Should I move on?

[toffeecream77]

My story is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/498591-break-up-regrets

 

Should I wait for him to return? Or should I leave the country before he returns? If I leave, then things are really, really over and we won't ever get back together, not even if he regrets because I will be in a different country.

Edited October 24, 2014 by toffeecream77

[sdrawkcaB ssA]

You can look at it as what your heart and soul wants or what your mind is telling you. If you are the mind set that believes you will not wait for no man, then move on and live life. If you are so strong and able to be alone in a diff country, then I would say its rewards are greater than any man. If your heart and soul will not rest until broken or content with him, then stay. Never make judjment on expectations or dreams, else you will never live the life before you. For what it is worth, you have you answer, just do what you know is best for you.

[Zahara]

The only problem was also around 6 months ago, when he started talking about new opportunities abroad - I replied by saying "ok, let's make a list of countries where we can both apply for jobs". We almost broke up because he said he was unsure of the future - including our relationship.

 

Then a serious job offer in my home country came up - Here I have a huge break for my career and he didn't sound happy for me or enthusiastic to make it happen. So I asked him "are you coming?" and he eventually said it was too much of a big move for him, too much of a commitment. I was angry and upset so I told him things were over.

 

The next day, I called him and said "well, when you come back, let's talk - I was upset and impulsive" and he replied that this "was for the best". I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

 

I asked him to come home for us to talk about things, because I didn't even know if I wanted this job. He agreed. But the next day, the day he was meant to catch his flight, he called to say that he still thought breaking up was for the best and that he didn't want to return and "lead" me on.

 

I also mentioned "how about long distance" because he had a course that he wanted to do in this same city, and at the time he said we could do long distance, but he changed his mind about it the course. He simply replied no, LDR wouldn't work and that we should end things.

 

Two days later, I emailed him a beautiful message, telling him we couldn't end things on the phone, after not seeing each other for two months. He replied after a few days to say he was sorry for everything, that he wants me to be happy and that he doesn't know when he will be coming back.

 

Earlier this week, I emailed the people we rent from sorting out the termination of the contract, how I will find people to replace us etc. My ex messaged to say he would be coming back soon to pick up his things etc. He was so cold. He also made a big deal about how much he wanted to come back to talk (because I called him a coward), but he felt he had to be honest on the phone etc. But he never came back. Instead, I was left alone, not knowing if he could ever come back and I have to deal with a lot on my own now, not least the apartment.

 

Anyway, stupidly last night, I asked him if he wanted to come back and talk about things with an open mind. He said he wanted to have a dignified talk about things, but that he cannot change his decision. Then we talked about how he would come back end of next week to pick up his things. He is so cold in his messages, he writes so formally, it is shocking.

 

But things ARE really over. He's rejected you numerous times. You've chased numerous times trying to make him come your way and each time you've been met with resistence. Accept that he does not want a relationship as I have quoted him saying several times, it is time for you to grasp that and move on.

 

And even if you are in a different country, if he truly wanted to be with you, he'd make it happen.

 

Move on, toffee. Stop sitting around and trying to desperately hold on to little bits and pieces to make him want you.

Edited October 24, 2014 by Zahara

[toffeecream77]

now he wants to meet up and talk - he says, finally after three weeks, that he wants to talk, that face to face is better because we can form a connection and it changes dynamics, that whatever happens, we should talk in person. to give you some background, last friday I called him asking him to come back so we can talk - he wasn't so keen, but he called me yesterday to say this is what he wants now.

 

i told him on the phone that i really think a lot of the issues were down to us being stuck in a rut. we weren't having sex much, if at all. we were too focused on work. we weren't going out. all this can affect things, but he thinks it's something else. he said some things you just can't explain, sometimes things don't progress. maybe he just knows deep down, he's not ready to committ and i'm not the girl for him?

 

i don't really want to see him. i'm hurt, i'm angry. besides, will him seeing me after two months (he's been away) really change anything?

 

i do love him. but i don't want to be stuck with somebody who doesn't love me, who doesn't have feelings for me or doesn't see a future - i do have self respect and i know my worth.

 

help?

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't see him. You aren't ready for this and you aren't even sure you want this. I see no good coming from this meeting.

[toffeecream77]

He is back next Monday. He will stay with a friend. I was thinking maybe I could not see him for a month? But would I regret it? Maybe it's just best to get this over with....? And yes, I am unsure of what I want, but I do know I want to be loved, I want somebody who really wants to be with me. I don't get that vibe off him. But last week I wanted to meet so much. Now I'm scared.

Edited October 30, 2014 by toffeecream77

[Simon Phoenix]

He is back next Monday. He will stay with a friend. I was thinking maybe I could not see him for a month? But would I regret it? Maybe it's just best to get this over with....? And yes, I am unsure of what I want, but I do know I want to be loved, I want somebody who really wants to be with me. I don't get that vibe off him. But last week I wanted to meet so much. Now I'm scared.

 

Trust the vibe. Stop trying to force a square peg in a round hole.

[toffeecream77]

What if I want him back?

[toffeecream77]

Do I back off, not meet him? Let him go? And see if he misses me? Bearing in mind, I will be leaving the country in two months, and he will be off on travels around that time too.

 

Ideally, I would have liked for us to talk, to maybe make up and see how things go for a couple of months. But he says some of the problems cannot be explained, sometimes things don't progress. So there's not much to talk about, you see? So maybe it's best to do what is widely advised on the internet - accept things, let the ex go, start moving on and see if they come back?

[evanescentworld]

What if I want him back?

I dunno. What if you do?

answer the question.... what if?

 

Do I back off, not meet him? Let him go? And see if he misses me? Bearing in mind, I will be leaving the country in two months, and he will be off on travels around that time too.

Back off, don't meet him, let him go. He won't miss YOU. He will miss all the carpet-crawling attention you're giving him.

 

Ideally, I would have liked for us to talk, to maybe make up and see how things go for a couple of months. But he says some of the problems cannot be explained, sometimes things don't progress. So there's not much to talk about, you see?

YUp. Oh yes, we see. You're right. There's absolutely nothing whatsoever to talk about.

 

So maybe it's best to do what is widely advised on the internet - accept things, let the ex go, start moving on and see if they come back?

 

I'll fix this for you:

 

"So it's definitely best to do what is widely advised on the internet - accept things, let the ex go, start moving on and ignore them completely if they come back, because it will just be their ego seeking attention and validation."