WiselyNaive Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 he used to think I was his soul-mate & he was in love with me...he used to be crazy about me while i was a lot more aloof. after 4 years of bad timing we finally got together. but it was horrible timing for me as i had just gone through a horrible break up...he helped me through it but i had insecurities stemming so deep i brought them into the relationship. for the past month he was pulling away...but i'd convince him to stay,...he'd stay...i'd cry and promise i'd work on my insecurities & he'd stay. this time. he said things he never said before, he is no longer in love has no desire to be in a relationship with me or at all. he says no matter how much time passes he will never want to be with me again. he says he still loves and cares for me but he wants me to move on...I let my insecurities ruin it and he doesn't see me the same. no matter what i say he will never want me back in a romantic way. he said he'd want to be friends but he doesn't think i can handle that so he wants me to get over him...so that maybe possibly int the future we could be on speaking terms but nothing further. He said all of this in the nicest way possible and he even stayed on the phone with me all day as i cried. i promised i'd change but he says i've made so many promises that even if he still had feelings for me like that he could never trust me to not be insecure...& that i cant handle my emotions. this was the guy i thought was the one...and i allowed my insecurities to ruin it...he is a very serious guy and he wouldn't say those things unless he truly felt that way. this break up was entirely my fault..my insecurity made it toxic i know this is black and white...but if you once thought someone was your soul-mate....and the problem of insecurity was dealt with could that ever change?...i know he was very clear about it but any feed back would be great..any similar stories also on Saturday he has to bring me some stuff i left by him..i got him to agree to hang out under the condition that and if he didnt feel anything whats so ever between us i'd leave him alone for good..i know he probably agreed so that i would leave him alone but still any tips on how to handle myself would be appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Did you try counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author WiselyNaive Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 no but i did suggest it...i will probably have to do that for myself anyway so i can have a healthy relationship...but he said counseling wont change how he feels Link to post Share on other sites
Colin John Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Im in the same boat and my ex started seeing someone, worst pain ever. Link to post Share on other sites
dclan Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 he used to think I was his soul-mate & he was in love with me...he used to be crazy about me while i was a lot more aloof. after 4 years of bad timing we finally got together. but it was horrible timing for me as i had just gone through a horrible break up...he helped me through it but i had insecurities stemming so deep i brought them into the relationship. for the past month he was pulling away...but i'd convince him to stay,...he'd stay...i'd cry and promise i'd work on my insecurities & he'd stay. this time. he said things he never said before, he is no longer in love has no desire to be in a relationship with me or at all. he says no matter how much time passes he will never want to be with me again. he says he still loves and cares for me but he wants me to move on...I let my insecurities ruin it and he doesn't see me the same. no matter what i say he will never want me back in a romantic way. he said he'd want to be friends but he doesn't think i can handle that so he wants me to get over him...so that maybe possibly int the future we could be on speaking terms but nothing further. He said all of this in the nicest way possible and he even stayed on the phone with me all day as i cried. i promised i'd change but he says i've made so many promises that even if he still had feelings for me like that he could never trust me to not be insecure...& that i cant handle my emotions. this was the guy i thought was the one...and i allowed my insecurities to ruin it...he is a very serious guy and he wouldn't say those things unless he truly felt that way. this break up was entirely my fault..my insecurity made it toxic i know this is black and white...but if you once thought someone was your soul-mate....and the problem of insecurity was dealt with could that ever change?...i know he was very clear about it but any feed back would be great..any similar stories also on Saturday he has to bring me some stuff i left by him..i got him to agree to hang out under the condition that and if he didnt feel anything whats so ever between us i'd leave him alone for good..i know he probably agreed so that i would leave him alone but still any tips on how to handle myself would be appreciated How old are you guys? And what insecurities are we talking about: you accused him of cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Dontfindme Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Have someone else pick up your stuff, and give him his stuff back if needed. Do not see him. Do not try to hang out with him. He made his intentions clear - he knows what he's doing, and the impact of his words. Don't for a second believe that he means otherwise. Heal yourself. Go NC immediately. You need to see a therapist for all of your insecurities. You must love yourself, before you can love someone else. Know that even if he came back for a moment, it wouldn't last. Right now, you're telling yourself that it will - that things will be different and that you'd have changed, but deep down you know the truth. For real change to occur, it takes time. Give yourself that time to figure things out and heal. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WiselyNaive Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 (edited) @dclan 22 & 23 we are young & yes i kept accusing him of it and anything and everything...of not answering me, ignoring me..literally everything & deep down i know he didnt...i was just projecting my last situation on to him. @dontfindme i hear you, loud & clear..however getting someone else to get my stuff is near impossible though he lives far and is making the trip in for that reason & will be blocks away from my house while he is in my area before he heads back...i dont have many friends here so i cant tell him give it to one of them the most I could do is take my stuff when he drops it off and decide not to hang out...i'll consider it & hopefully i'm strong enough & he doesn't say that first. i plan to get help regardless...losing him definitely made that clear. Edited October 29, 2014 by WiselyNaive Link to post Share on other sites
idoltree Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 no but i did suggest it...i will probably have to do that for myself anyway so i can have a healthy relationship...but he said counseling wont change how he feels That is wise of him. There is no guarantee that you wouldn't just be doing it for him, which isn't something to trust because changes you make for other people will be temporary. It will just be a matter of time before you get clingy again. Okay, two things. I'm going to be straight with you, so take these with the tough love that they are intended. You have to get in counseling for yourself. You are looking to your relationships to complete you, and keep you away from the darkness you feel inside. That cannot work. It won't work. Maybe for a couple of months, but any relationship that you enter before you are healed will fall apart like this. You have to be 100% happy with yourself and your life on your own before you're healthy enough to be with someone. A relationship should be a happy addition to your life, not a reason for being. Stop being clingy with this guy. Of course he wants to run away if you're doing things like keeping him on the phone all day while you cry. If you ever want him back, you need to make some real strides in yourself and act in ways where he notices the changes. And you have to be consistent. What is he going to notice? First, your absence. Second, the lack of you clinging and begging. Third, your self-confidence and fortitude via your actions, which will start with staying away from him for a long time. Several months, at least. Anything else you do WILL push him away further than you've already pushed him. Here's a good resource for you. I know you (I used to be a bit like you), so I know that you're not going to get better for yourself, yet. In the interim, read this: YESS you can attract your ex back! OLD DNS post - Powerful Intentions: Law of Attraction Community You need to do a 180 from how you are acting now if you ever want to recover your image in his eyes. And that means doing nothing. The longer you are not in his life, the better your chances at him remembering the good things about you, rather than all negative that he's seen lately. The more you contact, the more you cling, the more you cry to him, the further away he goes. Distance, NC and time are your friends right now. Use them. Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 You probably didn't heal from the relationship you had before him. This time give yourself time before jumping into another relationship. Time and distance is the only thing that will heal your pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Babe51 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I had tons of insecurities ones that were brought on by at least 3 emotional affairs and reoccuring disrespect with other women. This crap started when we lived together and after we got married. It wasn't even about not trusting him, it was more about disrespecting me by not caring how I felt. ie. when you cheat with your friend from college, you can't behave for 6 months and say okay everything is okay, I'm going to my friends house and she's going to be there. That's disrespectful. Consequences aren't always temporary. Why someone would want to continue a friendship or be near someone that contributed to the ending of your family, is crazy. It does say a lot about what that person cares about and it's not his family. Embarrassing and humiliating when you pass these women or when a friend of his comes to your home and you know he was told by your spouse that everyone knows I cheated all over on her. You try to just smile through it. Put his business out there to people he doesn't want to know and it's how can I trust you anymore after the things you told people. Link to post Share on other sites
Ducky71 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Timing is everything. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
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