Will there be a chance in the future?

[Jim321]

This is my story. Hope you can help me.

 

We broke up with my girlfriend about 6 months ago. She wanted to leave the relationship and in the end I had no choice than to agree to the break up (she thought then it was mutual). We were together for 4 years. We are both over 20 years old. She was an exhange student in another country and during this period of few months she said she doesn't love me in the same way as she used to. There was no other guy in the picture then.

 

I cried a lot and acted desperate, i just wanted her back. I failed a lot because I became so needy and asked many times does she have any feelings and does she miss me...

 

After our break up she said she still has feelings towards me. She said things like "i dont think its impossible that we would be together again in the future". It felt like she would want a break and see how things will go after that.

 

I went nc for 2 months after break up. Then we met in the summer at friends party. She wanted to meet me someday. We were talking casually and she was very very emotional. We talked for 3 hours. She told me that she had crushed on a german guy when she was an exchange student in sweden. She said she knew he liked her. and the guy listened to her about the break up etc

 

I was also hanging up with another girl in the summer. We added pictures to instagram but not about ourselves. My exs friend had noticed this and told to her. My ex asked about this girl when we met after break up. I just said we are just friends. Afterall I couldnt be with this girl because I felt so bad. I had just seen my ex and my head was just messed up.

 

We went to our homes after that meeting. Before I were going to sleep, I said I will be always there for her. During night she was rushed to hospital because she had fainted many times at home. The weird thing was that I saw a dream about this. Exact thing happened. I guess she just had an emotional overload? In the morning when I woke up to go to work I almost threw up after I saw that dream, it was so realistic. Then I checked my phone and she had sent messages what had happened. I went to see her after work.

 

We saw couple of times after this and everything was fine. I even bought her flowers and chocolate on her birthday. I made plans with her father that after she comes home from work i will go there and wish her happy birthday. She was amazed how I suddenly appeared there and nearly kissed me.

 

One day when we were partying together she started to hold my hand and call me honey, my love etc.... it ended up having sex at her place. Then the next day she cries that she doesnt have any feelings towards me. We met like 2 times after that and then I said I cant be her friend. She was totally devastated because of this and asked who will be there for her then?

 

And again after 2 months we met at school. Now she seems like a cold person and acts like she is over me. Anyway, she came to see my new apartment and we talked about casual things again. After her visit she hoped that she wouldnt make me more hurt by this...

 

Now strange things started to happen. Friend of my ex invited me to her party. We had a fun night there but I noticed my ex was laughing a little bit too much and tried to laugh out loud. It felt like she is trying to show me that she is doing better. Next day I heard my ex had asked from her friend that do I know that my ex is going to germany to meet her exchange student friends and THAT GUY, most likely.

 

At that day we talked with her in skype. I even asked if she was trying to make me jealous and put up my evidence in front of her (even friend of her didnt understand her behaviour). She denied everything and got a bit upset. Said if I act like this she will not talk to me.

 

We got closure on some things. She was quite emotional and said I was a good guy but the problems became too much in her mind. These were for example doing the dishes etc... stuff like this. Its easily fixable but I cant understand why she didnt want it.. (After the break up she didnt see a reason to continue our relationship). Anyway, we talked for 2 hours and had fun. We both smiled and laughed a lot when we were thinking our memories..

 

The next day I felt So crushed. I had to make a hard decision again and I wrote her a text.

I said " I should have said this earlier but I respect your decision to pursue your dreams and goals that you want to achieve. You know that you are important for me and I appreciate you but I think that we cant be friends in a normal way before I can be a complete person again.

 

We didnt have that great problems. About over 2 weeks ago she was in germany to meet that guy and other exchange student friends. I am sure something happened there.

 

I have tried to be on friendly terms. Talking about common stuff at school and met at the gym. She seems nervous and not very talkative but still happy to see me. Her behaviour looks like push and pull. When we meet at the gym, she asks how am i doing and smiles a lot... I do the same but when we are about to leave for doing our things its more like one of us still wants to say something.

 

I just feel that she is talking all the time to that guy from another country and they will make it work. They have talked in the skype many times. Just feels so bad since we used to do it a lot..

 

In the summer she said she wants to give a chance to have a relationship with him.

 

Any chance to get her back?

[Jim321]

Please someone, help me with this...

[d0nnivain]

No there is no chance to get her back.

 

She likes you. She doesn't want to be the source of your pain. You are easy & comfortable & she falls back into old patterns (calling you my love, holding your hand & even having sex with you) but none of that rekindles the love that is no longer there.

 

For your own sanity until & unless you are entirely unaffected by her -- meaning she could stand naked in front of you & beg you for sex 7 you would have the wherewithal to say No -- put a lot more distance in your interactions with her.

[Jim321]

Never again, even after years? I just feel that we both met at too young age.

[d0nnivain]

Can I tell you what will happen 20 years from now? no.

 

Do I think that you have the option to get her back in the short term? No.

 

For now, leave her alone for at least one year. Date other people. Assume you won't get her back then see what happens. Just stop holding out false hope.

[Jim321]

It just feels so painful that she shares her stuff with this guy she met abroad in exchange student program. Feels like I never meant anything for her.

[johnson_j]

Look don't think that. I'm sure you meant something to her and now she is just confused. So give her the space, let her go explore. And don't you sit around and wait for her to come back. She made her choice, you make yours, and that is to get back out there and forget she exists (for now).

[Jim321]

Few days ago i noticed she had deleted our pictures and updates from 4 years. There are maybe 2 updates about us. 1 picture of me and few ones where we are with our friends.

 

We don't talk anymore since she stopped saying hi to me. I even started conversations with her at school sometimes and asked how is she doing. She kind of acted like she gives a **** so I stopped talking to her and tried to continue my life.

 

I wonder if I should delete this person? We dont talk anymore and I dont even look at her. Everytime she sees me, she looks but never starts a conversation. All she does is party and stuff. Sometimes i feel like she fakes her happy attitude when we are in the same place, like tries to catch my attention.

 

I dont think there will be a chance for reconciliation. She looks fine without me. Seeing her so often doesnt help me to move on. Should i delete her off from facebook and get rid of everything that is related to her?

[BC1980]

Look don't think that. I'm sure you meant something to her and now she is just confused. So give her the space, let her go explore. And don't you sit around and wait for her to come back. She made her choice, you make yours, and that is to get back out there and forget she exists (for now).

 

It's not uncommon for someone to seem confused or even second guess a decision immediately after a breakup. some people go the opposite way and are relieved. Unfortunately, it usually doesn't change anything. The bottom line is that if the person is willing to pull the trigger and initiate the breakup, they are serious. If you have been together for a substantial amount of time, she has probably weighed her options for awhile now. I don't think this was a hasty decision. Most people don't just throw away 4 years without some serious thought, so time away form you will likely reinforce her decision to leave.

[BC1980]

Few days ago i noticed she had deleted our pictures and updates from 4 years. There are maybe 2 updates about us. 1 picture of me and few ones where we are with our friends.

 

We don't talk anymore since she stopped saying hi to me. I even started conversations with her at school sometimes and asked how is she doing. She kind of acted like she gives a **** so I stopped talking to her and tried to continue my life.

 

I wonder if I should delete this person? We dont talk anymore and I dont even look at her. Everytime she sees me, she looks but never starts a conversation. All she does is party and stuff. Sometimes i feel like she fakes her happy attitude when we are in the same place, like tries to catch my attention.

 

I dont think there will be a chance for reconciliation. She looks fine without me. Seeing her so often doesnt help me to move on. Should i delete her off from facebook and get rid of everything that is related to her?

 

Yes, delete and block her. She is making it clear the she is over you.

[Jim321]

Yes, delete and block her. She is making it clear the she is over you.

 

It still feels kind of bad. Many people have said to me in other sites that if I want something with her in future it's better to keep her in Facebook.

 

I don't think there would have been a chance to reconcile since she has been so distant.. hot and cold also. She also have had this another guy in abroad to who she has been talking to a lot.

 

She even said earlier she doesn't know what she wants.