Feed me your thoughts

[soupkitchen]

Gosh, this is a long story and it's okay if there's no replies but it feels good to let it out. So my exgf and I of nearly four years recently broke up. We’ve been together during highschool and some college and we were both each other’s first lovers.

 

I’ll begin by saying the time we had during highscool was great. Even when I had to move a couple hours away for college which made us long distant, it still worked for a couple years until now. It was really a genuinely great run for the both of us.

 

Anyways, her two reasons for leaving me were that I didn’t appreciate her anymore and that she wanted to try new things to see if we really were meant to be together later. She said she missed what everybody around her receives, the attention and love that boyfriends around her give their girlfriends. But she also said she doesn’t have any more feelings for me and I know how girl’s feelings work. When it dies, it doesn’t exactly start up again.

 

When she broke up with me and told me I didn't do the little things for her anymore like tell her she’s beautiful every day, compliment the photos she sends me, and show as much interest as she did for me basically. That was when she was finally able to release for feelings for me. She called me every chance she got when she got out of class, after work, or was just driving and just needed someone to talk to and I would always brush off the phone call. I know that I have changed a lot and asked less and less from her as our relationship progressed.

 

When we were together, life was great. Being away from each other took a toll and made her confused for what she wanted. When she’d see me, she was sprung. But when we didn’t see each other for a while, she got lost and started thinking about how it was like trying new things. Heck, it took a toll on me too. It's just being long distance for so long I got so used to thinking about working on my major as well as having so much to do with roommates around me all the time that I just grew accustomed to being, I guess, unappreciative of her.

 

I always thought about our future together and so did she. But she also thought a lot about the present. I guess you can say as I grew older and worried about my future career after college, she began college and now has so much free time and less things to worry about that she can think about things without me. (She started CC & I’m a Comp Sci Major at University)

I have heard different opinions from friends and families and I’m getting over this very well. I tell myself, we’re done and that’s final. No more future. But deep down, I want her. I feel as if she gave her full 100 and I gave half if not less than that for the longest time. I think about how I could fix that, things would be better but I’m not sure if her feelings would spark up for me. Even now, my feelings for her are dying but I really do know she was a great gal. Next time around, I’d treat her differently but she already told me where my mistakes were. She was freed because of that, so I ask you guys. Will it be possible later? Do you guys think she’ll realize how much she missed me and be able to have feelings for me again? Is she just young and needs to explore. Still, I left a crappy impression of being not as passionate for her anymore so maybe someone else will treat her better and she’ll forget about me. She’s already started dating so soon, maybe those guys are rebounds, maybe not. I already know she’s able to move on so quickly because her feelings died slowly for the longest time already.

Here’s a little more background. She took care of me during my darkest times throughout school. Getting in my major took a toll on me. But she’s had darker times than I have. I helped her move on from her mother’s death, moving constantly from family to family, taking care of her little brother who causes all sorts of trouble in school since their mother’s passing. Don’t say that I think too far into the future because that’s just who I am. In high school, I dated her and a very attractive, ditzy girl but I picked her even knowing her problems because I believed she was long term material. She’s basically mother material and I just love how she can handle the crap life throws at her. I love taking care of her too.

 

After we broke up, she’d call randomly which hurt because I tried the “NC” period. (Oh yeah, I didn’t act too pathetic... Well maybe just a bit confused when she broke the news. But! I didn’t beg for her back. I accepted it because this was a long time coming. It just sucks hearing her tell me her feelings died and as I talk to her on the phone, that’s exactly how it seems like). I still couldn’t help picking up and I didn’t mind either. She had problems and I wanted to help. She said these were problems only I could understand which is true. The last problem she called about was her little brother getting in trouble in school for touching other kids private parts, and that their stepdad might have touched her little brother whenever she left him to babysit while we hung out. But then I realized if I’m around helping with her problems as a friend, that’s all I’ll ever be. So I told her, no more contacting me. Ever. Except if she finds out that her stepdad really was touching him, than my ass is driving home immediately for him. Is there a reason why she’s coming to me with her problems still? I don’t want to be just her friend! Ever!

 

Alright, this is really the last rant! She was just the wifey type of material and now that my college career is ending soon, I’m just afraid of what happens after. I planned a future with her after college and now I don’t know what to look forward to anymore. I wanted to move near her but she didn’t know that. I tell myself I would try for her again after I’m done with school next June because she’s really that worth it. Of course, I’ll be dating and trying new things now but something tells me she’s the one!

[preraph]

It's possible that if you let her go now and don't say a bunch of hurtful things, that you might be able to check in with her after you get settled in a job post-uni. It's the years when you are changing and certainly lots of couples change in different directions. It wouldn't hurt to just let her go now and then in a few years when you feel like you're maybe ready to think about finding the right one, reconnect with her and see what she's doing. Since she's exploring now, hopefully, she won't go right out and get married. You might even tell her that you want to check back in with her after you both graduate and get settled into your new life and see what she says about that. She's just not ready to stagnate.