a Dr. Laura Schlessinger wanna be. I'll tell you from personal experiences, having been once engaged to a pyschologist, you guys have some of the most f*cked up personal lives of any people on earth. Therapists are some of the clingiest, neediest, most f*cked up souls around. You know why you became a psychologist? I'll tell you why, because you like POWER. It's not about therapy, it's about POWER and CONTROL and the ability to play JUDGE - just as you did the moment you started typing and posting this drivel of yours. You didn't bother to ask or learn more about reservoirdog's past, you JUDGED and INSULTED him. You wanted to JUDGE and SENTENCE him, that's why you - and people like you - do. And to think you whackos actually get paid for it. I recommend mental health experts to people who can't sort out their own problems, but I also do that very selectively, as you've provided the perfect example of why one must be judicious and selective in getting professional help.

 

I was smart.. I experienced life before I married.

 

Stand back and watch her pat herself on the back while she condemns the rest of us. Here stands a woman who knows everything there is to know about relationships. Want your questions answered? Want to know whether you're honorable or pond scum? Wonder no more, just ask this "expert".

 

Spoiled? I've had a rough life, had to grow up fast, if life experience makes one "spoiled" then i'm the DEF the rotten one in the bunch! I'd like to think that makes me a little more "up" on life matters, compared to a narrow minded individual like yourself, no offense.

 

Honey, we all have it hard growing up.

 

Did I mention, I also have a minor in not taking bs from any smart ass who thinks he knows everything.

 

Back at ya. I can give as well as take.

 

I would also like to thank you for your sincere wishes in my life matters, and i'd like to extend mine to you... I hope that you stop having problems with your erections and are finally able to give your g/f some one day, I mean that, sincerely (that's not a personal attack, honest, just my sincere interest in your lack of potency)

 

I rest my case. Even some of the people with whom I've had the most heated of disagreements never resorted to hitting below the belt as you've done here. Honestly, your comments don't embarrass or offend me; I'm proud of myself whether I'm limp or rock hard, whether I'm getting laid every night or not at all. I just wonder what makes someone feel like they have to judge someone so harshly that they can't even write to them in a respectful manner. Your comments say more about your character than mine, reservoir dog's or sinner's.

[bluechocolate]

Originally posted by amerikajin

I'm pretty no-nonsense when it comes to putting up with cr#p in a relationship, but the rule is, when you're broken up, you're broken up. She's on the market again, just as you were. The fact that you made a choice not to sleep with someone else and she did shouldn't enter into it. She just had sex with another guy, but she presumably honored the relationship you had when you were together, so what's the big deal???

 

I agree.

 

If you had broken up then where is the obligation on her/his part to reamin "faithful"?

 

(faithful to whom? that word doesn't even fit in the context of being single)

[amerikajin]

Tell that to Loveshack's latest self-appointed expert on relationships.

[bluechocolate]

Originally posted by amerikajin

Tell that to Loveshack's latest self-appointed expert on relationships.

 

You seem to be standing your own ground quite nicely.

[BridetoBEin2weeks]

Originally posted by amerikajin

How funny you turned it into a personal attack though, ha ha.

 

You fired the first salvo, sweetie. You came charging in with your judgmental attitudes, assuming some degree of moral superiority.

 

[color=red]No superiority, just the facts. It's disgusting. And you thinking it's ok IS disgusting too. I think it's perfectly acceptable to be with someone else once it's over.. but I think there is a time period where one needs to get themselves together before they go humping something. [/color]

 

But since you asked and attacked (how low), I am a 33 year old professional, with a masters degree in Psych from Berkeley, and a minor in business law.

 

So you really are a Dr. Laura Schlessinger wanna be. I'll tell you from personal experiences, having been once engaged to a pyschologist, you guys have some of the most f*cked up personal lives of any people on earth. Therapists are some of the clingiest, neediest, most f*cked up souls around. You know why you became a psychologist? I'll tell you why, because you like POWER. It's not about therapy, it's about POWER and CONTROL and the ability to play JUDGE - just as you did the moment you started typing and posting this drivel of yours. You didn't bother to ask or learn more about reservoirdog's past, you JUDGED and INSULTED him. You wanted to JUDGE and SENTENCE him, that's why you - and people like you - do. And to think you whackos actually get paid for it. I recommend mental health experts to people who can't sort out their own problems, but I also do that very selectively, as you've provided the perfect example of why one must be judicious and selective in getting professional help.

 

[color=green]

Another personal attack. And I'll retort with one. I think Dr laura sucks, almost as much as you do. This ENTIRE paragraph, i'm sure, is based on the fact that you don't hate psychs really, you just hate anything that your ex represents, hence, why the book written here. I can see from the above why you hate psychs though, your ex was probably a decent human being who thought opposite of you, you know, had normal decent thoughts.. and you figured out after a while that **** just was NOT going to happen, or, more logically, she decided that, and you're hurt. Yeah, that would explain the hostility. I feel really sorry for you and i'll leave it at that, as it's SO VERY APPARENT that the attack towards me isn't really towards me, is it. [/color]

 

I was smart.. I experienced life before I married.

 

Stand back and watch her pat herself on the back while she condemns the rest of us. Here stands a woman who knows everything there is to know about relationships. Want your questions answered? Want to know whether you're honorable or pond scum? Wonder no more, just ask this "expert".

 

[[color=red]size=3]See the frustration in your reponse here!! Wow, you must be really mad you've had bad luck in love. I hope that your future life treats you better so you're not so damn angry.[/color]

 

Spoiled? I've had a rough life, had to grow up fast, if life experience makes one "spoiled" then i'm the DEF the rotten one in the bunch! I'd like to think that makes me a little more "up" on life matters, compared to a narrow minded individual like yourself, no offense.

 

Honey, we all have it hard growing up.

 

Did I mention, I also have a minor in not taking bs from any smart ass who thinks he knows everything.

 

Back at ya. I can give as well as take.

 

[color=green]Barely, your retorts are lame and lack humor. Consider the source. [/color]

 

I would also like to thank you for your sincere wishes in my life matters, and i'd like to extend mine to you... I hope that you stop having problems with your erections and are finally able to give your g/f some one day, I mean that, sincerely (that's not a personal attack, honest, just my sincere interest in your lack of potency)

 

I rest my case. Even some of the people with whom I've had the most heated of disagreements never resorted to hitting below the belt as you've done here. Honestly, your comments don't embarrass or offend me; I'm proud of myself whether I'm limp or rock hard, whether I'm getting laid every night or not at all. I just wonder what makes someone feel like they have to judge someone so harshly that they can't even write to them in a respectful manner. Your comments say more about your character than mine, reservoir dog's or sinner's.

 

[color=red]Doubtful, you deserved it, every iota. You came with a personal attack, and I gave it right back to you. Now you're going to play martyr?? How cute. But, let's go up to the quote just above this one... "I can give as well as take"

No, apparently, you can not. You plan to come out, call me names, insult my character, call me spoiled.. and I give it back and i'm the bad guy. You really do have some major issues if you think that way. Seeing that, it is best that I leave your unstable side alone, as it appears you can not take the dish as much as you give it out.

 

So, consider the last word yours..as i'd hate to be responsible for being the one that finally cracked the nut. (that'd be you) [/color]

[amerikajin]

No superiority, just the facts. It's disgusting.

 

No, that's your opinion, not fact. Obviously, though, you mistake your opinions as facts, which would explain your narcissism.

 

And you thinking it's ok IS disgusting too. I think it's perfectly acceptable to be with someone else once it's over.. but I think there is a time period where one needs to get themselves together before they go humping something.

 

Well, you know what sweetheart, not everyone is interested in listening to the world according to bride2be, not everyone feels obligated to adhere to your scripture. Your pontificating borders on fanaticism, it's offensive and it lacks couth.

 

Another personal attack. And I'll retort with one. I think Dr laura sucks, almost as much as you do. This ENTIRE paragraph, i'm sure, is based on the fact that you don't hate psychs really, you just hate anything that your ex represents, hence, why the book written here. I can see from the above why you hate psychs though, your ex was probably a decent human being who thought opposite of you, you know, had normal decent thoughts.. and you figured out after a while that **** just was NOT going to happen, or, more logically, she decided that, and you're hurt. Yeah, that would explain the hostility. I feel really sorry for you and i'll leave it at that, as it's SO VERY APPARENT that the attack towards me isn't really towards me, is it.

 

Sorry, therapists are good therapists, but they're just plain f*cked when it comes to their personal lives. They think they know everyone's problems, they're obsessed with analyzing and diagnosing people. They want control. They want to advise others how to live their lives, but the moment someone tries to turn the analysis on them, the discussion stops. Crickets chirp. Silence.

 

See the frustration in your reponse here!! Wow, you must be really mad you've had bad luck in love. I hope that your future life treats you better so you're not so damn angry.

 

You know, for someone who's supposedly a therapist, you seem to be losing your cool rather easily. ROFL!

 

Barely, your retorts are lame and lack humor.

 

<Yawn> Opinion, not fact, but again, you're living in a world of delusions. You keep confusing the two. And who said I was trying to be funny? This isn't comedy shack.

 

Doubtful, you deserved it, every iota. You came with a personal attack, and I gave it right back to you. Now you're going to play martyr?? How cute. But, let's go up to the quote just above this one... "I can give as well as take" No, apparently, you can not. You plan to come out, call me names, insult my character, call me spoiled.. and I give it back and i'm the bad guy. You really do have some major issues if you think that way. Seeing that, it is best that I leave your unstable side alone, as it appears you can not take the dish as much as you give it out.

 

Yeah, my "unstable" side. I'm foaming at the mouth.

 

So, consider the last word yours..as i'd hate to be responsible for being the one that finally cracked the nut.

 

Well in that case, you might want to seek some professional help.

[bluechocolate]

No superiority, just the facts. It's disgusting.

 

No, that's your opinion, not fact. Obviously, though, you mistake your opinions as facts,

 

Fancy a therapist saying that consenual sex between unattached adults is "disgusting"!!

 

You may think it is unwise, you may think it is not conducive to one's future happines, but it is certainly NOT disgusting. That is a judgement call & has nothing to do with fact.

[immoralist]

No superiority, just the facts. It's disgusting. And you thinking it's ok IS disgusting too. I think it's perfectly acceptable to be with someone else once it's over.. but I think there is a time period where one needs to get themselves together before they go humping something.

 

What is the morally acceptable "time period" before the newly separated may start "humping" again? Six months? A year? Five years?

 

Does the "time period" vary in accordance with how long it takes the newly separated "to get himself together," as you suggest? Why can't an ego-affirming intimate relationship, which occurs immediately post-separation, help the separating spouse feel good about himself and attractive--especially someone, as in dog's case, who was brutally betrayed by his spouse? Sex can sometimes help us heal--to begin the reintegration process. dog was beginning his climb out of the deep hole in which he had fallen.

 

Human life is too varied, situations too different to impose arbitrary "chastity' post-separation periods. And even if reasonable minds can differ, people who disagree with you are not "disgusting." That word is much too harsh in this context, and it detracts from your argument.

 

Language matters, especially here.